In today's episode, I'm gonna share the story of the angry Samurai with you. The story I came up with recently to share and tell to my two sons and it's, ah meaningful story to me, and I think it could be meaningful to you as well. But the episode starts with a book recommendation. The book is called King Warrior, Magician, Lover, Highly Recommended and a start of reading a paragraph out of that book story about a tornado and electricity that stimulates a conversation with my good friend remain about inner emotions, negative emotions, anger and how to use anger and other negative emotions and channel them to create rather than destroy and to produce and to accomplish meaningful things I hope you enjoy another exercise. Helped the young man access his magician energy. This young man was terrorized almost nightly by dreams about tornadoes coming at him. The huge black funnel clouds would come right up to him as he cringed under a tree in the backyard of his childhood home. He had no idea what this meant. During the course of his therapy,

he came to realize that his unconscious through these tornado dreams was picturing his childhood rage to him. His parents had been alcoholics, and he had been made responsible for running the household and taking care of them. Not only that, but he had been sexually abused repeatedly but one of his uncles. His childhood rage was enormous, and it was now showing itself in all its ferocity in his dreams. These uncontainable storms, rampaging through this young man's in a countryside, were tearing up his professional and personal life. He was deeply depressed because the young man was something of an artist. His therapist suggested to him that he draw a picture of the tornadoes. He then was to draw a picture of the tornadoes in a lead shielded container so that his rage would just world around and around like a coil in an electric generator. Next, he was to draw power lines and transformers coming out of the container in going through the street lights, the houses,

the factories, whatever needed this energy. As soon as he did this, the young man's life began to change. He found the strength to quit. His job had always wanted to work in Children's theater. Suddenly almost out of the blue job offers from this kind of work started coming in the tremendous energy of his roar. Childhood rage, now contained and channeled into the lights in factories of his present life, was acting as a power station for his new way of living. The black magic of his wild and chaotic anger was now the white magic off electricity, illuminating his life. I think that's a dope story. It's like that really stood out to me when I was reading the book, you know, visualizing that rage in a tornado.

I mean, in his case, that say it happened in his dreams. I didn't choose that as a metaphor. It kind of chose him, let's say, but the idea of having because he has an artistic preference and talent to draw the draw the tornado and draw it in a contained thing and then have it basically generating energy and like funneling that energy into productive areas of life and him using that metaphor, being able to transform that anger through that metaphor in his life, in productive ways. Now that sounds very obviously, this is just a story. The cynic and critical person in me is likeable. Is that really everything that happened. He draw that picture and boom. All of a sudden, it was a productive member of society and his life transformed and everybody called him with top offices lost.

That seems simplified, right? And then there might have been a lot more to the story. But I loved the metaphor off the tornado is something kind of chaotic and out of your control and threatening. And then if you frame it differently, it is something that generates a lot of energy. Anger is a lot of energy. If you funneled in the right way, you can create incredible things through the energy of anger and the engine of anger versus if you don't, it can destroy you. I, um And so I thought that was Ah, I know that story spoke to me. I love that story. What's your first reaction when you hear that?

Yeah. I totally get it. Um, I I think that's like how, uh, it's creative drive like somebody feels something really deeply and then, like, almost as a way of dealing with it or I don't know for what reason, but we have a desire to kind of express it and kind of shared with the world, and some pieces resonate with the world. Sometimes it's just the act of created creating it itself that that, um, change is something within us that frees us up. Couldn't use that that energy in in ways, right? And, well,

it's like painting or sculpture or music. Or, um, I don't think you can I don't know. But I guess you cannot create, like, real art when you don't feel anything. Yeah, but when you don't start with an emotion, right?

Yeah. Know what's interesting? Um, I have to read the story to my oldest son because over the last two weeks, his mother has been telling me that he has a difficult time dealing and managing his anger right when he gets angry is kind of out of control. And she was telling me that it was a little bit Yeah, and she was like, she didn't know kind of how to manage that. Now, any time I'm around my two boys, you know, I get kind of the better side of them. Like I get lots of good moods, lots of passion of the month. And so I'm seen it myself, but because I tell them because every night I invent a new story that give me some words and I have to tell them a story and send them a story when I'm not there physically. I taken that into account and a couple of days ago I told the story.

The word was, I think, samurai master and jiu jitsu or something. I practice a little bit of digital with them and showed them a few moves, so that were, like, excited about it. And I I told them a story told the story about this, this kid to practice the art of the samurai sword and became a master, and was, and all his energy and practice was on his physical body and is like capability with a Swart. But he never He never worked on mastering his thoughts and his emotions, and one day he got really angry and mad, and he hit the wrong person. And then other people came to that person's defense. And so he,

you know, hit those guys. And then the whole village turned around him, and by the time that he realized that it made a mistake, he was kind of caught in wanting to be right and not being able to lose face or just fought all of them. And then he became this bad guy and he, you know, the king was looking for him. And so it turned his life around to becoming like one of the one of the bad guys off the country, the outlaws that was killing and stealing and was acting like a violent man. Right? And then I tell this story about this young kid that heard about the guy and it was a pot full of gold. If you could bring that that some ride the bats Samurai to the king. So this king, this kid discovered jiu jitsu, traveled to Brazil,

learned it and thought that most people in this country wouldn't know this. It's a went to fight against the bat samurai and then did a move that I taught the kids earlier like an arm bar and, like, you know, succeeded. And then, on the way to the king, the kid that you know, had like now the bat summaryon chains on the way, he stopped at something turned around and said, Why did you Why you so bad you become you became the best Samaraie, you know, master in the country. Why did you use your powerful good and then the old some riot? Told him Well, because I only mastered the sort.

I didn't master my my heart in my mind. And when I got angry, I made a mistake and I didn't have the wisdom to accept my mistakes. So I had to live the life off a bad person because everybody thought I was bad. And that's awesome, right? And so and then bring them to the king and all that. Right? So this is my way to try this time of it. Sneak, sneak A little bit of this list of things. I

can I can I sing you every day? Like two words?

Okay. To be fair, sometimes the stories suck, right? Like I'm not always. Good thing this was a good one. And it also it was good because I knew so the challenge with my voice is now they're old enough, especially the oldest that if I do these one on one metaphor, he gets really upset with me because he knows what I'm trying Dios upset with me. So? So I knew if I sneak in that ju jitsu mama stepped on them, you would get distracted. I did not. So So I took that. Sorry. All good, right?

Two days later, um, their mom calls me and she's like, You won't believe what happened. Your oldest. Like, he got really, really angry. And he went upstairs and he wrote like, a You know, he wrote a really, you know, bats sentence about me on carpet with a permanent marker. No. Right. And she's like,

I got so upset. I haven't given a punishment yet because I told him I have to talk to you, and we'll have to figure it out together. I'm like, OK, so yesterday I go, um, and I hang out with him a little bit, and then I say, Dude, what happened? I heard your mom said you you got angry. You wrote with the primitive mark on the carpet. He was like, Yeah, well,

you know, uh, mom did this, and that was really unfair. And then leave did that. And just both of them were really, really unfair to me. And so I just got really angry, and I wrote it. Um and I regretted it but just it was also there for whatever. Whatever, right? And I told him, You know what? And you know, my my oldest writes a lot like he's a writer.

He has written all these horror books and stories and all that language he likes to write, and I told him, You know what I mean? Your first instinct was not bad. Like when you get angry, I think writing is a good idea. And he looked at me like, really? Yeah, I think it's a really good idea. I just don't think it's a good idea to write in a way that you can delete it anymore. So instead of writing on carpet with a permanent marker and then you regret it, but it's too late, and now you get all this kind of trouble right on a piece of paper, put it in your pocket, and if in two hours you still feel like what you wrote that you can give it to somebody.

But if you feel differently, you could change it. Maybe you want to write with something that you can erase easily so you can rewrite it, I told him. You know, when I get and I get oftentimes angry people, and I want to write them an angry email, and I've learned to write it. But leave it in draft and not send it because often times after I'm not angry anymore. I really don't want to say these mean things, and if I send it, it's gonna create all kinds of problems and more anger, like next time you get really angry, take a piece of people, right? The worst things you can think off.

But don't give them to the person. And don't write on with a permanent marker where you can take it away or return it at all anymore. Is that all right? That's a tip that I don't know if he's going to do it or not, but it's just like an interesting little exchange. So maybe part of why that story spoke to me, it's also that I didn't I didn't know that until we started talking about this. But maybe it's also because it's relevant right now because I'm thinking that way. How do I help my son to channel his anger and learn to deal with it? Well, cause I know that I don't want to teach him not to be angry, and I don't want to teach him that anger is bad and that he has to suppress it because it's inconvenient for all of us. But of course I don't want him to. When he's angry, hit his brother and right get destroy things that he can rebuild anymore. Um,

that's not cool. Obviously, it's like teaching him, like, how do you deal with your anger in a way that releases that energy creatively and that doesn't suppress it. But that doesn't destroy thinks in a permanent way in a way that you will regret and that we will have to pay a price that's gonna be Don't let out. Yeah, don't be Don't Hulk smash everything, um, in your in your path. But that's interesting. You know, anger is an interesting is an interesting topic, because I think when I was young growing up, um, I did have a lot of anger in me.

Yeah, I was pretty pissed at the world and I felt like there was a lot of injustice, injustice done to me and my family, and it's like a lot of like bad luck and whatever, whatever would have I had a very big chip on my shoulder. Yeah, I think. But over the years, to some degree, obviously you get older and wiser. To some degree, you surpass these limitations that I felt like if I still feel if I still felt this powerless as I did with 12 years old, maybe I would be as angry. But I just don't know. Um but I think I'm I've I've gone to the other extreme way. If you ask me the last five years,

Um, you know, when we're the times that you got really upset or really angry or what was the last time you get really angry and really upset? I don't remember. And so I feel like I've I've gone too far and maybe now I'm out of touch with my anger because I just don't feel inequality and have that. I've wondered this a couple of times in the last couple of years. There were multiple times where I was like, Why am I never angry? It was such a big part of my personality growing up it is, it would make sense for me to get angry, really angry and upset about things I just don't. I'm or like, um, when things don't go my way over and things happened that could make me upset more often than not, Not always. Not that I've never gotten angry,

which is very rarely, but more often than not, I just feel numb. I just feel like cold emptiness in my heart like I just don't I don't feel anything about something. And I think that I've I've taught myself this subconsciously a whatever may be when I could feel anger, I suppress it so quickly and replace it with something else that I don't know. But that's it. That's been an interesting question, like getting back in touch with my own anger about angry. But what am I angry about? What do I do? What I feel angry like That's That's an interesting ability. You know,

there was a thing in in ah Qing warrior magician lover that actually made me think it made me realize something and was about this, um, the oscillation between the kind of shadow polls where where some people like and I recognize something of that and me, it's like you kind of eat your anger. You suppress it like I do that sometimes, right? But it's a little thing. So I'm like It's not a big. It's like little things were feel like This is not worth making a thing about it, right? But

still, it's

a little sting in me, and it creates like, a little bit of angry and me, and it's like I eat it. I needed, I needed, I needed I eat it and I'm like, just going over it. But then it's like at some point something happens, and it's a little bit bigger than that little thing off these other things that have been like a whole sequence of them at some part. And then it's like lashing out. I'm being like and this anger suddenly erupts on. It comes out like a very like, inadequate and in a way where, like literally five minutes a day. And I don't what the fuck that, Um,

And when I saw this, that's in any way they said something about like, this is a typical. It's very typical for like a dysfunctional system like this, oscillating between passive and the negative pole right? Let's be going either anything, and then at some point, boom comes out right. And what you want to be is, like, more centered in balance. Where? Okay, if you experience a little bit of anger like one, realize it because actually like it for in this moment. Actually,

I don't feel like anger in that moment. It's more from like, e. I don't think Oh, this is I'm a little bit angry now. It's just like something that accumulates little bits somewhere in the back of my mind. But my heart, so to speak, right?

So much stuff. Yeah, yeah, it's interesting. You know, I wonder if for me, one of the things one of the thought that just came to my mind was that, um, part of my way off living and thinking like something that I practiced, I think, quite radically is this, like, always assuming all responsibility for everything and so off your time. Silent man. I'm the what, man?

You're the parent. The parent? Yeah.

In what way do you mean that? Because I am a parent or

no, no. Like in every. Even before you were a parent, you were You have a spare intell thing about you where you kind off take responsibility the way parent takes responsibility for the child. But even with your friends in all kinds of scenarios, like always, you always that person.

Yeah, and it's the lake. It is something that I think is has a positive side tude. For the very first time. I'm now wondering, like sometimes when things happen that I don't like, which could lead to being angry, right? Upset. My thought process often goes whatever, let's say person aided something back. Whatever that affected my thought process very often goes that person a did something bad. And then I think how Why, what did I do to ignore that? Well, yeah, But if I could have seen it a week ago,

well, I could have not chosen to work with person a well, end up, and then I can come up with a, like, a list of things off how I am actually responsible for this, and then I just what I'm lacking is then the part off being angry at myself. Mm. Versus I go through that, and then I just go like a shoulder shrug and I just go Well, shut the fuck up. It's your own fault. And then I think I just swallow it down. Like in a sense of like, yeah, I should have done this better,

but not at a I'm fucking pissed at myself. What the fuck is wrong with me? I need to know kick my own ass and make the change happen. So I don't make this again. You

know what I mean? Yeah, that's the energy off anger. To put it to use

and channeling that energy instead of challenging the energy of anger from two words somebody to towards me to towards me, changing I it starts towards a person that I rechannel it to me and then I go, Well, that suppressor diffuse it. Yeah, Yeah, I'm like, I'm never know what's funny. There's a 1,000,000 things that I think I had disappointed myself in. I know I'm fucked up. Why? No, I don't live up to my own ideal, but I've never angry at myself. Isn't that a thing? Isn't that interesting? Like I'm just talking out loud to myself right now.

But that's an interesting thing that I just realized. I'm never pissed at myself. I'm always Just when I noticed my mistake, I always go. Well, I knew I'm bad at this, so I knew. I suck. Why? C I also need to get better, get a life and and I just like I look at it and I just go yet you're just a piece of shit

you got making better. Well, but let me tell you, as somebody who gets angry at himself all the time,

it's not been that it'll only that a little

bit alone. Well, uh, you still just in some music step there, you silly thing. I learned a lot of yeah language. Ercan burn a lot of energy without bleeding to

anything. Yeah, that's fair. So there's still a process of off, um, using that energy to create a electricity to create things. Um, but I I just suppress it, right? I seed bubbling up. I re challenge to myself, and then I just push it away. That's kind of my emotional cycle. I feel like and and then I go, I never feel angry because I didn't allow myself to feel and to feel the anger I had because I made that step of going while I can't be angry person a I should be angry and myself and and instead of saying be angry at myself and then use the anger to change it to create electricity. In that metaphor, I just go.

I should be mad at myself. Yeah, I'm not good. And then I go into the mind instead of the staying with the emotion and it Just analyze it to go Well, yeah, you did mistake ABC. You should do better and then I push away the emotion. So this was the part of the conversation that I wanted to share with you and recording this now after I just listened to the whole conversation again to quickly recap, I realized how I tend to push away or suppress my own anger and the mental strategy I deployed to do that, which is to always ask myself, How am I responsible for what happened? How did I contribute to letting the event that made me angry a cure? I realized that I shouldn't be angry at the other person because I am responsible. I should be angry at myself. I pushed my emotion through a cognitive filter and then I don't feel anything anymore. I just go numb.

This is very different from how was as a kid or teenager. I was very, very angry, and then it just stopped suddenly. How and when did I adapt at the strategy and why Don't get me wrong. I do think it's a useful strategy, but only if you consciously choose. And that didn't happen for me. It's been running on autopilot for decades. It's ironic that I thought I should read that. Draw your tornado story to my son, who's recently been experiencing some anger issues, to teach him how to channel the anger he is in touch with so vividly because maybe I should work on allowing myself again to feel my anger fully before I tried to find productive outlets for it. I'll work on this and I'll report back to you one of the reasons why should these things publicly on the podcast? Because I want us. Me,

my friends, you, the listener. I want all of us to learn and grow together. So I'd love to hear about your ways of dealing with anger any stories you have about how anger either lead to something really good in your life. Or maybe how angle taught you something you needed to learn. Send me an email. Stelly FDA gmail dot com or hit me up on Twitter at Stelly or connect with Me Arlington. I've been very active on their You know how to Find me. Boom. That's it. That's the episode. Thank you for listening. Thanks for your attention. I appreciate it. Stay safe and well, go get him. And most importantly, could get yourself because the journey to self mastery is a powerful one.