the following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content and strong language. Basically all the good stuff.

Jamie, why are we here?

We're here because my dad's in the corner. That's written reporter erotic literature.

Previously on my dad wrote a porno.

She knew she needed an overview. And the detail could come later in the field when she spent time with each manager

individual. What are you talking about? Sex. You know what? She just tear this chapter out. Just burn this chapter.

Alice is allergic to sex. Sorry. Just orgasm. Tits hung freely. God, like pomegranate. Hello and welcome to Episode four off My dad wrote a porno. Hello? We are, as you can hear, joined by James Cooper. Hi. I'm really pleased to be here on Dallas.

Levine and

I'm also here. Good to have you back again, both of you. So last week, we read part of most boring chapter of literature ever written. I've only

just woken up. Do you think that it was kind of a decoy chapter from Rocky? So he's kind of luring is into this maybe slightly mundane business world and actually about Irving chapter for me like, Whoa, we

weren't ready for that. Hopefully, we're ready to dive back into the action.

I'm ready for some action in you. James

does that question. James is always ready for action. Poised I'm isn't a direct and ready to go. I mean, confirmed. Please stop touching me. Absolutely. Okay, So Belinda blinked. Chapter for the Maze Saturday morning came all too quickly and was bright and breezy but dry, ideal for a quick game of tennis and then later a spot of shopping and browsing through the cook shops of London's Oxford Street. How many cooks, shops, Other accessories, mainly super short was a footlocker.

Maybe that's maybe that's what you mean.

Belinda thought it was important to not only know her own brand, but also those of the opposition. That evening, she plan to do an Internet search of the guest list for tomorrow's function, where she would be unable to wear Bra or Thorne. Definitely a strange request.

Why is everything in a weird singular where she was like,

Well, she's only ever gonna wear one bra,

a bra or a thon? We've lost the article there. It was like Rockies. Very idiosyncratic grammar.

Very him, isn't it? It has got his own meter somewhat Sunday morning was worn, so Belinda put the soft top down and motored over to Windsor, who wins a very posh True to her instructions. She checked into the horse and jockey removed her inner clothing

thing. Internal players know. What does that mean? It sounds like

no emotional baggage of now. Dressed in only her tennis gear, she drove to the chairman's house. She parked next to Tony's car and jumped into his passenger seat.

You see that in the car? So he must be in the car or she's broken in and got into the passenger seat.

Is that Is that Good morning, Tony. Her tennis skirt had risen up to show the top of her thighs, Totally pulled it up at the front and studied her pussy. Oh,

pulled up in front of me. Oh, I like it like a proper little Yeah, Little, little peek atyou s Call it a weight being peak of it. We all are. Tractor pulls already brilliant.

He then pulled up her tennis shirt and inspected. It is, of course, I mean, when he inspects them, he's just given me like the 12 12 you

get one, too. Discounting

both our president

Well done, Belinda on Everything's accounted for. Why does he always inspect? Why did you never admire or like Gesar? Everything's always an inspection.

Didn't poke

them Once you have it,

it's like enough stead. It's like a breast

off stage. It's satisfactory and the nipples are

outstanding. Breast can stay open. Thank God they've gone into the special measures High Belinda. Good to see You're good to go. So let's quickly go through the guest list and discuss our targets with their potential.

Is he still lifting the show at this point where he says,

I like to think that you're just holding out

doing the peak achieve at the same time you get this

After we've done this, we'll get some lunch and take the propositions so

I could read. You couldn't see that. But listen, I just look to each other way. Don't know what to comment on these days

so I can readjust my clothing. Tony Belinda blinked, huh? She's back to a

blink in ways again, a very inappropriate time to blink. That's definitely a wink. Yeah, blink suggests, I would say, the the grit in the eye like a twitch like a like it. Kind of cute. See

batting of the eyelashes type behavior

vacant, isn't it?

So I can readjust my clothing. Tony Belinda blinked. Or do you want me to parade to lunch looking like this? Yeah, Tony. 40 minutes later, after some food and two strong gin and tonics, Tony took her to amuse that quite quick. Time to eat and drink your gin and tonics.

40 minutes. Wolfed it down. She's a hungry little bag of that. Melinda got tennis whites on the bitch, got beans all over possums and James be fish chips. That means is that it's a fancy country club. I presume. She's having a full English.

40 minutes later, after some food and two strong gin and tonics, Tony took her to a medium sized garden maze located rare

of the property, a mediocre, medium sized, quite

rubbish maze. They entered the tall undergrowth and Tony letter through it. Without a pause. Belinda was glad someone knew their way through the myriad of paths and openings. This sounds like an innuendo. Yeah, Gross.

You think he's doing that on purpose? I think No, I think Rocky realizes

after three minutes, they entered a glade, which was obviously the central point of the maze. He pushed Belinda's back onto a flimsy wooden trellis, gave her a quick kiss and attached her arms to the trellis with a set of red plastic handcuffs attached to a length of parcel.

String. Stop pushed her back again. Oh, he pushed it back. It looks

the bathrooms with flimsy wooden trellis, right? Gave her a kiss, though, of course, and then attached her arms to the trellis with a set of red plastic handcuffs. I mean, she's gonna get all those straightaway attached to a length of parcel string

attached, something you mean like when you put mittens through your coat in there on a string?

Belinda was now thoroughly intrigued and a little excitement, a little excited at what was about to happen, and laughed out

loud. Told me, How did you know my favorite Hank of I can't believe that Belinda, who is like the most boring woman ever. Just a law. I mean, how did he know that Hank Hank of Color

Nice. You would have turquoise acro marine for her. Seriously, though, I have not seen a pair of thieves since my days in kindergarten.

What, what prison? In kindergarten, she struck the trellises

and kindergarten.

More to the point. What does she mean?

I think Is that because I like plastic toy ones?

You want to play with handcuffs and nursery? I wasn't even spoken.

Tony smiles. He backed away from Belinda. Tony,

What's coming on?

Said Belinda, now seriously trying to control her amusement. She literally ruffling. She's loving this. Trust me, Belinda, treat your clients well and let's see their business role

in what's going on. Why is he backing away? Is he scared? I

think he's leaving,

but he's backing away. He's not walking away, edging back, facing

like an evil villain. Maybe he just can't bear to stop looking

at her. She is a beauty.

I'll return and release you in under two hours

because my parking will be up then I don't want to pay a premium.

Keep your chin up and let your tits and clip do the talking.

So OK, pause. Chin up, chin up. Fine

days go from with Chin up, you. What's it? Let your tits and clit

do the talking now. Tricky to body parts, Not known

her clit doesn't stop chatting away,

right? Kathy Belinda doesn't say a word through Chapter one just blinks. Her clit is already chassis A than she is more of a speaking role than she does in the play. Who would play Belinda's Claire? He's

got a great radio voice because it bit offspring character. I like you, Mary and Mark oils or somebody flavor Linda's clip. She totally do it as well. Miriam, if you're listening, get in touch. It's the role you were born to play Ice Melon, Oscar and best supporting clickers

to clip in a leading role. Eyes is literally gonna out Shaina

seriously political competition for only awaiting to hear what it's

got to say. As for

a test, Yeah, I feel like the tits got short shrift with these erotic words ringing in her ears. Walked off the grass underfoot. Felt wet on Belinda. Could hear a sprinkler nearby are which kept wetting her ankles. The area of wet grass would soon become a mud pat, she thought. How disgusting. What's the mud patch? Patch of models? She hated mud at the best of times, but tied to this garden fence meant you couldn't move around much it would soon get really muddy and quickly

it's gonna be a right quad mire.

Messy. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of cheerful whistling down the maze.

Nothing so sexy, like whistling the most annoying habit

ever. Also, what's this guy's name gonna be like? Heaven?

I'm going to say Good

Malcolm. You know what? You're closer than you think.

It's cool. Get Malcolm Alphonse, Stir backer from Belgium. Know Alphonse, a

stir backer from Belgium, strolled into the glade and studies Belinda's position with obvious interest. Alphonse, Stir back Esther back. That's not one of those porn star names where you like your first pet in your street. I can't imagine it's a coincidence

doing Have you forgot what we're reading? That's where he played Will Smith's cousin In fresh prints on

the buttons from Tony's outline and her Internet research, Belinda recognized him and his potential immediately over 300 supermarket outlets throughout Belgium, northern Franz and Southern Holland, and they were soon to push into the UK You lost me from. Alphonse is about to be pushing that glade. If you ask me, we're back to the business. You see your business and

leadership. You get a little bit of sex, but in the house to be at least three pages of business.

A good stoned, she thought Yes, seriously. I mean, if you understand me, where 300 supermarkets is a good place to start. Pretty soon the world and

I would be over the moon if me and Alphonse got together. I'm just saying it's not very sexy at present.

No, I present. And that was the end of the chapter. What? I know it was a very short chapter, so I think, Yeah, because that way

you don't okay, The whole book

and there was tea

or something did It

s Oh, yeah. And the next chapter isn't too long, actually. Just looking through it. So I think we could just double whammy exciting dig, knitting booties

Chapter. Oh, love.

A bonus chapter. So what's this one called? Okay. Interestingly, this is called the first client Alphonse Stir Backer.

So it's called the first line Colon. I'll from Stur Becker.

It's called the first client and then Alphonse Stir backer has just written underneath it with a semi colon afterwards better goes nowhere.

My bad, of course, is tradition. Okay, Ready, guys, I think. Just let's go for it.

Yeah. Exciting. Belinda blinked. Chapter five, The first client Alphonse, stir back. Oh, good morning, young lady. And who do I have the pleasure of meeting, albeit in this strange situation. Hi, Mr Ster Backer. My name is Belinda Blumenthal, and I'm the sales director of steel Pots and pans. She always felt she should apologize for the terrible company name, but she also knew was so awful that very few people ever forgot it.

Stir back replied. Excellent. You look like my type of girl. Young, dark and mysterious as you know my name. You would also know I'm the purchasing director of my company. Sexy. That's quite the pickup line

isn't a buyer.

I think that's what it's called. Yeah, let's get to know each other. We only have 20 minutes contact, and I intend to make full use of them. Oh, God. Oh,

Feel queasy? I did just have a whole sticky toffee pudding, but that is not related.

We're gonna see that again. Our funds immediately got to work by removing his won garment of a blackthorn.

Hey, entered the maze, Mary. Only a black thought. We only just hearing about it.

It obviously wasn't that important a detail.

When you said he removed his one garment, I was thinking like, Why is he wearing a sexy CAFTA? Just a song that is so all funds is that is not okay in Belgium,

I think that's a done thing.

On the contrary. Remind me to never go to brother.

Our funds immediately got to work by removing his won garment of a black thong and taking off Belinda shoes and socks drink in the corner of the maze

maze socks on where she's in tennis

care. No bra, no pants. Of course you can wear socks. I mean, we're not animals. Yeah, that in a clothing consistent, completely naked. He pushed up her white shirt partially in covering her breasts. He then pulled her tennis skirt down to her knees and backed off.

What the hell is that? That clip is talking about Cliff has never seen a naked lady. Oh, it was Oh, you know what? It wa ce

the Let's pop.

It is the big chief

the big to

begin with. Did you part limits Forfeiting, not popping your are they how

strange Blender thought He's just a voyeur. He doesn't want any close contact. Maybe he's happily married. Oh, yeah, That'll be

happily married. People act turned up in a black song on they strip someone. It's every marriage

I've ever heard off Carter Hope is not rockets marriage.

Oh, I just saw that at the same time, you Oh, there's rocky half a really good relationship with, like, the neighbors. Or the thing

is, they're amazing nearby or, you know, straight for Alice really have, like, a little maze in the garden,

like a medium sized blade maze. But there is a tangle of woodland near the glaze.

Had a lot of Travis ing and we do have a leather room. Alphonse, that's edible. Under. Would you visit me in? My office is in Brussels on. Let me see your body again.

You can see it, right? Night. Yes. I

have something that you got going on

with them or something. Like a kangaroo pounds. We're like two bottles. Get me came up with this.

Um perhaps I could see more of it. And possibly in a less disgusting environment.

Complimentary. How much more do you want to say? And no law? No, He's any pulled down and partial breast. Yeah.

So maybe the whole thing. And like a beautiful way of Saturn room

and tush. So they sat

in room no room straight with. You should see

our living room, half leather,

Big part of modern, with

Seymour of a body. But she has to go to Brussels for Yeah, I feel like it's all on Belinda. She's gotta go there. He's not making any effort.

Absolutely. Perhaps I could see more of it. And possibly in a less disgusting environment, Belinda immediately understood Alphonse needed order and homely comforts in order to progress his male desires, though his cock had quickly become completely erect. Well, then he's giving mixed messages.

Yeah, he's repulsed. Backing away

totally into it, she replied. Absolutely, Miss Sister. Becca, I'm so glad I fit your expectations. And I would really like to do a lot of business with you.

I'm sorry. This is not the way people talk.

When the nude in a glade covered in most she's semi new Jane. No, no,

But I mean the way they're talking. Oh, yeah. Let's do a deal. Oh, yes. 300 stores. And she'd like to do some more business with him. I think there's gonna be some more business in this maze

before the night is through stir. But he grinned and said, That is assured, my lovely Belinda. And he fondled her waiting tits with relish

with Rally, a little bit of relish he bought in his with Oh, God waiting abreast.

I thought you said weighty like way. They are weighty, but they were also waiting.

What is awaiting boob versus and wear these versus a boob waiting.

Maybe that if the little direct, it means it's waiting. Okay, like a taxi having its light on like thumbing

a ride like fury. Right. That's really useful to know.

I was going to say the next time you feel like you sits awaiting your noble

well, I'm thinking maybe that's been happening and people have been queuing behind me to wait with me, and I didn't even know

Belinda grown softly. One of his hands slipped down to her vagina and started to gently caresses it.

So he

is into, after all, after all that kind of standing on ceremony back in a way, only being a voyeur is not its handle. A palace. In return, she stroked his Penis with both hands.

Hang on. She haven't strapped to a Travis a second, I think. Debbie McGee. Over age Alphonse placed one end in one hand and while independent, other

No, I think that the parcels strings attached the trellis so that so that she still has complete free movement of partial strings of plastic handcuffs. You can break free.

Yeah, but why would she want to leave? Who knows who's gonna come around that corner neck? Exactly. It's a who's who of European business people.

A gentleman from Brussels thought, Belinda, what a great start to the afternoon. Ridiculous. Welcome

to Belinda playing, but they

care Brussels, the sexiest

of countries. Theist of the administration area,

if only about someone from The Hague. Oh, after further 10 minutes of extremely heavy fondling,

fondling so heavy, extremely heavy fondling. I think the only time that that's been written down is on those heavy petting. Next, I'll be some bombing.

Belinda was becoming very wet. Our funds had. Now I fear Alphonse Alphonse had now gone to a tits. Big time with his teeth and his very long cock have penetrated her Evolve.

Oh, my God! Okay, Bye. big Jesus. She's

got bite marks all over her boobs. She's loving apartment. Sure about talking about Wasn't Shell

this? We can't recommend this isn't really

What else was there in the his very long cock. It penetrated revolver. James. So he does have a very long

I told you.

Not quite. Her wingspan said beautifully.

Put it it penetrated her Volver?

Yeah. Any biologist in the rooms and say this has gone from sexy toe like sex Ed, you're finding it sexy before James. Me maybe.

Why use such science? See words.

I mean, your guess is as good as mine. I am learning a lot about my father through his literature. So, you know, I'm trying to legitimize it somehow. Welcome.

He was awake thinking May.

He blinked. He was obviously enjoying her tits and clit as Tony and put it so Oh, I mean, Dad, the use of commerce would be helpful at various points.

Please don't criticize Rocky.

He was obviously enjoying her tits and clippers. Tony put it so happy. Just 50 minutes earlier and she had her first major client breakthrough. She mentally penciled in a visit to Brussels in 10 days time. No sense in not striking while the iron was hot, so to speak.

I like that if you're kind of in a really exciting sexual moment and you know she's climaxing and it's like, fantastic and you're mentally penciling something in

the diary you're doing, you can get a bit of admitting

your head. I mean, something is steamy and hot thinking. Move, one o'clock flight. Now I know there's a 205 and if I only take hand luggage

Okay, if you could honestly say your mind has never wondered.

I mean, I've been in very different in our

say. She's never been strapped to a trellis. Afar off whistle sounded on our funds backed off.

Is your dog tongue wagging his part of the whistle? Tony, it's Tony outside.

Time for me to go blender. I thoroughly enjoyed your lack of bra and thong.

God's

very thoughtful, but don't forget them when you visit me in Brussels very soon

really are fun, because I really didn't enjoy your

presence of thong. At least one of them was wearing a thong.

But how is it thoughtful to not have a thong

on? Because there are fewer items to remove

true. But then surely it's outrageous of our farms to wear a thong. A. Because it's repulsive because, well, Belinda's thought ahead. Why isn't he? Yeah,

that's true. We haven't talked about whether Alphonse has the body shape for you. Could

he pull it off? I think something's overhanging. What did you do that I

thoroughly enjoyed your lack of bra and thong? Very thoughtful, But don't forget them. When you visit me in Brussels very soon, we will have dinner at my very exclusive Gentlemen's Club on All our ladies are expected to be properly dressed, at least when they arrive.

You can tell if somebody's not got a phone. It's not have legs wide open as having their star or is. It will probably mean. I mean, you would know that she didn't have her bra wrong as they

would be like to be hanging

like pomegranate quite like pomegranate

or they'll be waiting, Belinda replied. Don't worry, my sister Rebecca. I'll be in touch very soon.

That is not the end

of the chap. That's the end of the chapter. So she's secured a meeting off the back of whatever just happened there efficiently. The heavies on anything having extremely heavy, which then turned into sex.

I mean, unless it was like, like, dipped it in and out. It

was literally like you did. So, Yeah,

that's too far. And you did it right next to the mind that accompanied. So

do you think I've had two chapters there, too? And one, We're back. We're back on track. That was pretty crazy. Yeah. After kind of lackluster Chapter three, we are right back in there with chapters.

I really love this kind of national trust. May setting group could come round at any point. Exciting. Adding, in a kind of air of

danger on next week will tackle chapter six, I imagine. What state in the maze? Yes, we are indeed

staying in the most. So much more to happen in the maze.

Chapter six is called the Second client, Jim Sterling. It

was Jim Sterling at the regional

sales meeting. No, no, no. But I think Jim Stelling may have been in the blurb.

The blood, which was longer than Chapter one,

correct? Certainly longer than chapter for

something that I thought we might cover, but will clearly be safer. Chapter six is about the Duchess

Yes, I know. The Duchess is still a bit of an enigma, isn't she? Who knows where she'll pop up?

I don't know. I just feel like in these posh grounds. That's the kind of place the Duchess would be.

Yes, true. Well, maybe she'll be a visitor to the maze.

You know, I didn't even think

about that. You teased J another night with the book, but quite ensemble cast. Or it isn't this quite cast of characters.

I think we're gonna have first pick on who we want to play

the characters in the film version. I really think it can be like, you know, the new Harry Potter. We're gonna have no actors knocking on our door. Every British actor we want to be in this. All in all, I'm happy James is satisfied. Exam? It's Phil. He'll sleep good tonight. I will feel like all funds. Take the black fun off, take his purse

with him, and be honest with you.

Thanks for all your lovely comments so far. A lot. People saying that they're getting injured. What? Listening to it. Please be careful out there. Delegate. You can contact us on Twitter at Dad wrote a porno on Facebook. My dad wrote a porno is the name of the page on We're on Instagram now as well are indeed at. My dad wrote her because they don't let you say porn on instagram prudes and do keep the comments coming in. We are reading them on loving them, as is my dad. Oh, yes, Rocky. Loving the comment. Honestly,

it it's actually kind of touched him right there and not what you think is hard. You dirty people. Yeah, he is. He is loving it. And who knows? You know, all of your comments might be adding fuel to the creative fire that is Vince don't. So keep it coming in on. Thank you for listening. And in true Alphonse spirit, we will now back away from the mikes. Yeah, bye.