the following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content and strong language. Basically all the good stuff. Jamie, why are we here?

We're here because my dad that's written report erotic literature.

Why previously on my dad wrote a porno,

totally pulled it up at the front and studied her pussy

Like it like a proper little little picture.

Keep your chin up and let your tits and clip do

the talking. 02 body parts not known

immediately. Got to work by removing his won garment of a black eye on

Theo Ended the maze Very only a black thoughts away. Really Just hearing about it.

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to my dad wrote a porno. We're on Episode five, Chapter six Because we had a little double bill last week. Very exciting. Basically, if you're new to the podcast my dad has, unfortunately for May written a porno or at least erotica. It's a novel. Hey, self published, obviously who the hell would publish it? And I'm going to be reading a chapter. And if you're lucky, two chapters a week with my dear, dear friends, we're not friends. Esteemed colleagues. My apologies. James Cooper and

Alice Levin. Hello

Hi. Hello. How are you? Both doing? You excited?

I can't believe on chapter six. How the time has flown. I know. I'm kind of sad for foreign

ends. Oh, don't get ahead of myself. Believing I'm flicking through the doctors who speak is a very long time.

It's a substantial pump for, isn't it? It really is. Yeah. I'm a little bit tired today,

so I'm looking forward to a bit of a sex injection to home. My God, please never use those two words together

again. When does that happen? After we've read the book. What's my sex injection is a completely separate from Belinda Blink the sex injection setting up in an hour. So if we could get

the book will be administering cell injection. Hopefully

all funds I'll funds from last chapter. We loved him and his black thong Didn't way Way gonna see him again.

I hope so. I hope so. I mean, who knows?

Sometimes with Rocky, though, he will introduce a character on the next minute they'll be gone. That's just his style. You get attached as Martin and then the next chapter. No death. Never heard of him again. It's starting to ruin my daily life, though this book, because hotel Well, there's someone at work called Belinda. So you know, you remember Lindo, Nor you can think about Belinda

and her Blinken on Reynolds. Her blinking eyelids

would be fine if all he could think about was the blinking it pomegranates upon your brain. You have a Desmond and where you are, you have a death because as we've established, nobody is cooled. Dez All the late great does line of honest with us. Do you work in a part of what's going on here? So remind me, what is the name off Chapter six?

Chapter six is called The second client, Jim Sterling.

I'm excited

for that. It's a strong name,

isn't it's strong. It's a strong name. Powerful, masculine, musty like. I feel like I feel like you'll have. Ah, he'll be a con. A guy Wes fussed about him. Yeah, he'll wear aftershave. Oh, musky. Yeah, I know what your Nana's attic smells like, and hopefully he'll be playing more than a black

thong. Yes, Andi, which country do we think he's going to

resign from? Because Alphonse

was belt. He was Belgian. So who think Jim Sterling that sounds quite English

because we know how Rocky likes to pick very stereotypical names for countries like Patrick Hamlin. Fantastic, practical home. But Jim is mentioning

the blurb. Right? So I feel

like he's going to be a major. Courage is gonna be okay. Okay. Good, Because I can't deal with another chapter. That's anon chapter not naming names. Chapter

three, Chapter

three is dead to us. Chapter three didn't happen. And I thought we'd agreed we weren't gonna talk about it. Guys,

if you're new to the podcast and haven't yet got to chapter three, don't bother. Okay, Well, are we ready to kind of dive in? I think. Yeah. No time like the present and all that.

Just about. I'm never ready because it was about a sentence in feel desperately uncomfortable, but I'm as ready as I can

be. Okay, Belinda blinked. Chapter six, the second client, Jim Sterling.

Can I just clarify if there's colon semicolon in this one?

You know what? There is no semicolon. It's is the second client. Full stop. Jim Sterling. Full stop

again. An unusual structure for thyself. But what the hell is Rocky? A lot of it.

A few minutes after our funds had gone, Belinda heard her second visitor stomping through the maze stomping This guy sounds overweight. If you ask me. What do

you think? He's heavy footed for

a reason. He appeared a few seconds later, again dressed only in a black phone.

Why it's a uniform. How they give

James. We were reading Rockies,

mind giving them at the gate.

It was becoming a type of uniform.

James. You should I be worried? I think. I think that's I thought you had one of Rocky. But now I think yours born of Rocky. So Tony's at the gate there. Like entrance of the Maze.

Going You Dragon Tony into this for evidence. Tony's

involved the whistle and he's way.

Don't know that you decided that Tony had the whistle. We don't know that Tony has a whistle. Tony's totally the puppet master. I mean, who else is blowing the whistle? Well, who knows? Maybe we'll find out.

I still

think it's Tony, Okay? It was becoming a type of uniform, she thought from the guest list. Info. Belinda recognized Jim Sterling, a Yankee from

the U. S. A thief. I don't know you. Comes a Young Ki, I think your dad is it all the time. A little question about Rocky? Yeah. Is he a well traveled

man? Yeah, he is actually very well travelled.

Has he spent time in Yank

inland in Yonville? Yeah. I believe he has never lived there or anything. But he has visited on vacation, etcetera.

I just always wonder what influences he brings into his work. So I'm just okay.

His operation had 1257 outlets on. Was also growing fast in Mexico and Brazil.

Good for Jim. He's He's doing better than our funds.

Is better

than it is. About 300 outlets. Was Jim's got three times the amount. Great master. Thank you,

Carol. He was a big guy. But short on upon seeing Belinda's plight quickly through is somewhat stained thong to the ground.

Oh, I e don't think they're being doled out the door anymore. I think he's saying that I'm so you don't think is using our funds is like, just like just like passing on in like a really sexy lord Gross. Awful. Also, can I just say the most desirable figure is generally large, but sure, yeah, So he's just like a stocky little show. Oh,

he's a child of a man, the child

of a man stomping around the place. That's why he's dumping. Discussed very low center of gravity. The chief long. Oh, was

it stained with? Do we think we want to go there? Let's allow the list, Mr. Speculate.

As little as I know about pornography, why do

you keep saying that? It's

never gonna believe. But I do know is that stains are generally really, really sexy.

It's a factor short of goodness. Belinda blinked. Drink you did. For the first time that day, she was caught unawares.

Eyes like two different not the first time that day so far. Today she's been attached to a trellis with Cem red plastic handcuffs. She's had some bloke from Belgium come wriggle out of this song and say, Why don't you pop over to The Hague

than penetrative over, Uh, guys hold onto hairpieces.

No one ever says. Is that life from the book?

For the first time that day, she was caught unawares. There was nothing

there. What? Hang on what? Well, before you tell, reveal what that means. Needs like an action man. No, like a nub. Nothing.

But then she saw it.

If you don't see it straight away, that's a concern. Maybe the hair overwhelmed it. Maybe it's time to pop back inside, but, like anime way

talking about is Willie underneath covered in pubic hair, Small Belinda terms somewhat pathetic Penis

wasn't lying like it's in the next, like a load of old. So he's not aroused pubic hair longer

than his Penis. He is not only looking like a chose a human, but he's actually got t o. She let you couldn't see it. She had to blink to see Oh

my God, she cleared her eyes to just double check where it was. I did think for a minute. You know, sometimes people have that thing with us, the CDC on like, embarrassing bodies. There's like a roll of something that's the obstruct should bay like a roll of 159 I don't like what you said is right ahead. The hair is longer than it is what, like a mane of straight hair? It was like it's in a little nest

you want. The sooner we get past this, I'm feeling a bit sick for the first time that day she was caught unawares. There was nothing there. But then she saw it underneath, covered in pubic hairs. Lay a very small and in Belinda terms, somewhat pathetic Penis in Belinda terms, Need we say more? Belinda gasped

about Jim's feeling Gray.

Belinda gasped.

What was she expected to? D'oh! Wait, Belinda. If I was her, I'd be like, Well, thanks for coming on your little stained song back on.

How did you manage to stay in it with such a small member?

Why Scott name like Jim Sterling with such a small member blended already panicking because she's thinking I can work with most things they do, but not the Volt.

Belinda gasped. What was she expected to do with this? Hi. My name's Sterling from the U. S.

Is Jim saying this was the

vole? Jim Jackson? I have heard people say to me I should consider doing accents, but I'm not really an artisan

of the axle. Easy.

Even I said Okay. Hi, My name's Sterling from the US. Let's get these garments out of the way.

She is already naked now. Does

she have redress?

Wasn't how to bra?

No, no, Yeah.

Tennis. Wear swastika on. How did you get on with the handcuffs? Are 70 questions

we read on? Yeah. With one powerful movement. He ripped Belinda's tennis shirt completely from her body. And seconds later, he had done the same

to a skirt. A powerful movement this time, Usually it's a rapid movement. So I'm glad he's

mixing it up in this chapter. He flung them to the ground where they now lay ruined in the mud. Rather like the Volt. He just lies. Rear ended. Some hair, huh? Hope you don't mind, missy, as I like some bear.

Ah, no, As a like some mad like somebody like Like Young hee. I like some bear, Lex and Barry.

Yeah, bit more summers.

More summers that, like some bear

Jim didn't hang around and immediately took her tits in his massive hands. Poor bastard. I mean, he's got a huge everything in a tiny

day on his dick in his own hand will look even

his large thumbs. I mean, that's just rubbing it in. Now he's got he's got a large everything except his little

who comments on the size of someone's thumb.

Well, when that's all there is to comment on the side of

also. Now I'm picturing like not being able to tell which one's the Thurman. Which ones may have more success with the thumbs than the Volt?

Maybe Belinda's gonna request him to do the foreplay with the Penis and then cannot be penetrated by the thumb. Please. Thank you. There's a sentence about you thought, you know again. His large thumbs tentatively rubbed her nipple tips.

People did you have wonderful nipple tips? Can I just say, Can I rip them with my large? My thumbs? A rather large, but they'll be wonderful on your nipple tips.

His large thumbs tentatively rubbed her nipple tips, making them making them rise in hearten bakeoff.

Rise and hardened. I never quite gauge how big Belinda's nipples are. Sometimes they feel quite small. In this case, they feel like they

they're for miles, retractable, her nipple tips. But this fast reaction from Belinda seemed to please him, probably unused to such a fast reaction. For the record listeners, What I got was a knot in unison. I'm still thinking about nipple tips. This fast reaction for Blender seemed to please him, and he started to push his cock into vagina.

Well, yeah. Arning put that little the voles going in the hole now. Oh, my God.

Yeah, The masses in the house, Belinda squatted slightly as Jim was shorter

than her. Okay, this this is definitely the most graphic chapter so far. Like in terms of just logistics and is so accommodating off lightly because he was slightly she water than she. Oh, humiliation for Jim. The score. Let's do this Hoyt disc herb squat. Another

schism has been wrecked up. Jews. Belinda squatted slightly as Jim was shorter than her, pulling her legs apart to allow him easier access.

Sure, romance isn't dead. Then I think the ball would make it in either. Which way? Bear it. I got your face is telling me he's just ready. Light ahead. Uh oh, my God. Don't. Because we just had quite a hefty dinner. I don't know who you stay down. I shouldn't have had that extra bubba ghanoush.

Jim grunted on. Belinda thought she felt something entering. Jim grunted and Belinda thought she felt something entering her pussy. He started to fuck her hard, but then to breathe deeply Did them did the man. No, he was only tickling

and he's going really hard.

We we have a rogue comma.

Wait is that way. Have a row Comma said Belinda Way. Have a diagram off. And I was like Saw first illustration of the booth. God, this this chapter's like this is disc a high low. I'm going to sleep tonight thinking about Jim's little old Penis. Okay, You into a deep slumber

he started to fuck are hard but end to breathe deeply Did the man No, he was only tickling her. This is going to take all her concentration because Sterling was a massive account. At least something is. And if she did well today, who knew what might develop from it? He started to press her harder and harder against the trellis

from a tiny acorn can grow a large literally.

He had found his rhythm, but Belinda couldn't feel anything on. While she had the appetite for it. She knew she would have to fake it on. Belinda never faked everything.

Oh, that's so embarrassing for Jim.

Yeah, but hopefully he won't ever find out. Yeah, he started to press harder and harder against Travis. He had found his rhythm, but Belinda couldn't feel anything on. Whilst she had the appetite for it. She knew she would have to fake it on. Belinda never faked

anything. How mortifying she couldn't feel totally Nam to the advances of

the Volt goes, Oh, my God! To make matters worse, the ground was now really boggy on her torch. Garments were well and truly stained,

so she has to fake it, which, as we know, Belinda never does. But she doesn't even know if he's there. Do you know what I bet? It's got massive balls. Everything else is slightly less massive sums you chances. But he's got Jolie books. So don't look at me like that, Alice, living like I've brought the tone down, even thinking about

that, but in the thought of delicious sexual scenarios and succeeded in making her vagina become wetter and wetter.

God, she's good shows. Initiative doesn't share. She's quite ingenious.

She started to slowly contract her cervical muscles.

Wow, that way, because I'm doing that right now

to ensure Jim got the friction he needed to complete his ejaculation.

No one has ever said I hope he gets the friction he needs to complete his ejaculate. Competing ejaculation I'm contracting my cervical muscles. Let me know if you're rich contracts. The more I think you have a better sexual scenario, like about that. Have you got the friction You need to complete your ejaculation? After 10

minutes of hard work, he came and then started to look at it. Jim Sterling. What a Lothario! He obviously had little regard for women as he then pushed her head down to his cock and shoring. Belinda's long black hair fell nearly to that by now. Muddy ground. Her ample breasts followed, and Sterling pushed his Penis into a mouth.

Sorry, her breast followed full. That just gravity

way Know what they look like?

And he put his Penis in her mouth about She was just like a tick tack. Do you think he even knew Walk away and that was just realized. She was also Thank goodness he put it in her mouth because if she had to find it on her own, yeah, should be hopeless. You literally like a needle in a haystack.

Belinda smiled to herself. She could have eaten

two of these for breakfast. Never mind The scrambled eggs scrambled.

I think maybe that she had scrambled eggs for breakfast, and she could have had two of his cox alongside,

for she had a full English breakfast being

just then she heard the whistle, and she knew she had done her best.

She has. No one can take that away from her. Come on. She tried so hard. A for

effort, starting reluctantly. Let go of her tits and put his thong back on. I mean, needn't bother. It was now even more stain than when he had entered the maze. I bet it waas I'm Belinda wondered where all the seam had come from.

I actually like what's happened

to Rock Rocky in this chapter has these mind's in the gutter.

It's absolute. Wealth is smart. If you joined this book at Chapter three and say Mr Week or Two and came to this, you'd be like, This is a different novel. Who is this man? And you would probably go on by 1000 copies, for It is wonderful, available now on a person. My biggest objection is actually just a ll These guys wearing phones. When did that become OK? Do you know any guys that wear thongs? A sw far as I'm aware. That's

nothing. No, I mean not in the circles are mixing anyway. Movie. That's the problem, isn't.

Thank you, James. Cancer is a G string of very separate genre of pant.

Belinda wondered where all the seamen had come from. Perhaps she had underestimated his resources.

Oh, shouldn't mean literally, because she was. It's gone again. Where did the ball go? I

think it was. How did that much semen come out of that

big balls?

I told you. Scrambled exchange.

They're not the scrambled eggs. Never gonna be scrambled eggs and quite the same way ever again. I loved that with a bit of smoke. Summit, little chip. A lot. Do you feel a bit queasy? Actually happen one day.

Hey, babe, what's your name?

Great time for introductions. And also, I love that he's changed region. Where is he from? Now

you be sure. Ditch this

accident. No, I think carry on. You've started. So you must finish. I really liked your lack of conviction. So I say continue.

But in the blue Bin Thorne on the sales director of steel pots and pans. Good work, calendar.

What if I find you Denise? Um Is Jim Sterling happily. Listen, It's so Jim Sterling, if I find you if I find my cock, I'll sleep with you. If I don't find it, you'll feel

right and left alone. Good work, Belinda. Come and see me in Texas in a couple of weeks. I need a new cooking utensil supplier on. I guess you fit the bill. You know what? I'm no Meryl Street. I'm not gonna do the accent anymore. I think that I could really pull it off.

It's great. While it lasted, there was. Now I think

I speak for everyone to say without good work. Belinda, come and see me in Texas in a couple of weeks. I need a new cookery utensil supplier. And I guess you fit the bill. Why, Jim? I'd love to. Let's say in three weeks time. Yep. Let's do it. On my promise to replace your soiled garments with something a little bit more

sexy, sexy, even soiled garments.

With that, he stumped off.

Still doesn't he lost 11 while

he's been in there with that, he stomped off, leaving Belinda completely naked, very muddy and still tied to the trail It around the maze.

How long she been there now. She only had under

two hours in total. Yes, yes, you're nearing the end

of the time. I think it's about half an hour

person. If my correct. She massaged her wrists where the red plastic handcuffs had managed to keep her attached to the Travis on thought of the bonus money she will personally make. When she tied up the deal with Jim Sterling,

I would not be thinking about that other stuff on my mind.

She's such a businesswoman. The heart isn't it,

but more pressing, like her clothes of covered

in mud. She needs some clothes. It's Belinda. She needs nothing. She also thought she'd take a crash course in yoga or some sort of exercise, which developed her cervix muscles.

Because that's what yoga does. They say

the biggest selling point

of people leave and they go. You should feel the muscles on that. They she has bizarre thoughts at the weirdest times. Oh, I must take up yoga. I'll get that sorted when I get

home when I get off this trellis. If Jim couldn't rise to the job than she would have to ensure he was completely satisfied, the things she did to make her fortune. Maybe that's why we're not alone in the big book. Because we have got Belinda's mindset.

I'm not gonna lie. I think she's a great role model.

I'm not gonna lie, but I am only

getting the big bucks. So you want to go in there?

But wait. She could hear another client approaching through the maze. Oh, God. Oh, no. She thought I hope this one's a bit better. Hung. I can't say. Huh? I can't take much more of these small appendages.

I'm not good. I don't know about Melinda. And now I would be absolutely piece,

but she had to. The handcuffs and parcel string insured it.

Oh, yeah, that that's secure Parcels. I'm not being funny, but she's lying to herself. She's saying she's still there because that she wants to be that she is loving it.

And that was the end

of the chapter. Guys, stop it. That was

quick again. It was quite a quick one again, wasn't

it? Short, stocky, hard to find. That's Jim Sterling and Chapter six ladies. Um, well, I feel grubby

do. Yeah, that was quite a visceral, wasn't it?

Has been a bit soft core. Now we get into the kind of the hardest Think you realize you've been staffed of sexual excitement in this book when I was just like, When are we going to get a soiled thong on? You've got it. It's not the most comfortable environment, that's for sure, but she's quite outdoorsy about a bet. Belinda's got a D of a gold gold.

She's hardly use you like

this isn't by the way, a way of being eligible for you. I'm just wondering where it's all going, like I'm way we're gonna end up by the end of this book. Well, what's going? Store wasted away. Yeah, I I just keep thinking I'll never get this time back. No, the story, You know, like where we're gonna end up. What's what's Belinda's goal? Just to make some money, we'll end up very old people gathered around this kitchen table book 39 under a bell.

Belinda Beall. Wizened

old Belinda. What are we doing? He's

got well, that it's

B then. Oh, like slippers. Slippers. Okay. Can I guess the name of the

next chapter, Please do the third client colon a

minute. I know. I'm going to say Patrick A. Hamlin.

Oh, really? That's bold of you. Times a day. Shall I give you a hint of it? Ease. The name has been featured in the blurb.

Is it the Duchess? It's not. The blood was about 18 pages in The

next chapter is called The Third Client. Full Stop. Peter

Rouse. Oh, really love Peter Rouse because I think Peter Rouse is a total

arouse er

Well, I think it's a guy I think about his middle name's Andrew Peter A. Rouse. He's

not gonna have a little Penis. Be hefty. Thank God for Belinda.

Say absolutely com. Wait

for me neither. Only seven more sleeps.

It's too long. I genuinely between chapters,

you crave it.

I crave it and during the chapter, lose the will to live. But in between, it's like a very unusual

addictions, like going to the gym. You dread it

when you get here in reverse, so quite look forward to doing it. We start I hate it. And then

afterwards you like I think we did that, you know it's done. You good somewhere? Oh, this doesn't make good queasy. So, guys, please do get in touch with us if you're enjoying. Belinda blinked on Dhe. My dad wrote a porno. We do check Twitter religiously,

a few concerning tweets that we've had a Oh God, that one last chapter phrases pissing himself. Not literally. I hope it doesn't say more on that as and when we have it, Paul says. I don't think anything turns me on as much as Dad wrote a porno Good bedtime listening with wife

Oh my good God.

I mean, if that's not a passion killer, I don't know what it is. I like her Sarah saying that moment when you shout what in disbelief at the same time as the daughter of a porno people that must be kind of on the minute, every minute.

Then don't say I never thought that my dad's legacy would be hashtag porno day.

I love that. That's taking off

every Monday. Hashtag porno day.

Let's get rocky Trending every day's a

porno day. If you're feeling a bit left out with all this Twitter talk, you can tweet is yourself at Dad, wrote a

porno you ever on Facebook as well. Just search might have wrote a porno and we will be found and on Instagram you don't even need to write. The whole thing is just my dad wrote up easy.

And also please do head over to Amazon and by

the book. It's fun for all the family. Well, only Jamie's family.

It's not fun for my

cover alone is enough reason outraged by the cover. That's not how they imagined.

Belinda. I know What is. The problem isn't it's that with any book that gets an adaptation or something, people's imaginations are compromised.

Absolutely. I think that's gonna cause quite a knish. You for Rocky. A lot of debate about Belinda on her looks frantic discussion.

Well, yeah, I facts against all you loyal people for joining us again and listening to my smutty father. It's been great.

I hope you guys know that you barely tickled me.