everybody. This is Stelly F D.

And this is heating truck.

And today on the set up, we're gonna teach you how to deal with rejection way, like talking about more than just sales and marketing. We just wanna bullshit and chat about business in life. Hopefully, while we're doing that, provide a lot of value to people. The world's best business podcast O E for people trying to get shit done. Yeah, we don't want to give you feedback. That's bullshit. If you want you to do your best. So if you know, even in me, you know that we do believe the great things come with taking great risk if you know me, You know that I encourage people to get rejected, to put themselves out there and to ask for things specifically that will place them completely outside their comfort zone.

And with that, bring ah lot of risk of being rejected. And both feet and I have been rejected many, many, many times in our lives. We know a thing or two about it, and I do believe this is such an important topic and eso we thought today we're going to do a little bit of, ah, back and forth of just like coping mechanisms that we have developed strategies, ideas, habits that allow us to deal with rejection. One thing that I'll say right out of the bet before I'll ask you for your first tip heating here is that I do not know anybody. I've never met somebody, and I surely am not somebody who doesn't care about being rejected or who likes being rejected. I for sure don't like to be rejected, right And people think,

especially when they see somebody that is as out spoken and as loud as me and has much sales experience as I have that I don't care anymore like I could. I could attempt anything and get rejected, and I would not even just nothing for me. I just dust off my shoulder and it's so true, it is simply

not true. That's

not true. That's unfortunately not true. No, even many, many, many, many, many If I mean thousands of rejections over the past, you know, 20 years of being an entrepreneur in in sales and all that. I still don't like the feeling I still don't like the word no, no does not feel good to me, right? It doesn't. I have just learned to deal with it, and I've just learned to deal with it better than most people, and I have learned to not run away from it as much not delay my actions as long.

But just to me it's like I've I've jumped 1000 times from this, like super high point into the water and every time a little afraid, I get a little bit of who's bumps. But when I look down, I'm like I've done this many times. It sucks the first few seconds, but I'll just jump. That's kind of how I deal with this versus what I think most people think. Which is after he learned the magical art of not caring about being rejected and being so confident nobody can shake his confidence. Now Stelly walks around like a machine and could ask anybody for money or for anything and zero emotion. Zero fear zero hesitation, anxiety around it is just not true. So with that disclaim out of the way, which I think is a really important one, let me ask you hidden. How do you deal with rejection? What's kind of the first thing that comes to your mind. If somebody asked you for advice on dealing with rejection

on my end, you know, if someone came to me for that advice, I would do something that you kind of just did. So what I would do. I would go ask the person who I think is good at dealing with rejection, how they deal with it, and this would be the best person that I know that's good at dealing with it. And that's even if I've already experienced it myself and done a good job. But if I have some hesitation and the reason for that is, I think you just basically down you said, Hey, I still deal with it I've been rejected, you know a lot and you know you still deal with it and it's still still either bothers you or it's something that you know you have in your mind. It's not something you just literally just ignore, And I think that's really important for you to hear when you are in, you know,

dealing with rejection. Or, more importantly, this is one of the problems with with rejection, the problem with rejection isn't rejection itself. it's what it stops you from doing. Eso So what that means is rejection is just an idea. So the idea of rejection stopped you from doing whatever it is that you thought people are going to reject you for or reject you about or say no to you about. And so you know, like I have ah, story from my father that I don't forget on DWhite, I deal with rejection. That's that's all I really need. But sometimes I asked him, and he says the same thing every time. And basically,

when I was five years old, we moved Teoh. I was born in Africa, so I was born in time. We also lived in Zimbabwe and then moved Thio New York when I was five and in order for my dad to get his job that he got, he had Thio basically apply for 1200 jobs and he's a physician and he applied for literally 1200 jobs in two rounds or something like that. And so I just remember that because I've never done 1200 of anything that I can remember except maybe maybe lived for 1200 days, obviously and and so I'll ask him and he just says, like the obvious thing, which is like, Well, you know, if if you don't ask and the answer is already know and I think that that's that's really powerful, right? We get caught up in her rejection story of If I do that, I'm gonna be rejected.

Or what if this happens, or I'm sorry if this does not happen in this thing, I want. So in his case, it's like he really wanted toe come to this country. A bunch of reasons I won't get into today. But in short, it was just to provide a better for his his family. So myself and my mom and him, and he didn't essentially didn't take no for an answer. And I don't mean like you would, you know, cause any trouble with people know, But he just didn't take no for an answer because he believed he will be here and make it. And then he will do whatever it takes for him to do that. So he could have stopped that.

Oh, I don't know, 100 said Wow, I sent 100 of these applications. Nobody said Yes, I'm done. He didn't stop till you got the answer you wanted. I think that's another way to think about rejection, which is like, If you don't ask the answers already know and then perseverance enduring the process will have her way. You find it is key, that's that's really key. And in finding it is really important.

Fucking love. The story particular today. The way you shared it today, I think, is incredible because there's one thing one thing that stood out to me that I want to share, that I haven't thought about in this very specific way before. I think which is their small distinctions that really matter. Sometimes you make a decision like, let's say your father made the decision. I want to move to the US with my family, and your father's decision was not dependent on any singular entity, person institution. He made the decision. He knew I'm going to go to the US This is what I want. Any time he applied somewhere, they could say, No,

we're not gonna be the once that will enable that step, but they couldn't tell him. No, you're not gonna come to the U. S. That's right, right. And they couldn't tell him. No, you can't have the desire or No, you can't have the determination. They just said it's not gonna be us, right? And so when they rejected your father, your father was like, Well,

it's not gonna be then must be somebody else, right? And I think it's when we put the decision or the and the complete outcome in the hands of the person or institution that we're approaching its then when the rejection feels so devastating. It's when we put our self worth in the hands of somebody else. Yeah, it feels so devastating. This person said, No, I'm not worth anything. I will not accomplish my dreams. My family will not got an opportunity for a better life. I have failed like that's if you think in those terms, that's very devastating. Anybody would be devastated. Any father would be devastated by a single rejection if you gave that personal institution that type of vote. But your father didn't write.

Your father just gave him the appropriate amount of vote, Which was Is it going to be you guys? Is it going to be you? That gives me the job, But I am going to get a job independently if one personal one institution says yes or no. I think whenever you go out doesn't matter if you're trying to raise money for your company. If you're trying to close deals and acquire new customers, doesn't matter if you go to an approach a man or a woman somewhere and because you find them interesting, you want to get to know them better. It doesn't matter what it is that you do. If you place disproportionate amount of power in their hands, the power to fully decide what your destiny is gonna look like with their vote, then it becomes so much bigger of a daunting proposition. And when they reject you, it is going to crush you. But if you realize and put things in context and acknowledge that you have to make the decision that you're going to raise money,

you're gonna succeeded that or you're going to close a deal or you're going to find a partner that loves you and that you love and that you find attractive and vice versa. If you make that decision and it's decided within you and then you approach somebody to see if they, you know, are interested in giving you money, becoming your customer, whatever. Even if they say no, it's never gonna feel as devastating. It's a bomb. It's like, it's not gonna be you. I wanted it to be you, but Okay, right. Well, then I guess it's not somebody else,

right? Okay. I mean, it's all kind of never gonna feel great. You're like, not you. Uh huh. All right, that said, I kind of wanted it to be you, but OK, but it's different. It's a different. It has a different emotional impact that if if if the outcome is, you know, whatever.

Oh, you don't want to date me versus I am going to be alone for the rest of my life. Unloved. That's a very different outcome. Who wouldn't be crushed by that? Every human being would be crushed by that. So I think that that kind of making that clear to yourself first rationally and then emotionally, a lot of times it has to do with the power and clarity of decision. I find that when people have made a very clear decision in their mind, then through that decision, they gained the confidence to approach. People, institutions and not, you know, put that power in the other person's hand because they made the decision their mind. This is happening.

I am doing this. I am going to accomplish this. It's when there, when you're not sure when your decision isn't as crystal clear when you're not as confident when you're not, is determined when you're like not sure is where you over proportionately place the responsibility and at the response off the person that you're approaching and with that you're over responding when they reject you. Um, that's one big thing. So I love that story because it's so clear that your father had made a decision and it was not upto anybody else on the planet. It was decided, your dad decided, and now he was looking for the right partner to make that decision manifest and become a reality. But it didn't matter if it it took him 100 1000 or 10,000. Sooner or later he would find the right entry point to make it happen. That's right. I fucking love this, like maybe we'll do another episode with,

like, a 10 different hacks and tips, but I just want to wrap this? Well, let's do it. It's just the story was so beautiful. Let's just wrap it up right here. But rejection is a really important topic, and it does. And I love the way you face this eso poetically before that, the problem with rejections the rejection is what it's stopping you from doing after you've been rejected. If you're listening to us and you're you've been just been rejected or you're afraid that you've been messing around waiting, hesitating because you're terrified off being rejected, send us an email. Stelea close dot com h n shot at gmail dot com Subject line Rejection Tell us your story. Tell us what's going on.

We will help you with advice with stories with encouragement. We wanna help Mawr of you deal better with rejection because you're gonna accomplish a lot mawr in your life. And it's gonna be a lot more fun if you know how to deal with this very important topic. All right, that's it from us for this episode. We'll hear you very soon,