hallow Man fans. Ali man here with the modern man And here is what's coming up in our season finale. Everything that they say to us in the nursery is said with some judgment, choosing a school, compiling a playlist, male bonding and potty training. How to be a dad. Part five. Plus.

Be very careful not to make it sound like it's having a wind, that

he's only getting the minge. Alex Folks has an introductory guide to the back door. We'll bring you our record of the week and Ali Pit spitting into an envelope in the name of research. It's all to come on this edition of the Mountain Man, but first your letters hallow Maria. Who? Says, Ali, your voice really annoys my husband. Why I can do shrill if you want me to. Maria, thank you for enabling me to wind him up in a seemingly innocuous way. I also really enjoy your show. Now. I don't get you man fans, but at this point in her email, I thought this would be the moment that she pivots away from appraising the effect of our podcast upon her family's bodies.

For no, she concludes her email with I Love making my 19 year old son blush when he overhears the foxhole. I'm a bit concerned we're altering your entire family dynamic, Maria Hello as well to someone identifying as weasel. They don't say where they're writing from, I assume Total. They say, Al Ali, I am a long term listener to answer me this and have now binged on the modern man back catalogue, too. And I listen to you, as many probably do whilst at work. I'm employed by a well known British fan, vacuum and hairdryer manufacturer. You can guess the one I presume it's Bush on. Therefore,

I've had the pleasure of walking past my boss, a knight of the realm, no less whilst listening to you and Alex talking about some of the most intimate subjects imaginable on thinking. If only he knew. Well, any vacuum magnate worth his salt has surely confronted more controversial fetishes that we discussed even in the foxhole in his time. But thank you for that. Now the observant amongst you will have noticed this is the last episode in the current series. So thank you so much for listening over the past episodes were all slightly exhausted, So we're gonna take a longer than usual break. But we will be back in the late spring. Keep an eye out on our Twitter. We are at the modern man and we'll let you know the date we're coming back when we know it. In the meantime, if you have a suggestion of someone I should interview on the show in 2019 you can even nominate yourself. Get in touch now.

Now is a good time on man with two ends dot co dot UK. Click feedback on equally head there if you'd like to sponsor the show this year as well. Oh, and if you are looking at the title of this episode and thinking, Oh, I'm I'm newish to the show I haven't heard how to be a dad. Part 123 or four. You don't need to, Really, it's fine, but if you want to, we have handily put all the links to the previous dad's conversations at modern men dot co dot UK slash debts. Right In this episode, you will learn how bringing up a baby is a bit like running a petrol station forecourt. You will learn what 38.2% of men aged between 20 and 39. Get up to and you'll learn what performance parenting is.

Let's go. The time has come to test out your listener submitted trends. It's the zeitgeist with Ali Pit. Happy New Year. Happy New Year to you. Thank you very much. You are speaking to me live from your new house in Dorchester. I am. How's the big move?

Well, I

kept getting told that moving house was like the most stressful experience that ever, and it's it's horrible. I mean, we've had work done. There's dust everywhere. I'm surrounded by boxes. I don't know where half my stuff is. It's is stressful, but I'm pleased that I'm in my new house, which is the box that the one that you think you will never open my mom inflated later crap onto me from my school days. So I've got school reports and a painting of a sunset I did when I was four. That's not getting opened. I feel like that's the day you go from. Being a boy to a man is when your mom's like I don't want your stuff anymore because we're gonna turn your room into a gym. Well, I'm at that age now. All I've done is I've scanned them into my phone.

They're going straight to the tip, so memories will live on digitally. Ali, actually, speaking of selling things, do we have an update on the car? We do have an update on the car. So you may recall that earlier this season, Ali's trend was to get his car wrapped. And then you you were gonna sell the whole thing for charity once it was done. Has it now been done? It's been done, but not the whole thing. So what they did is they've done it. They've done it would develop. They will begin.

End of the half wrapped a car? Well, no, the bonnet in the roof. But he waits until you see what they've wrapped it in. Goodness. Well, why describe the look is kind of Miami vice like eighties. So throw back, baby driver esque likes is a silhouette of a palm tree on it on a rainbow on DDE. What else is like a trump style floor? But it is what it will be for sale now. Yeah, because you can't seriously drive that around. Well, I'll put it out on Twitter.

And then the idea is the money goes to charity rap tastic. The people in pull that I've done it. Our came for it to sell as well, and the money will go to Dorset mind. That's the plan. So people gotta follow you onto to them to see the latest when it's done when it's finished properly. Yeah, if they're interested at all. E E P e p. All right, we're just selling up loose ends here. I realize there's a massive loose end from the end of 2018 regarding a certain song. We'll get to the progress on that in a moment. But first, a couple of weeks ago on the show, a Lish asked You,

Thio, try out the trend of getting your D n A samples. How did that go? Well, I'm going to say they're a D I Y DNA testing kit that you get sent through the mail. You give your sample. No semen or blood is spit or a swab test you send them off on. Then they email your link. Thio. Who's that? Who's they? Because there's a few companies offering, there's a lot of companies offering this. I'm not gonna name them all but one of the biggest out there's 23 me, which is what you do. That's the one I did.

But ancestry do one. And there's another one called my Heritage. But 23 of me actually is the one that I've heard the most about because they're the big American sort of disruptor. Start up on me in this area, and that can be a good thing. If you're exploring, you know you want to know your ancestry or you want t o find relatives because they have the biggest database. So you have access to more people that have done D N a test so potentially you could connect with family that you didn't know you have. You stand more chance to do it, but what Whoa, whoa! How much is is that mentioned in the whole process of spitting into the envelope in sending it back to them? Because that's a different, like check out your DNA. Oh, it's fun.

Let's see what your ancestry is. Let's see what portion you are Norwegian. That's different, too. Let's find out if you've got 1/2 brother living in France, isn't it? Yeah, it's interesting, actually. Actually spoke to a genealogist lady called Michelle Leonard, who is a professional wind DNA testing advice. She's does family history, research and all that kind of stuff. She's done every single one that's out there, and I was talking to her about the ancestry results you get because they're the things that these companies tend to promote. So,

you know, like you might see do the test and you'll get a nice map saying that you're 30% Asian and you're 25% from Africa. But when aspect about like she said, you shouldn't focus on that because actually that science is still very early days. You know, it's still brand new. The results aren't very accurate, and it's incredibly broad. And also over thousands of years, those borders have changed anyway. Something really mean anything on as a genealogist, she's just like, well, actually, what matters to me is family connections, so finding existing relatives and that's when she was like.

But the thing with that, you have to understand is if you do think that there's a potential that your dad's not your dad, just bear that in mind before you spit in the tube and send it back it. So I put all my stuff out there and by doing that, actually, it's linked me with a whole bunch of relatives. So it says that I have and I'm reading it now. 1000 and 63 relatives. So these air cousins on distant cousins. But then one match came up with one close relative, and I was I'm gonna admit I saw it. I thought that this is weird. What if I am finding something or I'm digging into a history where it's like it will just unearth something about my family that I didn't know before? And did you know any more information? Does it say where this person lives or well, in the interest of this podcast,

of course I went with Well, I'm gonna share everything, and I want to know exactly who this person is. And she lives in California named Olivia. She is my second cousin. She shares three and 1/2 percent of my DNA on dhe. She is basically a descendant off my great grand parents. So the DNA that I share with my great grandparents, she shares with me as well. And what the And you don't know anything about her. I didn't even know she existed. But I'm trying to work out second cousins. They're great grand parents, So? Well, three,

this is well, what it then allows you to do is you can request to message them. So I've spoken to Olivia through 23 of me, and she's told me exactly who she is and what Sarge is. So she's from my mom's side. My granddad waas her uncle. So did you ask your mom about it? Yes. Ask my mom about it, and she's like, Oh, yeah, Olivia. A bit of a black sheep. Don't speak to it. What was that?

What was the story? Well, they knew off her, but just deliberately kept you from her nicely. Wasn't so I said she was asking about me and what I do, and obviously told him why I was doing this. Was doing it for the podcast. And she is now a podcast donor. She has been giving money to the podcast he's donated beer safe for no. If no other good comes out of this, we've got some beer money. And did you get a ethnic slash geographical breakdown of your DNA. I know that our genealogist said Don't bother being interested, but I am. I'm 76.2% British and Irish. I'm 10 and 1/2 percent French in German.

Her I'm only half a percent Scandinavian. That's interesting, isn't it? You do present as at least 10% Scandinavian. I lived in Denmark for a short time on dhe they awful of Scandinavian on Dhe. I'm no 100.3% Ashkenazy do ish, are you? I would have guessed that we had about north 0.3% DNA in common. Yeah, I think there's the match if I did another test. So Michelle's done all of the tests. You'll get different results because their pool of sort of what you know, their control, if you like that they test it against is different. Which is why she was saying, If you do do these like the one thing that you want to focus on is is linking your,

you know, finding out about your cousins. If you're interested in genealogy, that's the thing that actually you can help to build your family tree, and I was the other thing I found really interesting is that she made a point that if you're interested in sort of building your family tree and finding out where you come from, the DNA testing can only go so far. You still need to get to the archive, dig through the photographs. You read the books to find out who your family are. And do you think that's why this is a trend? Do you think that is the appeal to people is the journey? Actually, what's happening now is more people are getting into it because through this DNA testing rather than the traditional way, because what you would have had to do it is like you say, you build your own family tree, you go to the archive,

you find it without you, put it all together, blah, blah, blah boring, boring, boring. Where is this? You spit into a tube, put it for a letterbox on, and then you get some results back in like our holy shit on. And actually, as a result of that, this is now the second biggest hobby in the world. Is it? Yeah,

second only to gardening. Putting things in soil popular. You don't have to just do the ancestry. One with 23 me. You can do a health report as well. So it can tell you about certain diseases that you're sending Will, too, in the future. Okay, so that's the one people are loath to do in case it tells them that they're going to develop Huntington's or Parkinson's or something. And they're not prepared for that information. Yeah, I did that. I'm a massive hyper contract as well. So this is really bad for me. You're 80% hyper country.

Yeah, percent have gone through it. Don't worry about it. That's what is it I I basically, for all of the disease, that test for, like, 10 different diseases. I am a slightly increased risk off late onset outsiders, late onset, Which that's a good one. Night? Yeah. Of the two. Yes. So was your anxiety about this allayed?

Was it worth doing in short? Yes, you could have. Those people do have worries about their privacy and where what's gonna happen with their data? And I put that Michelle worries it's you, isn't it? It's human ajar. And you're sending off to a private company. When I thought about it, I immediately started thinking about making a murderer, which is a show on Netflix, where this chap, Steven Avery, basically is the victim supposedly off a cover up where his DNA has been illegally acquired and put into a crime scene. And he's been convicted off that murder. And you think,

OK, that might not happen. But my DNA is now out there. Somebody could get it. It's in the hands of a private company that I don't know how that's being regulated or anything like that, so they could potentially get hold of it and use that against me. And if you dig deep in some of the terms and conditions on 23 meat does say one of the risks are that there could be a day of breach. And your identity could be associate with your DNA because that's something that they separate in the storage prices. Anyway, on, then it could be used against against you. What can you do to mitigate that, then where you can opt tohave it deleted. If you want, she can have your DNA deleted altogether. Have you done that?

No, I've decided not to. I'm gonna be Oh, well, because more this. This is a growing thing more more people are going to do. And I wanna find out about my family history on If I'm honest, I think that as a concern in the grand scheme of things, I don't think I've got that much to worry about. Okay, so let's move on to your challenge for the series for the final time. This Siri's Ali. Let's find out how your quest to become Christmas number one concluded.

I don't

know why you laugh whenever you talk about it well, but no, no, I actually, if you recall in the last episode, got carried away with the enthusiasm about the whole thing and firmly believed that the sounds of Christmas by podcast All Stars would make the UK top 40. But it didn't did. It depends. What's up for you look at Only because in the UK download chance we reached Number 38 did way. That

is a win because

that is in the top 40. All right, it's a win changing the rules about which top 40 we've been talking about, the whole Siri's best. Yes, win's a win. That's very interesting. Okay, so we got to number 38 in the official U K download chart. That's right, but that wasn't sufficient to get us into the top 40 streaming or streaming plus download charts, which is the official overall Christmas chart. And it just shows you the dominance of Streaming because we we managed to get 13,000 streams over the Christmas period was quite good, actually, yeah, he's good, but we got nothing.

We were telling people to buy the record and not stream it, and that wasn't enough to get us in the in the streaming top 40. But it also demonstrates all appear that, as usual, the listeners have got their fingers on the pulse off the trends. Because what did get Christmas number one was that bloke in some baby doing a cover of something was worse than what we were doing. It was appalling, won it. I mean, good on in for Terry in that I don't want to comment and speak out of turn, but as a song. But that it was, but what was interesting? Waas. He was a novelty song, claiming the top festive slot in the charts.

That's right, using the same rationale, but you'd used all along. It's just the obviously YouTube audience is a bigger than podcast audience is. Actually, the concept was the same, wasn't it? Let's silo off our audience and get them behind a thing. And actually, trend wise, you are absolutely bang on. That is what led to the Christmas number one. It wasn't an X factor winner. It wasn't a Children's choir. It was a bloke off YouTube. Yeah,

and we could have actually created a bit of a problem, because who knows what's gonna happen this Christmas? Now all it is gonna be is parade of people who are semi famous on YouTube, vying for number one using our formula. It'll be the first app based number one on that in the number one, that'd be a disgusting. So give me It's like this Christmas, and also the thing that genuinely makes it good and not pointless was we did make some money for a great charity for some US charity. Yeah, I mean, we're still waiting for the money to actually be calculated in terms of sales and streaming. It's gonna be a while before we get an official figure on that. It takes months, but what we do know is that we made over a sales and pounds by listeners like you Buying the song and Martin Leap from Samuel Charity sent us an email only to say that separately to the revenue from the song he's had over £6000 in donations from listeners as well. Wow, are this amazing?

Feels good to do something good. Okay, so can we now finally stop talking about this? We can't? Well, not not just yet. I just want to thank people that were involved because, you know, without them, it wasn't just me. Although I would like to take 20% of the credit, you'd like to say 20% of the song writing roses, but it ain't gonna happen. But there's there's later people t thank Firstly, the podcasts, beef and Dairy Guilty feminists do the right thing Wannabe for F one sake song by song.

The tip off. The comedian's comedian Fun kids on the two shot and also all the podcast that took the ads. The Mark Goody ad. Yes. So do we know who actually played that out? We do. Yeah, we got grief. Cast the football ramble, rib bonus and rhythms wth E entire wireless radio network, which looks after the Times, the Sun's own podcast as well. So it's huge. Later people ran the ad on. Also, we should think as well Louise Hill,

who's been unpick ing all the complexities of the music royalties and help make sure behind the scenes that we actually launched the song and it came out. And naturally, we should be thanking Philip Mark Anquetil because without his production experience, his musical talents you can't even say it can you? Without his skills as a composer who wrote the fucking song, you can't say you can't bring yourself to say for assisting me in putting together a Christmas smash hit Well done. Well, it was good fun this season. Ali, if you think back across a ll 10 weeks, you know, we had you flailing around within about an episode one and we've learned a lot along the way. Yeah, if you have a challenge for Only appears for the next season of the Zeitgeist, then head to our website Modern Man M a double n dot co dot UK click feedback and you can submit it there. Ali,

thank you for your hard work. I have worked very hard, haven't I? Yeah, well, thank you as well for the work that you've dashed off without thinking. Now stay tuned to hear Part five in my annual conversations about modern fatherhood. But first, it's time for our record of the week. It's called High. It's by lucky, and it's out there on Wolf type.

Was never end indri always what they see things they came, but Drew

shivers from me. Wait, another time she is now. Back in 2015 I discovered I was about to become a dat, and that happened weirdly at more or less the exact same time that my friends, the comedians Tom Price and Stuart Goldsmith both discovered they were about to become dad's, too, with their respective partners. For Tom, it was his second some and for Stuart's, his first child of any kind, also a boy. So we decided to document our feelings about our impending fatherhood Sze, then the birth, then the difficult 1st 6 months on. We still get together every now and then to talk about being a modern dad on this podcast, and I know a lot of you really enjoy these episodes So I tried desperately to get Tom and Stew into the same room this year for we're all busy men.

So I recorded with them separately this time at Stewart has just become a dad for a second time to a baby girl. So I started by asking him the classic new dad question. How are you sleeping? No. Well, no. Well, on this one, baby number two has reflux on DSO. What it means is that if you put her down lying down on her back, which is the only way babies can sleep to prevent north, she screams. So she has been almost exclusively sleeping on us. We've gotta nip that in the bud because we can't have her sleep. Alright, indefinitely.

But the sleep thing at the moment is that my wife will sleep on a different floor to me. And she will take the girl from kind of bedtime, which is sort of about 10 on Dhe. Then I will go to her it between three. Or half, 34 in the morning and swap over. She won't have slept in that time. She will have the girl sleeping on her while she kind of does is and does that head nodding thing in the back of a car. So then I'll go up at four in the morning and take over and take the girl downstairs and put her on my chest and sort of does doing the head nodding thing you do in the back of the car. Yes, it's quite hard. It's hard of my wife, of course. Yeah. And well, that way our recording on the 1st 19 5 weeks where I had seven hours sleep because I was working late last night.

Yeah, so I feel like Oh, yeah, this is all manageable. Sure, it's been a killer of a month and one of the dips this time the first dip was about three days in again. Three days. We don't have a system. Then we just weren't sleeping like I suddenly remembered because you it deletes it. Deletes itself, doesn't it? The baby years you can remember the baby is no. I like my friend said. It's like the It's like in a garret. The CCTV it like deletes every 24 hours. So I suddenly was back at that.

It's like I'm back here. Oh God, This this is gonna go on forever. What was the thing that surprised you? Just the middle of the knights and shushing the baby and it not working. And you haven't learned them yet. And they haven't learned how to be a baby yet. It's like finding yourself back at the start line of a marathon. Yeah, that you were on mile 17. And you Are you okay? I got to all this again. I've gotta put in, like, another solid year and 1/2 off all of the different phases of nappies, all

of the debt, which as soon as

one phase is done, you forgetting it's gone forever

because you never need to do it

again. Well, now you need to do it again. And I remember Tom saying that our first recording, when we were all prospective parents of what was going to be his second child first him saying, I know how to look after two and 1/2 year old. Now I can ace that. Yeah, I can't remember what she was a baby. And I remember me thinking at the time, I'll come on, you've done It was Of course you remember. But you literally forget it and even you forget the stage immediately before the one you're in. Absolutely. I've got friends who are parents of like a two year old. So my son, now same as yours,

is coming up to three. And they were saying, like whatever it was, when did you drop the map? I don't fucking know. I don't know what it's been six months since the nap during the day, so it's irrelevant to me. How long on this? So No, I'm busy putting out emotional fires. I do not have time to reflect on anything. No, absolutely. How many hours a night is had been sleeping now. So he is currently clocking in. We're talking 10 11 hours.

We're talking. We're talking double figures. Mine's doing 13 tonight, so you should get checked. I know you think clinically problematic, right? I've asked on Twitter, and that's the same Saskia doctor. And everyone said, No, it's fine. Doctor Twitter said, It's okay. They say my place, he's gonna he's gonna be absolutely fine. It's a stage they go through.

In fact, someone even said which is bollocks, obviously. But they said the biological reason for it is to enable Mommy and daddy to create a brother or sister. Oh, that's a wonderful, really interesting theories. Have you used that as a chat up line? You know he's doing 30 knows. That's incredible. Congratulations. I hate you. Yeah, so we'll know. But 11 hours is good. That's a good thing.

He does eaters, double figures, anything basically bring him on. With Wilfred, there is no sex. For the 1st 4 years of his life, he didn't sleep for more than three hours, so anything more than three hours is a win. Also, having two Children is really good because well, for the oldest one is six and he can go downstairs by himself and he can work the remote control. The most important thing he'll ever learn in his life have to work remote control so he will disappear off downstairs. First thing described to me that day was that this year it's happen. When your son first got up, got himself out of bed, went downstairs,

turned on the TV to entertain himself. It's happened twice, right on the first time it happened, we just assumed it got to about 7 30 My wife and I work up. We're just looking into the one Earth's going on. Someone committed molested it. Of course, if he's gone, he's gone to the dogs. Next was at least the dogs find, yes, important thing. She's OK. Eso We went downstairs and we find the both sitting on the sofa at 7 45 in the morning and they just looked at us like, Are you looking at? Honestly,

it's one of the happiest moments. Of course it is. Lying to the end of tunnel isn't it's a vision off what might eventually happen. And, of course, one day I will doubtless listen back to this and feel mournful and men and collect that I'm So I was so wishing the time away. And it makes you appreciate the 2nd 1 even more on where Adam and I just absolutely door him like I'm so into him. It's a great age, isn't it? Three. It's also that they seem to absorb more of what you feed into them, right? So when they're babies, you know, especially when it's your first there's that thing of like, I'm going to sing cool songs to them.

I'm gonna do whatever I'm gonna use some special technique to get them to go to sleep and then you realize it doesn't matter. And as long as they're alive, you've done your job. I mean, of course, Well, actually, I would say you could do harm by doing all the things I think I think with Wilfred were massively, massively over stimulated him, e. I think he was frazzled and that, you know, he is a very fizzy child. Anyway, he's got loads of energy on dhe, the almost borderline a d h d nous where he's just running around.

And he's just got so much enthusiasm for life. And that's because I think for the first year and 1/2 or actually know how old was he when Adam was born? Because she was so his three and 1/2 when I was born. So for at least the 1st 2 and 1/2 years of Wolf was like three years. We were up in his grill

after this. Listen, I ever

you know, it's got to be over here, Wolf, would you happy again? And he's still as a result, expects that office now. Well, Fritz, when he needs us sitting on a chair when he goes to sleep, heaven doesn't need that. Edmund was just lies there and say good night. We got a second. Kids seem more chilled out. Yeah, Wolf is when he says Can you come and draw with me? Edmund More going do it himself. So you know he wolf?

It's much more alliance on a trickier package. The veteran here's more straightforward. I hadn't realized how much harder again it was gonna be. Tell you what I'm the because you only have the one. On the day she was born, the day the second was born. I immediately lost respect for any of you, Johnny, come lately with your one kid and you tell me about your problems, you know it's it's become Tom Price. Yeah, sure, Absolutely. It's so hard again in a way that I wasn't expecting my wife. She's not agitating for 1/3 by any means, but she's not letting me get away with conversationally saying to people,

That's it. Now I really don't know. You've decided that, have you? And I'm like, Whoa, whoa, whoa! Have you decided otherwise? My take, I guess, was I wanted to have a child. And now I have a child like pretty 2nd 1 was like I have I know that's how I feel. I know what this adventure is. Yeah, And I feel like if it was difficult for us to have the 2nd 1 I'd accept that in a way that I was sure you Well,

yeah, Let's go. Let's focus on half a year ago, I did want the 2nd 1 and when we found out it was gonna be a girl, we sort of well like Yes. 00 Turns out we want todo instinctive reaction. It's such a weird thing to know that in a year and 1/2 she'll be the first equal, most important person in my life. Of course, at the moment I'd die. For course. I would know where you get nothing for her opinion, you know? So when must be like God? I just mean if you're religious and you go like this, I'm devoted to this thing from whom I get absolutely nothing back.

We've spawned Little God. It is the closest thing to something spiritual, something religious, isn't it? It's all religious. There's nothing else in my life that gives me about feeling that's very accurate. There must be some significance. I did human. My father died the week after my son was born and recently, but a month ago or so, Harvey saw a picture on my bookshelf, which was me, my mom, my dad on the day that I graduated from university and I said Who's there? And he said, Grandpa Stanley on Dhe ID been saying his whole life.

Whenever I showed her a picture, that's Grandpa Stanley and it went straight over his head and the fact that he knew that he didn't really know what that means. He didn't really know it was my father. He doesn't really understand that he met him and then he died. But he understands something. He's learned something. That was when he said that I had to go in the kitchen and cry. I haven't That was the first time that happened for a year, and it's because it was that whatever these words are that we're searching for this quasi religious feeling that something spiritual, something significant had just happened. There was a connection between my forebears and him. I think that's what it was that triggered it in me. That's lovely. I would say my instinct would be Fight the instinct to go into the kitchen. It's important that he sees you cry isa thing that blew my mind recently. Friends of mine who have kids exactly the age of our Children.

You have already started investigating schools? Yeah, just turned three like it's they don't go to school till the autumn after they turned for We are cases still 18 months of 2020. So this happened with the best start doing that with Wilfred when he was by this age, and I, as ever, had my head firmly buried in the sand. You know, this cognitive dissonance where you you know, that you're lying to yourself. You know, you're telling yourself a lie on that. You need to acknowledge something, but I just I'm happy not to bother. So I really I hid away from the school stuff. What, Beth when him and investigated it on dhe basis, though, did that lie justify itself? We'll be fine because because it was fun because primary school has got good parents.

That's the same

thing as nurseries. We've spoken about this pool with nurseries, right? Where you people going investigate nurseries and really pour over and you're like basically to say, Yeah, I know. And you look at that. You look back on that now, as the proud owner of a three year old thing, Why is that person with a nine month old baby really worrying the nurseries? They're going to be fine. Yeah, as long as you know. It's not just that black mold on the ceiling and Children screaming people wiping blood off the walls and it's probably gonna be fine. Don't come home caked in poo. They've done a decent job. Yeah,

exactly. And it's a similar thing with schools were really lucky that we've got great primary schools near us, and that's is a big old postcode lottery with schools thing. If you're okay and you're well served and wine Earth, would you bother the thing we're not facing up to? Because Wilfred six, there's a lot of people do state too late, so we know a lot of people who are off to do private school, which is hilarious. Not something we're ever gonna d'oh. But then, in the next couple years, people start to go and get they get their kids, shoot it on, then spike that their kids are absolutely smashing it so they can get into a grammar school so they get a gram school. Also,

they can go to private schools. Where do you stand on the faith school thing? Are you going to pretend to be religious to okay, We'll get into that school and I have so many answers. Incredible. We kind of when we sort of did for a bit, we went to a local church because we thought the best thing was for Wilfred to go to the church school. That's right next to our house. I'd like to me, that's like a medieval system. I don't believe that it happens. Sign a lot of religion for that Bribery. There's a lot of other people. They're doing the same thing. And you have to sort of code where you're trying and you go. So do you.

Uh, no. No meaning. It's extraordinary on so wrong. Clearly so wrong. But the vicar, the victor in the last year, was great. Well, obviously both isn't on the point. They recognize No, no, no. I wasn't saying I wasn't saying that. What? My point was they recognize the guy. The guy near us recognizes how stupid the system isn't completely objects to it as well. But as far as they're concerned, get more people in my church.

We'll have some fun and it

was really nice. I just I don't have faith, but the church is really nice. It was really fine. However, that's the church I would say is different at school because the things being imparted on those kids I'm stroking. But also, I suppose I feel this particularly because where I live the choice would be between a non face, normal state primary. Yeah, which I suppose is the one we'll choose. It seems absurd. We'd have to choose to live basically across the road from it's obvious that we're in the catchment area, but maybe we're not. I don't know. We'll look into it. Yeah,

and the other one is a Jewish school, which is a state run during school, which has a quota of non Jewish kids. Harvey is half Jewish in the sense that I am, and his mother isn't but because in Orthodox Judaism, the religion passes through the mother's line. Not far, please. You're not technically Jewish, I don't know on the point is, even if we were like even if they said you, of course, that's fine. He's half Jewish. As soon as he gets there, that's the ship will be told about it.

But it's also it's Orthodox, right? So it'll be full on. We'll be creationism. And that's what Yes, as far as it goes in primary school. Yes. Ah, nde. You know, like that They'll be non Jewish kids there, too. But he will immediately be defining himself in grades of a religion that I don't believe it. I mean, I don't want him. I want him to know that he has a Jewish history.

I don't want him to be. Your story is different from your heritage. And you know what you're being taught at school about now about what you are becoming Jeremy like in terms of I don't want him to think is what he is or isn't exactly know. Lots of our friends have gone to the religious school on it. Shocks May on horrifies me when I hear those kids the same age as my oldest son talking about God, this and God that and Jesus thingies that God is watching us. Jesus wants us to do this is like, Oh my, I know their parents, not religious. And yet the parents of fine they're fine with their kids taking the stuff on board because as far as they're concerned, it's a good like last year, middle class prep school. You and I were both worried before we had our boys about our role as sort of masculine exemplars to our Children. Yeah, I don't know.

I think my fears now are not that I'm no whatever they were before. You know, I'm not sort of masculine exemplars, he said. But I always have it in the back of my mind that I want. I want to take into martial arts class because I don't want him to be a pushover because he is a sensitive intelligent, wears his heart on his sleeve boy like, I think I probably waas on dhe. I've spent my life being afraid of being physically dominated, so I would like him to I worry that he'll be too soft. For all the worries that I've expressed on in these conversations, I am in love with them both. I'm in love with him and his attitude and his outlook and his songs and its stories. And, you know, he started doing these quite long winded stories and story songs where he improvises loads of stuff and it's brilliant.

How do you deal with them? Daddy? Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Both of them did it. Wilfred, into I mean literally will come and stand in our faces. What? You What is it? What is it? I got brown pen, Right. Okay, cool.

Thanks anyway. All they want often is Yes. Just that. Uh, yeah. What? Yeah. How do you tell him? Just talk to just talk. I'm here like you don't need to say, Daddy and then wait for me to say yes and then talk about the stupid thing. You know what drives the mad for it to go, Daddy. And I'd go, Wilfred, you know what you do? We understand that rhetoric that I don't get it. They think that you're asking them something. Daddy Will. Fred.

No. No, Daddy. Well, Fred, you can ask me a question. You

So when they say something, that's complete nonsense. Yeah. Do you just know? Address it because you can't be asked. I mean, I found something that a lot because I feel like every day should be an education. You know, if he's trying to say something interesting because this the thing at this age they do, don't they say you got these high fucking standard. They say new things every day, and I feel like if he says something like, I don't know, Grandma lives in a tree. I feel like I should say, Well, Grandma lives in a house.

He's got going that parent. No, no watching what? That's like the conversation he wants to have, isn't it? It is. Grandma. Lives and tree. You just say yes, she does. Yeah. Cool. That's good fun, isn't it? I think you go. Yeah.

Then he'll carry on living in a weird fantasy world. You want them to live in a world, Francie, because it develops their imagination. But you don't want them to be living in their fantasy world

because they're a chilled chill child. It is a

fantasy world, Oliver. So why you? Why you putting them down off factory? Let go up that tree and the monkeys for six or seven or eight years? Now you see, I think he wants a conversation about it telling that grandma lives in a flat on. Also, Santa's not real, right? You know, I mean, why don't you just just Yeah? Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Like have.

So when he says whatever bullshit you just say, Uh, pretty much. Yeah. And, you know, I think you're making life easy for yourself. Unless, uh, yeah, thank you. Acknowledge that that's the case. But also just about developing imaginations, making life easier for you. Everything I do is to make life is that he's responsible for myself. Um,

you know, it's true. Like when we talk to my eldest about my dad not being around died 25 years ago. Where's Grandpa? Edmund will for something. Grandpa lives in Africa. We're gonna go. No, he doesn't. Of course not. Use any three. I was like, Yep. News in Africa. Yeah, for a bit.

And then when he got to four or five, he worked it out. We talked about it then, but at that age, you know, an encyclopedia. You're just loving parents to encourage him and allow him to run around mentally as much as he likes. If you keep pulling him back and trying to instill reality, I think us I take slightly futile, and I do hear it a lot. Here. You hear that? Do you hate parents who performance parents you have on the bus often? No, Johnny. Actually,

I think you'll find that we're gonna do this today. Network. If you get your pencil case out now, it's all a bit too loud. Performance, parent performance. That phrase that you created? Yeah, for my parents. I know exactly what you mean. Try makes my skin crawl. Yeah. Is it the soft play, isn't it where it's like, Rachel, if you if you hit that child with that,

we're not going to do this latest I'm like, Why do you need to tell everyone you're telling me that benefit the child is? No. It's for the benefit. The other parents to know that you're a good parent. I hate. Yeah. Drives me mad. Where's also all you need to do? Is is well, you know, it's crashed down ago. Rachel, you want to go? Okay. Do that again.

We're gonna go. Yeah, it's That's all you need to do this whole performance of thing. I hate cause. Then it ups the level of the kit where the kids are doing as well. It's That's interesting, actually react to it bad. Yeah, they do more because they sort of become this show at the center of the attention yet because they're climbing up the slide, their parents alive. Just going to be the lightest. Yeah, yeah, trust me on the world. Do you feel you ever have a genuinely authentic conversation with your son? Because you're always,

to an extent performing the role of that. What do I feel like that? You know, I am starting tohave genuine conversations with Wilfred. So he's saying six only neck, but not with your three year old on. I remember this when my dad died when I was 13 on my eldest brother said, It's, you know, obviously it's what things all form. It's really bad, but at least you got to know him properly. It wasn't just the dad bigger. He wasn't that character. He was him. He spoke to you about stuff,

and he did for years for a good few years on, I would say with Wilfred. Only recently did I said, Go. I want to think about little stuff like he's really obsessed with Liverpool football. We'll talk about that and have proper chats and it's wonderful. It's brilliant. That's just a level of maturity when they can talk on the same level. What I'm saying is, level wise, I'm about the same size six year old. Yeah. What's quite well, life hacks for dealing with a nearly three year old. Good. Always giving him a warning.

Okay, you got five minutes left of this. Okay, you got two minutes left of this. Okay, now we're telling off stuff like that. You're having one episode of poor patrol. Yeah, sure. But then reminding them because they've got no real concept of time for this. Starting to his big thing is music and Spotify playlists and listening to music. And he wants to keep switch sweeping past. He wants toe here. The 1st 3 seconds of song. After So long Does he have his own Spotify playlists? You'll hear 100.

What's the number one most played song on it? We changes, It changes all the time. Probably say something. You can let it come in or something. Yeah, no, Lenny. Carrie, but Harvey's is the wheel on the bus. Oh, he doesn't do kiddy songs. It all my son doesn't do kids something till he I'm learning about music through his Spotify playlist. I suppose on free relay station at the moment is like the the most not the most recent one, but the remote, You know,

The Muppet Show that What's it? One with them? The film? The film? Yes, s So we Life's a happy song. Okay, We get a lot of that and we get a lot off. He loves the score of Kung Fu Panda. So jaded, which is Hans Zimmer. So and it's the most exciting. It's like this hugely epic kind of. I mean, it makes me tear up. I love it so that gets a lot of air time.

But he also like he was this song. He come on, He must like If you're happy and you know it clap your hands. I don't believe, you

know. I mean, what was he?

In fact, I can tell you he's He was singing to himself last night. My wife because I was away. My wife reminded me, said he's Here we go. Hey has just some himself to sleep with marijuana and we built this city. Oh God, I tell you the worst is the hotel Transylvania three soundtrack. Okay, like massive bangers by Tiesto like music that literally sounds like on he loves it because he knows that we hate it. And so he really gets a thrill out of putting it on life. Actor and my wife. She took him to see that movie at the cinema and listened to a podcast in one year. Nice. So he had a good cinema experience. He's been three times now in the fully paid attention. All of it.

It's so terrible. Is Edmund still in nappies? No, this is new information. Great. How did it happen? I know you're still in there. Okay, fine. While he's still, he's a month behind, and it only happened about a month ago, so he's in. The reason he's not in that is any more is because he's going up a room, a nursery in January. So goes into the next room.

And they said he can't go into the next room and it's his toilet trained. Wow. So there was real pressure. They say that with some judgment on us parents. Did you feel everything that they say to us in the nursery is said with some judgment, because I feel as a parent that we haven't really. You'll be amazed how easy it is. It isn't easy. He won't do it. We're talking about it all the time. You need to tell us when you need to poop and then he'll say, I want to set my party and I'll be like Holy shit, this is the moment. Like drop everything, drop his trousers, stick him on his poor patrol party,

just laughs and looks fine. Well, that But eventually he's gonna do it. But you also you know, the moat when he's about to pull out right? Doesn't take himself off. No. Yeah, but only retrospectively do I realize what he's playing. You need to change into that. Edmund does this thing where he takes us off off. And I was like, That's so I've run upstairs and sure enough, it works, but it takes a while. Pooh's take a lot longer than weeds.

Yeah, Evan was winging putting using it because and here it comes back to this older brother, older brother. Yeah, he's seen well for dealers, and also he wants to cross streams. They want to make X marks the spot on they do every night. together. It's honestly only its most beautiful thing I've ever seen. The book is called Oh, crap, I think. Okay, there's a book called Oh Crap and we've done that book. We've done that System Module and the book even come. This is awful.

The book comes with a cheat sheet at the bank for Dad's. If you can't be bothered to read the whole book, so it's like Support your wife support you support the person who's read the book, trust that this system works. But it's all things like there are different levels that you go to, and it tells you when to expect. The sensation of not wearing a nappy is different to the sensation we're gonna happen. So there are certain things where, in all honesty, my wife masterminded the whole affair. I've read the benefit. One thing that people have said in response to these episodes, particularly male listeners, is it's really refreshing to hear men talking about the challenge that men face because although it is, as we've always said, the caveats of that less significant than the challenges faced by women,

it is worthy of its own air time. What are the challenges do you think particularly being a man in a scenario where you've got to I find one of the biggest challenges is my social life. As a dad, we now have a mum friend who I'm proper friend of it, like she's my friend as well as my wife's friend and her little girl goes to child care the same day as my son, and she comes back on a Tuesday and we have a cup of tea and matter, just me and her right off sleeping, recovering from baby times. So during that time, I get to have the kind off mum chat that's really important to moms that mums get. We have a bit of a laugh. We chat about just anything and everything. She's like a proper mate that has been really missing from my parenting life. I've found it isolating socially. I've got a weird freelance job of the other comedians on the way in the evenings and all the end, some tea dads,

they go back to work in CT. Dad's will go back to work on Dhe because I'm in a new city as well, and all of the other comedians I was expected to hang out with Back in London. You know, I found that very, very challenging on my whenever we took into baby swimming, baby, sensory, all these different things. I would always be kind of too keen, like like, worryingly keen to make friends with the other people that were there. A their women 9 90% of women. So you feel weird going up making overtures of friendship and B. I'm a man, so I don't know about making overtures of friendship generally because that's not how male friendships work.

I'm always jealous of like, you know, the ladies changing rooms at swimming, where they will go for coffee afterwards. The men's changing rooms. I have now been working very hard to institute a culture off. We have a laugh and a chat together, and it's hard because everyone's a dad and we don't just I don't know the names of the other dance. I was itself a yesterday with Harvey on. There was a dad at the next table, and as it turned out, Harvey made friends with his daughter and they're walking around, and he would say she's my best friend because he likes to find someone who's about six months older than him and then be dominated by them. And that's what I was doing. And so I started chatting to him, saying,

Oh, it looks like a kid's the best friends now how hard? And it was hard like he we had a bit of a conversation. He was like, Yeah, you know, we look into schools at the moment, whatever. But he was looking his phone. You're checking his e mails, and I just thought, I take it for the reason It might just be that he was a bit awkward and or didn't want have a conversation, but I don't think so. I think the gender rules were different, and if we'd been mums, it would have been much more open right from beginning.

And as it was, it was like, I'll talk to you, but we're never gonna be made because we just happen to be at the same soft play. So let's just keep this to business. You live PTO time and I would say the one positive thing is it takes time. Keep turning up and you do eventually meet, even if it's mom's, even if you just have to go. I'm gonna mostly make moms to be friends with Mom. There are a couple of dad's now who I think off his dad friends. It just takes time. Men need to see each other in the same place at a regular thing every week for a year before they could become friends and will continue to do on like the third go and particularly in a difficult time of your life. It's isolating, and you need to get your head down and get through that bit and make friends. Is there any chance of 1/3?

No, I did. I think, for lots of reasons, the age, our age, on DDE, the space I'm not upgrading our car. A new car kind of present is no. That's the reason people would, because if one happened by accident, like the fact of the size of your car just wouldn't be. That wouldn't be the concern about whether or not to keep the baby with it. You wouldn't be like the car. Yeah, but you know,

somehow when people are planning one, that is the kind of thing you think about, isn't it? I think 90% of four Galaxies of boat people Tom Price and Stuart Goldsmith. If you like to hear more from them, you can catch Tom hosting weekend breakfast on Magic Radio every Saturday and Sunday morning on also the Radio Wales comedy panel Show the Leak, L E. A. K. You can find that on the BBC. Sounds app on catch. Do it live on stage if you can. He's always touring. Yeah, but also his podcast. The comedian's comedian.

If you've never heard it before, I highly recommend it's an excellent long form interview show, where he talked to a mix of big names like Russell Brand Jimmy Carr on also cult comedians about their creative process. I would highly recommend the interview with Barry Cryer. If you're a tall interested in comedy, you can find that at comedian's comedian dot com. And remember, you can now listen toe all our How to be a dad. Episodes on one handy page at modern man dot co dot UK slash dad's right. As ever, a gear shift is about to occur. Alex Fox will be talking heterosexual bum sex. After this, it's time to wish a happy and moist New year. To Alex Fox. It's the foxhole. Hello. Hello. How was your Christmas? What have you

been up to? Well, a little while ago, I took part in an event called Wow Exeter, which was part of the women of the world. Siris off of debates on dhe and events on its own from

World of Warcraft, Exeter. Which is it?

Sometimes when the two come together, amazing things happen. One of the things that I was responsible for that was hosting a panel discussing the politics of body

hair. And this is your festive New Year's story. Why?

Because one of the suggestions made on how we can make it less of a big deal. One of the suggestions Waas tohave a sponsored month where women have a great excuse to grow out their hair for charity. And it means that if they are walking around their workplaces Harry, there's a reason why and hopefully it will help to normalize that tonight. Movember like November

fun you

very, very, very close. It's going to be Janu hair. It's now made into a thing. So throughout January, women are being encouraged to grow their body hair or their facial hair or both, whatever they feel comfortable with Andres funds for a body positivity charity called Body Gossip, who go into schools and speak to young people about feeling comfortable in the skin there in. And I think it's a

really great initiative, a really interesting idea. I just wonder if you're someone who a lady who grows your hairy armpits out because you don't think it's a big deal, whether in a way, this almost turns it into a thing you have to talk about, like people are raising money to do it.

I hear you, but

I think this is a lot of those

things. Where are you? Yeah, yeah, I think this is one of those things where it's you, Do you? If you are somebody who's been looking for an excuse to make your first foray into being more hirsute and feel more comfortable for you, and so that if you are challenged on it, if remarks are made or questions arise, then you can use January

as an excuse. It's time for our sex question of the week. It's from a married man of three years who has chosen to remain anonymous and says, Dear Miss folks, where you stand on pronounced By the way, I mean what you prefer.

Can we get for muff? Fucking

dear my folks. I'm a married man of three years who's very much in love with his wife and has a great sex life. Why get in touch? The only thing is, here we go. I really want to try anal sex with my wife. Is this is something I fantasized about for a long time enjoying watching anal poem in the past. But any time I've suggested it, she categorically shuts the idea down, telling me that it's dirty and wrong and occasionally suggesting I must be gay if I want to stick my meet up on us. But I am 100% attracted to women, and although I'm supportive of any person sexual preferences, men are definitely not for me. And I only want my dong up her body.

It might be the way he's saying he's got a way with words. I'd love to put my meaty dog of your body. That

may be the problem. I love her. I only wish to be with her and no one else. I just want to add this to our wonderful sex life. What advice would Alex give so that I can satisfy my fantasies and persuade her to try anal? But I still want to remain respectful Tear.

Okay, well, let's get to the bottom of this. We have a serious play based question here. Andi have spoken quite a lot about anal sex in the past, so regular listeners will know that when it comes to bums, I'm not talking out my ass. First up, this idea that anal sex is dirty. This is something that a lot of people worry about. They think Well, if you get the log flume, you get to meet the captain's lock. They worry about feces. They worry about

who, based on that. That is a justified concern, as we've discussed before. But you usually say, Try it in the shower. First

time. That's your advice. Ast long as you keep your general hygiene high so you just have to shower. Use plenty of lubricant because the bomb doesn't produce its own. It's not like the vagina. Also, Lube helps to make sure that everything slips in and out easily.

But this is a psychological kind of dirtiness. That she's referring to, isn't it? Is not just literally about shit,

is it? No, because she also implies that it's wrong somehow. Now, for a lot of people, this association with wrongness comes from a deep rooted fear. The anal sex will harm them in a physical way, if you take it really slowly. And as I've just said, use plenty of lubricant on. Don't thrust in and out to too fast and hard. Basically, you want you want to go. Want to go slow and shallow with the thrusting at first? Then there is no reason why anal sex should do you any harm. It's just about taking it. Ultra sloth like pace.

There was absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying your body, either. If if this is something that feels good to you, there was no reason why you shouldn't do that. For other people, the wrongness is entrenched within religious and social beliefs. I'm afraid my personal opinion is that any religion that says that any type of homosexuality or non heterosexuality is wrong. The problem lies with the religion rather than with the sexual persuasion or indeed that particular sex act. So this argument that oh, it's not it's not the normal way to have sex. Therefore, there's something wrong about it. I just think is outdated and very misguided.

You think there's anything in what she's said, though I'm taking away anything pejorative from the suggestion that if you are interested in heterosexual anal sex than possibly you, are someone who might be more interested in homosexual sex, that there is a scale there that asked play as a role on that scale, regardless of what gender it is that you're having sex with.

But it's a misunderstanding to think for everyone who is gay has anal sex. We're also seeing increasing numbers of heterosexual people trying out anal play an anal sex. There was a survey published in the Journal of Sex Research recently. Actually, that said that 38.2% of men aged between 20 and 39 that said that they had had some kind of heterosexual anal experience in their lifetime. That's quite a high figure. Over 1/3 of straight defining men say that they've had some kind of anal

anal play on is that partly because people are more open about their sexual fantasies now, or at least they're being asked the question. That's not something that would have appeared on a survey in the 19 sixties? Or is it? Some people will be thinking, actually, the influence important that's done this anal sex has, you almost might say, a disproportionate depiction in pornography compared to you know, when you actually speak to heterosexual people, generally the amount of people who are doing it on a regular basis it's in almost

all porn, isn't it? Yeah, not for the first time. I'll refer people to Jon Ronson's fantastic audio documentary The Butterfly Effect, which explains why we are seeing more sex. That isn't just straight into course in our pornography these days.

But is that the influence you think that might be changing the date it might be, causing Maur basically more men, to be asking their female companions

to give it a go. I think there's a variety of influences here. I think people are becoming generally more open minded about the idea that if something feels good, then it's a good thing to do, so long as everybody is consensual, informed about what they're doing and fully on board with it. I also think that people are starting to care less about whether something has an association with being gay or not for start. They realize that liking a physical act doesn't really make you one thing or another. Also, that it doesn't excuse my French fucking matter if it does, so long as you're

enjoying it, Well, that's okay. So on the point of enjoying yourself and what we don't want to be doing is giving this man advice to coerce his partner. It doesn't want to do it, just want to do it. But let's say that, actually, maybe on some level she is interested in so far has said no. What could you advise her about? Why it might feel good for her to try

it well, whilst men do have their prostates located in such a manner that it could be stimulated by a anal play, which is a very pleasurable thing. Indeed, women don't have a prostate, so it doesn't make as much immediate sense as to why anal play might feel pleasurable for them. But whilst the prostate isn't present, there are many, many nerve endings in the rectal area that can still feel incredibly good, so long as you go really slowly and use plenty of lubricant, et cetera, et cetera, for some people as well, this idea off breaking the taboo of doing something that they may have considered stigmatized or dirty or wrong, although all those associations that we actually know shouldn't be true playing with that idea and going against those social norms for some people, actually part of the thrill itself. You mentioned porn before there,

though, and I do think that it's interesting that our writer here says that he has been highly inspired by porn, and he's told his wife that this is a big fantasy of Hiss. It's possible that her reluctance to try anal actually doesn't hold its roots in what she's purporting to say about it, that maybe she doesn't worry so much that she thinks it's wrong slash gay slash dirty, but that she fears that because he has placed so much emphasis on this being his big dream, that once she's let him in the back door, he will never want to go around the front ever a game on. That's actually quite a common worry amongst women. They think that once they have relinquished the keys to the back entrance, that that is all their partner will be interested in, and they will have set a precedent. That means anal sex will happen all the time. A lot of people worry that anal sex is going to feel unpleasant and hurt them. I'm sorry to sound like a broken record, but better a broken record than a broken asshole.

If you go really, really slowly, then that shouldn't be the case. I do think that this person should be very careful about how much he tries to persuade his wife because she absolutely has the right for this just not to be her cup of tea, for whatever reason, whilst I would certainly challenge her on her ostensible belief that this is a dirty wrong or gay practice. And I would encourage her thio reassess those those labels she might well say. Okay, well, I don't think it's dirty, gay or wrong anymore, but I still don't want to do it on. She absolutely has that right. There are some things in this world that people just don't want to try in the first place, and you have two very careful not to pressure them into that. Whilst it's great to be an open minded lover.

You shouldn't think that you are obliged to try anything in everything your partner wants. It doesn't necessarily make you a bad or close minded person. If there are a few things that just on your I never want to do that list. This is something where they really need to have a deep conversation. I think about her genuine reasons. Through this. I

think you just but me all up and keep it to yourself ever just once

while he wants

it to one button it, that's fine, Alex said. It's off menu. Let's not talk about

it ever again. One thing I would encourage him to do if they do sit down and have a chat about it, is to be very careful not to make it sound like he's having a wind, that he's only getting the minge. There is a riel problem here that potentially his wife will feel like her vagina. Genitals are not satisfying enough for him alone.

My maker, Crim,

and that my mayor Green Jess, she might feel she might feel it's a shame she might feel Cem Cem, body confidence issues. There's some concern that he have any wants anal sex because there's something wrong with her front parts. He needs to be really aware of fat. If they do, then mutually agree that they want to try some anal play with both of them. Very much onside for that. For a start, he needs to remember that it doesn't have to be full anal sex. In fact, Howard really strongly recommend that it isn't full anal sex the first time. What does that mean? Try things like rimming on the outside, some butt massage, maybe the insertion of a very small toy or a finger. Let your wife know that this first time that you're going to play together in that manner.

You are not going to stick your dick there on stick to your word. And he should try and pay attention to the rest of her body as well. So she is appreciated as a full person, and it's a full body, not just on us,

Alex. It's been another eye opening arse opening series of the foxhole. Thank you for all of your sage advice.

Well, it's a shame that I have to bring it to a close.

Well, if it's well lubricated, it doesn't matter. If you have a question of sex for the next series of the foxhole,

what should you do with it, please? Doing it my way. You want to head over to modern man with two ends dot co dot UK and click feedback.

And if you wanna follow Alex on social media for But I don't even want to make a connection with this conversation form or where would

you do that? If you If you're interested in bums and want to be my social chums heads to Twitter or Instagram, I'm at Alex Box. That's a L I X F o X.

And with that, we have very nearly reached the end of this week's modern man. But there is just time to appoint a new man. Basseterre. It's Phil. He's been nominated by his fiance. Martha has bought us a beer for the privilege. Thank you, she says. Phil has just turned 30 loves tea football on W. W. He specifically a Spurs fan, a big fan of a bow tie and pocket square. And it's also the funniest kind ist most wonderful guy I know, and I can't wait to marry him. Charming note to end the series, et cetera.

Fill your fiance has no actually mentioned where you live. So I'm gonna have to appoint you my ambassador for Tottenham. Hot Spur. That seems like the sort of thing you'd like. Go the Spurs. Congratulations. Our music is by Django. Django. I've seen Ali, Man the producer, Murray Hill, and we'll see you in the spring.