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My Dad Wrote A Porno on Smash Notes

My Dad Wrote A Porno podcast.

January 03, 2020

Imagine if your Dad wrote a dirty book. Most people would try to ignore it and pretend it had never happened - but not Jamie Morton. Instead, he's decided to read it to the world in this award-winning comedy podcast. With the help of his friends, James Cooper and BBC Radio 1's Alice Levine, Jamie reads a chapter a week and discovers more about his father than he ever bargained for.



Episodes with Smash Notes

In the very first episode, we meet our heroine, Belinda Blumenthal, as she interviews for the job of her dreams - worldwide sales director of a pots and pans company.

Updated on July 24

The night is young(ish) for Belinda as she heads to an exclusive casino and encounters a potential new Russian client, Grigor Calanski...

Updated on August 04

It's the return of Peter Rouse as he becomes reacquainted with Belinda in his Amsterdam pad before taking her for dinner, where she gets a little too merry.

Updated on August 03

Revelations, announcements, endings - this episode has it all! It's the final chapter of 'Belinda Blinked 1'. Belinda enjoys one more session with The Duchess but will she make it to work for 9am?

Updated on July 19

Dr Robbins' assistant Helga strips off her woollens and gets involved in the action with Belinda...

Updated on August 02

Belinda and the gang are BACK as they open 'Belinda Blinked 2'. This week, Giselle lets Belinda in on some sexy secrets as the girls treat themselves to a free spa treatment...

Updated on July 25

As Belinda's day at the company party continues, the mysterious Duchess takes her to a nearby chalet where things get very racy...

Updated on July 17

In this episode, Belinda discovers an unusual room in her office, lined, from floor to ceiling, in leather tiles.

Updated on July 09

Belinda gets to grips with Dr Robbins on his large red leather desk. However, it isn't long before he quickly reveals some bizarre sexual quirks...

Updated on August 02

Belinda makes her first trip to Europe to secure a lucrative deal with Peter Rouse. Before she meets him, she encounters some new, interesting characters with their own sexual agendas...

Updated on July 29

This week Belinda is finally free from the maze and takes part in a charity tombola. But, as always, it's more than meets the eye. The prizes are much more racy...

Updated on July 16

This week Belinda spends time with one more client in the medium sized maze. They seem to be getting on well - could this be love?

Updated on July 16

This week it's two chapters for the price of one! Belinda puts on her tennis gear (without bra or thong) as Tony leads her to a "medium-sized garden maze" to meet some prospective business clients.

Updated on July 15

This week, Belinda gets to grips with her UK wide sales team and a few after-work drinks at a hotel bar get a little out of control. One word - pomegranates...

Updated on July 11

It's the return of The Duchess in the penultimate chapter of 'Belinda Blinked'. What is she coming clean about? Will we find out? Will it make sense? Does it matter?

Updated on July 19

Belinda and Peter continue their awkward dalliance in the lobby of 'The Horse and Jockey' in full view of the CCTV. And Peter reveals a shocking twist...

Updated on July 18

In what is becoming the longest day of her life, Belinda returns to The Horse and Jockey for dinner followed by a second dalliance with Peter Rouse...

Updated on July 17

This week Belinda is still in the maze and gets a little more (or should that be less?) than she bargained for with potential American client, Jim Stirling...

Updated on July 15

'Footnotes' is all the extra bits we didn't have time for in the podcast. In this special edition, we put your questions to the author himself, Rocky Flintstone. PLUS there's a special sneak preview of book 2...

Updated on July 25

Belinda is still wide awake at The Horse and Jockey as the youngish man from reception brings her some extra special room service...

Updated on July 19

Belinda spends Xmas with Bella's family and gets to know one member particularly well... Come see us on tour on our 2020 World Tour. Tickets available at mydadwroteaporno.com/live

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In the final chapter of 'Belinda Blinked 5', Belinda, Bella and Spooner come face-to-face with Bisch, Giselle and George in a dramatic showdown. But will everyone make it out in one piece?

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In light of the incident at London Bridge on Friday, we have decided to postpone our final episode. Due to the nature of the content, Chapter 13 of ‘Belinda Blinked 5’ will now be released on Monday 9th December. Our thoughts are with all those affected. Team Porno x

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Jamie, James and Alice read your predictions about how book 5 will end and quickly realise you're all as nutsas Rocky Flintstone...

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In the penultimate chapter, Bella and Belinda are stuck behind bars as James Spooner makes a plan to rescue them.

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After Belinda and Bella's bonkathon around Australia, Jamie, Alice and James read stories about the most unusual places YOU, our lovely listeners, have had sex...

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Belinda and Bella continue their romp around Australia before things take a sinister turn... // Come see us on our 2020 World Tour! Tickets available via mydadwroteaporno.com/live

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Now that Belinda and Bella are in Australia, Jamie, Alice and James want to learn more about local life and lingo down under.

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Belinda and Bella arrive in Sydney for their top secret mission to find Giselle. But they seem to be more pre-occupied with trying to get Steele's Pots and Pans on Cosmo Macaroon's cooking show...

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Creator and star of 'Schitt's Creek' Dan Levy joins Team Porno to talk the madness of book 5 so far and his experiences of working with his own father, Eugene Levy

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Belinda and Bella make their way to Australia to find Giselle and bump into an old friend en route...

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Jamie, James and Alice try something new and call listeners to chat about their theories, funny stories and favourite moments of the 'Belinda Blinked' saga

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Belinda makes a startling discovery about her closest confidant. // Come see us on our 2020 World Tour. Tickets available now via mydadwroteaporno.com/live

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Jamie's sister Alexa joins the gang to offer a fresh perspective on what it's like when your dad writes a porno and give us a glimpse into growing up in the Flintstone clan

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Belinda (Smiffy) and Spooner (Mr Tea) meet Herr Bisch for a banquet in his schloss. Will they finally stop him, once and for all? // Come see us on our 2020 World Tour! Tickets available via mydadwroteaporno.com/live

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In honour of Belinda's time in East Berlin, Jamie, Alice and James get to grips with some sexy German phrases. (Listen to the end to hear one of our favourite 'Ok Georgie Porgie' remixes.)

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Belinda and Spooner are still undercover in East Berlin and getting closer to bringing Bisch and Giselle to justice. Giselle's vagina gets her into trouble.

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Grammy nominated singer, songwriter, actor and Belinker Josh Groban joins the gang to talk musicals, randy fans and Celine Dion

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Belinda and Spooner head to East Berlin in an effort to find Professor Slinz and bring Herr Bisch and Giselle to justice.

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Jamie, Alice and James read your complaints, corrections and comments on book 5 so far..

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Belinda undertakes vital espionage training to prepare her for infiltrating Herr Bisch's operation...

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The Grammy, Tony and Emmy-award winner and creator of smash-hit musical 'Hamilton' Lin-Manuel Miranda joins the gang to talk about the potential Porno musical, his relationship with his own father and the great (but very much not late) Dick Van Dyke

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Belinda and gets reacquainted with some of her fellow C.O.C.Ks at the new safe house. Herr Bisch has plans for Professor Slinz.

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You sent your questions and Rocky Flintstone has attempted to answer them. For what you're about to hear, we can only apologise.

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The members of the Confidential Order of Cookware Knights hold vigil at Bella's bedside as she fights for her life. Is this the end for her?

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Jamie, James and Alice gather to read your memories and tributes to Bella, now that her fate is uncertain after the explosion.

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Jamie, James and Alice are back to open book five of Rocky Flintstone's erotic magnum opus 'Belinda Blinked'. After a devastating explosion in the Steele's Pots and Pans car park, it's time to find out who has survived...


Come see us on our 2020 World Tour! Tickets available via mydadwroteaporno.com/live

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Jamie, James and Alice look back on some of the hilarious highlights of book four in Rocky Flintstone's 'Belinda Blinked' saga. The gang also reveal the date they'll be opening book five AND announce their brand new world tour for 2020. For full dates and ticket info, go to mydadwroteaporno.com/live

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It's Christmas Eve at Steele's Pots and Pans. Belinda does some last-minute Christmas shopping before getting a chance to sit on Santa's lap...

In the first Christmas Special from 2016, it's the Office Christmas Party at Steele's Pots and Pans...


(ORIGINALLY RELEASED IN DEC 2016)

In the second XXXmas edition of the 'Belinda Blinked' saga, our heroine goes on a festive skiing trip with The Duchess. Do you need to know more? Enjoy!


(ORIGINALLY RELEASED IN DEC 2017)

In the final chapter of book 4, all hell breaks loose as the Special One's identity is finally revealed...

Double Oscar winner, national treasure and star of 'Nanny McPhee', 'Sense and Sensibility' and 'Love Actually', Dame Emma Thompson has the gang round for dinner. They discuss Rocky's feminist credentials, sex education with her daughter, and wearing trainers at Buckingham Palace...

In the penultimate chapter of Book 4, Belinda finally sees the tri-oxy brillo range in action for the first time...

Journalist, author, filmmaker, and fellow porn podcaster Jon Ronson joins the gang to talk Belinda and his crazy experiences in the world of adult entertainment...

Belinda has a rendezvous with a contact in Scotland - but is everything as it seems?

Jamie, Alice and James answer some of your burning questions.

Belinda works up an appetite with Mistress Sweetjuice at the Moulin Marron. The hunt for the Special One takes a suspicious turn...

Star of Marvel's 'Agent Carter', 'Howards End' and 'Christopher Robin', Hayley Atwell joins the gang to talk fake porn, Shakespeare and her singing career that never was...

Belinda conducts a team meeting before taking a trip to Paris to secure a crucial client

In this week's Footnotes, the gang take the opportunity to chat all things gay

Spooner's investigation delves into Giselle's past...and her vagina.

England rugby star and Belinker James Haskell joins the gang to talk royal weddings, drilldos and the mad, mad world of 'Belinda Blinked'

James Spooner starts his search for the Special One at Steele's Pots and Pans.

The gang chat sexual health with Aaron Chady, a sexual health advisor at Europe's busiest sexual health clinic, 56 Dean Street.

The hunt for the mysterious Special One ramps up a gear as Steele's Pots and Pans puts a plan into action.

Singer-songwriter, podcaster and Belinker Jessie Ware joins the gang to talk turkey (mainly) and reveal a surprising connection to EL James, creator of Rocky's inspiration, '50 Shades of Grey'...

Belinda meets an old friend in new surroundings for her favourite snack before bedtime.

Jamie, Alice and James correct some of their many, many mistakes from over the years

Belinda is back in Central London, as she spends a wild night out with the aristocracy...

Jamie, James and Alice open Helga's FBI case files on her fieldwork in Amsterdam. The problem is, they're written by Rocky.

More shocking revelations come to light from an unlikely source as the wedding of the year continues...

You have thousands of questions. And Rocky Flintstone has none of the answers. But he'll give it his best shot as he gets his exclusive right to reply in this week's Footnotes.

Will Tony and Giselle say 'I do'? Who is the phantom behind the pillar? Jamie, Alice and James return to the wedding of the year to find out..

We didn't discover the Special One's identity in chapter one - who could it be? Will we ever find out? Jamie, James and Alice examine your surprisingly detailed theories...


Get tickets to our live show in BERLIN next Monday 3rd September via mydadwroteaporno.com/live

Jamie, James and Alice are back with book 4 of Rocky Flintstone's erotic saga, 'Belinda Blinked'. The last book ended with the revelation that there was a spy in Steele's Pots and Pans. Will we find out who it is? Does anybody really care?

Ahead of the start of season 4 on Monday 27 August, Jamie, Alice and James read the blurb of 'Belinda Blinked 4' to find out what's in store for Belinda and co.

Jamie, James & Alice look back on some of their favourite moments from book three in Rocky's 'Belinda Blinked' saga. AND they finally reveal when they'll be opening the fourth book to finally (hopefully) discover who The Special One is.


Tickets now on sale for the UK & Europe live tour via mydadwroteaporno.com/live

A special episode from inside London's Royal Albert Hall to exclusively announce we are bringing our live show to this iconic venue on Thursday 21st June. It is the world's BIGGEST podcast gig ever and we want you to be there!


Tickets go on sale on Friday 2nd February at 9am - for full details of this and all our live dates across America, Canada and the UK, go to mydadwroteaporno.com/live

As Book Three draws to a close, it becomes clear that things will never be the same again at Steele's Pots and Pans...

The gang read your theories about how Book Three will end ahead of the finale

After his afternoon's work at Bargain Basementland, Des Martin is treated to a steamy sex session at Belinda's central London apartment.

Who is Belinda Blumenthal? Using the Myers-Briggs Personality Test, the gang try to answer that question, once and for all.

Belinda delves deeper into the business side of Steeles with the help of her trusty RSM, Des Martin

Star of HBO's 'Westworld', actor Ben Barnes tells the gang about a weird connection he shares with Jamie

Night descends on Giselle's hen do as the girls make one man's dreams come true in the Torremolinos marina

After many of you requested it, Jamie and Alice help answer James' questions to learn more about the vagina.

Belinda and Bella want to surprise Giselle with a special flight for her hen do so ask an old friend to help them out.

Star of Mad Max: Fury Road, A Single Man, the X-Men movies, and more, Nicholas Hoult joins the gang in Montreal to talk weird flats, hen parties and the cast of 'Belinda Blinked: The Movie'...

Whilst in Leeds, Ken takes Belinda to his highly unusual basement flat where they get to know each other properly

The gang read your stories about how Rocky and his literature has changed your life for the better...or the worse.

Belinda flies to Yorkshire to meet her RSM, Ken Dewsbury, and resolve an issue with one of her distributors in her own unique way.

Inspired by Belinda's Belgian orgy, Emma Sayle, founder and CEO of exclusive adult event company Killing Kittens, tells the gang what really goes on behind closed doors at sex parties.

Alfonse takes Belinda to a private members' club where she takes part in a sex game with some of Belgium's high society...

After the horror that was 'The Chocolate Fountain', aphrodisiacs expert Amy Reiley joins the gang to discuss whether Rocky has got it right with sexy foods in 'Belinda Blinked'...

Belinda heads to Belgium for her appointment with Alfonse Stirbacker and a trip to a chocolate factory...

Who is Belinda? Where has she come from? What drives her? The gang try to answer these questions as they get their hands on her curriculum vitae...

Belinda meets Claus Bloch at The Grosvenor hotel for an important proposal, a posh lunch. Oh, and sex, of course.

Star of childhood classics Mrs Doubtfire, Matilda and Miracle on 34th Street, Mara Wilson joins the gang to talk all things Belinda

After last week's devastating clithanger, it's time to finally discover Belinda's fate...

After this week's clithanger, the gang read your theories about what's next for Belinda. Is this the end?

Belinda and the Duchess spend the day with the riding set at a showjumping competition. Later, things get a little raunchy before events take an unexpected turn...

Tony-nominated actor Stephen Mangan joins the gang to discuss royalty, Jamie's many voices and whether Rocky's mind is actually human...

Belinda enjoys a swanky dinner at Epsom Hall with some of the Duchess' high society friends. However, the love eggs prove to be a big distraction...

Singer-songwriter George Ezra joins the gang to chat about Book 3 so far and give his critique of a fan-written song, 'Pomegranates and Rivets'...

Belinda heads to the idyllic English countryside with The Duchess, who helps get her in the mood for a debauched weekend with the riding set...

You have questions, Rocky Flintstone has answers...sort of. The author and genius behind the 'Belinda Blinked' saga gets his exclusive right to reply in the first Footnotes of series 3...

Why did Tony blink? Has Bella earned a promotion? What will Belinda do next? Get all the answers (or none of them) to these questions as Jamie, Alice and James open Rocky's third book to continue the 'Belinda Blinked' saga... mydadwroteaporno.com

Ahead of series three (starting on Monday 29th May), Jamie, James and Alice are back to talk about some of the best - or worst - moments of the second book in the 'Belinda Blinked' saga.

Will Belinda finally get her meeting with Jim? Have we seen the last of Hank Skank? Will we be reading book 3? Find out the answers to all of these questions as Belinda Blinked 2 reaches its sexy climax...

Star of stage and screen (and general lovely man) Michael Sheen sits down with the gang to talk about his father's own unusual career and how he thinks Flintstone is the new Shakespeare...

Still in Texas, Belinda is taken to an Italian restaurant by well-connected businessman, where things get very saucy over a bowl of Spaghetti Bolognese...

We've finally got our hands on the first copies of our new book and it actually looks good! We have our first delve inside the pages...

It's the biggest cliffhanger since Ross said Rachel's name at the altar - what is between Jim Stirling's legs? The answer lies within - and you'll never guess...

Entrepreneur and reality star Charlotte Crosby is a real-life Belinda. She drops by to share some hilarious stories as well as her business tips for our heroine...

Belinda and Bella touch down in Texas to secure a lucrative deal with Jim Stirling. But is he even there?

Dr Tamal (also, a finalist on last year's 'The Great British Bake Off') joins the gang to give a medical analysis of Belinda's activities.

Bella and Belinda bump into Hazel, the co-pilot from Amsterdam, on a long haul flight to Texas. We can all guess what happens next...

It's the very first Porno live shows this week in London and the gang try to overcome their nerves before hitting the stage...

Before trying on their new expensive horse riding outfits, Belinda and Bella are given a unique 'while-u-wait' service by sales assistant Adaam...

Emmy-nominated star of HBO's 'Silicon Valley' Thomas Middleditch chats to the gang about the tragic character of Belinda, tries out a few character voices and tells all about filming with Keanu Reeves...

Belinda and Bella go shopping and splash out on new horse riding outfits. But first, they need to get measured...

The gang read and respond to some of the tweets they've received about Book 2 so far...

It's Friday night and Belinda and her "glee team" are gossiping over drinks at the Pentra. But it isn't long before company chairman Sir James Godwin interrupts their evening for a bit of slap and tickle...

Creator and star of 'Crazy Ex-Girlfriend' Rachel Bloom talks us through her weird 'Belinda Blinked' theory and helps us put the wheels in motion for 'Belinda Blinked: The Musical'

Less than an hour after she arrives back in London, there's HR issues for Belinda to deal with at the office. Obviously, she has her own unique approach...

The Force is strong with Belinda as 'Star Wars' actress Daisy Ridley joins the gang to chat about weird merchandise, who she'd play in the 'Belinda Blinked' movie and filming the upcoming Episode VIII...

After an eventful night in Amsterdam, Belinda uses her flight back to London as an opportunity to join the Mile High Club...

It's a podcast mash-up as the gang chat to Dan Schreiber from the hugely popular podcast 'No Such Thing As A Fish'. Dan guides us through facts about Amsterdam, the red light district and vodka. Who knows - you might actually learn something...

Belinda's bizarre night in Amsterdam continues as she meets Zara, The Countess of Leningrad...and also, it seems, the madam of a brothel.

The gang find an old Reddit thread that Rocky might have used for tips and inspiration for his own writing...

Want to learn some key Dutch phrases that will help you if you're ever planning a Belinda-style trip to Amsterdam? The gang are here to help...

The gang read through some of the emails from Belinda fans (aka Belinkers) with questions, concerns or weird stories about Book 2 so far...

Comedian Joe Lycett joins the gang to read the many and varied Amazon reviews for Belinda Blinked

Amazing news - Rocky Flintstone is going to be an actual published author! We're releasing a book this October and you can pre-order it NOW at bit.ly/MDWAP

Hollywood actor (and self-proclaimed MDWAP fan) Elijah Wood chats to the gang about his favourite moments, the movie version and Rocky Flintstone's bright future

Ahead of series two (starting on Monday 4th July), the gang get together to talk about some of their favourite moments from the now legendary 'Belinda Blinked 1'.

'Footnotes' is all the extra bits we didn't have time for in the podcast. This week, we're deciding our A-list cast for 'Belinda Blinked: The Movie'...

'Footnotes' is all the extra bits we didn't have time for in the podcast. This week, Rocky has sent an email with some interesting ideas for 'Belinda Blinked' merchandise...

'Footnotes' is all the extra bits we didn't have time for in the podcast. This week, we discover that Rocky has written himself a biography...

Imagine if your Dad wrote a dirty book. Most people would try to ignore it and pretend it had never happened - but not Jamie Morton. Instead, he's decided to read it to the world in this brand new comedy podcast. With the help of his friends, James Cooper and BBC Radio 1's Alice Levine, Jamie will be reading a chapter a week and discovering more about his father than he ever bargained for.