the following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content and strong language. Basically all the good stuff. Previously on my dad wrote a porno on the phone fell uselessly onto the red leather desk, revealing her flushed vagina like a fat kid's face after his run. Rather playground. Oh, it is a buffet and he'll blow the house down. I've got quite a lot of dialogue here in Dutch did Zen d steals pots and I'm

getting a bit

of that contractor had undertaken Hi, guys, and welcome to my dad wrote a porno. It's episode for Helga is turning it on Guys here, of course. Hello. Hi. What do you think? How is it going to be turning on? I hope not her sexual wiles, because I don't think she has any that's gonna take a restart. She's got to reboot. What do you imagine held? It looks like I'm picturing just a lumpy middle aged woman, but that might be just because that's what we said. Let's be lumpy, dumpy shorts like school humpy jumpy on Stumpy.

I just imagine her to wear a Siri's of shawls, maybe have a tic, just like oh, yeah, switch. Yeah, that's a sea of knitwear. That's what Do you think it's hiding beauty bunny? Don't you think maybe she's deliberately patted herself to just avoid the sexual harassment from the office? Because it seems like it's Roy. Do you think it'll be like she's all that when she takes her glasses off? When there was like Oh my God, that was the reference I was going to use. And then I realized how old that film and I do. Freddy Prince Jr is 72 today. Whatever happened to him,

I forget until I listened back to this podcast. How much of our language is just nineties vernacular? All of our references, like Clarissa explains it all. Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. Whatever Melissa Joan Hart did next, it's all we talk about Way can't see the world through any other guys. And a sorry about that. Should we try and update it a bit more? Belinda is bay This This book is lit

you older than we

think you are. I feel like this is when people like of an older generation trying to dog in street lingo like your teachers at school. That's fat. No, sir, it's not. You work in Radio Youth Radio. Alice, you must know some young person terms. One thing they say a lot is get her off the radio regionally specific. Refer. You are the granny of the radio. Well, I'm looking forward to seeing What? How good does look like. So, should we delve in?

Open the book. Okay, Belinda, blink to chapter four. Helga turns it on. Oh, God. Oh, God is right. Belinda moaned a little louder and she did so Dr Robbins hummed a little louder. Twice louder. Were they in unison? Belinda thought yes. What? They humming a tune together? I don't understand what they're humming.

Is it just a low what she's doing? Ah, Karos could never do that again. Please. Quite cathartic. Helga had now court Belinda's left breast. Caught it, what

with what Joe Long

held us. I imagine it's like with a what? She's like court by it. It's not nice. Sorry. Helga had now court Belinda's left breast and was passionately teasing the nipple it started to respond on Grew in size with the woman's clumsy touch. Chubby little digit. So all over it, a little sweaty hums. Oh, yeah. Do you think this is the first time she's had a little poke around on a lady or on a man ever. Yeah, Virgin potential Virgin fumbling for the left. It, I mean, a great person to have your first encounter with.

Because Belinda knows her stuff. That's true. But its Belinda's someone who guides someone. Or is she more always to the top of the vagina Helga had now caught Belinda's left breast was passionately teasing the nipple. I got this. I'm gonna get you just like really like subtly. Bullying is exactly why are you thinking around here? Call that nipple? You think your erect, you know, you think growing the size? No. It started to respond and grew in size with woman's clumsy touch. Belinda concentrated on removing Hell goes woolen jumper, only natural fibers for Helga. Luckily,

it had buttons down the front, which Belinda quickly undid. So it's a card again. I think that's the definition of a card again, is she then pulled it off and concentrated on the woolen shirt when its own admitted. I told you should head to foot in it, weren't you very good. I didn't even know you could get a woolen shirt have been dressed very differently for the past 10 years had I know the buttons were easy to take on underneath. Hell, there wasn't a kid. Not a stitch, Alice. No bra or vested, by the way. Uh, no.

Right this If you're wearing woolen item against skin, then you're like, if you sweat Shorty, that just Well, even if you've got a bra on James, that's not gonna be suffering up much. So I'm covering the pit is in dollars. Just the sweatiest breasts ever. James always wears a full one z underneath everything to prevent sweat reaching his actual garments again. The buttons were easily taken. Care off underneath. Helga was naked. Yeah. Sexy bitch. No bra or vest to bother with breast. This is so easy for Belinda who immediately took hold of hell goes warn tits,

Warner. What do you mean? Like like weathered for holding them most bitten boo Distressed breast thread Bare breasts eroded. That's usually what does that mean? This was so easy. Thought Belinda, who immediately took hold of Helga sworn tits and started to apply a gentle but firm pressure to thumb on dhe. Hopefully some furniture polish or some kind of bees wax. They sound like they need a little bit of taking care of. Get them restored. Helga, in her turn, started to moan on her hands Started to roam down to Belinda's wet for Gilina She started to moan. They started to Rome. She was alone. I was alone.

I wish you the best of luck. I really D'oh! Good old hags! I quite like just glad Held has got a handful of something for a change. I mean, rather see the paper, like, you know, when a path is well worn because it's been so those breasts of Welsh trotter. Maybe that's because she had many mouths to feed

the kids. Maybe they're not

well worn cause sexy times. Do you think they will live in that, coupled with us? Oh, don't own me. What you doing with Dr Robbins? Helga in her turn, started to moan on her hands Started to roam down to Belinda's wet vagina. Oh, sorry I've ever been in between stage. Helga stopped kissing Belinda and moved her tongue to Belinda's now very swollen nipples. Target bomb. It's a cooler now. Oh, yeah, I think. What's good for serious too?

Maybe. Ah, home made a dock leaf little darkly scrub. Adopt, please. Please. Great for everything. Although once or twice, my mom has given me a dock leaf, and it was definitely like poison ivy. Lt's Helga started to nibble Belinda's left nipple with her teeth while licking the rest of her breast with her open mouth, her teeth in a different place to her mouth. Yeah, Helga started to nibble Belinda's left nipple with her teeth. Okay, fine.

While licking the rest of her breaths with no teeth and no in her mouth, just let you got the money like a hand at like a ventriloquist. Oh, yeah, so they could be wherever her arm can reach. Really? What great multitasking. Helga started to nibble Belinda's left nipple with her teeth, actually didn't while licking the rest of her breast with her open mouth. No, she didn't. Her hand had now found Belinda's clitoris on was punishing it with two fingers will be in a haphazard fashion. Punishing it will slaps Theo White people never kind of caresses or tickle or sort of play with. They always have to punish everything because it's sexy and it's it's a rule like James has to be slapping a clear. I don't obviously know I Rocky thinks that it is, and I don't want to go any further.

All right. Okay, let's just move on. Let's move on. That's Belinda. Continue to groan and decided to up the game with Helga Before she orgasms. Belinda grabbed, held his ass and pulled down her linen skirt. Wool and linen company linens quite summary fabric. And I would say, Well, it's very much cemented in the winter War. Dre. If she's all season, it's just wears. What outfit?

For the whole year got flip flops on takes from summer to winter if she's just got some really trendy pool slides in the bottom of what's going on? Belinda grabbed, held his ass and pulled down her linen skirt. It started to rib, but she kept going. Rib linen is so strong, why is everything made of like foil and paper in these books, like how strong is Belinda? I've never pulled off a garment off myself or anybody else, and it's just torn in half. It only took a second. Yeah, but it did, and the Tauron skirt was on the floor with Helga. Is white thong on view for Robin's to see why. Didn't know.

Think she'd be wearing a white song? I thought, Woolen. Yeah, Granny Pompey pants all the way. White Fung, though, that you think there's some symbolism in who wears a black thong and who wears a white thing. Is innocent, good and evil like art is the angel of hope. Is it the bridal down of the thong world? Belinda couldn't believe that this prissy middle aged woman more thong toe work. Well, exactly. For once, I agree with Belinda.

Judgmental much. Shut up, Ellen. Do you know all that? With a practiced flick of her hand, Belinda removed the phone. Talk me through that flick of the hand to remove a thong. She must have ripped it again. You have to lift a foot and then lift another foot. Whatever you d'oh. However many hands use good for you unless you wriggled under Atos like there's no one hand. One movement gesture that does that isn't a tablecloth. You just whip it. Work on. I'm sorry. A flick of ah,

what was it with a practiced flick of her hand? Belinda removed the thong and went for hell goes vagina. Just got vendetta against that just Wen Fred like a rock violet for a kitten. Robin's, meanwhile, had moved across to the desk where Helga had left the contracts and started signing them as well. About despair. He was apparently content with what he'd seen. That he did look up constantly to make sure we didn't miss any of the action. So he was just happy with the white song. That's all you want to say? Yeah, Is he a voyeur that we thought our funds waas years by this stage, Hellgren Belinda were fully enjoying themselves on Belinda had stretched out onto the desk with Helga beside her. Oh, what?

They're lying next to each other to some bathing. Maybe in that nice hot spot Both women were masturbating, the other on was steadily open, each of his legs wider and wider as they felt their respective orgasms grow lovely, masturbating each other. Oh, that's not what this sort of thing masturbate themselves next to each other. How weird would that be? No weirder than what they're doing. Things that pleasuring each other I love James is practical brain. Just masturbate yourself. I'm going with you going to sell out your own timetable, you know, waiting for anyone. Are you exactly like that? How?

It is not very good at just fumbling around. James. He's like, I know what I like. I don't know how to do it. I believe he's flicking away people's hands left right? Hell, get Just get all files. I can get this done in 30 seconds. Copy out your hair in. No, to stick on Titanic. Give me five. A friend of a friend, actually. Yeah,

claims a. Let's call him. She may be small, but he claims that he can masturbate on dhe ejaculated without even touching him. What he says. It's just like it was like a free afternoon. He'll just lie in his bed and he can mentally stimulate himself so much that he comes. That is genuinely repulsive. Disgusting. That's a horrid. So like on

another level, though, if you

mind wonders when you're on the bus. Oh, shit, Justin again, Cream. Two trails. Oh, God, I never thought I'd ever say Let's get back to blend a plea. It feels like something Belinda should be able to do. It feels that Belinda could sort held that on herself out at the same time. Yeah, well, let's find out. We'll help. Has got like a hand of past nips instead of fingers. I'm not sure she's the right candidate.

She was a clumsy, just a bunch of radishes by the sounds of it. Both women were masturbating, the other on was steadily opening each other's legs wider and wider as they felt the respectable chasms grow. How wide can they go? Hell goes big, angular tits. Oh, angular without round. And now we've got What? Pointy pyramids. Right angles? No, sure, that's good. They've got bones in them.

I like cheekbones, But for boobs warn a minute ago is Hal Clock. A GM chicken hang on held his big Angula tits swung violently in the dying sunlight. God! As she started to swoon, her eyes rolled into the back of her head. Is she dying? Especially three Dying of an orgasm? I feel so sad for Helga. These are her last moments. But what a way to spend your daughter. Way to go. I mean, should be over the moon, so she's lying down on her tits, swinging violently.

That's the ghost of Windows. It's a very good point. I'm picturing it like that bit in Indiana Jones. When the rock rolls have to him like that, it's like coming out like violently coming. After Belinda held, his big Angula tits swung violently in the dying sunlight as she started to swoon on her eyes rolled into the back of her head. None of this is okay. It's having a vision. Issue me like a man possessed, like Dr Robbins in the trail. Just put it to a trans. She orgasms loudly, as if she'd been released from years of tension like What the hell is the bell? Smiled to herself. She at last let her own orgasm surfaced and attempted to make a least a CZ much noise. She allowed it to surface the way he talks about these things, like a like a German U boat. Bank them as well.

Like Oh, yeah, I

didn't release one the other day, So here it comes. You can't just decide. You are clear to surface orgasm. You will surface on the sidelines. Dr. Robbins clap. The performance was slow, clap, patronizing, slow exactly On the sidelines, Dr Robbins clapped the performance, and after a suitable period of recovery time for the females asked Helen to take away the sign contracts and return with a bound copy for each company. Yeah, well, can you get these contracts over? Yes.

Bravo, girls. Have a good time. Give her a moment. It's her first orgasm. Let her enjoy it. Jesus. And she did quite enjoy it until this interruption. Also, was that how they're turning it on? I mean, you do you much good point. She is a beginner. True, Helga groggily lowered herself off the desk and picked up the pile of papers. She's got the grog over.

Well, I suppose she's never had an experience like it, so she probably is a bit out of sorts. She exited the room completely naked, pushing back her hair with the art of tears. Still trying to compose herself after her deep orgasm. Belinda has this effect on people that she literally brings them to tears. Cried like babies. Belinda sat up with her tits, falling gracefully to their normal positions by unease. One word he hasn't used his lollipop. I always imagined a good reason. Gracefully splattered, Belinda sat up with her tits, balding gracefully to their normal positions. She was still sitting on the hot desk and ask Dr Robbins if the paperwork was all in order.

Oh, my God. Who cares? Who cares? Your ass cheeks? Probably on half of it. So she signs it with her ass, joining Dobie business now just shagged on a table in front of the boss. It's like, don't be all like, Oh, yeah? Can you just check? Think a section for Not the moment you don't go through your closets now, love. She was still sitting on the hot desk.

And ask Dr Robbins if the paperwork was all in order. Yes, Dear Belinda, the deal is done. The legal details have been authorized, but we can get on with our work. What do you know the deal? Which deal? This is Peter around his order, isn't it? Couldn't have done it over the phone. Why should go all the way to Amsterdam like they've got fax machines Way. Know that how any of the businesses, including this book, even take over? Never mind.

Make a profit. The industry as a whole is It's on its knees. Literally. Literally. Andi is going down the pan literature anymore. Thank you. Belinda smiled and used her right forefinger to pick up some of hell goes juices from No, no, no, no. If I might be so bold, interjected Dr Robbins, But might I have a taste of that? You know, you have a Mars bar. Have something,

Eat something else. Have a schnitzel, have some more of that Jovan karate do. The event is Jennifer. If I might be so bold, interjected Dr Robbins, But might I have a taste of that divine liquid? I can only taste bile. Ironically, don't call it divine liquid. Have a face cream called divine. You did. It's going straight in the bin. Why, yes, of course, Doctor. How silly of me not to share here, Nick

my finger. Oh, that's finger licking. Good.

Dr. Robbins came across and stuck out his tongue like a five year old. Oh, not like a five year old very much. Not like a five year old. Belinda carefully rolled her finger across it, depositing as much of hell Gers and no doubt her own juices. It's possible I love how difficult that was for you to read. It was so, so stomach churning, rolling her finger like a fingerprint. What was it deposited her juices from Yeah, depositing as much of hell girls and Notre Oh, I would read it again to make it sound. No doubt about can't. There's no point. Apologies for being the Red,

but I'm just gonna move on. There's nothing to be gained. He slowly licked her finger and asked for more. That is all held. Has got to give Blender obliged him. But this is from your dad's mind. Justice. Thank you. Something's happened. No, he's seen something that's inspired this just to say that Gross, Probably someone dropping mayonnaise on the table or something like scooping up mayonnaise. Don't ruin condiments for me as well. Hellmann's mayonnaise Helga is mayonnaise. That's my preferred brown way. Have no preferred brands here.

Out. We're open to everything. Oh, my goodness! May Ah, he slowly licked her finger and asked for more. Blender obliged him, this time, putting two of her fingers into her vaginal slit so that she could obtain the maximum amount of liquid juices possible. Get that's woman, some anti back sprayed, you know, I mean hand sanitizer immediately. That's a new one. Jesus Christ. The good doctor guzzled and smacked his lips in delight.

Oh, what do you say what you say is trough in a finger and then goes delicious? The good doctor guzzled and smacked his lips in delight. Could I be permitted to drink from that wonderful fountain? Belinda, Huh? What fountain? He quietly asked. Could I be permitted to drink from that wonderful fountain lender? He quietly asked. Belinda smiled. So he was human, just very, very shy. This is a human tree. It's no,

I think she means. Oh, so he does want to have sex with me in some form. He's human. He's just shy. Did he just didn't want to ask in front of Helga. But he's hungry. That's always wear sexy, that you just need some protein by the sounds of it. Oh, you refer to is frenzy. The protein shake interrupted the legs. What's wrong with chickpeas? Purging the steak? Belinda smiled. So he was human,

just very, very shy. I don't think he's one bit shy or human or by any stretch of the imagination human, Absolutely, she replied, swiveling on her ass. Theo, on the point of her ass, swiveling on her ass across the desk to face him whilst opening her legs as wide as possible. Stop doing it as wide as possible. Why does fine accommodate his face and tongue? Oh, my, that's a jackpot is literally gonna be bent over like a pig Scoffing. That's what it's doing is gonna make that awful global noises name until the trough is dry until all the grain is gone A ll The swell is gone. Don't call.

It's will Absolutely, she replied, swiveling on her ass across the desk to face him whilst opening her legs as wide as possible to accommodate his face and tongue his large face. Can I go? No, I think, contractually, I haven't signed up to a whole Siri's, too. I've got a loophole. Thes has gone to a whole new level. This whole thing is that we have been complaining. That hasn't been much Sex and Belinda blink, too. We're finally getting it now. Careful what you wish for a company that's faces up.

Dr. Robbins leant forward and started to suck from Belinda's vagina. Sorry, I don't mean to make so many sound effects tonight. Well, sometimes it's necessary to fully understand. Can you desist because it's just listening? Belinda knew she would be dry in a few seconds. No, that's not a thing. If you didn't take some measures to wet herself again. What? This is L irrigation now g o start the spring clothes when she's just gonna possible toe in mourning aboutthe you're no doctor like Mr Robbins. But in the new, she would be dry in a few seconds if she didn't take some measures to wet herself again. A few seconds.

How much is he sucking carefully So as not to upset the happy sucking Dr Robbins. Belinda massaged her clitoris with one Selim finger and soon have the effect she needed. I mean, Maur juices emanated from her vagina and Robin sucked more greedily annoy easily. Belinda just be like, Oh, it's all gone. Get off. Creating more. No, I know you think there's some that No, no, no, it's all gone. So he sold out our Asia place. Come back tomorrow.

He's a proper little Augustus clue person. Remember that little fat head got stuck in the pipe, Got stuck in the pie. Just such a thing as too much. Come. Thank you. Yeah, well, it's like remember when Peter Andre too many bananas and for your Andre overdosed on potassium because he had too many bananas in one day. Is it the same thing? Could you do the same thing? That's what's gonna happen to Dr Robbins. He's going too much protein and they should be like a TV show like Celebrity in the vegetable based ailments was Brian Harvey got run over by a potato something. You run himself over because he ate too many. After two or three minutes, the naked Helga entered the room with a bound paperwork.

So did you go to get them bound naked? You know, she left the room naked show. That's quite quick to get something bound, to be fair. What was it doing? A dissertation bound day after weeks, because in five minutes that is efficiency. That's why she's virgin because she's too busy being efficient. And officials she's put work first, and I respect that in many ways. And hopefully she's laminated everything because I think it might be after two or three minutes, the naked hell get into the room with a bound paperwork. She set it down, noiselessly on look, questioning the Belinda.

Even though Helga had little English, Belinda knew what she was silently asking. Well, because she silently asked it. I guess facial expressions aren't in a language, so the Dutch won't be a bother. What do you think? She's silently asking, guys, I was gonna say, I don't think we're going to be able to guess. But maybe, can I have a go or something like that or what faces? Robin's pulling in there now. You're both wrong. Belinda knew what she was silently asking What the fuck is going on me?

And held off the same person. Belinda held her free hand up in an open palm gesture, which clearly said, I wish I knew after another 10 minutes of sucking or gathering 10 minutes. That's a long time. After another 10 minutes of sucking orgasm ing clit and breast rubbing, Dr Robbins decided he had had his fill. He straightened up, adjusted his tweed jacket and said in Dutch, Excuse me, I need to visit the toilet. So please amuse Belinda Helga whilst I am gone. Why does Belinda always have to be in traditional toddler? Likewise, Always have someone have to be amusing. Yes,

help is not the child minder. Sure, enough of those at home. Seven kids Belinda was in the dark, and as Robin's left the room, she could see how it goes, smiling at her creepy. I think this might be where Helga turns it on. How it was only just about to turn it. I think she might be. Has held, got been turned on. But, like slowly warmed up like an old computer like an old PC, Helga immediately went to the drawer in the desk and took out a pen and paper. She quickly wrote down her name,

address and phone numbers. You know your name's held there. Thanks. She quickly wrote down her name, address and phone number and put it in Belinda's jacket, which was still strewn across the floor. Contact me any time for business information on dhe personal reasons. Oh, Helga, you smooth operator. With that, she started to massage Belinda's body and didn't stop until Dr Robbins returned. Just doing what she's told. Ah, very successful afternoons discussion, Belinda Discussion.

What were the words? They said, Can I suck your finger? There's no discussion. A very successful afternoons discussion, Belinda and I hope our two companies can build on this very promising start to our business relationship. You call that business relationship. I don't call it a promising star. I feel like I could fly high in the pots and pans. Industry people do fuck all. And then everyone pats themselves on the back for a good day's work for cool. They fuck each other. All they do is fuck is what exactly? Ridiculous. I for one, I'm already looking forward to our next meeting,

as I'm sure Helga is. Dr. Robbins winked at Belinda, licked his lips and showed her to the door. But I assume she put her clothes back on. It was just like out that that's what Get out out. Threats place behind because, like modern fabrics. And she's just picked them up. Polyester. Go up to the next floor for your meeting with Mr Rounds. Never stops. We know what's gonna happen with rows. And with that, he disappeared back into his office. That is the end of the chapter,

Theo. You know how we used to have business fatigue? I've got sex for tea. That's to Mark George. You never after you. It's just too much, isn't it? I mean, it has been a graphic book. Don't get me wrong. I've learned things. Things I never thought I'd hear things. I never thought No. I feel like you've definitely action some of the stuff you've learned as well, but potentially not from this chapter. What do you mean?

You know? I mean, Okay, so who wants to know what the next chapter's called? Ay dio. Can we guess? Yeah, he's good. Project is drunk on all the all the sexy foreplay. Um, Okay, well, she's obviously on the way up to arouse his office. Mm. Rounds his office around his office rouses office. Alice,

That doesn't sound very Flintstone. Ian, Peter gets aroused. Oh, well, that's too clever. Okay. And the big deal or something? Something. That thing about the deal getting sternal, the sealing the deal. I'll tell you if I can I'm not sure how to pronounce this right. Oh, Chapter five is called Gordon and Bond. Peter, that was my next guess.

Got enough gold and then environment mean like good evening or Google Translate Google translating and book two people are learning a new language. James, what did you think it meant? Good evening means good evening. I got language skills. Wow. Very good thing is turning into a language course you could legit listen to this and be like I'm actually listening to learn Dutch. I think by the end, we have all learned judge by stealth. Yeah. Just said God, that was. And also so many people are listening for the business side. But what if some people are gonna move to Rotterdam or Amsterdam wherever they're like brilliant one. We need to add an extra tack to this. There's so many layers to this book.

So yeah, join us next Monday Porno day for the return of Peter Rouse. And in the meantime, check us out on Twitter at Dad Wrote a porno if you have any questions. If you're particularly repulsed by that chapter, why did he send us an email that is my dad reappointed at gmail dot com On we have Instagram, my dad wrote, are If you'd like some haunting imagery diagrams, it's all on the charts and stat exactly and run Facebook as well. And also, don't forget that we've got a book coming out and you can preorder that too. Yes, you can have Belinda Bling One, actually, the physical copy in print, in print for the first time,

plus all of our extra bits and some excerpts from Rocky as well. Yeah, it's gonna be pretty special. I think it's only gonna be a limited run, the publisher insisted. So we said, Yes, you can pre order them on Amazon now to get clicking. Anyone tells you some KFC? It's finger licking. Good. Uh, no.