Peaceful Parenting
The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish
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How does a parent's ability to regulate emotions impact their children ? 02:03

Research indicates that how kids "turn out" is most directly related to who parents are vs. different parenting strategies. Parents set the example based on their interactions with their kids.


What are three keys to successful parenting ? 02:14

Regulating emotions, reconnecting with kids, and coaching instead of punishing are all important concepts.


How do parents learn to regulate their emotions ? 07:26

Acknowledge that no one is perfect and everyone is learning and growing. If there are particular places where a parent is losing their temper repeatedly, shine conscious awareness on those situations. Label emotions as this allows for more control over them.


How are thoughts and feelings related? 13:05

Our thoughts create feelings.


What are priorities when setting boundaries with younger kids ? 17:28

It can be done without attacking them, without punishing them, and without "getting back at them" for something they have done wrong. Parents can provide guidance and let it stick without having to be less than loving.


What does connecting with kids look like for parents ? 20:14

It is all about relationships and is not a set strategy. Each child is different.


What helps children feel valued ? 26:58

When parents adore and delight in a child for who they are, the child feels valued. They are not expected to be a certain way and they know the love of their parents is unconditional.


What is the importance of raising a child with resilience ? 31:51

Doing so produces grit which gives them the drive and persistence to pursue their dreams and goals in the long-term.


What does coaching vs. punishing kids mean ? 33:48

Some parents are unable to get their child to do what they want without using force. Other parents do not want to be the parent that has to use force, so they may use bribes or rewards. All of these tactics presuppose that children are objects to be manipulated. Coaching can mean helping a child learn to handle their emotions effectively and also setting up an environment that sets children up for success and allows them to practice skills repeatedly.


How do children learn to manage their emotions ? 38:57

Emotion coaching. Parents tend to react to their child's emotions in an unhealthy way. Taking a deep breath, reassuring their child, and acknowledging a situation can encourage a child to consider their emotions and how to handle them effectively.


How do many adults approach emotions ? 45:30

Typically, humans are scared of emotions. Most of us were raised without an ability to befriend our emotions. Rather, they are seen as an unnecessary inconvenience. Ultimately, emotions are useful indicators of who we are and the world around us.


What is a good rule of thumb when dealing with the emotions of others ? 49:09

Always accept a person's feelings and love them regardless. Recognize that feelings are generally not permanent.


What impacts do parental relationship problems have on their kids ? 49:48

Research shows that raised voices elevate the blood pressure of children. Ongoing conflict in a home makes children more anxious which can lead to them becoming more challenging to parent.


How do suppressed emotions impact the parenting relationship ? 55:01

The parent/child relationship is somewhat eroded because the child sees the parent as not completely trustworthy. Many parents do not know how to express emotions in a healthy way.


How do parents help with situations where a child places blame in a scenario where they are actually at fault ? 01:14:09

No shame, no blame. Help child understand responsibility and be very involved with helping them master situations. Create a household that preaches solutions and not blame.


What is the role of nature and family ? 01:15:56

Research shows that when humans are in green spaces, it calms people down. The immune system is about 50% more effective when spending 2+ hours outside.


How can parents prepare children for step siblings ? 01:18:16

Setting up structures that help address any fears a child may have will make the transition go more smoothly.


What is the most common thing that goes wrong when families blend together ? 01:18:31

Often, parents allow the step-parent to do the disciplining for their step-children. There is not always trust between the two parties. Stepping out of the role of disciplinarian allows the step-parent to connect with the child in a warmer manner. Start with the relationship, not with the discipline.


How important is an evening routine and how does a parent build this for their kids? 01:22:38

It is very important as children find security in routine. They also learn best practices for living, such as brushing teeth and packing lunches. Additionally, it provides time for parents and children to reconnect after the day.


How much sleep should kids be getting ? 01:25:33

It depends on age. If a child wakes up on their own without an alarm clock, they are getting enough sleep. Parents should be cognizant of children who might be sensitive to light, though, and waking too early as a result. Crankiness is usually an indicator of this.

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