The Art of Charm on Smash Notes

The Art of Charm podcast.

April 23, 2020

The Art of Charm is where self-motivated people, just like you, come to learn from the company’s coaches about to how to master human dynamics, relationships, and becoming your best self with the help of Johnny and AJ, the company’s founders. Johnny and AJ bring their 11 years of coaching experience from their famous Bootcamps, where they host clients in Los Angeles from all over the world and they share their stories, best practices and themselves on this weekly podcast. Not only does The Art of Charm help everyday people, including active members of the military, learn how to become higher performers, better spouses, partners, and coworkers, they dig deep into human behavior, the science behind it, and demystify what we do and why we do it.



Recently updated notes

It can be difficult to get ahead at work when someone else is always taking credit for what the team does, but what can you do to deal with selfish individuals in a professional manner, how can you be a giver and not get taken advantage of, and how do matchers balance givers and takers?

Updated on April 23

Key points in this episode


In today’s episode, we cover what it means to change someone’s mind with Jonah Berger. Jonah is a marketing professor at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania and internationally bestselling author of Contagious, Invisible Influence, and The Catalyst: How to Change Anyone’s Mind.


The art of persuading others goes back as far as humans have had ideas we wanted to convey to others, but what does it mean to change someone’s mind, how do we persuade people to change, and how can your understanding of persuasion save you from getting sold on bad ideas?


What to Listen For


  • Why are we as humans so resistant to changing our minds?

  • What are the 5 roadblocks to change and how can we remove them so we and those around us can grow?

  • What strategies can we use to get people to buy into an idea rather than trying to push the idea onto them?

  • How can you ask the right questions to allow people to make better decisions?

  • What can we do to create a catalyst for other people to change?

  • Why is DropBox a great example of removing roadblocks that enable more people to try your product?

  • Why is it important for people to feel they have a sense of agency when you’re trying to persuade them to make a change or purchase?

  • Has it become harder to persuade people of good ideas in the age of information?

  • How should you deal with awkward pauses in conversation?

  • How important is body language when persuading someone and how do you take that into consideration when you’re on a phone call or Zoom meeting?


Persuading others is not so much about changing people’s minds as it is conveying information and allowing people to process it to arrive at the same conclusion you have. We as humans do not like feeling as if our behavior or choices are dictated to us by someone else, so if you want to convince someone that something is a good idea, you can’t just tell them it’s a good idea and they should believe it - you have to be able to show them the same information you have and let them make up their mind about it.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Resources from this Episode

Catalyst: How to Change Anyone’s Mind by Jonah Berger

Jonah Berger’s website


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube





Key points in this episode

Technology has had an undeniable impact on our society, in good and bad ways, so what are the bad ways, how can we mitigate the damage they cause, and what can we do to use these tools for good in our lives and those around us?


What to Listen For


  • What is the ICAN acronym and how can it help you achieve a social flow state and help you be your most authentic self?

  • What questions can you ask yourself to stay mindful as we continue integrating technology into our daily lives?

  • What is passive browsing versus active browsing and why does one have a negative impact on your well being?

  • What can you do if you feel your team is missing the energy and motivation you were hoping for?

  • How can you make Zoom meetings fun and engaging when everyone seems preoccupied with what’s going on around them?

  • What simple, free technique can you implement as a leader to improve your team’s effectiveness as well as your well being and effectiveness?

  • What is social flow, why do you need to understand it, and how can you tap into it to be your best self?

  • What follow up questions can you ask the men in your life when they answer with “Good” or “I’m fine”?

  • How can we build our curiosity muscle if we find ourselves not being that curious?

  • What things typically hold men back from emotional mastery and what can you do to work toward emotional mastery?

  • What can you do to improve the toxic relationships in your life that always lead to arguments?


We live in a state of constant experimentation to understand ourselves, each other, and the world around us. As a result, we create things with the intention of doing good, only to find out later that the results are a mixed bag. Social media and communication are great examples as they have connected the world, but led to mental health issues springing up all over the place. As we move forward, it becomes increasingly important to be mindful of what we are putting out into the world for millions or billions of people to use, and how it can impact our society as a whole. No one will be able to take everything into consideration, but it’s better than not trying and seeing what happens.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Even with a balanced diet, it’s difficult to cover all of your nutritional bases. Developed from a complex blend of 75 vitamins, minerals and whole food sourced ingredients, Athletic Greens is a greens superfood powder designed to help fill the nutritional gaps in your diet. Visit AthleticGreens.com/CHARM to claim OUR special offer of 20 FREE daily travel packs with your first purchase, a $79 added value, and get Athletic Greens delivered straight to your door. 


Resources from this Episode

Andrew Horn’s website

What’s the Big Idea - Andrew Horn’s podcast

Tribute.co


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube




Key points in this episode

Many of us have heard the phrase, “Happiness is a choice” - but what does a happiness expert think about that and what can you do if you feel like you’re unable to make that choice?


What to Listen For


  • What are the Four Tendencies and how do they determine how you respond to expectations and your ability to be happy?

  • What’s the alternative if you feel you can’t just choose to be happy?

  • What steps can you take in your environment that will make it easier to be happy?

  • What does it mean for emotions to be contagious and how can your understanding of it help prevent you from feeling down?

  • How do novelty and challenge contribute so significantly to your ability to be happy?

  • What can you do to raise your self-awareness?

  • What can you do if you find yourself being the victim of analysis paralysis so you don’t waste too much time thinking about a decision?

  • Once you understand your tendency, how do you recognize the Four Tendencies in others and what is the best way to work with them or help them reach their potential on a team?


We cannot make ourselves happy by focusing on our external environment, but it can help to minimize the work we have to do to be happy. Our personalities are made up of the tendencies and habits we have formed over the years, so the more aware you are of your tendencies and habits, the easier it can be for you to make the decisions which will lead to you being less miserable and more happy. Happiness is a choice, but certain things in your life can make the difference between that choice feeling easy, and that choice feeling impossible, and the more you understand yourself, your environment, and the people you spend time with, the easier that choice can be.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


The anxiety and stress caused by debt is overwhelming. Especially now. But there is a way out, and you don’t have to go through it alone. Freedom Debt Solutions has more than 400 debt experts standing by to recommend the right solution for your specific situation. Go to FreedomDebtSolutions.com/charm and get your FREE personalized debt consultation today!


Resources from this Episode

Outer Order, Inner Calm by Gretchen Rubin

The Four Tendencies Quiz

Gretchen Rubin’s website

Happier with Gretchen Rubin


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube



Key points in this episode

It’s no surprise that many of us can be overwhelmed with the day-to-day events of our lives, so how are we supposed to plan for so many unforeseen events like the COVID-19 pandemic, what is upstream thinking and why is it relevant today more than ever?


What to Listen For


  • What is the difference between upstream and downstream thinking and why can one lead you to a life of cyclical misery?

  • What is unique about the American healthcare system that has led to us only focusing downstream?

  • What is quiet competence and why does it make us less attentive to potential catastrophes?

  • How can we get people to think more upstream so we are not impacted so negatively by crises?

  • What is psychological standing and how does it prevent you from doing the right thing in a wide range of situations we find ourselves in regularly?

  • What are the 7 questions leaders need to ask themselves if they don’t want to fail miserably at handling the next upstream problem?

  • What can you do to unite the right people to handle a complicated problem like the COVID-19 pandemic?


Being able to think clearly about the future and contemplate solutions to problems likely to arise is becoming more and more important as society and technology continue evolving faster than we can keep up. This is why upstream thinking is so important - many of us are caught up in the rush of everyday life and we count on our leaders to know what to do when problems arise, but it seems our leaders are also forgetting to think far enough ahead, leading us to find ourselves in the predicam we’re in now with COVID-19.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Flowers are blooming, the grass is growing, and it’s time to mow your lawn and trim the hedges below the belt safely and efficiently. Manscaped is the only men’s brand dedicated to below the waist grooming, with precision engineered tools for your family jewels. If you subscribe to the Perfect Package soon, subscribers get TWO FREE GIFTS for a limited time! Get 20% off and FREE SHIPPING with the special discount code CHARM at Manscaped.com. 


Even with a balanced diet, it’s difficult to cover all of your nutritional bases. Developed from a complex blend of 75 vitamins, minerals and whole food sourced ingredients, Athletic Greens is a greens superfood powder designed to help fill the nutritional gaps in your diet. Visit AthleticGreens.com/CHARM to claim OUR special offer of 20 FREE daily travel packs with your first purchase, a $79 added value, and get Athletic Greens delivered straight to your door. 


Is there something interfering with your happiness, or preventing you from achieving your goals? BetterHelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist AND you can start communicating in less than 24 hours! Visit betterhelp.com/CHARM to get 10% off your first month and join the over 700,000 people taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional.


Resources from this Episode

Upstream: The Quest to Solve Problems Before They Happen by Dan Heath

Dan Heath’s website


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube



Key points in this episode

In today’s episode, we cover dealing with uncertainty and stress with Dr. Domenick Sportelli. Dr. Domenick is a board certified physician in adult general psychiatry and child & adolescent psychiatry, and is widely sought-after for his expertise on the latest in medical behavioral health, child/family psychiatry, and neuropharmacology.


Introduction

This is an era of uncertainty we haven’t faced in this generation and it’s wreaking havoc on many of us psychologically, so what can you do to better cope with the stress and loneliness you might be feeling and what should you be doing as a parent to be a good role model for your kids?


What to Listen For


  • How do we deal with uncertainty and stress many of us are dealing with in isolation?

  • How much of a psychological toll is the pandemic taking on medical professionals?

  • What kind of psychological fallout will we be facing as we recover from the COVID-19 pandemic and what can we do to prepare ourselves?

  • What should we tell our kids about COVID-19 and how do we talk to them about what’s going on?

  • How do you find the silver lining during this crazy time of uncertainty? 

  • Why are gratitude and resilience so important during this pandemic? 

  • What rules can you set up to foster creativity in your kids so they don’t just resort to sitting in front of devices all day?

  • How do we deal with the loneliness epidemic while we’re practicing social distancing?

  • Why is having a schedule more important than ever and how should we schedule time for socializing?

  • How do we manage all of the emotions we’re feeling just from the uncertainty of not knowing how long this pandemic will last?

  • How do we deal with rise in tension in our relationships stemming from being isolated with each other all the time?

  • What 3 questions can you ask yourself everyday to make your life better?


Humans excel psychologically when following a consistent routine, and when the certainty of a routine is taken away it can lead to significant stress. The COVID-19 pandemic resulted in many of our routines being upended with no clear end in sight, so it’s important now more than ever to take it upon ourselves to determine our own routines. This is especially true for those of us with kids because kids need structure the most. 


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Resources from this Episode

Dr. Domenick Sportelli on Instagram


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube




Key points in this episode

Being stuck at home right now can feel like you’re putting your life on pause, but it doesn’t have to - so what can you do to keep working on yourself especially when it comes to being social or stretching your comfort zone?


What to Listen For


  • How did Yes Theory get their start and what can you learn from them that could enable you to achieve your dreams so faster than you thought possible?

  • Why is it important to try things that scare you?

  • How do you know when you’ve done enough planning before doing?

  • When was the tipping point for the Art of Charm?

  • How do you improve your social skills if you’re scared to go out and talk to strangers?

  • When can you take advantage of practicing small talk with minimal effort to improve your social skills?

  • What’s the first step you can take to build a growth mindset during or after the quarantine period?

  • How do you stay motivated in the dating world when regular rejection is an integral part of the process?


If you want to achieve great things for yourself, it’s important to cultivate a growth mindset, and a growth mindset is more important now than ever. Those with a growth mindset and determination will use this pandemic as an opportunity to push themselves while others are scared or putting their lives on pause to see what happens next. And if you feel like you don’t have a growth mindset, have no fear, it’s never too late to adopt one.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Talk to a Freedom Debt Solutions expert and get your FREE, personalized debt consultation today go to FreedomDebtSolutions.com/CHARM

Join the over 800,000 people taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional listeners get 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com/Charm

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Resources from this Episode

Yes Theory website

Yes Theory on YouTube

Yes Theory on Twitter


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube



Key points in this episode

This is a trying time for the restaurant industry and any business that relies on social gathering, so what can business owners do to not only survive this pandemic, but thrive in it and after it?

Key points in this episode

Procrastination is associated with laziness by many, but the science shows us otherwise - so if procrastinators aren’t lazy then why do we assume they are, what can you do about your procrastination if you want to change it, and why is now the best time to overcome your procrastination habit?

Key points in this episode

If you are now working remotely and socially distancing yourself, it doesn’t mean you have to stop being social or let your productivity slide, but what can you do to work on your social skills, grow your network, and knock your productivity out of the park so you can come out the other side of this with countless opportunities?


What to Listen For


  • What can you do to work on your social skills when we’re trying to socially isolate ourselves?

  • How do you stay social when going out and meeting people isn’t an option?

  • What can you do to stay focused and energized when working from home?

  • How do you work on building your professional network when more and more conferences and networking events are being cancelled as people embrace social distancing?

  • What can you say when you’re trying to reach out to people you’ve never met but wanted to?

  • How can you be productive when working from home and why is it so important to maintain the same routine you use when at the office?

  • What should you focus on when establishing a remote work environment and routine?

  • What can you do to completely upgrade your productivity at home if you’re not used to working at home?

  • Why does physical exercise play such a positive role in your daily routine, especially when you’re working from home?

  • What can you do to turn this remote working situation into a long term opportunity so you won’t have to go into the office as much once the pandemic is over?


If you want to relax during this pandemic and enjoy the time you have away from work and with your family, by all means, do the thing that is going to bring you security and fulfillment during these chaotic times. However, if you want to take this amazing opportunity to improve yourself personally, socially, and professionally, there are a number of things you can do everyday to practice your social skills, develop your network, and show your boss you can be more productive at home and build the trust necessary to allow you to work remotely even when the dust has settled.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Resources from this Episode

Leadership & Productivity in a Remote Workplace with Kevin Kruse

The Art of Charm Accelerator Program


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Twitter

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube




Key points in this episode

You don’t need to be in a leadership position in order to be a leader, but what does it mean to be a leader no matter where you are and how can you develop your leadership skills in today’s world?


What to Listen For


  • What can we do to become the leaders that are needed during this pandemic?

  • How should we approach the creation of rules and standards in a professional setting and why can it be detrimental if just one person is responsible for such things?

  • Why is it important to live a value-driven life both professionally and personally, and why are values more important than rules?

  • How can an open-door policy in companies be detrimental to productivity and what should you implement in place of it that still allows for open communication?

  • What are the 3 parts we should divide our days into and why can the structure have such a profound impact on our fulfillment and productivity?

  • How can living by a calendar make you more productive than making to-do lists to accomplish the same tasks?

  • What can you do to be more productive if you’re struggling to work from home during this pandemic?

  • What are the 3 agreements remote workers can discuss in order for remote workers to come up with a healthy, productive routine when everyone is used to being in the same office together? 

  • What can you do to work on building a network while we are emphasizing social distancing?

  • Is it too late to start an online business as we enter this recession amidst a pandemic?

  • What can you do to be more social when everyone is trying to socially distance themselves?


Leadership is a set of skills anyone can develop no matter where you are because being a leader doesn’t mean you are in charge of employees or ordering people around. Leadership can be asking a coworker what they think about a relevant topic during a meeting, or organizing a group Skype call with family members around the country. Leadership can be as simple as taking the initiative to do something and inviting others to join you. 


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Resources from this Episode

LEADx website

Great Leaders Have No Rules by Kevin Kruse

15 Secrets Successful People Know About Time Management by Kevin Kruse


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube



Key points in this episode

Social anxiety has an impact that goes far beyond a discomfort interacting with people and can lead to substance abuse, depression, and suicidal ideation, so what can you do to overcome your social anxiety, how do your diet and physical health impact it, and how is technology playing a significant role in all of this?


What to Listen For


  • What is social anxiety and how do we deal with it during COVID-19 when social distancing is important?

  • How do we deal with social anxiety now that social distancing is becoming a normal part of our daily lives?

  • How did Mark Metry overcome his social anxiety and what can you learn from his journey so you can overcome your social anxiety before it ruins your life?

  • How does your gut microbiome influence your social anxiety and mental wellbeing?

  • How can looking at yourself in terms of hardware and software with regards to your self-development journey blow open your perspective on your overall health?

  • Why is it important to tackle social anxiety after you’ve established a strong physical and mental foundation with a healthy diet and regular exercise?

  • What can you do to make sure you’re using technology and it’s not using you?

  • How is social anxiety tied to substance abuse, depression, and suicide and what can you do to overcome your social anxiety so you can live a more fulfilling life?


Many of us deal with social anxiety in varying degrees and in different situations. Someone might experience social anxiety talking to a group of people but be perfectly comfortable saying hi to a stranger. Someone else might experience social anxiety talking to their boss at work, but feel right at home at networking events. For some of us, it’s a mild obstacle we force ourselves through when we need to, but for others it can be a serious concern and have long lasting effects on your potential and happiness, not to mention your lifespan if it leads you down a path of self-isolation and depression. 


Social anxiety can feel overwhelming, but you can overcome it. You can bounce back and become the best version of yourself that you want to be. But you have to be willing to take that first step and start living a healthy life - your mental and emotional well being are directly influenced by the food you put in your mouth and how often you exercise the only body you get.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Hiring used to be hard. Multiple job sites, stacks of resumes, a confusing review process. But today, hiring can be easy and you only have to go to one place to get it done: ziprecruiter.com/CHARM. ZipRecruiter is so effective that 4 out of 5 of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day.


Resources from this Episode

Mark Metry’s Website

Humans 2.0 Podcast hosted by Mark Metry

Mark Metry on Twitter

Screw Being Shy by Mark Metry


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube



Key points in this episode

Rituals are powerful tools cultures have used for all of recorded history to strengthen group bonds, so how do rituals bring us closer, why are rituals so commonly associated with religion, and what can you do to develop your own rituals to bring you and your family and friends closer together?


What to Listen For


  • Why is it so important to encourage curiosity in children and what can you do to impart a sense of curiosity in your kids?

  • Why is a tolerance for ambiguity difficult but crucial in the scientific search for knowledge and understanding of the world around us?

  • What was it like growing up as the child of Carl Sagan and Ann Druyan?

  • How do we use rituals to deal with change and how can you use rituals to minimize the suffering you will experience throughout life?

  • What should you say to someone who has just lost a loved one and doesn’t necessarily hold religious beliefs about an afterlife?

  • What rituals can we use to help us cope with painful events in life and why can not having a ritual amplify the intensity and duration of the pain?

  • How can having a simple regular ritual strengthen your relationships and what fun easy ritual can you start using today?

  • What is the difference between a routine and a ritual?

  • How can you get children involved in building family rituals so everyone is involved and the family grows stronger?

  • What can you do to remix old traditions or even create new ones you can use to build meaning in the big and small moments of your life?

  • How do you tell the difference between cynicism and skepticism, and why can that understanding completely change your view of people?


The word ritual is on many occasions associated with religion. That’s a logical jump to make considering how ritualistic many religions are. But rituals can be any kind of practice or routine you use on a regular basis to be present and share a moment or event with yourself or other people. We can create and use rituals in our lives to help us celebrate certain moments. We don’t have to use religious holidays to celebrate certain times of the year, as cultures have been creating their own holidays and celebrations since the dawn of man. And no one’s stopping you from celebrating the rituals of your faith(s) and creating some rituals of your own to celebrate your family or friends or even just yourself. 


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Resources from this Episode

Value Driven Success Video Training by The Art of Charm

For Small Creatures Such as We by Sasha Sagan

The Art of Charm Bootcamp

Sasha Sagan’s website

Sasha Sagan on Twitter

Sasha Sagan on Instagram


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube



Key points in this episode

Charisma is not something you are born with, so what can you do to develop your own charisma, what does it even mean to have charisma, and what does the science say about this seemingly abstract human quality?


What to Listen For


  • What is charisma and why is it important?

  • What are the three factors that go into being charismatic and what can you do to become more charismatic?

  • Are you born with charisma or is it something you can teach and learn?

  • Why are we drawn to charismatic individuals?

  • How can you stay true to yourself and be charismatic if you don’t feel you’re a charismatic person?

  • How do presence, enthusiasm, and confidence play a role in your natural charisma?

  • What questions can you ask yourself to know exactly what to work on to become more charismatic?

  • Why is active listening integral to being charismatic, and what can you do to improve your ability to listen?

  • Why are people drawn more toward optimists than pessimists, and how can you become more optimistic?

  • Why does it make you more charismatic if you don’t care what other people think about you?

  • What can you do to become more confident?

  • How does being assertive contribute to your confidence and charisma?


Charisma is one of those human qualities many people refer to as if it’s some mysterious genetic gift a few people are born with. But what if I told you that you can develop your own charisma in the same way you can develop a skill - like painting, running, or even chess. Once you understand the three components that factor into your own charisma, you’ll be able to see just how straightforward it can be to become the most charismatic version of who you want to be.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Is there something interfering with your happiness, or preventing you from achieving your goals? BetterHelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist AND you can start communicating in less than 24 hours! Visit betterhelp.com/CHARM to get 10% off your first month and join the over 700,000 people taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional.


Whether you’re a professional working at a traditional, home or remote office our new sponsor, Fully, is here to transform your workplace with furniture designed for health, flow and balance. And right now, you can save $50 off the Jarvis standing desk when you visit fully.com/CHARM. Fully—everything you need to make your work flow.


Resources from this Episode

Charisma: An Ill-Defined and Ill-Measured Gift

Episode 725 - Boost Your Emotional Intelligence w/ Michael Ventura


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube






Key points in this episode

Authenticity is a powerful concept because many of us are scared of what other people might think of us if we were to be as weird as we know we are all the time, and consequently many of us hide the fun and interesting bits that make us who we are - so why do we care, why should we stop putting so much emphasis on what we think others want us to be, and what can you do when every social platform is signaling to you that the only parts worth living are the ones that get the most likes?


What to Listen For


  • What does it mean to be a disruptive innovator?

  • How do you educate people without being preachy?

  • What can you do to build up a tolerance for rejection so you don’t miss out on countless opportunities just because you walked away at “no”?

  • If you have perfectionist tendencies, what can you do to make sure it doesn’t stop you from completing something or just moving on without it?

  • What can you do if you feel like you are trying to fit yourself into a box that society wants for you rather than what YOU want for you?

  • What does it mean to be more authentic in today’s world where so many people are encouraged to instead put on a show to get other people’s attention?

  • How can you flip negative emotions on their heads with one simple trick?

  • What can you do to encourage others to tell their stories without resorting to 1-2 sentence responses?

  • How can you ask questions that evoke thoughtful responses instead of 1-2 words?

  • What mental exercise can you do before any important thing or event you have coming up in your life to make sure you’re genuinely present and relaxed?

  • What can you do to come across as open and friendly without making people think you’re inviting them to ask you out?

  • How do you politely reject someone who asks you out, especially in a work environment?

  • What’s the best way to make a career change when you realize you’re not happy with the job you thought would bring you happiness?

  • How do you handle the argumentative person who constantly questions others’ beliefs?


What are you supposed to do when people are telling you you should always strive to be genuine while society clearly shows us we’ll be rewarded if we present a curated image of ourselves to everyone on social media? We live in a tricky time with technology developing as quickly as it is. The tools we are inventing are beginning to control us and highlight our weaknesses as human beings, but will we overcome these weaknesses or implode because of them? 


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Resources from this Episode

Miki Agrawal’s website

Disrupt-Her: A Manifesto for the Modern Woman by Miki Agrawal

Hello Tushy

Be Here Now by Ram Dass


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube





Key points in this episode

Company culture might conjure silly images of bag chairs and free lunch to some, but company culture is much more than hip amenities and it can break an organization if it’s dysfunctional - so what is a dysfunctional company culture, how do you risk losing your best talent unless you improve it, and is any company too big or too old to change its ways?


What to Listen For


  • What two areas of business do you need in order to successfully run a business?

  • What are the 5 dysfunctions of management and what can you do to overcome them to build a world-class company culture people want to work with? 

  • Why is a willingness to be vulnerable and admit when you don’t know something important to developing a healthy company culture?

  • Is conflict avoidance a good or bad thing in the workplace, and how should you approach disagreements and potential arguments?

  • What does it mean to be trustworthy in a business environment and how can you identify someone who isn’t trustworthy before their failure becomes your failure?

  • What should you do after realizing you are bringing dysfunctional behavior to an organization?

  • What exercises can you do to build trust within your organization, regardless of whether you’re in management or not?

  • What is the number one job killer for an individual within a business organization and what can you do to solve it without spending a dime?

  • What three things do people need at work to love going to work every day and how can you provide those three things without 

  • Why is efficiency overrated and effectiveness underrated, and how can a drive for efficiency push out all the people who matter to your organization?

  • What 3 qualities do you need to be a great team player, and why can missing just one of them lead to a disaster?


Company culture is not about giving your employees more benefits, amenities, or unlimited vacation. Among other things, it is about trusting the people you work with, supporting open and honest communication, recognizing the contributions of others, and leadership/management that embodies healthy conflict resolution and leading by example. Without those things clearly communicated and reinforced from the top down, it’s only a matter of time before people get hired that do not believe in the same ideas, which leads to an organization where managers and leadership taking credit for their teams, people feeling isolated and unappreciated, and everyone looking out for themselves rather than the collective good. 


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Resources from this Episode

The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable by Patrick Lencioni

The Motive: Why So Many Leaders Abdicate Their Most Important Responsibilities by Patrick Lencioni

Overcoming the Five Dysfunctions of a Team

Patrick Lencioni’s Company Website - TableGroup


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube



Key points in this episode

Meditation and mindfulness have experienced a resurgence in modern western society as people continue struggling to find peace and fulfillment amidst the chaos and materialism of the modern world - so what can meditation teach us about our place in all of this, and how can we incorporate meditation into our daily lives to make us better friends, coworkers, lovers, and humans?


What to Listen For


  • How long should you meditate?

  • What does science say about meditation?

  • What’s the minimum effective dose of meditation?

  • What time of the day is best for meditating and when should you avoid meditating?

  • Why is it so important to be clear with yourself about your intentions?

  • What is the biggest misconception about meditation, especially when it comes to type A personalities? 

  • What is the difference between practicing meditation and practicing mindfulness, and why does it matter?

  • What is meditation supposed to be about, and what do many people mistakenly think it’s about?

  • How did meditation first start and how has it evolved over countless human generations?

  • What does the word “mantra” mean with regards to meditation and why is there such an emphasis placed on having a mantra?

  • What can you do to develop your own mantra to make your meditation practice more personal, more purposeful, and longer-lasting?

  • How often should you revisit your mantra to decide whether or not it’s time for a new one?

  • What questions should you explore when meditating and how can the wrong questions lead you to a negative mental space?


Meditation is not about silencing your mind. Your mind’s sole purpose is to generate thoughts, so to think you can stop your mind from doing the one thing it’s supposed to do is like convincing yourself you can stop your heart from beating and keep living. Meditation is about accepting your thoughts and feelings and then learning to let go of them because they are not you. You experience thoughts and feelings - you are not your thoughts and feelings. 


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


CBD is a big deal right now. It is changing millions of peoples’ lives every day - but is it right for you? Harrelson’s Own was formulated to provide full mind and body benefits that help you feel more stable, calm, focused and collected. If you’re curious, they have a fun and informative video for you to learn more. Text our special discount code CHARM to the number 6-3-5-6-6 and they will send you a link to watch their video AND give you 10% off your purchase!


Resources from this Episode

Stay Woke Give Back Tour

Stay Woke: A Meditation Guide for the Rest of Us by Justin Michael Williams

Justin Michael Williams website

Justin on Facebook

Justin on Twitter

Justin on Instagram

Justin on Youtube


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube





Key points in this episode

Fear and rejection are natural parts of life, but if you want the most out of life, fear and rejection are two things you will face on a regular path to achieving your dreams - so what can you do to not only accept them but build a positive relationship with both, allowing you to channel their energy for your own forward momentum?


What to Listen For


  • How do you handle the fear of uncertainty in today’s job market when the economy is changing so rapidly?

  • What can you do to overcome the fear of rejection we all experience?

  • What exercise can you implement right now to start putting rejection into perspective and even look at rejection in a positive light?

  • How can you choose to look at failure so it helps you rather than stopping you from going after the life you want?

  • What is the difference between a perfectionist and a progressionist, and why can one hinder your success? 

  • How can you break away from humility to tell a story worth sharing?

  • What are the 4 ways you can use to tell an engaging story people are going to want to give you their attention for?


An average life is average because doing great things is terrifying. That’s not to say an average life can’t be fulfilling, but many people dream of being able to live a life on their own terms. And to build a life where you have everything you want and can spend your time how you want to spend it requires that you put yourself outside of your comfort zone regularly. You must be willing to face your fears and walk through them. You must be willing to get knocked down by life only to get back up again and keep trying. If you want to find your soulmate, statistically you have to meet a lot of people, which means you’re going to be rejected a lot before you find the right one. If you want to find that dream job that allows you to spend your time doing something you love while being paid for it, you’re going to need to try a lot of different things and work for a lot of different people/companies before you find the right fit. You must be willing to try, fail, and try again.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


This winter, start a new routine to upgrade your everyday life with a monthly Box of Awesome from Bespoke Post. Bespoke Post sends guys only the best stuff, every month. So whether you’re looking to commemorate an occasion with a champagne saber or toast perfectly aged Winter cocktails - they’ve got you covered. Get 20% off your first monthly box when you sign up at BoxOfAwesome.com and enter the special discount code AOC at checkout.


CBD is a big deal right now. It is changing millions of peoples’ lives every day - but is it right for you? Harrelson’s Own was formulated to provide full mind and body benefits that help you feel more stable, calm, focused and collected. If you’re curious, they have a fun and informative video for you to learn more. Text our special discount code CHARM to the number 6-3-5-6-6 and they will send you a link to watch their video AND give you 10% off your purchase!


Resources from this Episode

Better Selling Through Storytelling by John Livesay

The Successful Pitch Podcast hosted by John Livesay

Be The Lifeguard of Your Own Life! | John Livesay | TEDxWilmingtonLive


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube




Key points in this episode

To many of us, the word values can sound like a buzzword thrown around in corporate-speak via emails and quarterly earnings calls - but individual values, once understood, can lead to a future of incredible potential, so what are the values we’re referring to, and what can you do to determine your values so you can live the life you’ve always wanted? 


What to Listen For


  • Why is it important for each of us to determine our individual values, and how does living by those values help you to not make terrible decisions?

  • How do you choose your values?

  • What is the problem with goals, and why is the setting of goals not enough?

  • What questions can you ask yourself to determine some of your basic values?

  • How do you decide on company values, and why is it important for your company’s success to find employees who share those values?

  • What are the company values of the Art of Charm?

  • How did AJ Harbinger determine his values and how have they guided him to success?

  • Why does more discipline in your life lead to more freedom?

  • How did Johnny Dzubak determine his values and have they guided him to success?

  • What exercises can you implement today to track whether or not you are living by your values?


If you don’t choose the script for your life, others will do it for you, and there’s no guarantee the script will be conducive to your happiness and fulfillment in life. Your script is dictated by your values, and you can either decide what your values are and live an intentional life driven by them, or you can live a life that is subject to the values of others. If you choose not to choose and understand your values, it can result in a life of self-doubt, feelings of inadequacy, and being used by the people around you who are firm in their values or know how to take advantage of people who don’t stand for anything. So, what do you believe in?


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Hiring used to be hard. Multiple job sites, stacks of resumes, a confusing review process. But today, hiring can be easy and you only have to go to one place to get it done: ziprecruiter.com/CHARM. ZipRecruiter is so effective that 4 out of 5 of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day.


Is there something interfering with your happiness, or preventing you from achieving your goals? BetterHelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist AND you can start communicating in less than 24 hours! Visit betterhelp.com/CHARM to get 10% off your first month and join the over 700,000 people taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional.


Resources from this Episode

Great Leaders Have No Rules by Kevin Kruse

Art of Charm Bootcamp


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube



Key points in this episode

People skills are always important, but when it comes to money, fame, and power, it takes some skill and experience to learn who your friends are and know who is getting close to you because they want something from you, so how do you know who you can trust, and what can you do make sure you don’t get taken advantage of?


What to Listen For


  • What made Violet Benson start the Daddy Issues Instagram account?

  • What can you do to move on after a relationship falls apart that you feel you’ve totally invested yourself in?

  • How can you develop confidence and get rid of that nervous energy you feel when doing something for the first time?

  • What does it even mean to “get to know” more people? 

  • How much can you really know about someone and how do you know when you can trust someone? 

  • What can you do to alleviate tension in conversations with dominant personalities? 


Life is not a friendly game. As humans, large groups of us around the world have managed to carve out a relatively friendly existence, but there will always be those we don’t get along with and those who just like to see the world burn. Social skills are the new survival skills - we need them in order to survive in society as well as to get ahead and thrive. And the more we get ahead, the more we need them. Fortunately, social skills are just like any other skill in that they require practice and experience in order to improve them


A Word From Our Sponsors

Bespoke Post - Get 20% off your first monthly box when you sign up at boxofawesome.com use code AOC at checkout

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Resources from this Episode

Daddy Issues on Instagram

Violet Benson on Instagram

Too Tired to be Crazy podcast


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube





Key points in this episode

Adversity has shaped humanity into who we are now - the most dominant and inventive species on this planet - so what can you do to stop looking at adversity as a roadblock and start looking at it as a necessity to becoming who you want to become?


What to Listen For


  • How can you know when you should trust your gut and when you should trust logic?

  • What can you do to develop your own sense of intuition?

  • Why is embarrassment integral to learning and mastery of a skill?

  • What are the biggest social skills deficits in the workplace today and what should you focus on if you don’t want to lose out on that next job or promotion?

  • What areas of your life should you focus on if hard work is not enough to get ahead in today’s world?

  • How do you make your own privilege and create advantages for yourself in life that no one can take away from you?

  • Why is it so important to think about the intent of a message vs the impact?

  • What can you do to build advantages against biases people might have toward you? 

  • What is Laura Huang’s EDGE acronym stand for and how can you use it to gain an edge over your competition?

  • How do you ask questions at a new job without coming across as incompetent?


If we lived in a world without adversity, what challenges would you face to make you a better person mentally, emotionally, and physically? Many of us wish our lives were easy (or easier) but might not realize how important it is to our development that we are challenged on a regular basis. Unless you experience disappointment, how can you learn to set expectations? Unless you lose someone you care about, how can you learn how to cope with loss? 


Every time you are faced with adversity, it is an opportunity to learn something about yourself and life. You are the product of billions of years of life facing adversity and adapting to deal with it - there’s no reason it has to stop now that you’re stressed out about a job promotion or exam. Face your challenges head-on, use them to your advantage, and learn from them.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Resources from this Episode

Edge: Turning Adversity into Advantage by Laura Huang

Laura Huang’s website

Laura Huang on LinkedIn

Laura Huang on Instagram

Laura Huang on Facebook

Laura Huang on YouTube

Laura Huang on Twitter


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube




Key points in this episode

The tendency to self-sabotage is a part of who we are as humans, but many of us don’t even know when we’re doing it - so what can you do to identify the areas in your life when you tend to self-sabotage and what steps can you take to prevent self-sabotage in the future?


What to Listen For


  • What is self-sabotage and why do we all do it in some form or another?

  • How do we self-diagnose our own self-sabotage and what can we do to stop it so it doesn’t damage our relationships or professional career?

  • Are New Years Resolutions the best way to making changes in our lives, and what should we do if they’re not?

  • What is the biggest misconception surrounding self-sabotage?

  • How do we strengthen our willpower so that in times of potential self-sabotage we don’t fail?

  • What is the L.I.F.E. acronym and how can you use it to identify the areas in your life where you are prone to self-sabotage?

  • How does social media affect our tendency to self-sabotage and what can you do to prevent it?

  • Once you identify the triggers that cause you to self-sabotage, what can you do to change them?

  • What is the difference between diffusing a thought and fusing with one, and why should you try to always avoid one of the two?

  • How do lofty goals lead people to self-sabotage and how should you approach goal setting in a way that doesn’t lead you to feel like a failure when you don’t achieve your goals?

  • What can you do to define your values so you can live a fulfilled life?

  • When you have identified changes you want to make in your life, how do you develop a blueprint for change that you can use to structure and plan the journey to becoming a better version of yourself?

  • How do you avoid self-sabotage in romantic relationships?

  • How much time should you spend on self-development?


Self-sabotage is a tendency we have as humans to create problems for ourselves that get in the way of what we want from life. This tendency can be triggered when we find ourselves in a place of uncertainty or fear, so a great place to start in identifying your own self-sabotaging behaviors is to stop and think the next time you find yourself unsure of what to do next or how to solve an issue in your life. Rather than acting instinctively, take some time and think about how you would normally act in that situation and whether that gets you closer to your goals or pushes you away.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Resources from this Episode

Stop Self-Sabotage by Dr. Judy Ho

Dr. Judy Ho on Twitter

Episode 729: Self-esteem is Bullshit with Dr. Steven Hayes


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube



Key points in this episode

Talking to people we don’t know can be uncomfortable and sometimes terrifying, so why is it so important that we become comfortable with it and overcome the fear, what does science say about the value of talking to strangers, and what can you do to become a master of meeting new people?


What to Listen For


  • Why is it easier for introverts to talk to strangers than friends and family members?

  • Why is it scary for us to talk to people we don’t know and what can you do to overcome that fear?

  • What is a digital device security blanket and how does it put a wall up around each of us?

  • What does science say about the value of small talk with strangers and how can it prevent you from feeling isolated and disconnected from the world around you?

  • Where is the best place to meet new people and what should you say when you introduce yourself?

  • How do you use shared experiences to strike up a conversation with someone you know nothing about?

  • When is it appropriate to compliment a stranger and how do you decide what to compliment someone on?

  • What is a transactional question and how do you ask one without shutting down the conversation before it’s even begun?

  • Can you ask too many questions in a conversation?


The more comfortable you are with talking to strangers, the greater your opportunities become. It’s a simple numbers game. If 1 out of every 100 people could connect you to a great job offer, a new friend, or a romantic partner, then doesn’t it stand that the more people you meet, the greater your chances become of landing your dream job, making new friends, and finding a great partner?


If you are uncomfortable with striking up a conversation with someone out of the blue, your connections and relationships will always be limited to the people already in your social circle and chance encounters (with people who do like striking up conversations with strangers). You only get one life - don’t leave your fate up to chance. Take control and go after what you want. 


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Hiring used to be hard. Multiple job sites, stacks of resumes, a confusing review process. But today, hiring can be easy and you only have to go to one place to get it done: ziprecruiter.com/charm. ZipRecruiter is so effective that 4 out of 5 of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day.


Resources from this Episode

Episode 719: Why Emotional Connection Makes or Breaks a Relationship

Art of Charm Bootcamp

Art of Charm Network

Is Efficiency Overrated? By Gillian M. Sandstrom & Elizabeth W. Dunn

The stare as a stimulus to flight in human subjects: A series of field experiments


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube



Key points in this episode

Finding your voice as a creative can be difficult and frustrating, so how do you stay true to yourself while pushing the boundaries of your work, what can you do to balance the quantity of output versus the quality, and how do you get buy-in on your creative vision when you’re just starting out?


What to Listen For


  • Who does Matt Komo draw inspiration from and how did he get started in film?

  • What can you do to develop your confidence as a creative when it feels like you’re surrounded by people making better content than you?

  • How do you balance quality vs quantity as a content creator?

  • How do you find the balance between your creative side and the business side

  • What can you do get buy-in on your creative vision and get the necessary support to follow through to completion?

  • How much of telling a story falls on the medium itself and how do you change the way you tell a story from one medium to the next?

  • What can you do to handle the creative differences that inevitably arise between you and a client?

  • How do you open yourself up to larger possibilities if you have no frame of reference for what is possible?

  • How do you self-assess the difference between arrogance and confidence?


As a creative, it can be easy to get bogged down by comparing your work to that of other people, especially in today’s world where a simple search can result in countless examples to top-notch work. Fortunately, only you have your perspective on life and your story to tell, so your truth and your voice are unique to you. It will take time and hard work to find your voice, but once you do, no one can take it away from you.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Resources from this Episode

Matt Komo’s YouTube Channel

Matt Komo on Twitter

Matt Komo on Instagram


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Twitter

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube



Key points in this episode

You are pitching anytime you attempt to convey an idea, and pitching effectively in today’s world of short attention spans is getting harder and harder, so what can you do to break every pitch down into 3 minutes, improve your own pitching skills, and make sure that next pitch doesn’t cost you a job, an idea, or a relationship?



What to Listen For


  • What can we do to practice our pitching skills?

  • When are we NOT pitching our ideas or ourselves?

  • How do you stand out in a sea of dozens or hundreds of other pitches?

  • What are the two forms of information being conveyed in a pitch and what can you do to balance them so one doesn’t overpower the other and ruin your pitch?

  • Why are the first 3 minutes of a pitch the most important and how do you make them count so you don’t waste your time?

  • What does it mean to have an inform and lead approach to your pitch and why is it so important in today’s world of hyper-sensitive consumers?

  • What are statements of value and how can using them change your career forever?

  • What is the WHAC acronym, how does it relate to the statements of value, and how does it bring everything together to help you build the ultimate 3-minute pitch?

  • How should you approach follow up after you’ve made a pitch and what should you avoid doing at all cost?

  • What is the telephone challenge and how can you use it to understand what parts of your pitch are the most valuable and least valuable?


You are pitching anytime you are trying to get other people to believe an idea you have. It doesn’t matter if those people are your coworkers, friends, potential customers, or a board of directors - you are pitching, and to be great at pitching requires a different approach now than it did in the past. The era of smooth talking salesmen making grandiose claims and trying to reel you in is over. Our attention spans are shrinking and we have become desensitized to ideas that sound too good to be true. It’s time for the facts.



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!




Resources from this Episode

Episode 790 How To Resolve Conflict Like A Martial Artist with Judy Ringer


Brant Pinvidic’s website


The 3-Minute Rule by Brant Pinvidic


Brant Pinvidic on Twitter


Brant Pinvidic on Instagram



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram


Johnny on Instagram


The Art of Charm on Instagram


The Art of Charm on YouTube



Key points in this episode

Conflict resolution is not a skillset that comes naturally for most of us because our egos will always want to defend us by proving we’re correct at the expense of actually working to a resolution, so what can we do to understand the psychology of conflict resolution and improve our conflict resolution skills?



What to Listen For


  • What core psychological principles cause unnecessary conflict and what can you do to deal with them?

  • What are the different phases of conflict resolution?

  • What can you do to develop the skills required for effective conflict resolution and how can they save you from sabotaging your jobs, friends, or relationship?

  • How did Judy Ringer get her start in conflict resolution?

  • During conflict, why do we default to wanting to be right instead of being curious about the other side, and what can we do to flip that switch so we can deal with conflict more effectively?

  • How can using open questions instead of statements or closed questions lead to an environment better suited for conflict resolution?

  • What does it mean to take responsibility for a conflict even if you’re not actually at fault for what happened?

  • How do you reflect on recent conflicts in order to learn from them and develop your conflict resolution skills?

  • What can you do to journal your conflict resolution journey in a way that helps you grow?

  • What simple tips can you implement to start redirecting conflict toward resolution rather than escalation?

  • As a manager, how do you ask the right questions when trying to resolve a conflict between your employees?

  • What markers can you look for to detect conflict under the surface that might not be apparent at first glance so you know when to step in and stop a spark from growing into a wildfire?


Conflict resolution is a skill most of us have to work on intentionally and consistently because our default as humans is to “resolve” conflicts by proving we’re right rather than trying to understand both sides and come to an actual resolution cooperatively. The best place to start is by recognizing the moment a conflict arises and making the decision to ask questions instead of proving you’re right.



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Vistaprint wants you to be able to “Own the Now” in any situation, which is why our listeners will get 500 high-quality, custom business cards starting at $9.99. Use discount code CHARM at Vistaprint.com.


This Fall, start a new monthly routine that’ll upgrade your life and style with a Box of Awesome from Bespoke Post. Bespoke Post sends guys only the best stuff, every month. So whether you’re looking to craft your own hard-cider or toast perfectly aged Fall cocktails—Box of Awesome has you covered. Get 20% off your first monthly box when you sign up at BoxOfAwesome.com and enter the special discount code AOC at checkout. That’s Box of Awesome dot com, special discount code AOC for 20% off your first box.



Resources from this Episode

Episode 697 - High Value Conflict Resolution


Judy Ringer


Turn Enemies Into Allies: The Art of Peace in the Workplace



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram


Johnny on Instagram


The Art of Charm on Instagram


The Art of Charm on YouTube



Key points in this episode

Leadership skills is a phrase that gets thrown around a lot yet can mean many different things depending on the person using it, so what does “leadership skills” really mean, what does the science say about the value of leadership skills, and what can you do.



What to Listen For


  • What traits do you need to bring to the table as a leader and what can you do to develop them?

  • Why is a strong frame necessary for effective leadership?

  • What does it mean to have a strong frame and what can you do to build one?

  • What tools and techniques can you start using today to be a more effective leader?

  • How do you build leadership skills?

  • Are leadership skills applicable outside of the workplace?

  • What is the CAKE equation and how can you use it to build confidence?

  • What does science say about the value of leadership skills?

  • What are the two leadership styles and which one do we tend to associate with leadership even though it’s not as effective as the other in the long run?

  • How do you work on or start building your leadership skills in your personal life?


It might come as a surprise to some that leadership skills are just as important in your personal life as they are in your professional life because being a leader doesn’t automatically imply ordering people around. That is a specific aspect of leadership and one that great leaders rarely resort to. Being a leader within your social circle can just mean taking the initiative in organizing the next poker night or girls’ night out instead of waiting for someone else to do it. Being a leader can also mean encouraging and supporting your friends in hard times and celebrating them in their successes. Leadership means having the confidence in yourself to raise up those around you without expecting anything in return.



A Word From Our Sponsors

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Resources from this Episode

Frame Analysis: An Essay on the Organization of Experience



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram


Johnny on Instagram


The Art of Charm on Instagram


The Art of Charm on YouTube



Key points in this episode

Storytelling might seem like a skill reserved for dinner parties and family gatherings, but we actually use it in our everyday lives, many times without really knowing it - so what can you do to be more aware of when you’re using it, when you should be using it, and how not using it could be leading you to miss out on crucial opportunities for professional and personal growth?



What to Listen For


  • How did Laura Beil get her start in podcasting?

  • What level of skepticism around the modern healthcare system is appropriate in today’s day and age where you can find countless horror stories throughout the internet?

  • How can you guide people you’re interviewing to tell better stories in response to your questions?

  • What kinds of questions can you ask someone if you want more in-depth answers or explanations?

  • How can you improve your empathy in situations where you’re listening to someone talk about a tragic event in their life?

  • What can you do to bring fresh energy into meetings with your storytelling skills?

  • How do you keep a conversation interesting and lively for hours with someone you have little to nothing in common with?


We use storytelling abilities in our everyday lives because we are either asking other people about themselves or vice versa. A good storyteller knows how to answer questions in a way that intrigues people and keeps them engaged in a conversation as well as ask people the right questions that get them to open up and feel comfortable talking about themselves, both of which deepen the connection between them.



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Vistaprint wants you to be able to “Own the Now” in any situation, which is why our listeners will get 500 high-quality, custom business cards starting at $9.99. Use discount code CHARM at Vistaprint.com.



Resources from this Episode

Laura Beil’s website


Dr. Death - podcast by Laura Beil


Bad Batch - podcast by Laura Beil



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram


Johnny on Instagram


The Art of Charm on Instagram


The Art of Charm on YouTube



Key points in this episode

Many of life’s most powerful lessons come from stories of men and women living through dark and ugly periods in history - but why do we relate to these stories so strongly, what’s the best way to tell a story from your own life about adversity or a struggle you endured, and how do you know when such a story is ready to be told?



What to Listen For


  • What story from history first hooked Daniele Bolleli into pursuing history?

  • How do you remove the bias or spin from news stories in today’s digital era?

  • What made Daniele Bolelli realize he wanted to start podcasting?

  • How do you tell a story in a way that people actually care about the characters involved?

  • How do you find or build in a hook when you’re trying to figure out the best way to tell a story?

  • How do you balance the dark side of a story with the lighthearted side so neither one pushes the audience away?

  • What can you do to add humor to dark stories in a way that doesn’t feel forced or out of place?

  • What can you look for in a story you want to tell if you want to know if it’s ready to be told?

  • How has Daniele Bolelli’s experience in podcasting influenced his own personal storytelling?


Stories from history provide us with archetypes and allow us a glimpse into the human spirit to see what we’re capable of when faced with insurmountable odds or overwhelming tragedy. And one of the most valuable lessons we can take away from all of the stories from history is that everyone involved was human. This is important to remember because we as humans have a habit of disconnecting from people who have accomplished great things and committed great atrocities. When we’re able to identify with the person on a basic level we can be inspired to act as well as develop empathy for those whose lives lead them down dark paths.



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Hiring used to be hard. Multiple job sites, stacks of resumes, a confusing review process. But today, hiring can be easy and you only have to go to one place to get it done: ziprecruiter.com/charm. ZipRecruiter is so effective that 4 out of 5 of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day.



Resources from this Episode

Daniele Bolelli’s website


Daniele Bolelli on Twitter


History on Fire Podcast - most recent episodes available on Luminary



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram


Johnny on Instagram


The Art of Charm on Instagram


The Art of Charm on YouTube





Key points in this episode

Humans are storytellers by nature, so the ability to tell a great story is something we can all learn and develop over time - but where do you start if you want to become a great storyteller, what is the structure of a great story, and how do you practice if you’re not already a public speaker?



What to Listen For


  • What does science tell us about why storytelling is so powerful?

  • What can you do to be a more compelling storyteller?

  • What steps can you follow to tell unforgettable stories?

  • What are the 4 basic steps of storytelling and how can you apply them in everyday life to become a great storyteller?

  • What simple game can you play with family, friends, or strangers to test and improve your storytelling ability?

  • Why are emotions such a crucial aspect of great storytelling and what can you do to incorporate them into your stories?

  • What is the Angel’s Cocktail and how does it make for an unforgettable story?

  • How should you approach storytelling in a professional setting like a networking event versus a personal setting like hanging out with friends or being on a date?

  • How do you tell an engaging story when Powerpoint is involved and what should you avoid doing at all costs?

  • What are the key things you should pay attention to in the audience when presenting?

  • What are the 5 layers of communication and how does knowledge of them tell you who is trustworthy and who is not?

  • What mindset should you adopt to better handle the Q & A after a talk or presentation?


Storytelling is a skill like any other, but that means to become great at it requires you to practice it - how can you become good at anything without adequate repetition? But unlike many other skills, storytelling is something you can practice every single day with anyone you talk to. Just think about something that has happened in your life, large or small, and tell the story of it through the 4 basic steps discussed in this episode.



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Resources from this Episode

How to Avoid Death by Powerpoint - TEDx Talk


The Magical Science of Storytelling - TEDx Talk


The 110 Techniques of Communication and Public Speaking - TEDx Talk


JPUniversity - David JP Phillips’s school for storytelling


David JP Phillips




Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram


Johnny on Instagram


The Art of Charm on Instagram


The Art of Charm on YouTube



Key points in this episode

Storytelling is the glue which has held humanity together over tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of years - but why are stories so important to us, what goes into creating a great story, and what can you do turn any story from your life into a great story worth telling?



What to Listen For


  • Why is storytelling such a valuable skill to have in personal and professional relationships?

  • What can you do to tell engaging and compelling stories?

  • Why is your storytelling ability important for making new friends, building a network, and dating?

  • How does your storytelling ability make or break your performance in sales?

  • Why do many of us focus on the wrong things when telling a story and how is it hindering you socially and professionally?

  • Why are stories so powerful in conveying information and connecting us?

  • How do you structure a story so you’re captivating the listeners and they can’t help but remember you?

  • What is the Hero’s Journey and how has it been used throughout history to structure famous stories in mythology, religion, and literature?

  • What are 8 steps can you follow to turn any story into a great story?

  • How do you turn an average story into a great story?

  • What are the do’s and don’ts of storytelling?

  • What do people connect with most in stories and what puts them off?

  • What is the “curse of knowledge” and how does it hurt your ability to tell great stories?


Humans have likely been telling stories since we first stepped foot on this earth. It is one of our defining features in the animal kingdom and it is the thing that enables us to live and work together in groups, from families to communities to companies to nations. 


Storytelling is indeed an art, but an art with a structure. This structure has been passed down through the ages and can be found throughout the world in various cultures, which means it can be taught and learned. If you want to create strong relationships in your personal life and professional life, then you need to become a great storyteller.



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Skillshare is an online learning community with thousands of classes for creators, entrepreneurs, and curious people everywhere. You can take classes in Film and Video, Marketing, Productivity, and even Entrepreneurship! Join the millions of students already learning on Skillshare today with a special offer just for our listeners: Get two months of Skillshare for free by going to Skillshare.com/CHARM.


Equal Parts is here to help you get into the flow of home cooking, with inviting cookware and coaching designed to introduce new ideas and keep you engaged with the process of cooking, one step at a time. Get into the rhythm of the kitchen, with friendly and inviting cookware, coaching, and guidance from Equal Parts. All with free shipping and free returns. Visit equalparts.com and use discount code CHARM get $50 off any cookware kit over $200!



Resources from this Episode

The Art of Charm Bootcamp


Cooperation and the Evolution of Hunter-Gatherer Storytelling


Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey




Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram


Johnny on Instagram


The Art of Charm on Instagram


The Art of Charm on YouTube



Key points in this episode

Networking can seem like a daunting task for introverts, so what strengths do introverts bring to the table that extroverts do not, what value can you bring to a network if you are just starting out, and how can you utilize today’s technology to amplify your networking ability?  



What to Listen For


  • How can you stand out as an introvert when networking?

  • What is one of the most effective ways to build a network in a fluid job market like Silicon Valley where almost no one stays at one company for more than a couple years?

  • Can you be a master networker if you’re an introvert?

  • What value can you bring to a network when you are just starting out in a new field or career?

  • What strengths do introverts bring to networking that extroverts do not?

  • What can you do to improve your listening skills to make you a better networker?

  • What tools in today’s day and age should you be using to grow and maintain your network?

  • Is email dead?

  • What is the “loose touch” habit and how can you use it to grow and strengthen your network?

  • What is a “third place” and why is it important for you to find yours?

  • How do you balance creating an online brand with oversharing and putting you in a position where companies don’t want to hire you?

  • Why is LinkedIn so pivotal to the world of networking?

  • What questions can you ask yourself when it comes to how you present yourself on social media?

  • How do you set networking goals before attending a conference?

  • What questions should you be asking when meeting new people at a conference or networking event?

  • What do you need to stop doing now when it comes to networking and keeping in touch?

  • What should you be doing when building or growing your network online?

  • What is the “double opt-in” and how can you use it to grow and strengthen your network?

  • What’s the best way to reinitiate contact with people in your network you haven’t talked to in a while?


Networking doesn’t have to be hard if you’re an introvert. Many people tend to think about networking and imagine being at a crowded bar or massive conference, making small talk with dozens of people and amassing business cards, phone numbers, and emails.


But it doesn’t have to be that at all. Simply focus on the people you enjoy working with and share good memories with, and try to have good interactions with them. Go out for coffee every now and then, schedule a lunch, or stay in touch via email. The key is consistency. Stay in people’s lives and make an effort to connect.



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Hiring used to be hard. Multiple job sites, stacks of resumes, a confusing review process. But today, hiring can be easy and you only have to go to one place to get it done: ziprecruiter.com/charm. ZipRecruiter is so effective that 4 out of 5 of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day.



Resources from this Episode

Karen Wickre


Taking the Work Out of Networking by Karen Wickre




Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram


Johnny on Instagram


The Art of Charm on Instagram


The Art of Charm on YouTube






Key points in this episode

Networking is all about people (obviously), but it can be easy to forget that when we’re thinking about what we can get from the relationships in our lives while we should be thinking about what we can give - so how do you start networking with intentions and making sure they are the correct intentions?



What to Listen For


  • Why do you need to write a personal mission statement, and how do you go about constructing one?

  • Why are you likely starting your day off on the wrong foot and what simple step can you take to start every day off on the right foot?

  • Why is it so important to develop a plan with intention in how you go about your day?

  • What questions should you be asking yourself each morning to set yourself up for success?

  • How do you stay in touch after networking events with the people you meet at them?

  • Why is it important in professional as well as personal relationships to regularly make exciting plans weeks or months in advance?

  • What is a simple but powerful idea you can use to start building a solid network right before your next conference or networking event?

  • What value can you offer to someone farther up the ladder of success than you?

  • How do you deal with difficult people at work who refuse to cooperate if they don’t get their way?

  • What question can you ask someone who you’re struggling to work with in order to move past the tension and conflict?


We are human, and unless we make a conscious effort it can be easy for us to default to thinking about ourselves rather than others. However, when it comes to networking, the goal should not be to figure out “what you can get” from those you meet - but what you can give. You can make yourself stand out from the masses simply by putting effort into determining the value you can bring to those whose paths you cross. Understand the needs and wants, the hopes and fears of the people in your life, and go out of your way to help them and your network will know no bounds.



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Hiring used to be hard. Multiple job sites, stacks of resumes, a confusing review process. But today, hiring can be easy and you only have to go to one place to get it done: ziprecruiter.com/charm. ZipRecruiter is so effective that 4 out of 5 of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day.



Resources from this Episode

Brian Dixon’s website


Brian’s TED Talk


The Clarity Sessions - Brian’s Podcast


Start With Your People



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram


Johnny on Instagram


The Art of Charm on Instagram


The Art of Charm on YouTube






Key points in this episode

The best networkers prepare for networking events in order to get the most out of them, but how do you go about preparing for a networking event, what are the do’s and don’ts of networking, and is your first impression shooting you in the foot before you even open your mouth?



What to Listen For


  • What are the do’s and don’ts of networking?

  • How do you handle a networking event if you’re an introvert?

  • What can you do to prepare for a networking event, and do you even need to?

  • How can a bad (or even a neutral) first impression ruin your chances of success at a networking event and what can you do to make a fantastic first impression instead?

  • What kind of research should you do before a networking event?

  • How do you set yourself up for success before and/or during a networking event?

  • How do you choose what to wear for a networking event, and what should you avoid wearing?

  • Where should you hang out at networking events if you want to have the best chance of talking to the individuals you’re trying to meet?

  • Why is it a mistake to make a pitch or try to close a deal when you meet someone at a networking event?

  • What game can you play to make networking opportunities fun and productive?

  • Why is it hurting you to think about what you can take from networking opportunities rather than what you can give?

  • What should you do after a networking event to help you process and learn from the experience?

  • Why is it damaging to your networking potential if you can’t explain what you do in simple terms?

  • What should your elevator pitch attempt to accomplish and why do so many of us focus on the wrong parts?

  • Why do most people fail when it comes to networking and what can you do to set yourself apart from them?

  • How soon after meeting someone at a networking event should you start working on the follow-up?

  • What is a pre-event and how can you plan a simple one to your advantage, setting you apart from most people at a networking event?


Networking is like many endeavors in this world - your results depend on how much work you’re willing to put in. The best networkers prepare for every networking event by making sure their first impression is on point, they know who is going to attend and who they want to meet, they understand how to connect and pitch themselves, and most importantly, they follow up.



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Hiring used to be hard. Multiple job sites, stacks of resumes, a confusing review process. But today, hiring can be easy and you only have to go to one place to get it done: ziprecruiter.com/charm. ZipRecruiter is so effective that 4 out of 5 of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day.



Resources from this Episode

Episode 693: Identifying Low Value Behaviors


Episode 694: Becoming High Value


Episode 781: How To Grow Your Network Through Social Capital




Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram


Johnny on Instagram


The Art of Charm on Instagram


The Art of Charm on YouTube




Key points in this episode

Introduction

Networking has picked up a bad rap over the years, but what exactly is networking, how is your network different from your social circle, and how do you go about building a strong network full of great people and amazing opportunities?


What to Listen For


  • What is the difference between your social circle and your network, and how can the misunderstanding of the difference lead to a loss of opportunities, both personally and professionally?

  • What are the biggest myths surrounding networking?

  • What is social capital and why is your familiarity with it crucial to your ability to network effectively?

  • Why do many of us view networking as transactional, and why is that mindset detrimental to building a strong network?

  • How important is your first impression when building a network versus building a social circle?

  • What is the easiest area to focus on if you want to strengthen your network, and why can ignoring it have detrimental effects?

  • Why are your casual acquaintances more likely to lead to job offers than your close friends?

  • Is it more important to surround yourself with people just starting out, at your level, or further along than you, and why?

  • What common viewpoint can stunt the growth of your network and lead to your network being full of toxic relationships?


A strong network can lead to a healthier personal and professional life for one primary reason: a variety of backgrounds. Your network is different from your social circle (though they can overlap) because the individuals in your social circle are people you spend the most time with, and so they tend to share a similar background as you, which means they are likely to share the same perspectives and values you do. People in your network, however, likely come from a variety of backgrounds and are likely then to have different perspectives, values, and career choices.


This variety helps keep you open to new ideas and perspectives but also drastically expands the number of connections you have because of the sheer number of people that those in your network have access to.



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Skillshare is an online learning community with thousands of classes for creators, entrepreneurs, and curious people everywhere. You can take classes in Film and Video, Marketing, Productivity, and even Entrepreneurship! Join the millions of students already learning on Skillshare today with a special offer just for our listeners: Get two months of Skillshare for free by going to Skillshare.com/CHARM.


Equal Parts is here to help you get into the flow of home cooking, with inviting cookware and coaching designed to introduce new ideas and keep you engaged with the process of cooking, one step at a time. Get into the rhythm of the kitchen, with friendly and inviting cookware, coaching, and guidance from Equal Parts. All with free shipping and free returns. Visit equalparts.com and use discount code CHARM get $50 off any cookware kit over $200!



Resources from this Episode

Episode 693: Identifying Low Value Behaviors


Episode 694: Becoming High Value


“The Strength of Weak Ties” by Mark Granovetter





Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram


Johnny on Instagram


The Art of Charm on Instagram


The Art of Charm on YouTube


Key points in this episode

Some of the most intense and important negotiations humanity has witnessed have taken place in and around the field of battle, but how much do they have in common with the negotiations we engage in on a daily basis, what can civilians learn from how the military successfully approaches its negotiations, and what 5 strategies can you implement today in order to improve your negotiation skills?


What to Listen For


  • What are the most common mistakes people make when negotiating and what can you do to avoid making them?

  • What is the difference between negotiating to create choices and negotiating to reach an agreement, and why should you aim for one while avoiding the other at all costs?

  • Why do most people only think about negotiations in the short term and how can that mindset cause so much damage in the long term?

  • What are the commonalities between life or death military negotiations and negotiations in business?

  • How do you take cultural differences into account when negotiating?

  • What questions should you be asking yourself about the parties in a negotiation if you don’t want to screw it up?

  • What are the 5 strategies of extreme negotiating and how can you use them in important negotiations to everyday negotiations in order to reach a desirable outcome for all parties involved?


Many people tend to enter into negotiations with a short term goal in mind. We want the best deal, or the biggest win for ourselves, regardless of what it costs the other party. Think about when you buy a car - are you thinking about the person you’re buying the car from? What about when you’re negotiating a raise - are you actively trying to understand what is required of you to merit that raise and then clearly conveying to your employer what you’ve done to meet or exceed those requirements?

Every negotiation we engage in has the potential to build or break relationships. If that’s the case, shouldn’t it be in your best interest to focus on building relationships with win-win outcomes versus breaking them with win-lose outcomes?



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Hiring used to be hard. Multiple job sites, stacks of resumes, a confusing review process. But today, hiring can be easy and you only have to go to one place to get it done: ziprecruiter.com/charm. ZipRecruiter is so effective that 4 out of 5 of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day.


Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to Blinkist.com/AOC to start your free trial or get three months off your yearly plan when you join today.



Resources from this Episode

Extreme Negotiations - Harvard Business Review


The West Point Negotiation Project



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram


Johnny on Instagram


The Art of Charm on Instagram


The Art of Charm on YouTube



Key points in this episode

In today’s episode we talk with Wil Schroter. Will is a serial entrepreneur who has started 9 companies since 1994 and sold 4 of them to date. He is currently the CEO and founder of Startups.co, the world's largest startup launch platform.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Join the millions of students already learning on Skillshare today with a special offer just for my listeners: Get two months of Skillshare for free. go to Skillshare.com/CHARM. Again, go to Skillshare.com/CHARM to start your two months now. That’s Skillshare.com/CHARM.


Become a member today by going to feals.com/charm and you’ll get 50% off your first order with free shipping. That’s feals.com/charm to become a member and get 50% automatically taken off your first order with free shipping.  


Hiring used to be hard. Multiple job sites, stacks of resumes, a confusing review process. But today, hiring can be easy and you only have to go to one place to get it done: ziprecruiter.com/charm. ZipRecruiter is so effective that 4 out of 5 of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day.



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube


Key points in this episode

Some of the most important decisions in your life involve negotiating with someone more experienced than you, so what can you do today to make sure you are well prepared for every negotiation to come? 


What to Listen For


  • What can you do to make sure you’re not shooting yourself in the foot when negotiating?

  • What is the difference between negotiating from a place of cooperation versus position?

  • How are you killing opportunities by negotiating with a competitive mindset and what mindset should you be negotiating with if you want to get the most out of every negotiation?

  • What is the Harvard Negotiation Project and what can you take from it to improve your negotiation skills today?

  • How does pressure work against you in negotiations and what can we do to handle it so it doesn’t have detrimental consequences in the long term?

  • What 3 things are you doing to kill your chances of negotiating a raise?

  • What 3 traits are critical to entering a negotiation that allows for a win-win for all parties involved?

  • What is BATNA and why is your understanding of it crucial if you want to negotiate successfully?

  • How do you develop a bulletproof approach to any negotiation?

  • How do you gain agreement from the other party in a negotiation to decrease the chance of it falling through?

  • When negotiating a raise, what should your first point of agreement be between you and your employer?


Negotiating can be both fun and exciting for all parties involved, but it can also be uncomfortable and downright painful. Ideally, we want to avoid the latter, but many of us enter into negotiations from a position that pushes the other party away because we try to come from a place of power and strength. No one wants to be taken advantage of so that is understandable. However, the person we are negotiating with doesn’t want to feel pushed around either, and so a different kind of strength must be used when entering into a negotiation, and that strength comes from a knowledge of what you want as well as what the other person wants. When you do your research and have options, you allow the other party to negotiate with you on what they can offer you versus what you are looking for, rather than saying, “This is what I want and you must give it to me or I’m leaving.” That never ends well for anyone.



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Hiring used to be hard. Multiple job sites, stacks of resumes, a confusing review process. But today, hiring can be easy and you only have to go to one place to get it done: ziprecruiter.com/charm. ZipRecruiter is so effective that 4 out of 5 of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day.


Before you go dropping hundreds of dollars on a pair, you need to check out the wireless earbuds from Raycon! Unlike some of your other wireless options, Raycon earbuds are both stylish and discreet, with no dangling wires or stems. And of course, they don’t just look great. They sound great, too. Go to BuyRaycon.com/CHARM to get 15% off your order!


Clearbanc is changing the way entrepreneurs raise money with equity-free capital. They charge a small flat fee for the capital, and you pay them back using a win-win rev share. If you are doing over ten thousand a month in revenue, find out how you can receive Clearbanc capital by getting your 20-minute term sheet at clearbanc.com/CHARM.


Resources from this Episode

Episode 777: Negotiating: 4 Things You Must Know

Harvard Negotiation Project

Episode 774: The 3 Most Common Hurdles in Decision Making


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube


Key points in this episode

The thought of negotiating can instill feelings of discomfort in many of us because we associate negotiating with trying to create a win for us and a loss for the person we are negotiating with, but how would that change if you had the knowledge and confidence to come up with a win-win for just about every negotiation you entered into?


What to Listen For


  • Where do the misconceptions surrounding negotiating come from and how can a few simple changes in perception improve your ability to negotiate?

  • What is Prospect Theory and how does it cause you to miss out on great opportunities?

  • What is Positional Bargaining?

  • How are Positional Bargaining and Anchoring connected and how can the connection lead you

  • Why will we work harder NOT to lose $100 than we will to earn an extra $100?

  • How can you start improving your negotiating ability today?

  • What is the Harvard Negotiation Project and how can you use your understanding of it to create more win-win negotiations?

  • What are the 4 elements of a negotiation we should look at in order to create a win-win outcome for both parties?

  • What are the boundary conditions of a negotation and how can being aware of them prevent you from losing out on great long term negotiation wins?

  • How does focusing on interests rather than bargaining positions lead to a win-win in negotiations?


We often feel uncomfortable with negotiating a better deal for ourselves because we believe a better deal for us means a worse deal for the other person. That belief, however, comes from focusing on each person’s bargaining positions rather than our interests. You can do this by focusing on the other person’s interests and what you can offer them that is of little value to you but could be of great value to them. This way you are able to negotiate a win for yourself now while making the immediate loss for the other person worthwhile because of what you can offer that person in another capacity. For example, if you negotiate a discount on a computer repair by offering to write the business owner a great review and tell your friends about them, you are making that discount a win for you and the business owner.



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


MyBookie is THE place to bet on football every weekend - they have live, in-game betting on every NFL game. They’ve got the most rewarding player perks in the business and for you fantasy guys out there, you can even bet the over/under on how many fantasy points a player will score each game. Go to MyBookie.ag and double your first deposit using promo code CHARM to activate the offer.



Resources from this Episode

Episode 774: The 3 Most Common Hurdles in Decision Making, And How to Avoid Them

Episode 772: Dan Ariely: How to Defeat Indecision and Regret

Episode 694: Becoming High Value 



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube






Key points in this episode

Finding your voice as an individual is vital to realizing your potential and building a life that allows you to be the best version of yourself, but what does it mean to find your voice, what steps can you take today to discover it, and why will most people die before ever finding their voice?


What to Listen For


  • How do you define a successful networking event and what can you do to make your next networking event a success?

  • Why is it important to discover your voice and use it to express your thoughts on a regular basis?

  • What can you do to find your voice in a world where most people die without ever finding theirs?

  • How do you deal with the blowback that comes from voicing your opinions and beliefs that some people inevitably won’t agree with?

  • What hurdles do women face in social situations inside and outside of work and what can you do as a woman to overcome those hurdles so you don’t miss out on countless opportunities?

  • How do you handle the gender dynamic as a woman in a leadership/management position when you want to command respect and authority?


The more comfortable you become with who you really are and what you believe, the more likely you are to ruffle feathers and offend people. As your work on realizing your potential, your focus should not be on making sure as many people as possible like you or even agree with your ideas. Your focus should be on nourishing the relationships with those around you who value you as an individual for being who you are and standing firm in your beliefs and values.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


MyBookie is THE place to bet on football every weekend - they have live, in-game betting on every NFL game. They’ve got the most rewarding player perks in the business and for you fantasy guys out there, you can even bet the over/under on how many fantasy points a player will score each game. Go to MyBookie.ag and double your first deposit using promo code CHARM to activate the offer.



Resources from this Episode

773: Eric Weinstein Meets The Art Of Charm



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram


Johnny on Instagram


The Art of Charm on Instagram


The Art of Charm on YouTube





Key points in this episode

The narratives we create for ourselves influence everything from life-changing decisions down to what we eat and how we spend our free time, but what exactly is a narrative and how do you go about creating a positive one that pulls you in the direction you want to go in life?


What to Listen For


  • How do you justify a career change if you already have the “perfect” job?

  • What is the one thing you take with you every time you leave a job for a new one, and how can you use that to minimize the regret you might feel for leaving a great job?

  • What is a narrative and why are they so influential when it comes to how we think and make decisions?

  • If you feel you are overanalytical, how do you use it as a strength while making sure it doesn’t cripple you in social situations?

  • What can you do to make networking an enjoyable process rather than something you feel like you have to do in order to grow professionally?

  • How do you become more likable as a coworker?

  • Why is likability more important than hard skills when it comes to being promoted in the workplace?

  • What can you do to increase your value if you feel hindered in the dating pool by a disability?

  • What does it mean to hang on to gifts and memorabilia from past relationships and what does it mean to get rid of them?

  • Can you ever truly stop comparing yourself to others or is it human nature?


You are what you eat - everything you put in your body either makes you healthier or sicker. The same can be said for your narrative - everything you do either strengthens your narrative or weakens it.


For example, if you believe you are not worthy of a promotion at work, you will make decisions every day which strengthen that narrative. However, if you wake up one day and make the choice to believe you are worthy of a promotion, then you can take conscious action to reinforce that narrative by developing positive relationships with your coworkers and supervisors as well as making sure your supervisors know you’re getting the results which make you worthy of the promotion. 


Over time your belief in yourself will override the narrative that was holding you back and the new positive, healthier narrative will take its place.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Feals is Premium CBD delivered directly to your doorstep. Feals naturally helps reduce stress, anxiety, pain, and sleeplessness. New to CBD? Feals offers a free CBD hotline and text message support to help guide your personal experience. Become a member today by going to Feals.com/CHARM and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipping.


Resources from this Episode

Episode 772: Dan Ariely: How to Defeat Indecision and Regret

Episode 766: Michael Herold on Facing the Impossible and Beating it



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube




Key points in this episode

We make decisions throughout every single day of our lives, but only a certain type of decision can lead to regret later on, so how can you identify those decisions before you make them, what can you do to minimize or eliminate any regret they may cause, and what can you do to become a better decision-maker?


What to Listen For


  • Why are some decisions harder than others and how do those decisions make for good self-development?

  • Why do we feel regret and how can we turn it around to use it as a motivator for action?

  • What is opportunity cost, how does it affect our decision-making ability, and how can we eliminate it?

  • What can you do when you find yourself being indecisive without anyone to turn to for help?

  • If you’re an indecisive person, what one thing can you look at in order to better understand the decisions you should make in the future?

  • What is decision fatigue and what can you do to avoid it so it doesn’t lead you to make the wrong decision with long-lasting consequences?

  • What kinds of decisions lead to regret and what kinds do not, and why?

  • Why is attaching a deadline to a decision so helpful in developing good decision-making habits?

  • Why are we wired for indecision and what simple technique can we do to overcome that biological programming?

  • What is the psychological immune system and how does it work in your favor when it comes to how you regret certain types of decisions?

  • Why does a focus on the outcome (of a decision) versus the process 

  • (of making that decision) lead to more regret in life?

  • What are the three hidden pitfalls of striving for ideal outcomes?


Life is full of decisions, big and small and everything in between, and the ability to make those decisions is a skill just like any other, which means it can be learned, practiced, and improved upon, but it also means it can atrophy if you are indecisive too often and for too long. Indecisiveness is not a desirable trait - it shows people you are not confident in the path you’re walking through in life and you don’t value your time, because for every decision you don’t make, you are wasting time, the most precious resource any of us has because it’s the only one you can’t get more of.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Did you know your teeth move as you get older? Candid - the clear alternative to braces - costs 65% less than braces! Candid has an orthodontist licensed in your state create a treatment plan for you (and Candid only uses experienced orthodontists). You can save thousands of dollars and have straighter, brighter teeth in an average of just six months! Learn more at CandidCo.com/CHARM and use discount code CHARM to get $75 off!


Before you go dropping hundreds of dollars on a pair, you need to check out the wireless earbuds from Raycon! Unlike some of your other wireless options, Raycon earbuds are both stylish and discreet, with no dangling wires or stems. And of course, they don’t just look great. They sound great, too. Go to BuyRaycon.com/CHARM to get 15% off your order!


Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to Blinkist.com/AOC to start your free trial or get three months off your yearly plan when you join today.


Resources from this Episode

Episode 772: Dan Ariely: How to Defeat Indecision and Regret

Episode 773: Eric Weinstein Meets The Art Of Charm. Part 1 (Why we need The Portal)

Episode 704: The Bad House Guest: Cognitive Distortions

Episode 700: The Myth of Perfectionism

Episode 754: Steven Hayes on Why Craving Pain is Human


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube


Key points in this episode

Technology has an increasing influence on our lives, but did you know even small concentrated doses, such as working all day on a computer (aka a “tech coma”), can have a significant impact on your ability to interact with other people in healthy?


What to Listen For


  • What is Eric Weinstein trying to do with his new podcast and why should you listen to it?

  • What does the world of professional wrestling know about psychology that most psychology professors and researchers don’t?

  • What is the Intellectual Dark Web (IDW) and what can you learn from about how to have a constructive conversation with people you disagree with?

  • How do you break through disinformation when you’re constantly surrounded by “fake news”?

  • How do you draw a boundary with your personal life if you have a life in the public eye?

  • How is immigration being used to transfer wealth from one group to another and why should we restrict it?

  • How do you take a platform’s algorithm into account when deciding where to get your news and information?

  • How can you become a critical consumer of information in an era driven by narratives and algorithms?

  • Are you defenseless in today’s day and age of corporations tasking incredibly smart individuals to do just about anything to get your attention, even if it means complete fabrication of events?

  • How do you approach conversations when you know you’re going to disagree with the other person?

  • What is bad diversity and how does it distract us from having otherwise constructive conversations?

  • What is a tech coma, how do you know if you are in one, and how does it cause atrophy of your social muscles?

  • How can perfectionism hurt the pursuit of your goals and what can you do if you feel you are a perfectionist?


As technology continues to permeate our everyday existence, it can be easy to let slip the skills that really matter when it comes to living healthy and happy lives. Humans are social creatures, and we rely on social interaction to bring us some of the most meaningful experiences and emotions while we’re alive. Unfortunately, with the way we have developed various technological systems, we are building walls between each of us while claiming the screens on those walls make us more connected than ever. 


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Hiring used to be hard. Multiple job sites, stacks of resumes, a confusing review process. But today, hiring can be easy and you only have to go to one place to get it done: ziprecruiter.com/charm. ZipRecruiter is so effective that 4 out of 5 of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day.


Clearbanc is changing the way entrepreneurs raise money with equity-free capital. They charge a small flat fee for the capital, and you pay them back using a win-win rev share. If you are doing over ten thousand a month in revenue, find out how you can receive Clearbanc capital by getting your 20-minute term sheet at clearbanc.com/CHARM.



Resources from this Episode

The Portal - a podcast by Eric Weinstein

Eric Weinstein on Twitter

Eric Weinstein on YouTube

News Diffs - Tracking Online News Over Time

Episode 772: Dan Ariely: How to Defeat Indecision and Regret

Save the Cat! The Last Book on Screenwriting You’ll Ever Need


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube


Key points in this episode

The harder a decision seems to be for people, the less likely it is that we will spend enough time researching it in order to determine what to do - but why is that, how should we handle the component of time when it comes to waiting to make decisions, and what can you do to eliminate the fear of regret in your life?


What to Listen For


  • Why do we spend a lot of time researching insignificant decisions and little time researching significant decisions?

  • How can you approach life-changing decisions from a neutral point of view so you can make the decision for the right reasons?

  • How do does action versus inaction affect our likelihood to regret a certain event and how can you change your perspective in order to eliminate regret?

  • How do we take time into account when deciding how much time to spend researching minor and major decisions?

  • What are the three types of decisions and how can your awareness of each one help you to avoid wasting valuable time

  • What is anchoring and how does it affect our decision making as we make decisions that build on one another and how can your awareness of it prevent you from falling into an unhealthy trap?

  • What are market norms and social norms and how do they affect your willingness to oblige someone’s request for help?

  • How do market norms reduce the trust between people and turn relationships into economic transactions?


We make decisions that affect our lives every single day. Some decisions are small, some are big, and some are repeated on a regular basis. Unfortunately, we only have so much time to think about these decisions so it can save us a lot of time if we at least understand how to approach each one. Small decisions, like what movie theater to go to or what appetizer to get, should take the least amount of our time since they impact our lives the least, and our time is better spent being present or contemplating more important decisions. Big decisions, like where to live or who to marry, should necessitate more time as they will have lasting effects on our lives. And lastly, decisions that are made regularly, like your morning routine or what to eat each day, should be automated as much as possible to reduce the drain on your willpower so that it can be used for resource-intensive tasks like work, or studying, or solving complex problems in your life. We only have so much time to live - don’t waste it on unimportant issues in your life.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Lumen5 is empowering everyone with the ability to create short-form videos in a matter of minutes. You can transform an article, blog post, or text message into a video. Enter your text and the Lumen5 A.I. will help you summarize your content, and automatically match it with videos and photos. Right now Lumen Five has a special offer just for you! Go to lumen5.com/charm and you’ll get 50 percent off your first month.


Resources from this Episode

Dan Ariely

Dan Ariely on Facebook

Dan Ariely on Twitter

Dan’s podcast Arming the Donkeys

Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely

The Upside of Irrationality by Dan Ariely

The (Honest) Truth About Dishonesty by Dan Ariely

Amazing Decisions by Dan Ariely

The Art of Charm Bootcamp in Vienna


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube


Key points in this episode

Most of us will never undergo professional training in the world of improve and yet we engage in improv almost every day because life is improv - so why should you consider taking an improv class, how does improv relate to self-development, and how can an improv mindset help you to relax in social situations?


What to Listen For


  • How do you compete in a place like Hollywood with people who claim to be or do things that they don’t even do?

  • How should you approach a conversation with someone you look up to when meeting for the first time and why is it such a bad idea to be a fanboy/girl in such a situation?

  • What should your mindset be when first meeting someone and what mindset will likely lead to an undesirable outcome?

  • What is the value in learning improv and how does it relate to your path of self-development?

  • Why is it counterproductive to try to be funny in improv?

  • What signs of codependency can you look for early on in a relationship and what can you do to course correct at that point?

  • How can a relationship become codependent and what can you do to prevent it?

  • How do you make people want to be around you or simply notice you?

  • What can you do to make a great first impression?

  • How can you fix a bad first impression?

  • What can you do to be confident without coming across as arrogant?

  • How do you attract people who want the same things you want out of a fling or relationship?


Improvisational comedy (aka “improv”) is all about going with the flow, and when it comes to life, it is much easier to use the flow of a river to your advantage rather than trying to swim upstream or control the path of the river itself. And this idea applies directly to the conversations we have with people, especially when first meeting someone. Many of you will want to control the direction of a conversation and make sure you are able to highlight the good things about you and what you’ve done, rather than listen to what the other person says and allow the conversation to flow naturally by asking sincere questions and relating to what they’re saying without domineering the discussion itself.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Sun Basket works with the best farms and suppliers to bring you fresh, organic produce and responsibly-sourced meats and seafood. Go to sunbasket.com/artofcharm to get up to $80 off.




Resources from this Episode

Episode 770: Leon Logothetis: Traveling the world relying on kindness

Episode 767: How to Master Communication in a Relationship

Episode 744: Dating Done Right with Evan Marc Katz

Episode 705: Don’t Try to Be Funny - The Art of Improv

Erin Muroski

Erin Muroski on Facebook

Erin Muroski on Twitter

Erin Muroski on Instagram

Final Rose Material - Erin’s podcast



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube






Key points in this episode

Kindness costs you nothing but can change someone’s life forever, even your own - but how do we even define kindness, what does it mean to be genuinely kind, and how can a simple act of kindness have such lasting effects on the people around us?


What to Listen For


  • How do you deal with possible regrets when you make major life-changing decisions?

  • What is the Kindness Diaries and what inspired Leon Logothetis to start his quest for kindness?

  • How do you deal with the pushback that comes from close friends and family when you decide to leave a stable job to pursue your dreams?

  • What was it like for Leon Logothetis to approach a stranger for the first time and how has his approach evolved over time?

  • How can you use body language to allow strangers to feel comfortable talking to you when approaching them in the middle of the day?

  • How does Leon Logothetis choose who he’s going to approach and who he wants to avoid?

  • Are kindness and generosity universal or does it vary by culture?

  • What was Leon Logothetis’s favorite life-changing moment from the show and what did it teach him?

  • How does Leon Logothetis define kindness and what advice does he have for those of us struggling to be kinder in our day to day lives?

  • How can you work on being kind if you’ve been taken advantage of in the past?

  • How can you be kind and strong at the same time so you don’t get taken advantage of?


As Leon Logothetis put it, “Kindness is helping someone else feel less alone.” Loneliness is a feeling we can all relate to, as we have all felt it at one time or another, and many of us feel it regularly in a world where people are feeling increasingly isolated and disconnected from one another and their communities. Kindness can help to rectify that, even if it means one small act of kindness each day. 



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

Before you go dropping hundreds of dollars on a pair, you need to check out the wireless earbuds from Raycon! Unlike some of your other wireless options, Raycon earbuds are both stylish and discreet, with no dangling wires or stems. And of course, they don’t just look great. They sound great, too. Go to BuyRaycon.com/CHARM to get 15% off your order!

Did you know your teeth move as you get older? Candid - the clear alternative to braces - costs 65% less than braces! Candid has an orthodontist licensed in your state create a treatment plan for you (and Candid only uses experienced orthodontists). You can save thousands of dollars and have straighter, brighter teeth in an average of just six months! Learn more at CandidCo.com/CHARM and use discount code CHARM to get $75 off!

Sun Basket works with the best farms and suppliers to bring you fresh, organic produce and responsibly-sourced meats and seafood. Go to sunbasket.com/artofcharm to get up to $80 off.


Resources from this Episode

Episode 769: Laura Heck: avoid these 4 behaviors in any relationship

The Kindness Diaries on Netflix

Go Be Kind by Leon Logothetis


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube



Key points in this episode

The majority of issues we face in relationships can be boiled down to 4 types of behaviors we exhibit. So what are they? How do you identify which ones you exhibit, and what can you do to deal with them in yourself, your partner, friends, family members, and coworkers before they fall apart?

What to Listen For


  • How did the Gottman Institute get started?

  • How much overlap is there between the issues married couples face versus friends, coworkers, and family members and what can we learn from the overlap?

  • What are the biggest issues typically seen in newlyweds and couples first moving in together?

  • What is implied when you stand up at the altar to say, “I do” and what should a conversation about those implications revolve around?

  • What 3 questions should you ask yourself before entering into a couples therapy situation and how do you use these questions to make sure both of you are on the same page when it comes to expectations?

  • What are the 4 problem behaviors that come up in relationships and why is it important to identify YOUR problem behavior before calling out your partner’s?

  • Why is it a bad idea to see a therapist without your partner if you’re having relationship issues?

  • How do relationship problems express themselves through our emotional, mental, and physical well being?

  • How do you deal with criticism whether it’s coming from yourself or your partner?

  • What is the difference between complaining and blaming, and why is one ok and the other is not?

  • How do you deal with defensiveness in a relationship?

  • How can you develop patience when it comes to your partner’s development since we all grow at different speeds?

  • What questions can you ask your partner to show your support for their development and assist in it (if they want you to)?


Relationships are a two-way street, so the issues we face while in relationships are a result of one person’s actions and the other’s reactions. This is not to say that one person is always acting and the other is reacting, but when attempting to tackle issues you have in your relationships, you must acknowledge your role in that issue. The responsibility does not fall 100% on you or the other person, but is shared between the two of you. This applies to romantic relationships, platonic relationships, professional relationships, and familial relationships.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

SAXX Underwear’s patented BallPark Pouch is a game-changer! They have internal mesh panels that keep everything in place, and they're made with super-soft, moisture-wicking fabrics, allowing our boys to breathe and even repel B.O.! Go to SAXX Underwear at SAXXunderwear.com and use the discount code CHARM at checkout to get $5 off – PLUS free shipping on your first purchase!

Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to Blinkist.com/AOC to start your free trial or get three months off your yearly plan when you join today.

Hiring used to be hard. Multiple job sites, stacks of resumes, a confusing review process. But today, hiring can be easy and you only have to go to one place to get it done: ziprecruiter.com/charm. ZipRecruiter is so effective that 4 out of 5 of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day.


Resources from this Episode

YouTube: Making Relationships Work | Dr. Gottman

The Gottman Institute

Marriage Therapy Radio Podcast



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube


Key points in this episode

Establishing boundaries can feel intimidating if you’ve never successfully set them before, so why are they so important when it comes to maintaining healthy relationships? Why does a lack of boundaries often lead to undesirable outcomes? What formula can you follow to start setting boundaries today? We’ll answer all those questions this episode.


What to Listen For


  • What is causing most of the problems in your communication and how can you become more aware of them?

  • Why is it important to set boundaries early on and how do you set boundaries respectfully?

  • How can you be more proactive in dealing with conflict?

  • Who is more likely to win in arguments and why does it not matter in the way you might think it does?

  • What is the best way to approach someone who refuses to acknowledge clearly defined boundaries?

  • Why does a lack of boundaries lead to resentment?

  • How does too much freedom in a relationship lead to you feeling miserable?

  • Why is it important to have clearly defined boundaries between home and work if you don’t have a dedicated work space and how can a lack of boundaries be detrimental to your productivity and your personal relationships?

  • How can you be assertive without coming across as disrespectful?

  • What formula can you follow to establish clear boundaries in your relationships and how can you make it a respectful cooperative effort?


Setting boundaries in a relationship can feel like you are telling someone how to act - but in reality, setting and enforcing healthy boundaries allows you to be comfortable being yourself while communicating who you are and who you want to be to the people you care about. We all have different definitions of what it means to treat someone well and respect their time, so if you don’t communicate YOUR definition of what that is, don’t assume people can read it directly from your mind.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


SAXX Underwear’s patented BallPark Pouch is a game-changer! They have internal mesh panels that keep everything in place, and they're made with super-soft, moisture-wicking fabrics, allowing our boys to breathe and even repel B.O.! Go to SAXX Underwear at SAXXunderwear.com and use the discount code CHARM at checkout to get $5 off – PLUS free shipping on your first purchase!


Sun Basket works with the best farms and suppliers to bring you fresh, organic produce and responsibly-sourced meats and seafood. Go to sunbasket.com/artofcharm to get up to $80 off.



Resources from this Episode

Episode 767: How to master communication in a relationship

Episode 725: Boost Your Emotional Intelligence w/ Michael Ventura


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube


Key points in this episode

Relationships are a two-way street, but when it comes to communication it’s important to understand people have a variety of preferences when it comes to how love and affection are given and received, so what are those preferences, how can you identify what someone’s preferences are, and how can you implement all of this information to build new relationships and strengthen existing ones?


What to Listen For


  • What can you do to strengthen the relationships in your life?

  • What can you do if you think you’re a great listener but people around you keep complaining about you not listening?

  • Why is it a recipe for disaster to look for someone to complete you and what should you be looking for instead?

  • What are the Five Languages of Appreciation and how can you pick the best one for each of your relationships?

  • What are the three parts of communication and how does your awareness of each part help to mitigate miscommunication?

  • How do you identify the love languages of family, friends, and coworkers?

  • Why are openness and vulnerability mandatory when it comes to figuring out the love languages of the people in your life?

  • What little signals can you pay attention to so you can get an idea for how your loved ones communicate?


In order to deepen the connections we have with the people around us, it’s important to understand how the people around us prefer to be treated. Just because you view the giving and receiving of affection one way, doesn’t mean everyone else does as well. Some people prefer to show their appreciation through words, some prefer to show it through gifts, and some prefer the spending of quality time together - and that’s just to name a few.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

Hiring used to be hard. Multiple job sites, stacks of resumes, a confusing review process. But today, hiring can be easy and you only have to go to one place to get it done: ziprecruiter.com/charm. ZipRecruiter is so effective that 4 out of 5 of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day.

Lumen5 is empowering everyone with the ability to create short-form videos in a matter of minutes. You can transform an article, blog post, or text message into a video. Enter your text and the Lumen5 A.I. will help you summarize your content, and automatically match it with videos and photos. Right now Lumen Five has a special offer just for you! Go to lumen5.com/charm and you’ll get 50 percent off your first month.


Resources from this Episode

Episode 719 Why Emotional Connection Makes or Breaks a Relationship

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace by Gary Chapman

The 5 Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman

Learn Your Love Language with this Quiz



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube


Key points in this episode

Personal transformation is a long and arduous process, but we all have to start somewhere, so how do you know when it’s time to make such a drastic change, what can you do to stop from feeling overwhelmed in the beginning, and how do you know when it’s time to graduate from one step to the next?


What to Listen For


  • Why is making a list important in accomplishing your goals?

  • What can you do to deal with the fear of public speaking?

  • What simple exercises can you do right now to expand your comfort zone?

  • How did Michael Herold get his start as a public speaker and coach?

  • What steps should you take when starting out as a public speaker to make sure you feel ready on stage?

  • Where can you get practice as a public speaker if you don’t have a coach and you’re not taking classes?

  • How can you be more appreciative of your significant other after you two settle into the comfort stage of the relationship?

  • How important is it to set aside time for one another when you’re in a relationship?

  • What steps can you take to alleviate feeling overwhelmed when you embark on a journey of self-improvement?

  • How are confidence and competence related when you’re working on your social skills?

  • If your social skills feel rusty, what simple step can you take today to start improving?

  • What can you do to overcome feeling burned out?


For many, embarking on a journey of personal transformation comes after life punches you in the face - that could mean getting fired from a job, getting kicked out of school, going through the end of a relationship, or losing a loved one, just to name a few.


But why does it take such a jarring event to motivate us to improve?


Because transformation is difficult and painful, so to be willing to make a drastic change in yourself means the pain of staying the same must outweigh the pain of change. If you don’t feel the pain of your current situation, then what are the chances you’re going to choose to endure significant pain over a long period of time to change the situation you’re in?



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Manscaped is #1 in men’s below the belt grooming.  Manscaped offers precision engineered tools for manscaping with the right tool for the job. Get 20% Off, Free Shipping, and a free travel bag with the discount code CHARM at Manscaped.com. Your balls will thank you!


Vistaprint wants you to be able to “Own the Now” in any situation, which is why our listeners will get 500 high-quality, custom business cards starting at $9.99. Use discount code CHARM at Vistaprint.com.


Sun Basket works with the best farms and suppliers to bring you fresh, organic produce and responsibly-sourced meats and seafood. Go to sunbasket.com/artofcharm to get up to $80 off.




Resources from this Episode

Michael Herold - Speaker and Coach


Michael Herold on Facebook


762: 3 Signs That it’s Time for Change | Transformation Toolbox 1


763: Had Enough Pain, Yet? | Toolbox 2


764: Brett Bartholomew on why drive matters more than motivation and secrets to peak performance


765: Parents, Part 2: Warren Farrell on The Boy Crisis and Dad Deprivation



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram


Johnny on Instagram


The Art of Charm on Instagram


The Art of Charm on YouTube





Key points in this episode

The role of the father in raising children is often downplayed in society, but what do fathers bring to the table that mothers do not, why does the absence of a father have such long-lasting effects, and what steps can we take today to be there for our children?


What to Listen For


  • What is dad deprivation and what role does it play as a child is growing up?

  • What is the purpose void and why is it more important now that more children are growing up without a father?

  • What are the two primary purposes in a man’s life and how has the development of society made it more difficult for men to feel fulfilled in either one?

  • How does porn become addictive to young men and how does it shift the way men view women, sex, and relationships?

  • What are the primary differences between mom-style parenting and dad-style parenting?

  • What is the single biggest predictor of success and how do you teach it to children?

  • How do you teach postponement of gratification to children and why is it so important to building the life you want?

  • What is the difference between being aggressive and being assertive?

  • What can you do to reverse ADHD?

  • What role do family dinner nights have in a child’s development and what 5 things can you do to make those family dinners constructive rather than destructive?

  • What steps can we take today to improve as parents?


The father in many shows and movies seems to be there just for comic relief by being a hardass or totally incompetent while the mother is portrayed as “the real parent.”

But the father’s role in raising kids is significantly more important than we tend to give it credit for.

As Warren Farrell stated, “Children who have father involvement are far less likely to be obese, far less likely to have ADHD, far less likely to do worse in every single academic area, and far less likely to be depressed or commit suicide.”

And those are just a few of the effects that a good father has on his kids.

It’s crucial there be a balance of masculine and feminine influence in a child’s life in order for that child to grow into a well-rounded human being able to handle the ups and downs and twists and turns of life. It is the tension created by the difference between the parents that allows their children to find a happy medium that works for who they are.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

SAXX Underwear’s patented BallPark Pouch is a game-changer! They have internal mesh panels that keep everything in place, and they're made with super-soft, moisture-wicking fabrics, allowing our boys to breathe and even repel B.O.! Go to SAXX Underwear at SAXXunderwear.com and use the discount code CHARM at checkout to get $5 off – PLUS free shipping on your first purchase!




Resources from this Episode

Warren Farrell’s website

Why Men Are the Way They Are by Warren Farrell

The Myth of Male Power by Warren Farrell

The Boy Crisis by Warren Farrell


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube




Key points in this episode

Coaching athletes, or anyone for that matter, does not come with a simple one-size-fits-all approach, so what does effective coaching look like, what do you need to know about those you’re coaching, and who do coaches get coached by?


What to Listen For


  • How did Brett Bartholomew get started in the world of strength training and coaching?

  • How do you get buy-in with athletes you’re coaching to make sure they follow your program without getting distracted by all the other information they’re bombarded with?

  • What do you need to know about your athletes in order to best coach them and how do you tie it in with a responsible message?

  • What is the Harvard 4 Drive Model and how can you start using it today to teach or coach more effectively?

  • What 3 steps can you use to better relate to other people and build better relationships with coworkers, students, and athletes?

  • How do you develop self-awareness and what should you look for in your own life to start with?

  • What are the 3 stages of internal identification and how does it relate to the development of self-awareness?

  • What is imposter syndrome and how do you deal with it so you don’t sabotage your career or relationships?

  • What kind of coaches do coaches get coached by?

  • What is the difference between being responsive and being reactive?

  • How can you be more responsive without being reactive?

  • How do you find your own motivation and help others find theirs?

  • How do you stay motivated as a coach?


There are a variety of factors that influence your ability to coach someone effectively. First and foremost, your athlete (or student) must trust and respect you, otherwise, she won’t believe you know what you’re doing. So you must build a working relationship with your athletes, and that means understanding their self-awareness levels, working together to identify their strengths and weaknesses, what drives them and what their ambitions are, and getting a feel for how each one learns best.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Access a World of Knowledge! Unlimited video learning with the World's Greatest Professors at The Great Courses Plus. Start your Free Month trial now by going to thegreatcoursesplus.com/charm.


Sun Basket works with the best farms and suppliers to bring you fresh, organic produce and responsibly-sourced meats and seafood. Go to sunbasket.com/artofcharm to get up to $80 off.


Resources from this Episode

The Art of Coaching with Brett Bartholomew

Harvard 4-Drive Model - Harvard Business Review



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube


Key points in this episode

We all know change can be hard, so embarking on a journey of self-development and transformation means there will be pain involved - but is it possible to endure pain without also suffering? Why is it important to have a larger overarching goal throughout your journey, and what actionable steps can you take today to reduce the time and energy it might take to reach your transformation goals?


What to Listen For


  • Why is pain an unavoidable part of personal transformation, and what is the best way to approach such pain?

  • What is the difference between pain and suffering?

  • How do you figure out your values and why are they important when it comes to pursuing a fulfilling life?

  • Why is it important to have a larger overarching goal on your journey toward self-actualization?

  • Why is a reactive mindset counterproductive to happiness and fulfillment in life, and what steps can you take to turn your reactive mindset into a proactive one?

  • What one question can you ask yourself to take back power and control over your life?

  • How do you find meaning in terrible situations so you can thrive?

  • What signs can you be on the lookout for to identify if you are struggling with resistance on your path to transformation?

  • What 3 questions should you ask yourself in order to put your transformation goals into achievable steps?


When you work out or train for an event, it’s important to push your body to its limits at various times so those limits can grow and you can improve as an athlete. You know when you are approaching those limits because of the pain you feel in your muscles, but if you stop when your muscles start to burn, you will not achieve the same results as someone who pushes through the pain to run the extra mile or get one more rep in.


When confronting resistance or pain on your journey to self-actualization, you can choose to suffer in response, or you can recognize the value of the pain and push through it.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

Access a World of Knowledge! Unlimited video learning with the World's Greatest Professors at The Great Courses Plus. Start your Free Month trial now by going to thegreatcoursesplus.com/charm.


Resources from this Episode

Episode 762: 3 Signs That it’s Time for Change

Implementation Intentions: Strong Effects of Simple Plans

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill

Episode 740: How Defined Values Lead to Long-term Happiness | w/ Russ Harris

Episode 729: Self-esteem is Bullshit | w/ Steven Hayes


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube



Key points in this episode

Transformation can be accidental or intentional, but if you are going to change and grow as a person, wouldn’t you want to have a say in how you grow and who you become?


What to Listen For


  • Why are only the courageous drawn to self-development?

  • How do you turn envy into a motivator rather than trying to hide it or eliminate it?

  • What question can you ask yourself to make feelings of envy work for you?

  • What is experiential avoidance and how is it correlated with low levels of life satisfaction?

  • What are “doomers” and “bloomers” and how do doomers become bloomers?

  • What should be your next move if you reach a point in your life and realize you haven’t accomplished anything?

  • Why might procrastination be doing more damage to your future than you think, and what can you do about it?

  • If you want to change your future, where is the best place to start and why might it not be the place you think?

  • What is the difference between living life on the offense and living life on the defense, and why does one of the two make it far more difficult to achieve your goals?

  • How does the pursuit of self-actualization lead to a snowball effect?

  • What is the 5-5-5 technique and how can it prevent you from falling into a powerless state of mind?


Self-development is only for the courageous. You must have the courage to face yourself and be honest about who you are and what you want. You must have the courage to identify your weaknesses and ask for help so you know where to start and what to work on. You must have the courage to live life on the offense so you can take intentional steps every single day toward who you want to become, even if it means falling and getting back on the horse.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


SAXX Underwear’s patented BallPark Pouch is a game-changer! They have internal mesh panels that keep everything in place, and they're made with super-soft, moisture-wicking fabrics, allowing our boys to breathe and even repel B.O.! Go to SAXX Underwear at SAXXunderwear.com and use the discount code CHARM at checkout to get $5 off – PLUS free shipping on your first purchase!


Access a World of Knowledge! Unlimited video learning with the World's Greatest Professors at The Great Courses Plus. Start your Free Month trial now by going to thegreatcoursesplus.com/charm.


Get $100 off the ‘eero base unit and 2 beacons package,’ and 1 year of eero Plus. The new eero (2nd generation) and eero Beacon allow a customer to build a WiFi system that’s more perfectly tailored to their home than ever before! Visit eero.com/charm and at checkout enter discount code CHARM


Sun Basket works with the best farms and suppliers to bring you fresh, organic produce and responsibly-sourced meats and seafood. Go to sunbasket.com/artofcharm to get up to $80 off.


Resources from this Episode

Thus Spoke Zarathustra

Procrastination and the priority of short-term mood regulation

Episode 718 with Chris “Drama” Pfaff - Overcoming Social Anxiety in Your Career

Power affects performance when the pressure is on: evidence for low-power threat and high-power lift


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram


Key points in this episode

Where do you even begin if you want to get better at meeting people? Improving your communication skills is an excellent place to start. Communication is important in relationships, and even more important when dating. We’ll dig into best practices, tips and strategies for dating and meeting new people with Dr Laura Berman.

What to Listen For


  • What drew Dr. Laura Berman to relationship and sex therapy?

  • What is the current state of sex ed in schools and why is it so inadequate?

  • How does porn affect the way you get aroused and why is it doing more harm than good?

  • What is the fundamental problem with the paradox of choice when it comes to dating and dating apps?

  • Why is it so important to think about how you want someone to make you feel and how does clarifying that make dating easier?

  • Can you use DNA to find your perfect match?

  • What is the best way for you to approach dating in the #MeToo era?

  • How quickly should you move from dating app to meeting and why is it risky to draw it out?

  • Where can you practice conversational skills in low-risk areas and what happens if you don’t practice these skills?

  • How should you go into dating as a parent and why is it so different?

  • If you are dating as a parent, when is the best time to bring up that you have a child?

  • What can I do if my mind goes blank every time I try to talk to someone I’m interested in?

  • How do you keep the intimacy going in a long term relationship?

  • What is the biggest behavioral predictor of sexual health in a relationship?

  • What is the “want” underlying the desire to “spice it up” in the bedroom?

  • What do you do if you realize your partner is no longer attracted to you?

  • How do you rewrite your story so you can break out of dating the same type of people?


Remember: A big part of having good communication is being honest with yourself. If you are honest with yourself, you know what you like and don’t like, you know what you’re good at and what you’re not. That automatically filters out potential dates or relationships that come racing in from your dating app. And if you are honest with other people about who you are and what you want, it makes it easier for them to decide whether or not they want to keep spending time together.


Being honest with yourself and with other people saves you headaches, confusion, and time - and time is the most valuable thing we have as human beings.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

Vistaprint wants you to be able to “Own the Now” in any situation, which is why our listeners will get 500 high-quality, custom business cards starting at $9.99. Use discount code CHARM at Vistaprint.com.

SAXX Underwear’s patented BallPark Pouch is a game-changer! They have internal mesh panels that keep everything in place, and they're made with super-soft, moisture-wicking fabrics, allowing our boys to breathe and even repel B.O.! Go to SAXX Underwear at SAXXunderwear.com and use the discount code CHARM at checkout to get $5 off – PLUS free shipping on your first purchase!

Manscaped is #1 in men’s below the belt grooming.  Manscaped offers precision engineered tools for manscaping with the right tool for the job. Get 20% Off, Free Shipping, and a free travel bag with the discount code CHARM at Manscaped.com. Your balls will thank you!



Resources from this Episode

Dr Laura Berman

Quantum Love by Dr Laura Berman

Dr Laura Berman on Facebook

Dr Laura Berman on Twitter

Dr Laura Berman on Instagram

Dr Laura Berman on YouTube

Uncovered Podcast with Dr Laura Berman


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram


Key points in this episode

This month and next, we decided to dedicate two episodes to parents and the valuable role parenting plays in our development as social beings.


On this episode, AJ and Johnny speak with Dr. Alexandra Sacks, about Matrescence - the transition a woman goes through when she becomes a mother. You might be thinking, "well we call that pregnancy," but matrescence is broader than just the changes a mother goes through during pregnancy.


Just as teenagers go through hormonal change and a reshaping of identity, matrescence operates in a similar fashion. Understanding and preparing for this life chapter can bring a more rich and meaningful experience to parenthood.


Dr. Sacks is a reproductive psychiatrist at Columbia University Medical Center and Host of a new podcast called, Motherhood Sessions.

gimletmedia.com/shows/motherhood-sessions


Access a World of Knowledge! Unlimited video learning with the World's Greatest Professors at The Great Courses Plus. Start your Free Month trial now by going to thegreatcoursesplus.com/charm.



Key points in this episode

Dating can seem like a torturous uphill battle for many men and women, but it doesn’t have to be - understanding how and why we are attracted to one another can have a significant positive impact on your ability to find happiness in your love life, but how do you take the science behind attraction and use it to make dating fun and engaging?



  • What is signaling theory?

  • What are fitness indicators and why are they so important to understand in the dating scenario?

  • What scientifically is shown to make you more attractive in terms of signaling?

  • How much of our behavior is guided by natural selection and what does the answer imply about humanity?

  • When you want to dance in a social setting, what is more important than being able to dance well?

  • What are many people doing wrong when it comes to their profiles on dating apps?

  • What should you include in your dating app profile?

  • Should you get professional photos done to use on dating apps?

  • Why are we entering a new era of dating and what can you do to ensure you’re able to adapt?

  • Why is working out a crucial foundation to start with when it comes to working on yourself from a self-development perspective?

  • What is a tender defender and why should you aspire to it?

  • What does it mean to stay true to yourself and how might you be interpreting it in a way that sabotages your behavior?

  • As a parent, how do you create an environment for your child to develop grit, success, and resilience when they reach the dating age?


Remember that you are alive today because every one of your ancestors was able to find a partner and start a family. You have the genetics to find the relationship you want, but it will likely take work to find it. Not only is it important for you to want to work on yourself for the sake of striving to be the best version of yourself, but it’s also important for potential partners to see that in you, so they know you are open to new ideas and experiences as well as always wanting to work on being the best partner.



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

Hiring used to be hard. Multiple job sites, stacks of resumes, a confusing review process. But today, hiring can be easy and you only have to go to one place to get it done: ziprecruiter.com/charm. ZipRecruiter is so effective that 4 out of 5 of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day.

Access a World of Knowledge! Unlimited video learning with the World's Greatest Professors at The Great Courses Plus. Start your Free Month trial now by going to thegreatcoursesplus.com/charm.

Proper Cloth makes it EASY for men to buy dress shirts that fit perfectly without setting foot in a store or paying a fortune. Get $20 off your first custom shirt by going to propercloth.com/aoc.

Babbel is the new way to learn a foreign language. You can try Babbel for free. Download the app or text discount code CHARM to 484848. 


Resources from this Episode

The Mating Mind by Geoffrey Miller

Geoffrey Miller’s website


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram



Key points in this episode

Understanding social cues and nonverbal communication is arguably more important now than ever - but what does it mean to communicate with someone nonverbally, how much can you say with the delivery of words and the way you carry yourself compared to the words themselves, and why is it important to continue developing your social skills outside of dating and meeting people?


What to Listen For


  • Is dating really just a numbers game?

  • Why is initial chemistry a terrible way of determining compatibility and what should you look at instead?

  • Why is the 20th-century version of dating no longer applicable in today’s way of life?

  • How can you experience something together on the first date that contributes to cultivating chemistry?

  • Why is physical contact so important when it comes to getting to know someone you’re interested in?

  • What should you pay attention to when it comes to flirting, and what are most people incorrectly paying attention to?

  • How does your body language communicate more about you than what you say and how do you improve it so you don’t self-sabotage when meeting someone you’re genuinely interested in?

  • How do you listen with your eyes and ears and why is it so important when it comes to understanding what someone is communicating?

  • How do many of us view flirting in a conversation and how is it doing more harm than good?

  • What should you focus on when flirting with someone you’re interested in?

  • How do you pick up on when someone is flirting with you?

  • What signals can you look for to know when someone is interested in you?

  • What is the difference between negative, neutral, and positive body language and when is each one important to display in a conversation?


Social skills are arguably more important now than ever because of the way we have allowed technology to augment the way we communicate. We have mistakenly assumed the words we speak or write are the most valuable aspect of communication, and as a result, we aren’t impressing upon younger generations just how important it is to communicate with eye contact, tonality, physical contact, body language, and everything else that goes along with the words we use.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Access a World of Knowledge! Unlimited video learning with the World's Greatest Professors at The Great Courses Plus. Start your Free Month trial now by going to thegreatcoursesplus.com/charm


Babbel is the new way to learn a foreign language. You can try Babbel for free. Download the app or text discount code CHARM to 484848.


Vistaprint wants you to be able to “Own the Now” in any situation, which is why our listeners will get 500 high-quality, custom business cards starting at $9.99. Use discount code CHARM at Vistaprint.com.



Resources from this Episode

Episode 742: The Hidden Power of Relationships


Episode 743: Relationship Goals: Love, Friends & Work


Episode 744: Dating Done Right With Evan Marc Katz


Episode 757: The New Rules to Dating





Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram


Johnny on Instagram


The Art of Charm on Instagram








Key points in this episode

Dating has evolved due to the influence of technology and the way we communicate - but has the evolution been for the good of all, are all these options helping or hindering us, and why is it still just as important to meet face to face instead of trying to connect via text?

What to Listen For


  • How do dating apps remove the fun from dating and what can you do to make dating fun again?

  • How do you create chemistry with someone you’re interested in?

  • What are the three ways you can meet someone you might want to date?

  • How do you decide where to meet new people who are more likely to be compatible with you?

  • What are you doing to sabotage yourself every time you go out to meet new people?

  • How do you become addicted to falling in love and what can you do if you feel you are?

  • What is limerence and how does it prevent you from building healthy relationships?

  • Texting is effective in 2 primary ways, so what are they and why should you avoid using it for other reasons?

  • How can too much texting set you up for failure before meeting up with someone?


The smartphone had a drastic impact on meeting new people and building connections. Texting has become the default form of communication for many, and now you can find new “matches” whenever you have a moment to open an app and glance at some pictures before swiping left or right. But meeting people through apps is just one of three ways you can expand your social circle and improve your dating life, and while texting is convenient, it is still vastly inferior to having a conversation face to face.

This can put many of you in a situation where you’re always searching for that rush of meeting someone new. Unfortunately, when that rush dissipates and you don’t feel invested it can be too easy to simply find a new match, leading to many surface-level interactions instead of genuine long-lasting connections. There’s nothing wrong with surface-level interactions, but if you do want more meaningful connections then it’s important to take the time to get to know people and spend time with them in person.


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Resources from this Episode

Episode 742: The Hidden Power of Relationships

Episode 743: Relationship Goals: Love, Friends & Work

Episode 744: Dating Done Right With Evan Marc Katz


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram







Key points in this episode

Relationships are built on trust, but that trust must be maintained over the years with intentional conversations to ensure that both people are on the same page - but how do you approach those conversations in a way that is healthy and promotes open & honest communication so that both of you are comfortable discussing uncomfortable topics?t

What to Listen For


  • How did Jill Coleman get into the fitness industry and find her calling?

  • What can you do to overcome the negativity when it comes to having a public life?

  • How many relationships actually survive infidelity?

  • What can you look for to know whether or not it’s worth it to build a friendship with an ex-partner?

  • What are the 2 parts to communication and why will your relationship fail if you don’t understand them?

  • How do you stay focused on improving yourself rather than getting caught up in trying to fix other people?

  • What is the difference between making something your fault and taking responsibility for it?

  • What is the 3 S system to have an honest conversation about something you’re struggling to discuss?

  • How do you set boundaries with someone when you’re not sure what the relationship is?

  • How do you know when to have the conversation about intentions and expectations with someone you’re dating?

  • If you’re feeling jealous or insecure about your partner, should you be honest about it?

  • Why is it important to be able to trust yourself before you can trust other people?

  • How do you deal with toxic relationships when there are children involved?


Trust is an interesting facet of human interaction. We learn about people by having conversations with them, seeing how they react to a variety of events and circumstances, and understanding the way they make us feel. Trust is something that can take weeks, months, or years to build, can be lost in a moment, and sometimes can never be rebuilt.



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


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Resources from this Episode

Jill Fit website

The Best Life Podcast

Jill Coleman on Instagram



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram


Key points in this episode

Many of us tend to overlook one of the greatest sources of wisdom in our lives - our elders - but how much can you learn from one simple conversation, what can you do to better connect with your elders, and what are the secrets to a long and happy life?


What to Listen For


  • Why is it important to maintain relationships with our elders and what can we learn from them, even in a technology dominated world?

  • Are older generations facing the same level of loneliness that modern generations seem to be facing en masse?

  • What do the elderly point to as secrets to a longer and happier life?

  • What is one simple act you can do every time you run into someone you know that can strengthen the bond between you two?

  • If you’re looking for a mentor, what can you do to approach an elder you’re interested in learning from?

  • How do you connect with people from older generations if you feel you have nothing in common?

  • What can you do to mend broken relationships before it’s too late?

  • What simple mental exercise can you do to develop your sense of empathy when it comes to getting to know your elders?


We live in an interesting time in human history. In many cultures around the world and for as far back as we can tell, the elders in a community have been revered for their experience and wisdom. But now, if you live in a country like the United States, you have undoubtedly seen or heard of our elders being treated as if they are “extra weight” we have to live with as a society. Retirement homes and nursing homes are ripe with older generations who are treated like stubborn patients rather than the wise and experienced members of society they are.


But there is so much we can learn from our elders. The stories they can tell are the stories of past lives, of struggle and adversity, and the lessons only decades of experience can teach us. Remember the next time you encounter one of your elders, that reaching old age can feel lonely for many people. Friends have passed away. Family members and loved ones might only be checking in on occasion. Our elders are an untapped resource and need our presence in their lives just as much as we unknowingly need theirs.



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Fundrise is the future of real estate investing. The platform’s innovations power an investor-first model by eliminating the bloated costs and middlemen that have traditionally weighed down real estate investing — saving you time and money. Visit fundrise.com/aoc to have your first 3 months of fees waived.


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Babbel is the new way to learn a foreign language. You can try Babbel for free. Download the app or text discount code CHARM to 484848.


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Resources from this Episode

Life Lessons from the Oldest and Wisest

David Romanelli


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AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram


Key points in this episode

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is one of the most effective methods to increase psychological flexibility - but what exactly is ACT, how can it decrease the suffering in your life, and why is it so crucial to leading a happy and fulfilling life, especially in this day and age?

What to Listen For


  • What is the bus driver metaphor and how can you use it to prevent your thoughts and feelings from controlling you?

  • What is ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) and why is it so effective?

  • What one question can you ask yourself to determine why something is important to you?

  • Why is it important to us to experience the full range of emotions, rather than just the good ones?

  • How can you learn to appreciate negative feelings just as much as positive ones so you can decrease the suffering in your life?

  • What can you do to turn negative feelings (like anxiety) into a guiding compass for what you want in life?

  • What has been the biggest challenge with the way our lives have been infused with technology and what can you do to lessen the negative impacts?

  • How dominant is the comparison of more versus less in our heads?

  • What is the best way to start overcoming your anxiety, and why might it seem counterintuitive at first?

  • What simple exercise can you do to transform your mental state whenever you want?


Pain is unavoidable. One could argue it is the most important stimulus for change and growth in a person’s life. And if pain is that important, then having a mindset or method for dealing with pain can only benefit you in the long run. If you allow yourself to get hung up on painful moments and refuse to learn from them, then you will only increase the suffering you experience.


Acceptance and Commitment Therapy helps individuals to shift their perspective on pain and suffering by improving their psychological flexibility. Think of it as a tree in a storm. If that tree is stiff, it will eventually snap under enough stress, but if the tree is flexible, no matter how hard the wind blows, the tree will simply bend until the storm has passed.


Do you want to snap under the stress of life? Or do you want to bend, and come out the other side stronger and wiser?


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

Babbel is the new way to learn a foreign language.You can try Babbel for free. Download the app or text CHARM to 484848.

Access a World of Knowledge. Unlimited video learning with the World's Greatest Professors at The Great Courses Plus. Start your Free Month trial now by going to thegreatcoursesplus.com/charm

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Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to blinkist.com/aoc to start your FREE trial or get 3 months off your yearly plan.


Resources from this Episode

Episode 729: Self-esteem is Bullshit

Steven Hayes

Episode 727: Sugar Ray Leonard

Mental Brakes to Avoid Mental Breaks | Steven Hayes | TEDx

How love turns pain into purpose | Steven Hayes | TEDx


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram


Key points in this episode

In a world of seemingly limitless options, how can you know if a person is THE person for you, what questions can you ask yourself to determine if you’re even ready for a relationship, and how do you stop money from driving you two apart the way it does for countless relationships and marriages?

What to Listen For


  • How can you know who to settle down with in a world of seemingly limitless options?

  • What are 3 questions to ask yourself to help you understand if you’re with the right person?

  • Why is it detrimental to a relationship if you enter it with expectations for either one of you to change?

  • How do you get a complete picture of someone to know whether he or she is someone you want to be in a relationship with?

  • In what ways do you have to change your mindset to make a committed relationship work?

  • What questions should you ask yourself to determine whether or not you’re ready for a relationship?

  • How does your relationship with money impact your relationship with your significant other?

  • What 3 step conversation can you have with your significant other so you both can understand each other’s relationship with money and save yourslf years of headaches and arguments?

  • If you want your relationship to grow, where does that growth have to start?

  • Why do people in relationships grow apart, how do you recognize it when it begins, and what can you do to stop it from breaking the relationship?

  • What two factors are shown by science to be the greatest predictors of divorce in satisfied newly weds?


To say relationships are complex is an understatement. We are all different, and we all have different needs and wants along with different expectations for how those needs and wants should be satisfied. This is why communication is crucial, both communication with yourself and communication with your significant other. If you want to give a relationship the best chance of success you must be willing to talk about your needs, wants, and expectations in any number of areas. Ask the right questions, ask the hard questions, and be willing to adapt and adjust to each other as you go through life.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

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Resources from this Episode

Uncertainty can cause more stress than inevitable pain

744: Dating Done Right With Evan Marc Katz

Why do even satisfied newlyweds eventually go on to divorce?


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram


Key points in this episode

Uncertainty is an unavoidable part of life, and for many, it can feel overwhelming - but what important lessons can your relationship with uncertainty teach you, how can you improve the relationship with uncertainty, and what are some real-world examples of handling uncertainty in a positive way?


What to Listen For


  • How can purpose help you overcome and push through uncertainty in life when making big decisions as well as small decisions?

  • What exercise can you start doing now to help you deal with anxiety and uncertainty in your everyday life?

  • How does indecisiveness impact the feeling of uncertainty in life and what can you do if you have a bad relationship with indecisiveness?

  • What is the best advice for someone entering a leadership role at work for the first time?

  • Why is communication so important in a leadership or management role and what tips can you start implementing today to improve your team’s productivity?

  • What do many of us do to contribute to a toxic work environment and what can you do to start reversing the damage before it’s too late?

  • How do you make friends when moving to a new city where you don’t know anyone?

  • What easy questions can you use at the next meetup or networking event to spark conversations with new people?

  • What’s the best way to follow up with new contacts after a networking event?

  • What is the Social Sales Funnel and why is it so effective at building new friendships and relationships no matter where you live?


As humans, we evolved to look for patterns in order to feel more secure about our surroundings, because a lack of familiarity in the wild could mean you are not in a safe location. Uncertainty makes its appearance in the form of not knowing how something will turn out - that job interview, the presentation at work, the third date with your new crush, whether or not you’ll be able to sell the house in time, etc. The list goes on forever because there is an infinite number of events to be uncertain about, and depending on how attached you are to the event (or more likely, the outcome of the event), the more stress and anxiety the uncertainty can cause you.


It is critical to your future happiness and success to be comfortable with the discomfort uncertainty brings because life is full of uncertainty and there is no way to eliminate it from your life. Start building a positive relationship with uncertainty today and you will certainly be closer to a more enjoyable life tomorrow.



A Word From Our Sponsors

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Go to stateandliberty.com and type in the code CHARM to get 10% off your first order or mention this podcast at any of their locations.




Resources from this Episode

Uncertainty can cause more stress than inevitable pain

Episode 743: Relationship Goals: Love, Friends & Work



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram


The Art of Charm on Instagram





Key points in this episode

Your habits and systems determine how successful you can become, but what habits and systems can you implement in your professional life and personal life to reduce unnecessary stress and frustration while creating more space in your calendar and your mind to focus on the important things?


What to Listen For


  • What role do habits and systems play in determining your potential for success?

  • How do you balance life and work as an entrepreneur?

  • What is David Henzel’s definition of happiness and how can you use his approach to happiness to help strengthen your own?

  • What can you start doing today to take the pressure off of you in situations ranging from one-on-one settings all the way to a public speaking event?

  • How do you build trust with someone you care about when he or she starts pulling away?

  • If you recognize toxic behavior in yourself, what can you do to deal with it so you stop causing damage to the relationships in your life?

  • How do you set boundaries without coming across as harsh or rude?

  • What can you do to start making friends after school or outside of work and church?

  • How can you use Facebook Ads to network, make friends, and even find a date?

  • What red flags should you look for when making friends or looking for dates in order to save yourself time and heartache?

  • How do you allow someone back into your life who used to be toxic and is clearly making an effort to improve?


Balance can be a difficult goal to hit because of how often things in our lives change. Friends and relationships come and go. Work will always have highs and lows and many of us jump from job to job every few years. Money comes and goes. Our hobbies and interests evolve over time. Our bodies age and demand different levels of care from us. 

Throughout all of this, it’s important for our mental, emotional, and physical well being that we maintain some semblance of balance. 

Socializing is important, meaningful work is important, relaxing is important, working out is important, exposing yourself to new people and new ideas is important, but spending all of your time on any one of those things can lead to feeling burnt out, eventual boredom, loneliness, and any number of dire physical ailments stemming from not having a well-rounded healthy lifestyle.

Follow your passion and do what you love, but don’t let the rest of your life fall by the wayside.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

Problems hiring? ZipRecruiter is the highest-rated hiring site in America. Try for FREE at ziprecruiter.com/charm where ZR will send your job to 100+ of the web’s leading job boards.

Eight Sleep is the first bed engineered to improve your sleep through dynamic cooling and heating, detailed sleep tracking. For a limited time, get $150 off your purchase when you go to eightsleep.com/charm

Visit dukecannon.com right now and get 15% off your first order with the promo code CHARM. Free shipping on orders over $35.

Are you sick and tired of paying high interest rates on your credit cards? Go to lightstream.com/charm


Resources from this Episode

Meetup.com

David Henzel

David Henzel on Twitter

David Henzel on Facebook

David Henzel on LinkedIn

David Henzel on Instagram


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram




Key points in this episode

If you want to pursue your own happiness and fulfillment you are bound to make decisions that confuse or disappoint the people around you, which can lead to doubt and uncertainty in your own head, so what can you do to stay focused on your goals, how do you handle the mixed emotions of those around you, and why can trying to live up to the expectations of others lead to a life of endless regret?


What to Listen For


  • Why does Jay Shetty give credit to Eminem for the way he approaches storytelling?

  • AJ asks Jay how he made the decision to become a monk at such a young age, leaving everything he knew behind

  • How did Jay Shetty’s fun-filled successful life in London finance compare to his modest living as a monk in India?

  • What 3 things did Jay Shetty notice in the person who inspired him to pursue life as a monk, and why are they so important to be happy?

  • How do you deal with the toxic people you cut out of your life before achieving some success but who later want back in once they see how successful you’ve become?

  • Jay touches on how to handle doubt and resistance from the people you love when you want to make a life-changing decision

  • How do you deal with self-doubt and perfectionism when you’re trying to consistently create content with a far-reaching impact?

  • Why is it easier said than done to “Just be yourself” and what tips can you start using now to be more comfortable being you?

  • How are your passion, purpose, and happiness inextricably linked, and how can you develop your passion into a purpose to build your happiness?

  • If you love telling stories, how do you turn that love into full-time work?

  • How do you curate an inner circle you can trust and rely on for support as well as honest feedback and advice?


You only get one life. You know this, but many of us don’t live our lives with that understanding in mind. It’s an important idea to comprehend for one simple fact: you don’t live anyone else’s life, and they don’t live yours. If you want to be happy and fulfilled you must make the decisions you want to make and not the decisions other people want you to make. No matter what you do, there will be people who are going to question you and doubt you, which is why it’s critical you believe in yourself and make your dreams priority number one.



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

Squarespace is the all-in-one solution for anyone looking to create a beautiful website. Check out squarespace.com/CHARM for a free trial and when you’re ready to launch, use the offer code CHARM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to Blinkist.com/AOC to start your free trial or get three months off your yearly plan when you join today.

Go to stateandliberty.com and type in the code CHARM to get 10% off your first order or mention this podcast at any of their locations.

Get $100 off the ‘eero base unit and 2 beacons package,’ and 1 year of eero Plus. Visit eero.com/charm and at checkout enter CHARM


Resources from this Episode

Episode 748: 7 Signs of a Toxic Relationship

The Journey Home by Radhanath Swami

The Bhagavad Gita by Eknath Easwaran

Jay Shetty on Instagram

Jay Shetty on Twitter

Jay Shetty on Facebook

Jay Shetty’s Podcast



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram



Key points in this episode

How can toxic people make you feel like you are losing your mind, what can they do to turn your coworkers and friends against you, and what is the best way to deal with them before the damage gets out of control, potentially leading you to lose a job, a relationship, or even your friends.

What to Listen For



  • Why is it so important to remove toxic people from your professional or personal social circle?

  • What two proven ways can you use to remove toxic people from your life?

  • How can a toxic person make you doubt your decision to cut them out?

  • How do toxic people work to turn your friends and coworkers against you?

  • What is gas lighting and how do toxic people use it against you to make you feel like you are losing your sanity?

  • What are the signs you can look for to know when you are being gas lit and what should you do if your recognize these signs today?

  • How do you go about dealing with toxic family members to remove their toxic influence on you?

  • What can you do to deal with toxic coworkers since how you handle it could impact your job security?


It’s one thing to understand the behaviors of toxic individuals so you can recognize them immediately and prevent them from getting deep enough in your life to cause any real damage. Many of you, however, might just now be identifying which of the relationships in your life are indeed toxic, and that can make it a significantly more delicate and difficult problem to address.

It is crucial to approach the problem as soon as you can to prevent the toxic individuals from doing any further damage, and once you do, you must stand by your decision. Toxic people can change, but the kind of change they must go through is not the kind of change that is going to happen after you allow them back into your life just because they got on their knees and begged for your forgiveness.



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

Eight Sleep is the first bed engineered to improve your sleep through dynamic cooling and heating, detailed sleep tracking. For a limited time, get $150 off your purchase when you go to eightsleep.com/charm

Are you sick and tired of paying high interest rates on your credit cards? Go tolightstream.com/charm

Problems hiring? ZipRecruiter is the highest-rated hiring site in America. Try for FREE at ziprecruiter.com/charm where ZR will send your job to 100+ of the web’s leading job boards.


Resources from this Episode

Episode 748: 7 Signs of a Toxic Relationship


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram



Key points in this episode

Toxic relationships exist in all of our lives in varying degrees, but defines a toxic relationship, how can you identify toxic relationships in your life, and what can you do if you find out you are exhibiting toxic behavior?

What to Listen For


  • What is the definition of toxic when it comes to relationships?

  • How do you recognize when a relationship is toxic and what can you do to rectify the situation or walk away from it?

  • What are the 7 surefire ways of identifying a toxic person and what is the best way to handle

  • How can you recognize when you are the toxic half of a relationship and what can you start doing now to make sure you don’t ruin the relationship?

  • What 2 simple questions can you ask yourself to determine if a relationship is toxic?

  • Can you rid yourself completely of toxic relationships?

  • What does it mean to be high value?

  • What are 3 high values behaviors you can identify in non toxic individuals and how can you implement them in your own life?

  • What does it mean to exhibit cooperative behavior and why is it important if you want healthy relationships and significantly less stress?


Toxic individuals and toxic relationships are an unavoidable part of interacting with other people. It’s a numbers game - if you meet enough people you will eventually bring toxic people into your life. That’s ok, what matters is how you handle the situation once it’s in front of you. And while toxic relationships can have a damaging impact on your life in a variety of ways, it’s important to remember that the toxic individuals are still human, and aren’t necessarily bad - they’re just bad for you.

We all go through phases in our lives and each of these phases asks different things of us and of those people we bring into our lives. It’s important for you to be conscious of what is good for you and what is detrimental, and just because a relationship or friendship is toxic for you at one time it does not necessarily mean that person can never be a part of your life. Establish boundaries, allow yourself to forgive from time to time, and prioritize your health and your needs - always put your oxygen mask on before helping the person next to you.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

Squarespace is the all-in-one solution for anyone looking to create a beautiful website. Check out squarespace.com/charm for a free trial and when you’re ready to launch, use the offer code CHARM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain”


Resources from this Episode

Episode 740: How Defined Values Lead to Long-term Happiness | w/ Russ Harris


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram








Key points in this episode

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Fortune favors the bold” right? But what does it mean to live your life with boldness, how is it related to fear and the overcoming of fear, and in what ways is it different from simply having confidence?

What to Listen For


  • Do you have to be confident in order to be bold and why should you want to develop your boldness?

  • What can you do on a daily basis to practice boldness?

  • What steps can you give your children so they can develop strength and boldness in order to better succeed in life?

  • What stands in the way of people bringing boldness into their relationships?

  • How can not being your authentic self damage your relationships and prevent you from moving up in your professional life?

  • How much time is too much time spent trying to improve toxic relationships in your life before it’s acceptable to walk away from them?

  • How can you be more authentic in your relationships and how can being less authentic damage your relationships?

  • If you are facing a loss what can you start doing to cope with the loss to ensure you’re still able to be happy?

  • If you feel like you need a break from socializing, will it damage your relationships to take time off to recharge?

  • How do you know if your social circle truly has your back?

  • What can you do to maintain long distance friendships if you feel like you’re bad at it?


If confidence comes from exposing yourself to the unknown and the unfamiliar until it becomes familiar, boldness is the willingness to act in the face of fear and uncertainty. So, in order to develop either one you must be willing to take action. None of us starts at zero - we all have some level of confidence and boldness to begin with, but to improve them we must take action.


Practicing boldness will allow you to further increase your confidence, and increasing your confidence unlocks limitless potential in your life. But like any muscle or skill, if they are left alone they will begin to wither. Confidence and boldness must be exercised and practiced regularly in order to keep them growing, so get out there and start living your life with boldness.


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Resources from this Episode

Gia Helena

Living with Boldness


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram







Key points in this episode

We all go through various acts in our lives, and each act carries with it its own challenges and relationships, so how can you take the experience, battle scars, and lessons you learned in one act as you transition into the next?

What to Listen For


  • How did Kobe Bryant’s relationship with Phil Jackson influence his Wizenard series of books?

  • Why is it important to embrace the adversity in life rather than avoiding it?

  • What are the biggest life lessons Kobe wants you to take away from his Wizenard book series?

  • Is vulnerability a sign of weakness?

  • How does having children change you as a person and the way you perceive yourself?

  • How can an unwillingness to go the extra mile actually be indicative of a fear of failure rather than simply avoiding extra work?

  • How do you assemble an inner circle of people you can trust?

  • If championships were Kobe Bryant’s Mt Everest in the past, what is his Mt Everest now and how is he going to conquer it?

  • Who are Kobe Bryant’s mentors as he enters the 2nd act of his life?


Life is a journey, not a destination, and if you look at your own journey you can usually split it up into segments, each with its own defining theme or challenge you had to overcome. The wonderful aspect of looking at your life in this way is that it allows you to identify what you learned and the strengths you gained from each segment. Every challenge you overcome in life strengthens you, grants you more wisdom, and makes you a more capable human overall.


Adversity in life is key to strengthening you physically, mentally, and emotionally. We should not try to avoid adversity, but to seek it, embrace it, and rely on it to make us better.



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!



Resources from this Episode

Granity Studios

The Wizenard Series: Training Camp

The Mamba Mentality

Kobe Bryant on Twitter

Kobe Bryant on Instagram



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram


Key points in this episode

Positive psychology is a relatively new area of study and it’s garnered a ton of attention over the last few years - but what exactly is positive psychology, how is it connected to the relationships we have, and what can you start doing today to find more fulfillment, happiness, and success in life?

What to Listen For


  • What are the core teachings of positive psychology and how can you implement them to get through the lows of life?

  • What is the danger of identifying yourself with work or hobbies or relationships and if those are not ideal, where should you draw your identity from?

  • Rob Mack touches on cognitive agility and emotional regulation and why those two ideas help explain why so many people suffer from addiction

  • Why is it unhealthy to perceive relationships as something to “complete” you and how should you look at them instead?

  • What can you say to someone who is clearly playing the victim and help them move beyond it?

  • What is the one thing we know about the effective therapies around the world and how can you use it to ensure you don’t push people away?

  • Why can comparing yourself to others be detrimental to your happiness and how can you avoid the comparison trap?

  • What can you do to make life cooperate with you and make those challenging times more manageable?

  • How can you interact with toxic people in a manner that allows you to maintain your positive attitude?


Happiness is both a choice itself, as well as the result of choices you make in various areas of your life. To be as happy as you want to be, you must take full responsibility for everything in your life, and that includes everything that happens to you. The more blame you try to shift onto other people and things, the more power you give away, and that power is what enables you to choose your happiness.


On top of that, the people you spend time with absolutely have an influence over your ability to choose your happiness, making it harder or easier to make that choice. You can be happy and fulfilled around toxic people, but if it’s easier to be happy when you’re around people who support and encourage you and choose to engage you in positive conversations, why would you want to spend your time with anything but?



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

Go to untuckit.com or visit one of UNTUCKit’s 50 stores across the US and Canada. Use promo code CHARM for 20% off your first purchase.

Squarespace is the all-in-one solution for anyone looking to create a beautiful website. Check out squarespace.com/CHARM for a free trial and when you’re ready to launch, use the offer code CHARM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain”

Joybird is premium quality furniture, customized exactly how you want it. Go to joybird.com/CHARM and receive an exclusive offer for 25% off your first order by using the code CHARM.

Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to blinkist.com/aoc to start your FREE trial or get 3 months off your yearly plan.


Resources from this Episode

Happiness from the Inside Out: The Art and Science of Fulfillment

Rob Mack


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram





Key points in this episode

Chemistry is often cited by many as the defining factor in what they look for when venturing into the world of dating - but is it the most important factor when it comes to the success of long term relationships, and what can you do to maximize the chances of finding the one while ensuring you waste as little time as possible?


What to Listen For


  • What dating apps are the best for establishing good connections?

  • How do women’s preferences differ from men’s when it comes to dating and how do you take them into account when getting to know new people?

  • What are the advantages and disadvantages of online dating and what can you do to mitigate the potential damage caused by the disadvantages?

  • Is compatibility or chemistry more important in the long run and how should you be viewing both when it comes to looking for what you want?

  • What one simple method can you use to break things off with someone you just met and are not interested in?

  • How can you look at dating in a way that stops making it feel like a waste of your time and energy if you haven’t found what you’re looking for?


Relationships can be hard. Many of us have heard that, whether it’s from family or friends or coworkers. But relationships can also be easy… if you allow them to be.


In fact, most of the time a relationship with someone you’re thinking about spending the rest of your life with should be easy. That person should accept you for who you are and understand you as an individual. You’re on a team, working together to make the relationship work. This is why compatibility is so important, and arguably more so than chemistry. Chemistry will make for great memories and amazing high’s, but compatibility will carry you through the years.



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


GREATS designs classically inspired sneakers for men and women using luxury high quality materials and construction. Go to greats.com and use CHARM at checkout!


Live a healthier, happier, more well-rested life in just a few minutes a day with the Headspace app. Sign up now at headspace.com/CHARM to get a free month trial.



Resources from this Episode

Episode 742 - The Hidden Power of Relationships

Evan Katz TED Talk

The Paradox of Choice

Evan Katz website



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram




Key points in this episode

Smartphones and the apps that exist on them have blown the doors wide open when it comes to creating options in your dating life as well as giving you the (sometimes false) perception of keeping in touch with friends. But what are the drawbacks of relying on all these algorithms to meet new people, how can you ensure you’re actually nurturing the personal and professional relationships you already have, and what does the science tell us about the current state of our social lives?

What to Listen For


  • Are you more likely to meet your significant other on your own or through friends, and what does this mean for you?

  • How have dating apps both improved and damaged the world of dating?

  • Why can information overload have a negative impact on your love life and what can you do to control it?

  • What are emotional bids and how can you use them to improve the relationships in your life, both platonic and romantic?

  • What are Glue Guys/Girls and how do they hold teams together in a corporate/work environment, and what can you do to become one, reducing your chance of getting laid off and increasing your chance of getting that raise/promotion?

  • How do gratitude and asking for help play an important role in the formation of strong bonds, and how can you start using both today to improve your relationships?

  • Why is the act of validating others’ feelings so powerful, whether in a personal or professional setting, and why should you start doing it immediately?

  • What one thing can you do to defuse gossip on the spot when someone can’t seem to stop gossiping to you about someone?


At a surface level, romantic and professional relationships couldn’t appear more different: the intimacy, the way you speak to one another, the activities you engage in, etc.


But the beauty of human connection is on a fundamental level we all want the same things. We want to be appreciated, we want to be valued, and we want to feel as if our thoughts and feelings matter.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


GREATS designs classically inspired sneakers for men and women using luxury high quality materials and construction. Go to greats.com and use CHARM at checkout!


Live a healthier, happier, more well-rested life in just a few minutes a day with the Headspace app. Sign up now at headspace.com/CHARM to get a free month trial.



Resources from this Episode

“The National Survey of Health and Social Life” aka The Chicago Sex Survey

Why Emotional Connection Makes or Breaks a Relationship Episode 719

Turning Toward Emotion Episode 720

How to Improve Your Workplace Communication Episode 721

What Matters Most in a Difficult Conversation Episode 722

Wall Street Journal: Baseball’s Winning Glue Guys

Beyond Reciprocity: Gratitude and Relationships in Everyday Life

Social Isolation in America


Psychopath, Sociopath, or Idiots:

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram



Key points in this episode

Filtering the right people into your life is a skill that can set you on the path to success if you can do it well, and failure if you do it poorly - but how do other people have such a strong influence on your life and what can you do to make sure the people in your life aren’t leading you down a road to failure and discontent?


What to Listen For


  • How do the people you surround yourself impact your ability to be happy and accomplish your goals?

  • How can your life be influenced by the friends of friends you don’t even know and what can you do to mitigate the harm they cause?

  • What are “value vampires” and how can you recognize them early on so they don’t waste your valuable time and energy?

  • What does it mean to be a high value individual and how can your pursuit of it help you avoid pain, suffering, and massive hits to your confidence?

  • What do high value individuals do that set them apart from others and lead them to be pursued by everyone else?

  • What is a “friend audit” and how can you perform one to ensure you’re not spending time with the wrong people who are bringing you down or holding you back?

  • Can you avoid the influence people around you have (especially when you work with them all day)?

  • What is the difference between gossiping and venting and why is one dangerous while the other is healthy?

  • What one question can you use to disarm people who try to gossip with you and shift the conversation into a constructive direction?


When you allow a low value people into your life, you don’t just bring them into your life, but their friends, their problems, baggage, low value behavior, and values and beliefs. We as humans are influenced by our surroundings more than we think, and it can be a scary thought to confront the possibility that the people closest to you are doing the most harm when it comes to your ability to move forward in life and be happy. As scary and as hard as it might be, performing an audit of your social circle could be the first step in helping you achieve your goals and/or get unstuck if you feel your progress has stalled for a while.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

Problems hiring? ZipRecruiter is the highest-rated hiring site in America. Try for FREE at ziprecruiter.com/charm where ZR will send your job to 100+ of the web’s leading job boards.

Squarespace is the all-in-one solution for anyone looking to create a beautiful website. Check out squarespace.com/CHARM for a free trial and when you’re ready to launch, use the offer code CHARM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain


Resources from this Episode

Episode 693: Identifying Low Value Behaviors

Episode 694: Becoming High Value

Episode 719: Why Emotional Connection Makes or Breaks a Relationship

Episode 738: What Defines Happiness

Episode 739: The Key to Happiness

Episode 740: How Defined Values Lead to Long-term Happiness

Episode 741: Train Your “Happy” | Q&A w/ Christoph Schnedlitz of hiMoment

hiMoment App



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Twitter







Key points in this episode

Happiness is not a destination, but what does it mean to enjoy the journey, especially when the journey is bound to have rough patches, and what daily habit can you start doing now to make the journey a happy one?

What to Listen For


  • How can journaling improve your overall happiness and what one question can you use as a prompt everyday to get you started on the right track?

  • Why do the big moments we look forward to (graduation, wedding, promotion, etc) have little to no impact on our overall happiness?

  • Is the difference between happy people and unhappy people the events in their lives or the way they perceive the events?

  • If happiness is a choice, what can you do to maximize that choice?

  • How do your friends, family, and coworkers influence your ability to be happy?

  • If you’re going through a break up, what can you do to help mitigate the pain and sadness you feel so you don’t get stuck?

  • How can striving for success for the wrong reasons lead to you failing to be happy?

  • What is contributing to all of the misinformation about happiness?

  • How do you deal with the endless potential comparison forced upon us by social media?


Your happiness is like a muscle, one that needs regular training in order to get stronger and one that can atrophy if it is left alone for too long. You’re not going to get stronger if you train once or twice a year, so when it comes to your happiness, you’re not going to get happier if you rely on the occasional event throughout the year.

The biggest difference between happy people and unhappy people is not the events in their lives, but the way they perceive the events in their lives. If you allow the events to determine how happy you can be, you’ll never be as happy as someone who decides to be happy regardless of the events in their lives.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

Go to untuckit.com or visit one of UNTUCKit’s 50 stores across the US and Canada. Use promo code CHARM for 20% off your first purchase.



Resources from this Episode

Episode 738: What Defines Happiness

Episode 739: The Key to Happiness

Episode 740: How Defined Values Lead to Long-term Happiness

hiMoment App


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Twitter



Key points in this episode

Happiness is not meant to be a permanent state you exist in, but if you’re not meant to just feel good all the time, what is the end goal of creating our happiness and how do we approach the inevitable pain and suffering we all face in life?

What to Listen For


  • Why can negative emotions be your best friend when it comes to your happiness?

  • Russ Harris debunks the popular myths about happiness and explains how they can actually lead you to be miserable

  • In what ways are meaning and purpose related to your ability to maintain your happiness in the long term?

  • How does Russ Harris define a rich and meaningful life that leads to an overall feeling of happiness?

  • What can you do to be more comfortable and accepting of “negative” emotions and how does doing so help you avoid suffering?

  • What is the difference between values, virtues, and morals?

  • Why is it so important to define your values if you want to lead a rich and meaningful life full of happiness?

  • Russ Harris explains what the “reality gap” and “reality slap” are and how your awareness of them can lead you to better handle life’s challenges

  • What is the magic wand question and how can you use it to narrow down your most important values

  • How do you translate values into goals and action plans to ensure you don’t stagnate?4


One of the most popular myths revolving around happiness is this idea that once you “achieve” it you’ll transcend feelings like anger, sadness, pain, and hate, but these are all part of the full depth of human experience. To attempt to remove them from your experience is to remove a part of your humanity. We utilize all of our feelings and emotions to better understand ourselves and the world we live in.

Instead, we want to change the way we look at such emotions, strive to understand what is causing you to feel unpleasant emotions, and make better choices about how you respond to them when you start feeling them. Finally, we want to learn to look inward for explanations instead of reacting outward with blame and spite.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

Squarespace is the all-in-one solution for anyone looking to create a beautiful website. Check out squarespace.com/CHARM for a free trial and when you’re ready to launch, use the offer code CHARM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain”

Joybird is premium quality furniture, customized exactly how you want it. Go to joybird.com/CHARM and receive an exclusive offer for 25% off your first order by using the code CHARM.

For a limited time, Postmates is giving our listeners $100 of free delivery credit for your first 7 days. To start your free deliveries, download the app RIGHT NOW and use code “CHARM2019”

Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to blinkist.com/aoc to start your FREE trial or get 3 months off your yearly plan.


Resources from this Episode

The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living by Russ Harris

Mindfulness Myths on YouTube

The Choice Point on YouTube

ACT Questions and Answers: A Practitioner's Guide to 150 Common Sticking Points in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy by Russ Harris


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Twitter




Key points in this episode

Happiness is one of those ideas that has an endless number of quotes about where it comes from (and where it does not). We’ve heard many of them so many times we just wave them off and roll our eyes before jumping back on the hamster wheel and chasing the next piece of cheese, completely unaware of the trap we put ourselves in, but what does science say about what makes us happy, what do you need to start focusing on today in order to achieve your happiness, and what must you be aware of in order to give yourself the best chance of a long, healthy, and happy life?

What to Listen For


  • Why is it so difficult for us as humans to determine what makes us happy?

  • AJ explains why reaching milestones in life or attaining your goals does not equate to overall happiness

  • How has technology seemingly put happiness further out of reach?

  • Johnny explains how cognitive biases keep us from achieving true happiness

  • What is “miswanting” and why do we constantly sabotage ourselves by doing it?

  • What is the Harvard Study on Adult Development and how can you use the findings to achieve your own happiness?

  • How are happiness & health connected and what can you start doing today so you don’t lose both?

  • AJ explains why our focus on achievement as a society can be detrimental to our development when we’re young

  • Why are relationships so beneficial to our health and how can you determine whether or not yours are?

  • If you are lonely, why can it be more difficult to find the resources to build the connections science has shown to be so vital to our long term health and happiness?

  • Why is rejection and the handling of it so valuable in today’s society, especially if you don’t want to be lonely and unhappy?

  • What are the physiological benefits of spending time with people you care about?


There is an obvious reason reaching your goals or buying the next great thing does not bring you happiness - if only one thing in your life changes, the other 99% of your life is still the same. You can’t change one thing or achieve one thing or buy one thing and think it’s going to improve every other part of your life. Even if you could “upgrade” every part of your environment you’d still be the same person but with different surroundings, so if you’re not happy now, all those upgrades aren’t going to change who you are inside.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Problems hiring? ZipRecruiter is the highest-rated hiring site in America. Try for FREE at ziprecruiter.com/charm where ZR will send your job to 100+ of the web’s leading job boards.



Resources from this Episode

Episode 738: What Defines Happiness

Harvard study, almost 80 years old, has proved that embracing community helps us live longer, and be happier

Social Isolation in America: Changes in Core Discussion Networks over Two Decades


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Twitter





Key points in this episode

It’s fair to say that happiness is one of the most important goals we can pursue in life because not much else matters if you’re not deriving some happiness from this journey we are all on - but how do we define happiness, what can we do to improve our overall happiness, and how might we be sabotaging ourselves in the pursuit of it?


What to Listen For


  • What is the definition of happiness?

  • What is the difference between contentment and pleasure with how they relate to your pursuit of happiness?

  • How does having meaning in your life weave into your ability to be happy?

  • AJ and Johnny explain the significance of being present and how it demands regular practice in order to make it stick

  • What are the three primary influencing factors in your happiness?

  • How important are the circumstances in which you live when it comes to your overall happiness?

  • Are your genetics the biggest or smallest contributor to our happiness?

  • Why are your mindset and actions the most important factor of happiness even though they’re not the biggest contributing factor?

  • If happiness comes down to leading a good, meaningful life then how do you design such a life to maximize your happiness?

  • What is the Vice-Joy-Dedication Gradient and how does it relate to your ability to find purpose and meaning in life?

  • What do all the successful individuals we look up to have in common and how can you implement it immediately?

  • How can you find meaning in your work if you hate what you do?

  • On average, what percentage of our waking lives do we spend daydreaming and how does it impact our ability to be happy and successful?


Attaining and maintaining happiness in life is about much more than the simple joy we feel when we engage in acts and events that bring us pleasure. Much of it comes down to the why behind our actions and goals.

If we don’t have a deeper motivation for our day to day lives we can struggle to find happiness in the sometimes seemingly insignificant things we do, like a job you hate but one you need in order to get to the one you want, or suffering through brutal workouts in order to maintain your health and achieve your fitness goals.

Always be willing to ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?” until you can get to a point where there is no deeper answer.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

Squarespace is the all-in-one solution for anyone looking to create a beautiful website. Go to squarespace.com/charm for a free trial and use the offer code CHARM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

GREATS designs classically inspired sneakers for men and women using luxury high quality materials and construction. Go to greats.com


Resources from this Episode

736: How to Rewire your Brain for Success | w/ Lisa Wimberger

735: The Best Ways to Rewrite Bad Habits w/ Charles Duhigg

Happiness: it’s not just your genes, stupid!

Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth

So Good They Can't Ignore You by Cal Newport


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Twitter




Key points in this episode

You asked and we answered! We took the three highest rated interviews from 2018 and put them into a special New Years Eve episode just for you! We kick it off with the powerhouse David Goggins, the former Navy SEAL, ultramarathon runner, and author of “Can’t Hurt Me.” We think he’s the best voice to listen to when you can’t get your ass out of bed. He has a lot to say about committing to yourself.

Next up is our interview with Dr. Steven Hayes, the leading clinical psychologist in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy - which is all about authentically accepting who you are and working on the best parts of you. Dr. Hayes dispels the “boosting self-esteem myth” and then offers a great alternative that helps everyone (including us!) work through life’s challenging moments.

Finally, we leave you with the crazy conversation we had with power investor and entrepreneur Oren Klaff. He’s going to take you into the “Croc” brain and explain why it has an iron grip on your behavior in social settings - he’ll even let you know how to use it to your advantage.

We loved having you join us this year as the Art of Charm Podcast tried out some new things. Don’t forget to chime in and tell us what YOU want us to explore in 2019. We love your feedback and your questions, so drop us a line at www.theartofhcharm.com/questions.

Happy New Year! - AJ, Johnny, and the entire Art of Charm Team


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

Netsuite takes growing businesses and organizations to new heights. Get NetSuite’s guide “Crushing the Five Barriers to Growth” when you go to netsuite.com/charm


Key points in this episode

Building new habits is typically not as simple as doing something different each day - sometimes we need to rewrite the stories we tell ourselves, and that’s where neurosculpting comes in, but what is neurosculpting? how can we use it to our advantage? and what can we start doing today to begin removing the barriers in our minds that stop us from developing the habits for the success?

What to Listen For


  • Lisa tells the story of how her experience with seizures led her to dive headfirst into neurosculpting

  • What is neurosculpting and how can you use Lisa’s methods to develop healthy habits and rewrite the stories in your life that are holding you back from success and happiness?

  • How can one simple act dissipate the stress & tension throughout your body and allow you to roll with the punches of life?

  • What does it mean to “orient to safety” and how can you use it to help prevent failure in building a new habit?

  • How can you train yourself so fear no longer stands in your way?

  • What are the 5 steps to rewriting the stories that are stopping you from building new habits?

  • Lisa explains the best way to develop a morning routine by approaching the bedtime routine first

  • How can you take advantage of neuroplasticity to amplify the reinforcement of new habits?

  • What can you do if building a new habit is encroaching on your partner’s routine and/or expectations?


Neurosculpting is a 5-step meditation process developed to take advantage of neuroplasticity, defined as the brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections to compensate for injury and disease and to adjust activities in response to new situations or to changes in an environment.

When it comes to building new habits, you can use neurosculpting to reinforce the building of new patterns in your brain. Using neurosculpting in place of a brute force approach allows you to rewire your brain much faster and more efficiently, giving you more control over your life, happiness, and success.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

Netsuite takes growing businesses and organizations to new heights. Get NetSuite’s guide “Crushing the Five Barriers to Growth” when you go to netsuite.com/charm

“Great protection. Fair prices. Easy to use. SimpliSafe is the right way to protect your home.” Go today to SimpliSafe.com/AOC to get your system today!


Resources from this Episode

“Neurosculpting: A Whole-Brain Approach to Heal Trauma, Rewrite Limiting Beliefs, and Find Wholeness” by Lisa Wimberger

“New Beliefs, New Brain: Free Yourself from Stress and Fear” by Lisa Wimberger

The Neurosculpting Institute

Charles Duhigg | Smarter Faster Better (Episode 552)



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Twitter


Key points in this episode

Building a new habit can be difficult if you approach it with the wrong tools and misinformation, but what does the science tell us about forming new habits, what are the right tools you need when it comes to successful habit building, and what can you start doing today to make sure you’re not getting in your own way?

What to Listen For


  • Why is the community you surround yourself with so important to the development of new habits and the perpetuation of bad ones?

  • Charles Duhigg explains why standard to-do lists are terrible for productivity and what an effective replacement looks like

  • What is the habit loop and how can you use the knowledge of it to change any habit you want?

  • How can you use the science of small wins to start making changes to your habits immediately?

  • What are some tricks you can use to stay motivated when building a new habit or breaking an old one?

  • How are intentional choices related to motivation when it comes to the psychology of routine and satisfaction?

  • Why is it almost impossible to “break” a habit and what should we do instead if we want to get rid of bad habits?

  • How can you determine the cues of bad habits so you can take them into account and prevent the bad habits from being triggered in the first place?

  • Charles Duhigg explains the one thing ex-smokers do that stops them from relapsing

  • What are mental models and how is our ability to create them directly related to our success in life? 


Many of us are led to believe the formation of new habits is accomplished through a brute force approach via willpower, aka that it is entirely internal. However, the science behind habit building says otherwise - our external environment and the people around us play a significant role.

If you build an environment conducive to success it becomes infinitely easier to develop new habits and replace old ones. This can mean anything from identifying the cues that trigger bad habits and removing them, or replacing the bad habit with a good one. It can also mean surrounding yourself with a community that focuses on the habit you’re trying to build - for example, joining a weekly meetup group for writers instead of relying on your own willpower to sit down and write consistently. 


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to blinkist.com/aoc to start your FREE trial or get 3 months off your yearly plan.


Safe For Work is an advice show that reminds you that while your office may be crazy, you don’t have to be. Check it out at: https://wondery.com/shows/safe-for-work/


Resources from this Episode

"The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg

“Smart Faster Better” by Charles Duhigg



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Twitter


Key points in this episode

Building (or breaking) a new habit can effectively be broken into 3 different phases, each with its own challenge which can prevent you from reaching the next one - but what are the 3 phases, how can awareness of each one assist you, and is a new habit locked in once you reach the 3rd phase?


What to Listen For


  • What are the three phases of efficiently building new habits?

  • How long is the “honeymoon” phase of building a new habit and what can you do to ensure you don’t fail immediately after?

  • What is the “fight thru” phase of habit building and how can you use knowledge of it to your advantage?

  • What 2 simple questions can you ask yourself everyday to keep you on track?

  • Why are contingency plans vital to developing and maintaining strong habits?

  • How do you make sure the success of building one habit doesn’t lead you to be lazy when it comes to maintaining it?

  • AJ explains how you can actually revert back through the phases of habit building if you’re not careful and intentional about continuing to work on them

  • Where does self-compassion enter the equation of habit building and how can the lack of it lead you to fail?

  • How can habits impede progress toward your larger goals and what can you do to mitigate the interference?

  • AJ and Johnny explain how to use regular goal setting, intentional novelty, and the celebration of small victories to compound your development of great habits


Building new habits is an ongoing process that requires your daily attention and effort in order to succeed. When first starting a new habit it can be easy to get caught up in the immediate rewards of progress - notice by friends and coworkers and changes in mood and feeling to give a couple examples. After the first phase, however, it becomes more challenging and it can be easy to fail unless you set your mind to the process.


Finally, once you push through the second phase into the last phase, your job is not over, because now you must work at maintaining the new habit. Set goals to keep challenging yourself, find friends or family to keep you accountable by challenging each other, and introduce novelty in whatever habit you’re trying to maintain to ensure it doesn’t get boring.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

Molekule uses nanotechnology to break down pollutants on a molecular level. For $75 off your first order, visit molekule.com and at checkout enter CHARM.


Resources from this Episode

“Habit Formation: The 21-Day Myth” by Jason Selk

Self-esteem is Bullshit (Episode 729)

Master Your Mindset with David Goggins (Episode 730)

Goals: How to Pick ‘em & Achieve ’em | Chris Tye-Walker (Episode 732)

“How Habits Can Get in the Way of Your Goals” by Catherine Benner

Habits in Everyday Life: Thought, Emotion, and Action


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Twitter


Key points in this episode

Building habits is a gradual and effective process that can forever change your life when done right - but what goes into habits in the first place, what is the most effective way to break/build habits, and how can you use science and self-awareness to successfully build life-changing habits?


What to Listen For



  • How are willpower and habits related and how can you use one to take advantage of the other?


  • Why is willpower like a battery and what can you do to make sure you use that energy as effectively as possible?

  • Why do so many people fail at accomplishing their New Years Resolutions within the first week and what can you do to avoid that fate?

  • What do many of us do to set ourselves up for failure from the start?

  • What are the two support systems of willpower and how can you ensure they’re working for you rather than against you?

  • What role does self-compassion play in the successful development of habits and how can you start cultivating it today?

  • What is the optimal number of habits to focus on at one time and how long does it take for each habit to become routine?


  • How often should you practice a new habit in order to solidify it?

  • What time of the day is best for building new habits?

  • What is the one common theme we hear from the majority of our guests when it comes to how they achieved their success?

  • Why is tracking your progress integral in developing new habits?

  • What can you do to outsource your self-awareness and reduce the finite willpower you have to use?


The most energy efficient way to go through your day is when the day consists of established routines. In this case, energy is also equivalent to willpower, and the more changes you make to your daily routine, the more willpower it requires.


Therefore, the most effective way to start breaking old habits and building new ones is to start small. Understand the routines you use now, and implement one small change based on a habit you want to break or form. Then utilize the tools AJ and Johnny give you to ensure your success.

 


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

HelloFresh are delicious, pre-measured ingredients and simple, chef-made recipes that we deliver to your doorstep every week. For a total of $60 off, that’s $20 off your first 3 boxes, visit HelloFresh.com/charm60 and enter CHARM60.

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Resources from this Episode

Just 8% of People Achieve Their New Year's Resolutions

New Years Resolution Statistics

The Radish Experiment

Self-esteem is Bullshit (Episode 729)

Effects of circadian cortisol on the development of a health habit.

Goals: How to Pick ‘em & Achieve ’em | Chris Tye-Walker (Episode 732

“Making Habits, Breaking Habits: Why We Do Things, Why We Don’t, and How to Make Any Change Stick” by Jeremy Dean, on the myth of building/breaking habits in 21 days

The Power of Accountability (Episode 703)

A Theory of Objective Self-Awareness (New York: Academic Press, 1972)


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Twitter






Key points in this episode

Physical fitness can play a significant role in rebuilding your confidence, but what all goes into achieving a desired level of fitness, how do you set goals to ensure steady progress, and how does the pursuit of health and fitness improve your life overall?


What to Listen For


  • What is Barry’s Bootcamp and is it for you?

  • How are fitness & confidence related and how can you rely on exercise to strengthen your confidence?

  • Why is there no single best diet for everyone and how do you figure out what foods work best for your goals?


  • How important are habits when it comes to working out and what can you do to avoid failure?

  • Chris explains why goal setting is important and how you can set goals conducive to success instead of failure

  • How important is it to have an accountabilibuddy and how can you find one if your friends aren’t interested?


  • What is the value of having a coach versus working out with friends or on your own and how can it stop you from failing?

  • How do you reframe small failures to further motivate you toward your goals rather than allowing them to cascade into falling off the wagon?

  • How do you develop resiliency in the face of strong self-doubt?


Achieving your fitness goals - whether that means getting in shape, training for a race, or just feeling healthy - is about more than just spending 30 minutes in the gym a few times a week.


First, you must eat food that is conducive to your goals. Are you trying to gain muscle or burn fat? Are you training for a marathon or a powerlifting meet or a bodybuilding competition? How well does your body respond to dairy, sugar, gluten, etc. Know your body and understand the caloric/nutrient requirements of what you’re trying to achieve.


Second, you must train in a way that allows you to track your progress. Use a journal to track your workouts and set goals for subsequent workouts. You’re not always going to have incremental progress but the key is to be able to identify a positive trend over time.


Third, your habits are crucial to making gains and keeping your sanity. We only have so much willpower in one day and the easier we can make it on ourselves to make the right decisions, the easier it will be for us to hit our goals. Go to bed early. Get enough sleep every night. Prepare your meals ahead of time each week. Reserve alcohol for one night a week or special occasions. 


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Go to podium.com/charm for 10% off your monthly subscription. Become the obvious choice online. Go to podium dot com slash CHARM to get started and save 10%


Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to blinkist.com/aoc to start your FREE trial or get 3 months off your yearly plan.


DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design — even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project.




Resources from this Episode

Chris Tye-Walker

Chris on Instagram

The Tread Series - Use code CHARM to get 20% off!

Sweatflix 

Master Your Mindset with David Goggins (Episode 730)

Self-esteem is Bullshit (Episode 729) Steven Hayes, Ph. D.



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Twitter




Key points in this episode

As we progress further down the path of technology and electronic communication, digital marketing is playing a bigger role than ever, so what is it, how does it affect you in today’s world, and what can you do to make sure you’re using it to help you instead of hinder you.


What to Listen For


  • What makes the present the most disruptive time in human history?

  • Why is it important to develop relationships first and then work on marketing second?

  • How do you find alignment with your customer’s values?

  • What are the three R’s Phillip uses to achieve success in business and politics?

  • What are most people doing wrong in their branding strategies?

  • How do you stand out as someone people should pay attention to?

  • Phillip explains how to improve digital communication and develop rapport using technology

  • How do you deal with friends who respond poorly to your emotional bids?

  • Phillip touches on how important vulnerability is in politics

  • What do you do when someone uses vulnerability to control a conversation?


We now live in a world where everyone has a voice and a platform to be heard from. As a result, there is a considerable amount of noise which means you either have to be loud enough to be heard above the noise or your message must be clear and strong enough that it pierces through the noise to reach your audience.


Rather than being loud and obnoxious in order to grab attention, you can find the proper alignment between your values and your customer’s values, ensure your branding is on point, and place an emphasis on relationship building instead of just forcing people to listen to what you have to say.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Resources from this Episode

Fire Them Now by Phillip Stutts

Phillip Stutts on Twitter


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Facebook





Key points in this episode

We are all capable of more than we think because many of us don’t push ourselves beyond the limit our mind tells us we have - so what does it mean to master your mindset, why is it so beneficial to externalize your insecurities and fears, and how can you change your relationship with suffering in order to live the life you want.

What to Listen For


  • Who did David Goggins have to invent in order to change his life and how can you do the same thing right now?


  • What excuse are you likely to make when you listen to stories like David’s and how is it stopping you from living the life you want?

  • How do you flip the switch when you’re having an off-day so you can be ON IT whenever you need it?

  • Why is it crucial to change your relationship with suffering if you want to lead the life you dream of?

  • David Goggins explains what the 40% rule is and how it limits us from achieving our potential

  • Why do you revert to old habits when you start taking steps to change your life and what can you do make lasting changes?

  • David Goggins explains why he declined lucrative offers from the top 5 publishing houses to instead self-publish his book Can’t Hurt Me

  • What do you do when you start working on yourself and the people around you don’t support you?


For most of human history, we lived in an environment that pushed us to our physical limits in order to survive. We had to excel at being human and cooperating with other humans in order to ensure each successive generation could continue on.

Modern society, however, has decreased the need for that physical capacity and as a result, many of us do not know what it means to push ourselves to the limit and beyond, and the benefits which arise from such a pursuit.

It’s time to change that.

Pushing yourself physically is not just about exercise and getting sweaty. It’s about returning to what made us human, and to do that you must be willing to embrace pain. You must be willing to develop a positive relationship with suffering. You must be willing to master your mindset.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

GREATS designs classically inspired sneakers for men and women using luxury high quality materials and construction. Save 15% by entering CHARM at checkout at greats.com.

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Resources from this Episode

Living With a Seal by Jesse Itzler

Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins

David on Instagram

David on Facebook

David on Twitter


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Facebook


Key points in this episode

Many of us grew up in a world that praised the idea of having high self-esteem - but what exactly is self-esteem, why have we been wrongly focused on it for so long, and what do we need to focus on moving forward?

What to Listen For


  • Why is artificially inflating self-esteem dangerous and how can you avoid doing it to yourself and your kids?

  • What is that self critical voice we all hear and how does it affect our self-esteem?

  • What is imposter syndrome and how does artificially inflated self-esteem contribute to it?

  • Dr. Hayes explains the root of the word confidence and why many people who appear confident actually are not

  • How is social media making it difficult for people to be self compassionate and true to themselves?

  • What are the three components of self-compassion and how can you implement them today to improve your confidence and quality of life?

  • Dr. Hayes explains how to strip your inner critic of its power

  • Is there such a thing as too much self-compassion?

  • Why is it important to determine your values and how can they help you navigate through daily life and the biggest challenges we all face?


Artificially inflating someone’s self-esteem is never advisable. On one end it can lead to a collapse of the person’s identity the moment he faces significant stress because there is no foundation for that view he holds of himself. On the other end it can lead to arrogance and entitlement when a person expects the world to be handed to her simply because she thinks she’s “the best.”

We all face challenges in life that push us to our limits and beyond, so why not equip ourselves with the tools necessary to endure the resulting pain and move forward with our lives?


One of those tools is self-compassion, a term not many of you might not be familiar with just yet.

There are 3 components to self compassion: (1) be kind to yourself, (2) realize everyone is dealing with these struggles, and (3) be present with what you feel - don’t exaggerate your feeling or play them down. If you can cultivate self-compassion you will accept that your life will not always be rainbows and butterflies, your thoughts and feelings can’t always be positive, and you can be patient with yourself during stressful times..



A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

Great protection. Fair prices. Easy to use. SimpliSafe is the right way to protect your home.” Go today to SimpliSafe.com/AOC to get your system today!

When it comes to growing your business, PayPal is your payments partner for today and tomorrow • Visit PayPal.com/Growth to set up a business account today!



Resources from this Episode

Is Self Compassion More Important Than Self Esteem by Steven Hayes, Ph. D.

Alex Banayan Episode

The Third Door by Alex Banayan

Self-compassion protects against the negative effects of low self-esteem: A longitudinal study in a large adolescent sample by Sarah Marshall

Steven Hayes TED Talk


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Facebook


Key points in this episode

If you want to want to flourish no matter what life throws at you, you must develop a solid foundation of resilience - but what is resilience, why is it so important to our overall happiness and success in life, and how do we make sure we have enough of it to get through the unavoidable blows to our confidence and self-esteem we all take throughout our lives?

What to Listen For


  • What three myths do we hear about in every Art of Charm Bootcamp?

  • Johnny touches on why it’s important to never get too comfortable about your own level of confidence

  • Why is a heavy focus on self-esteem dangerous for your confidence and what is the science that backs that up?


  • How does bullying start and what can you do to mitigate it in your children?


  • Why is resiliency more important than self-esteem and what can you do to cultivate resilience in yourself and others?

  • What is the operating manual for running our lives and how do we rewrite it to empower us?

  • What do you need to do before you can start feeling confident?

  • How much of your confidence is determined by your genetics and what does this mean for your ability to build confidence?

  • What two consequences are guaranteed when you step outside of your comfort zone and how can you prepare for them?

  • How do you build a healthy outlook on failure and what can it do for your future potential?


  • What is the proven CAKE equation and how can you use it to work on your confidence every day?

  • Why can coaching help you bring your confidence to a level you didn’t think possible?


If your existence in this world was a skyscraper, the beautiful mirror finish would be your self-esteem, the strong internal structure would be your confidence, and the unbreakable foundation would be your resilience.

Without the internal support of your confidence, your “shiny” self-esteem is a fragile shell waiting to buckle at the first sign of stress. And building confidence without a solid foundation of resilience is asking for trouble. Something is eventually going to shake your confidence, so why wouldn’t you want a solid foundation in place to ensure you don’t have to rebuild your confidence from the ground up every time life throws another curveball your way?

A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

Go to podium.com/charm for 10% off your monthly subscription. Become the obvious choice online. Go to podium dot com slash CHARM to get started and save 10%

Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to blinkist.com/aoc to start your FREE trial or get 3 months off your yearly plan.


Resources from this Episode

Sugar Ray Leonard Episode

Does High Self-Esteem Cause Better Performance, Interpersonal Success, Happiness, or Healthier Lifestyles?

Some People Are Genetically Wired To Be More Confident

Brene Brown

Sean Stephenson

Dr. Steven Hayes

Art of Charm Bootcamp


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Facebook

Johnny on Twitter



Key points in this episode

Sugar Ray Leonard is regarded as one of the greatest boxers of all time, but did you know he battled social anxiety and substance abuse during his career? We all face obstacles in life on our individual paths to success, so how can we take a solid inventory of our strengths and weaknesses, surround ourselves with people who support and encourage us, and outwork everyone around us to ensure we achieve the success we want in life regardless of the hand we’ve been dealt?


What to Listen For


  • How did Sugar Ray know he was going to win or lose a fight before it even started and how can you apply that knowledge to the challenges in your life?

  • Sugar Ray’s approach his training compared to his competition

  • Why is it important to remain adaptable throughout your professional and personal lives?

  • When did Sugar Ray realize he was hooked on boxing and why was it related to his brother’s broken nose?

  • How life is similar to a boxing match

  • What can we all learn from getting punched in the face?

  • How do you maintain perspective and groundedness when you start seeing success and why is it important to your future success?

  • Sugar Ray discusses his morning routine and why it’s so conducive to increased productivity and focus during the day

  • How did Sugar Ray overcome his social anxiety both inside and outside the ring to become one of the greatest boxers of all time?

  • Why are mentors critical to your success in any line of work?

  • What boxing lessons did Sugar Ray strive to instill in his children and what can we all learn from those lessons?


The path to success for anyone is never a straight shot. Often it is plagued with challenges, struggle, blood, sweat, and tears. In addition, we all have weaknesses to contend with as well. However, we can either use the hurdles in our path as excuses for why we can’t finish the race, or we can learn to jump over them. We can let life knock us off our feet and stay there, or we can keep getting back up and take the next punch with a smile.


Life is in many ways like a boxing match. We all go through different rounds, we’re not guaranteed any certain number of them, we win some and lose some, and no one will hit you as hard as life does. Stories like that of Sugar Ray exist to inspire us and show us what can be accomplished when your heart is in the right place, you believe in yourself, and you surround yourself with people you can count on to propel you to the top.


A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


Great protection. Fair prices. Easy to use. SimpliSafe is the right way to protect your home.” Go today to SimpliSafe.com/AOC to get your system today!


Honest guidance to get the right vitamins. For 25% off your first month of personalized Care/of vitamins, visit TakeCareOf.com and enter CHARM.


Resources from this Episode

Sugar Ray Leonard


Sugar Ray Leonard Foundation



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram


Johnny on Twitter





Key points in this episode

Many of us take listening for granted because we do it all day every day, but did you know there are multiple layers to listening and many of us only focus on one of them - so what does it mean to listen in color versus black and white, how can you vastly improve your listening skills with a few tips you can start using today, and why is effective listening such a powerful skill to have? 


What to Listen For


  • How can you use silence in conversation to improve your listening skills?

  • What are the four villains of listening and how can you avoid becoming each one?

  • What is the 125-400 rule and why is it so important when it comes to effective communication?

  • What tips can you implement today to become a better listener at work and at home?

  • How can you use body language to improve your listening ability?

  • What does listening for patterns in what people say teach you about what’s important to them?

  • What is the difference between listening with your head and listening with your heart?

  • What are the five levels of listening and which one do 86% of people zero in on?


  • The one question you can use at any networking event to connect with anyone


Listening is the most important skill we can develop as humans because we primarily communicate using spoken language. In addition, one could argue the only reason we have made it this far as a species is our ability to work together in large groups, so where would we be if we never developed language and therefore the ability to listen to and understand what others want us to know?


Technology has since replaced many of the reasons we initially developed and used spoken language for (oral history, traditions, business, transactions, etc), but it is still the most effective method we have to build deep meaningful relationships with our fellow humans. Also, because of our increasing reliance on technology, attentive listening (aka not getting distracted by our mobile devices every time we hear something vibrate) is not a skill that is being adequately cultivated in the current and subsequent generations. It’s time to change that.


A Word From Our Sponsors


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When it comes to growing your business, PayPal is your payments partner for today and tomorrow. Visit PayPal.com/Growth to set up a business account today



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Resources from this Episode

Oscar Trimboli





Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram



Johnny on Twitter




Key points in this episode

Cultivating empathy is crucial in developing solid relationships in our personal and professional lives -- but what exactly is it, how is it different from sympathy, why did Michael Ventura found a company based on it, and what steps can we start taking today to work on it?

What to Listen For


  • Why getting it wrong is human and how it can enable you to embrace making mistakes.

  • How does being vulnerable help to motivate those around you?

  • What is the core principle of empathy?

  • The seven archetypes of empathy as described in Michael Ventura’s book, Applied Empathy, and how knowing them can improve your relationships inside and outside the office.

  • What one exercise can you start doing right now to be more present?

  • How a severe injury and Eastern medicine altered the course of Michael Ventura’s life to lead him to found Sub Rosa and writing Applied Empathy.

  • What empathy is NOT.


  • Empathy versus sympathy and why sympathy leads to disconnection instead of connection.

  • How do sociopaths use empathy against us and the red flags to look for.

  • Michael Ventura explains how to cultivate empathy in larger groups.

  • What one tip does Michael Ventura recommend to everyone to start improving their listening skills NOW which he also uses himself?


Empathy is the ability to put yourself in the shoes of another person in order to understand WHY that person is feeling a certain way. While it often gets mixed up with sympathy, the effects they have are polar opposites: empathy allows you to connect with others while sympathy leads to a disconnect.

Fortunately, once empathy is clearly defined and you understand the variety of examples as well as start taking steps to work on your ability to empathize, you will quickly notice the relationships in your life grow and strengthen.


PLEASE SCROLL DOWN FOR FULL SHOW NOTES AND FEATURED RESOURCES

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

HoneyBook makes it easy for you to book your ideal client faster, more frequently, and with less legwork. Art of Charm listeners can get 50% off the first year of Honeybook with promo code CHARM. Sign up at honeybook.com

RXBAR wants to build things the right way. RXBAR believes in the power of transparency, and lets the core ingredients do all the talking with all of them listed on the front of the packaging. For 25% off your first order, visit RXBAR.com/aoc AND ENTER PROMO CODE: AOC AT CHECKOUT.

Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to blinkist.com/aoc to start your FREE trial or get 3 months off your yearly plan.


Resources from this Episode

Applied Empathy by Michael Ventura

https://appliedempathy.com/


Sub Rosa - Michael Ventura’s company

https://wearesubrosa.com/


Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/ajharbinger


Johnny on Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/john.dzubak



Key points in this episode

Technology in the digital age has made it easier than ever to form new connections and stay in touch with old ones, but it’s also led to increased loneliness and flakiness as people rack up more screen time and less face time, so why is this, why is showing up so important in deepening your connections with others, and what does showing up actually mean?

Unfortunately, you may be paying the price of not knowing what that balance looks like if you’re not making a conscious effort to make new connections, deepen your existing ones, and actually show up for the people in your life.


What to Listen For:


  • Why is digital communication made to make you feel good and not the person you’re talking to?


  • Why do people flake and how do we overcome that flakiness?

  • How can we deepen the connections we already have?

  • Why do we tend to lose friends over time?

  • The value of getting comfortable saying NO

  • What does “showing up” for your friends actually entail?

  • The tools to turn acquaintances into true connections and salvage friendships that might be drifting away

  • Why is it more important to be there for the defeats rather than the victories?

  • What one thing can you say to someone going through a tough time when you don’t know what to say


Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity for everyone — both men and women — to create accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today theartofcharm.com/challenge.


Sponsors:

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Resources from this Episode

If you’re wondering why you’ve lost friends in adulthood, this is probably why by Jackie Luo

A More Or Less Definitive Guide To Showing Up For Friends by Rachel Wilkerson Miller, Anna Borges, Terri Pous, Gyan Yankovich

Jaron Lanier

Trust and Betrayal - by Jillian Raftery, based on research by John Gottman

Trust and The Marble Jar Video - Brene Brown

Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi


Key points in this episode

We all rely on 3 levels of connection when it comes to meeting people -- but what are they, do we have to follow them in order, and how do we know what level we’re on with someone?


WHAT TO LISTEN FOR


  • What are the 3 levels of connection and why is it important to follow them in order?

  • Is it possible to form a deeper bond with a stranger in 45 minutes than the bond you have with your closest friend?

  • What mistake do many of us make when first getting to know someone and why can it cause a connection to fall apart in seconds?

  • How do we encourage vulnerability from other people so that we can strengthen our relationships?

  • What types of questions should you ask in order to build strong connections?

  • What is the primary driving force behind building connections and being vulnerable?

  • How does comfort with shame and embarrassment build deeper connections?


Building great connections with new people can seem like navigating a maze if you don’t understand how connections are built in the first place. When you’re in a maze you can’t see where you started, you can’t see where the exit is, and every turn you take looks like the last one.


Once you understand the 3 levels of connection, however, you go from being stuck in the maze to looking down on it. Connection is directly related to vulnerability, and when you’re comfortable being vulnerable at each level you’re able to confidently guide the other person through the maze as you learn more about each other and develop a solid bond.


PLEASE SCROLL DOWN FOR FULL SHOW NOTES AND FEATURED RESOURCES

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

https://theartofcharm.com/challenge/


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MORE ABOUT THIS SHOW

Think of the 3 levels of connection like a roadmap. If you were in the passenger seat of a car and you were telling the driver how to get from point A to point B, where would you start?


Ideally, you’d find your current location, point A, on the map and start giving directions from there (or pull out your smartphone because this isn’t 1999, type the destination in, and hit enter, but stick with me). If you tried to give directions starting from point B, or somewhere in between points A and B, you wouldn’t go anywhere, the driver would look at you confused, and she might just get out of the car and let you figure it out on your own.


YOU HAD ONE JOB!


Anyway, the same goes for the 3 levels of connection.


If you’re going to start building a connection you must start at the beginning: the first level.


Light Disclosure

“In order for vulnerability to happen there’s gonna have to be some risk involved,” Johnny states, “and that’s what’s scary about all this. So, the first level that we’re discussing is lighthearted, fun, amusing anecdotes about yourself and the world around you.”


Think of an embarrassing story from when you were younger.


Maybe you were running a mile in PE (physical education) and tripped in front of the whole class and everyone laughed at you. Maybe you tried to cut your hair and you didn’t realize how bad it was until you walked into class the next day and everybody laughed at you. Or maybe on your driver’s license exam you hit a parked car because you forgot which was the brake pedal… and everybody laughed at you.


The point is if you have an embarrassing story from your past that you can laugh at now, you can consider that light disclosure.


The person you’re telling the story to might not be able to relate to the exact events, but he will be able to relate to the emotional bids, such as being embarrassed, or caught off guard, or feeling humiliated in front of his classmates.


You can be vulnerable in telling a story like that, people can connect with you via the emotions conveyed, and there’s little risk because of the amount of time that’s passed and you’ve moved on (hopefully).


AJ put it simply, “We’re pulling a piece of our past that shows a little imperfection.”


And before we move onto the second level, keep in mind that these stories are not about the facts (location, color of the chalkboard, number of students that laughed their faces off, etc), but the emotions you felt in the story (embarrassment, frustration, anger, sadness, humiliation, etc).


We connect through emotions, not facts.



Medium Disclosure

Johnny goes on to preface level 2, “Once both people have conveyed those stories, and are feeling matched, you are now at a point where if you want to go further then both parties can feel good about it. And what comes next is level 2, medium disclosure, which is beliefs, opinions, feelings, and ideas about yourself and the world around you.”


Johnny also puts that last thought another way, “How you see things coming together, and that has been colored and put together through your sheer experiences in life. Which means that mine are going to be different than yours.”


What are some examples of medium disclosure?


Well, if light disclosure had to do with something from your past that you can laugh at, medium disclosure is going to be something more related to your present self. Maybe even something in your recent past (the last few years) that still has a hold on you or left a significant impact on how you perceive yourself and the world around you.


AJ gives the example of imposter syndrome and feeling like he was a failure. Maybe you went through a bad breakup and it crushed your self-confidence. Maybe you got let go from a job you loved and it made you question your knowledge and abilities and possibly your career choice.


The examples above are in a higher risk category than level 1 because someone could use your vulnerability against you, either to manipulate you or just hurt you.


In addition, because two people are going to see the world through different lenses, sharing something in the medium disclosure level can invite judgment from the other person as their perception of you and the world is different.



Heavy Disclosure

“Heavy disclosure is the understandable human weakness, “Johnny continues, “Your fears and insecurities about yourself and the world around you. Now, that is a big one because most people don’t want to have to admit they have fears and insecurities because that leaves them feeling vulnerable which leads them to feel unsafe.”


AJ later chimes in, “Now, when we hear heavy disclosure, many of us are not anticipating trust, respect, kindness, or affection. We’re expecting the worst, like ‘Oh my God now I’m going to be so judged, so vulnerable that this person can’t possibly like or love me.’ But in these moments when we progress through the light, we are now dropping our guard, moving to medium [disclosure] where we’re starting to explain our worldview and share that, and then we move to heavy [disclosure] - now we’re actually on the road to real connection!”


Heavy disclosure is the final level in this roadmap for connection, but it doesn’t mean you have to get there with everyone you meet. Heavy disclosure should be reserved for those who earn it.


Why?


Well, if you just go around telling everyone your deepest darkest secrets it tells people you will allow anyone in without knowing anything about them (not to mention those secrets are no longer deep, dark, or secret).


As Johnny puts it, “By being selective on who gets that information, it allows that other person to feel special for knowing you in such a state.”



SHOW NOTES

www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html


  • Why was it so easy for us to make friends as kids?

  • And why does it get harder to make friends as we get older?

  • What is vulnerability and why does the thought of being vulnerable in today’s world lead to feelings of fear and anxiety?

  • Johnny touches on why vulnerability allows people to connect with us so quickly

  • What goes on behind the scenes of the “perfect” lives we see on social media?

  • The first level of connection

  • AJ explains what you should focus on when telling a lighthearted story

  • The second level of connection

  • Johnny and AJ talk about their experience with imposter syndrome

  • What mistake do many of us make when first getting to know someone and why can it cause a connection to fall apart in seconds?

  • The third level of connection (aka the big one)

  • Why heavy disclosure is NOT for everyone

  • How are vulnerability and the victim mentality related?

  • AJ breaks down how to know when the person you’re talking to is ready for heavy disclosure

  • Why is it important to be comfortable with our own vulnerabilities before trying to get other people to open up about theirs?

  • How do we encourage other people to be vulnerable?

  • Johnny and AJ break down a common trait many people exhibit that prevents those around them from even wanting to be vulnerable

  • What red flag should you look for in others when you start opening up?

  • AJ emphasizes what happens when we don’t follow the connection roadmap

  • What questions should you focus on if you want to build strong connections?

  • Why are emotions such a challenging subject for many of us to talk about?

  • Johnny explains the barriers to vulnerability many men in today’s day and age deal with

  • AJ and Johnny discuss how vulnerability and shame are so tightly connected

  • What is the primary driving force under building connections and being vulnerable?

  • What do you have to work on that will allow other people to be more comfortable being themselves around you?

  • Johnny explains the importance of play as described by Brene Brown (https://brenebrown.com/)

  • Why is it so important to talk about shame?

  • Final thoughts




Resources from this Episode


The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings by Arthur Aron

(http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0146167297234003)


The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brene Brown

(https://www.amazon.com/Gifts-Imperfection-Think-Supposed-Embrace/dp/159285849X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1538231021&sr=1-1&keywords=the+gifts+of+imperfection)


Applied Empathy by Michael Ventura (https://www.amazon.com/Applied-Empathy-New-Language-Leadership/dp/1501182854)



Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/ajharbinger


Johnny on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/aocjohnny/



Quotes:


“We feel strongly connected to those that we feel comfortable enough being vulnerable around.” - AJ


“If we want other people to be vulnerable around us, then we’re going to have to be vulnerable ourselves.” - Johnny


“The less we talk about shame the more we feel it.” - AJ


“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” - Carl Jung




Key points in this episode

In this episode of The Art of Charm, AJ (@AJHarbinger) and Johnny (@AOCJohnny) wrap up September’s month of Emotional Bids. Before answering listener questions, they speak with Andrea Lee (andreajlee.com), an accomplished coach, successful author, and violence prevention expert.


From difficult personal conversations to work-related challenges Andrea believes that the RIGHT use of power - “emotional leadership” is crucial as we try to navigate.  Without it, we end up with the abuse of power and interactions that can lead to emotional abuse.


Andrea draws on her personal experience with difficult conversations from both ends of the spectrum - as both a victim and perpetrator of abuse.  She shares what it takes to redeem yourself and rebuild any fractured relationship. Throughout their discussion, AJ, Johnny, and Andrea go in-depth into these moments, discussing the critical turning points in their lives and how they were able to overcome them. And we answer listener questions about emotional bids and personal relationships.


WHAT TO LISTEN OUT FOR


  • How can someone break the pattern of abuse in his/her life? Trigger Warning: this episode does contain a discussion about abuse. If this is a trigger for you please be aware.

  • What is the first step to fully understanding a conflict with someone?

  • Saying “yes” is important, but why saying “no” can be even more powerful, and how we can do it with compassion towards others.

  • The Delta model - a 3-point tool that can be universally applied to the toughest conversations.  

  • How can you prepare for a conversation you’re afraid of having with a loved one, partner or colleague.


A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS!

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HoneyBook makes it easy for you to book your ideal client faster, more frequently, and with less legwork. Art of Charm listeners can get 50% off the first year of Honeybook with promo code CHARM. Sign up at honeybook.com

“Great protection. Fair prices. Easy to use. SimpliSafe is the right way to protect your home.” Go today to SimpliSafe.com/AOC to get your system today!


RESOURCES

* Andrea J. Lee - https://andreajlee.com

* “We Need to Talk: Your Guide to Challenging Business Conversations” by Andrea J. Lee - https://amzn.to/2NxY837

* “The Power of the Positive No” by Dr. William Yuri - https://amzn.to/28MB2g1


KEEP UP WITH THE ART OF CHARM

* The Art of Charm Challenge | theartofcharm.com/challenge

* The Art of Charm Insiders | theartofcharm.com/insiders

* The Art of Charm Bootcamp | theartofcharm.com/personal-bootcamp/

* Best of The Art of Charm Podcast | theartofcharm.com/category/best-of/

* The Art of Charm Toolbox | theartofcharm.com/category/toolbox-episodes

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ENJOYING WHAT YOU HEAR?

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Key points in this episode

On this episode of the Art of Charm, AJ (@AJHarbinger) and Johnny (@AOCJohnny) take emotional bids to the next level by speaking with an expert on validation - one of the most important parts of human connection. That expert is Michael Sorensen, a marketing executive, personal-development junkie, and the author of the best-selling book “I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships. Michael shares his own experiences on the job and in his personal life that led him to writing his book and understanding just how important validation is in creating strong bonds with others.

 

WHAT TO LISTEN OUT FOR

At the end of the day, it’s all about relationships. So, why is validation such a great tool for managing the important relationships in your life

Where is one of the best places to start fostering good validation skills?

What are some examples of something meaningful to say to someone that’s seeking validation?

Why being silent can indirectly push someone away from you

What is one of the most effective ways to understand someone seeking validation and emotional attention?

When do you know it’s the right time to give someone advice?

After taking a listen to this episode, take a moment to think of the best ways for you to make connections with those around you. Are you finding yourself opening up or closing off to those who seeking emotional attention from you? By becoming more aware of these hidden opportunities, we can take better advantage of them and create meaningful relationships.

 

A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS!

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Stitch Fix is personal styling for men, women & kids that sends clothing to your door (with free shipping & returns). Get started at stitchfix.com/charm & find clothes you'll love!

 

RESOURCES

* Michael Sorensen - www.MichaelSSorensen.com

* “I Hear You” Book: https://amzn.to/2p4Jwth

* The Gottman Institute - https://www.gottman.com

 

KEEP UP WITH THE ART OF CHARM

* The Art of Charm Challenge | theartofcharm.com/challenge

* The Art of Charm Insiders | theartofcharm.com/insiders

* The Art of Charm Bootcamp | theartofcharm.com/personal-bootcamp/

* Best of The Art of Charm Podcast | theartofcharm.com/category/best-of/

* The Art of Charm Toolbox | theartofcharm.com/category/toolbox-episodes

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Go to theartofcharm.com/mobilereview to share your Art of Charm experience.



Key points in this episode

AJ (@AJHarbinger) and Johnny (@AOCJohnny) continue the theme of Emotional Bids by discussing practical ways to deepen and strengthen the connections with the people in our lives. Their source for this week’s discussion comes from a Gottman Institute article by Zach Brittle:

https://www.gottman.com/blog/turn-toward-instead-of-away/

Whether it’s reciprocating feelings, talking about your day, or even better understanding physical touch, emotional bids help develop human-to-human connection and build long-lasting relationships.   


WHAT TO LISTEN OUT FOR

* How can the use of emotional bids help us make better connections with the people?

* What is the best way to react to an emotional bid?

* We might not always be able to respond to someone’s emotional bid right away. How can we respond to someone to still show that we care?

*What role does humor play in emotional connection?

* What’s an example of an emotional bid that can be easily overlooked?

* We know that being too vulnerable can often put someone off. What ways can you think of that can create this tension?


Johnny and AJ share their own experiences with missing emotional bids over the years.

Whether it's getting to know someone for the first time or diving into the deepest parts of a romantic relationship, knowing how to spot an emotional bid and how to react is crucial to creating a true bond with someone we care about.


A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS!

DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design — even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project.


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Art of Charm listeners can get ANY PREMIUM INDOCHINO suit for just $379 + FREE Shipping when entering “CHARM” at checkout. This is 50% off the regular price for a made-to-measure premium suit.  Incredible deal for a suit that will fit you better than anything off-the-rack ever could.


HoneyBook makes it easy for you to book your ideal client faster, more frequently, and with less legwork. Art of Charm listeners can get 50% off the first year of Honeybook with promo code CHARM. Sign up at honeybook.com


RESOURCES

* The Ben Franklin Effect - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Franklin_effect

* The Gottman Institute - https://www.gottman.com


KEEP UP WITH THE ART OF CHARM

* The Art of Charm Challenge | theartofcharm.com/challenge

* The Art of Charm Insiders | theartofcharm.com/insiders

* The Art of Charm Bootcamp | theartofcharm.com/personal-bootcamp/

* Best of The Art of Charm Podcast | theartofcharm.com/category/best-of/

* The Art of Charm Toolbox | theartofcharm.com/category/toolbox-episodes

SOCIAL MEDIA

IG: @theartofcharm | Twitter: @TheArtOfCharm | Facebook: TheArtofCharm


Wanna RUN A HALF MARATHON in a Halloween costume w/ AJ & Johnny?

Register now at www.runrocknroll.com/los-angeles/ !!


ENJOYING WHAT YOU HEAR?

Your reviews are essential to us and for those discovering The Art of Charm.

Go to theartofcharm.com/mobilereview to share your Art of Charm experience.



Key points in this episode

In this episode, AJ and Johnny speak on the importance of “emotional bids,” and how to successfully identify and respond to them to create a deeper connection with the people around you. We start with a look at the clinical researcher, Dr. John Gottman and the study he conducted that helped define what an emotional bid is and why it is so important. Then, AJ and Johnny describe how we can positively or negatively respond to a whole array of emotional bids – and how that can make or break a relationship. We also learn how you don’t have to tell all of your deepest and darkest secrets to feel like someone truly understands you.

WHAT TO LISTEN OUT FOR

* What is the simplest way to show vulnerability to someone we’re trying to connect with?

* Are emotional bids always easy to spot?

* How can you be more actively present in your relationships?

* In the moments after you put down your phone, are you truly disconnected from it?

* What is “turning towards”, and how can you create more of these positive interactions in your life?

* What is one of the most important ways to connect yourself to someone else’s emotional bid?

NOTES ON DR. JOHN GOTTMAN

By watching a couple interact for just 3 minutes, Dr. John Gottman could predict with up to 94 percent certainty whether the couple would eventually separate, remain unhappy, or continue as a happily couple for several years. AJ and Johnny share examples of their own lives to better understand how vital emotional bids are in connecting with others and in creating value in a relationship.

A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS!

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Check out our bootcamp page to learn about the Art of Charm’s personal development training!

The Art of Charm Bootcamp / theartofcharm.com/personal-bootcamp

RESOURCES

Dr. John Gottman’s 1999 study on couples

www.gottman.com/about/research/couples/

KEEP UP WITH THE ART OF CHARM

* The Art of Charm Challenge | theartofcharm.com/challenge

* The Art of Charm Insiders | theartofcharm.com/insiders

* The Art of Charm Bootcamp | theartofcharm.com/personal-bootcamp/

* Best of The Art of Charm Podcast | theartofcharm.com/category/best-of/

* The Art of Charm Toolbox | theartofcharm.com/category/toolbox-episodes

SOCIAL MEDIA

IG: @theartofcharm | Twitter: @TheArtOfCharm | Facebook: TheArtofCharm

Wanna RUN A HALF MARATHON in a Halloween costume w/ AJ & Johnny?

Register now at www.runrocknroll.com/los-angeles/ !!

ENJOYING WHAT YOU HEAR?

Your reviews are essential to us and for those discovering The Art of Charm.

Go to theartofcharm.com/mobilereview to share your Art of Charm experience.


Key points in this episode

Christopher “Drama” Pfaff (@drama) is an entrepreneur, producer, and reality TV star. He is best known for his roles in the MTV reality shows “Rob and Big” and “Rob Dyrdek’s Fantasy Factory”. In addition, he has founded “Young & Reckless Clothing” as well a music production company and a podcast, “Short Story Long”. In this episode, AJ and Johnny ask Drama about his methods for overcoming social anxiety and how to reset people’s first impressions.  and how to take advantage of opportunities to expand upon them to create your own entrepreneurial endeavors.

WHAT TO LISTEN OUT FOR


  • How can you effectively get over social anxiety?

  • After hearing about how Drama had the courage to skip college entirely and take a chance on LA, how can you transform a burning desire into purposeful action?

  • One of Drama’s biggest tips: Don’t ever be afraid to ask! You never know who will say yes. How can you take this mentality into your life to find success in the career and dating world?

  • What’s one of the best questions to ask yourself if you truly want to make an impact on the world?

  • How do you create a day where you’re on the offense in your work life instead of the defense?

  • How do you not seize up during conversations?

  • How do you resist from taking charge over a room?

  • How can you actively create adventures in your life?


Through practice, courage, and just doing it, we learn how to create change in our lives and foster a connection with the people around us. This formula is incredibly important to build the foundation of The Art of Charm through each and every bootcamp.


A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS!

Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to blinkist.com/aoc to start your FREE trial or get 3 months off your yearly plan.

Browse the largest selection of audiobooks anywhere with Audible. Start your 30-day trial today audible.com/charm or text ‘CHARM’ to 500500 - and get your first audiobook for free.

Stitch Fix is personal styling for men, women & kids that sends clothing to your door (with free shipping & returns). Get started at stitchfix.com/charm & find clothes you'll love!

Check out our bootcamp page to learn about the Art of Charm’s personal development training!

The Art of Charm Bootcamp


Resources

Short Story Long” podcast by Drama


Keep up with The Art of Charm


Want to RUN A HALF MARATHON in your Halloween costume with AJ and Johnny in LA? Register now!


Enjoying what you hear? Your reviews are essential to us and for those who haven’t discovered The Art of Charm podcast yet. Click here to share your Art of Charm experience.


Key points in this episode

In this episode, AJ and Johnny interview Alex Banayan (@AlexBanayan), author of “The Third Door” about his 7-year journey to interview some of the most successful people in the world. Alex shares detail about his struggles to reach his dream and the personal social barriers he had to break down to get there. Alex also shares advice, wisdom, and tricks of the trade from the people he interviewed, Bill Gates, Tim Ferriss, Larry King, and many more.

What To Listen Out For


  • What is the “third door”, and how can you create one in your life?

  • Having a great working relationship with your own fear and weakness can become a powerful tool to stop fighting with your insecurities, and to instead embrace them. In what way can you become more assured of yourself by letting go?

  • As Larry King told Alex, technology has changed but people haven’t. How can you break through the barriers of technology to create a real connection with someone?

  • Where do you see “the flinch” taking over in your life?

  • As Alex can attest to, Tim Ferriss teaches us that persistence is not always going to get us what we want. What are a few key insights to be sure we don’t scare away the person we’re trying to get in front of?

  • What’s a great way to create a relationship organically with someone online?

AJ and Johnny discuss with Alex the parallels between their experiences and what they’ve learned through teaching at the AoC Bootcamp.  

A Word From Our Sponsors!

DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design — even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project.

MeUndies are The World’s Most Comfortable Undies, 3x softer than cotton, and made from sustainably sourced fiber. To get your 15% off your first pair, free shipping, and a 100% Satisfaction Guarantee, go to: meundies.com/charm

BAKblade 2.0 – a DIY back shaver includes a curved ergonomic handle to reach all those hard-to-reach areas. Use discount code CHARM20 for 20% off youer first order over $30 on bakblade.com.

Check out our bootcamp page to learn about the Art of Charm’s personal training!

The Art of Charm Bootcamp

Resources

The Third Door, written by Alex Banayan

When Things Fall Apart, by Pema Chödrön

Keep up with The Art of Charm

Want to RUN A HALF MARATHON in your Halloween costume with AJ and Johnny in LA? Register now!

Enjoying what you hear? Your reviews are essential to us and for those who haven’t discovered The Art of Charm podcast yet. Click here to share your Art of Charm experience.


Key points in this episode

How do you take a conversation to the next level and create real connection? In this episode of The Art of Charm podcast, AJ and Johnny explain 8 fundamental steps to develop a relationship beyond just a brief interaction with a stranger on the train, scoring a number at a bar, or a handshake at a business conference. Learn the social cues, the mental tricks, and the right body language to tee up a compelling conversation.

 

The 8 Steps

Take from the following article - 8 Insanely Effective Ways to Connect with Anyone You Meet

 

1. PAY ATTENTION - It’s simple but so easy to overlook.

*What are a few ways for you to lock into a conversation?

 

2. SEEK FEEDBACK - From trusted friends to tell you the truth on what you can improve on.

*Can you think of someone who you can talk to about this? Call them tonight!

 

3. ASK QUESTIONS - What’s everyone’s favorite topic? Encourage people to talk about themselves and share their experiences with you to create understanding.

*How can you show someone your genuine interest in who they are?

 

4. REMEMBER YOUR NAME - What’s the best way to remember someone’s name and how can you use these tools during your next night out?

 

5. DON’T PRETEND YOU KNOW EVERYTHING - It’s the biggest turn-off of them all!

*In fact, what’s one of the best ways to create a seamless and empathetic connection to turn someone one and create a connect?

 

6. CARE ABOUT OTHERS about others! Show appreciation for the people around you and let that bleed over into all areas of your life.

*How can you create grateful positivity to spread over into your environment?

 

7. SEE A ROOM FULL OF FRIENDS - Visualize that at your next outing — treat no one like a stranger.

*What’s one of the reactions that we have by becoming uncomfortable in a new environment?

 

**REMEMBER: This takes practice! If you expect everyone to treat you like a friend, you might set too high of an expectation, so take it in stride.

 

8. CONNECT IN PERSON. As much as we might want to, we can’t truly connect online! But it’s easy to be afraid of the risk and rejection of meeting in person.

*In what ways can you pivot your body language to show true interest to someone you’re meeting in person?

 

This was a big episode, but don’t get overwhelmed! Focus on finding that one genuine friend and go from there. And remember: Humans are naturally bad at active listening, so don’t beat yourself up if you find yourself struggling along the way.

Through these podcasts, we strive to give you daily hacks for your life that you can use to overcome the whims of your primitive mind and truly connect with the people around you!

 

Check out our bootcamp page to learn about the Art of Charm’s personal training!

The Art of Charm Bootcamp

 

Resources

 

Articles from this episode!

8 Insanely Effective Ways to Connect with Anyone You Meet - “Lifehack”

How to Make Friends, According to Science - “The Atlantic”

 

Keep up with The Art of Charm

 

Want to RUN A HALF MARATHON in your Halloween costume with AJ and Johnny in LA? Register now!

 

Enjoying what you hear? Your reviews are essential to us and for those who haven’t discovered The Art of Charm podcast yet. Click here to share your Art of Charm experience.

 


Key points in this episode

In this episode, AJ and Johnny share stories of how they’ve built connections with others and improved upon them — then explore them from a scientific perspective. In their quest to reach the perfect balance, they talk about how vital opening up the door of introduction is without prying into someone’s life or personal space. AJ and Johnny explain the power of the invite, creating an emotional connection and ultimately helping us all understand the kind of person we’re interested in. As best stated by Dr. Jack Shafer (Ep #712), “The sense of closeness increases if the disclosures are emotional rather than factual.”


CHEAT SHEET


  • We live in a time when technology gives us instant satisfaction for almost everything: food, transportation, running errands, dating, keeping track of… well, almost everything!   It’s easy to expect connections to be created just as instantaneously. We hit a button and, BAM, a new best friend. But, it rarely happens that way. Why? How come? How does technology change our assumptions and expectations when interacting with someone new?


  • What’s the best way to instantly connect with a stranger? Trick question: you don't. Connection takes time.


  • Think of this: Your next business mentor, romantic interest or long-term friend may be sitting right next to you! And how would you know? These moments may be passing you by in your everyday life?


  • What practical ways can you give more people the ability to connect on an emotional level with you? By showing emotion, mirroring their body language.


  • What are emotional bids and how can we use these to understand others? Emotional bids are humor/play/affection, and they’re used to hook the other person into also sharing emotion. It’s the emotion that creates a connection.


  • AJ and Johnny refer back to their interview with Dr. Jeffrey Hall (our guest on AOC podcast #712) about how long it can take to move from acquaintance to true friend. Where in your daily interactions can you apply this patience as you get to know someone? Example: By trying not to push myself onto the new girl at the coffee shop. She seems nice, but I don’t know her well enough.   



A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR!

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Key points in this episode

On today’s episode of The Art of Charm we are speaking with investor, venture capitalist, and author—Oren Klaff. Oren has raised over $2 billion by understanding the prehistoric part of our brain (the “croc-brain”). 

Tune in to this episode to hear Oren explain how this applies to your social skills and sales pitch, and why what’s required in the boardroom is no different than what’s required in real life. 


CHEAT SHEET

  • What are the 3 priorities of a “croc brain?” 


  • What is confirmatory diligence and how do you build from it?


  • How does the human mind automatically view someone in a less powerful position


  • How do you find yourself using neuro-financing in your life with your friends and aspirations?


  • When do you find yourself finding value only “in what you’ve paid for”?


  • In what ways do you find yourself seeking rapport before expressing yourself freely? 


Think of a time when you gave power to others. What was that moment like? 


Talkspace has over 2,000 licensed therapists who are experienced in addressing life challenges we all face. To match with a perfect therapist for a fraction of the price of traditional therapy, go to talkspace.com/charm, and use the code CHARM to get $45 off your first month and show your support for this show.

RXBAR wants to build things the right way. RXBAR believes in the power of transparency, and lets the core ingredients do all the talking with all of them listed on the front of the packaging. For 25% off your first order, visit RXBAR.com/aoc AND ENTER PROMO CODE: AOC AT CHECKOUT.

Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to Blinkist.com/AOC to start your free trial or get three months off your yearly plan when you join today.

MeUndies are The World's Most Comfortable Undies, 3x softer than cotton, and made from sustainably sourced fiber.To get your 15% off your first pair, free shipping, and a 100% Satisfaction Guarantee, go to: meundies.com/charm

eero is the world's first whole home wifi system that delivers hyper fast, super secure wifi to every room in your home. For free overnight shipping to the US or Canada, visit eero.com and at checkout select overnight shipping then enter CHARM to make it free!


Key points in this episode

This week’s Q&A Episode features actor, comedian, and magician Chris Williams.

His resume is as diverse as his performance credits. You may know him as Hoover from Silicon Valley, Krazee Eyez Killa from Curb Your Enthusiasm, or Dwight from Dodgeball. He also just happens to be related to former Miss America and actress Vanessa Williams.

Regardless of where you may recognize him, after two and half decades in the industry, he has become a natural at gaining people’s interest and getting noticed. In our conversation, Chris shares what he’s learned about breaking the ice, making powerful impressions, how to handle rejection, and more. He also helps Johnny & AJ answer questions from our audience.

 

“Own who you are as you enter a room, what you can contribute and what you bring to the table.” – Chris Williams

 

CHEAT SHEET

Remember! If you have a question you would like Johnny & AJ to answer you can reach them at 1-855-ART-OF-CHARM. Calling not your style? Tweet us or send a DM on Instagram to @theartofcharm.

 

You’ll learn about Chris…

 


  • How his sibling rivalry inspired pride and drive to carve his own path.

  • Why acting (and life) is like surfing - and why enjoying the wait for the perfect wave is not wasted time.

  • How to use door frames to actually “frame” your first impression, and other techniques to make a powerful first impression learned from the auditioning

  • What Toblerone chocolates and the power of acknowledgment have in common.

 

 

And Chris helps Johnny & AJ tackle YOUR Questions:

 


  • “What’s the smoothest ice-breaking technique you can come up with? - Ben

  • “Any good tricks for getting people to put down their phones and start talking?” - Matthew

  • “What is the easiest way to eject out of a low-value conversation, that you realize you are not interested in talking to?” - Bruno

  • “What are the signs to look for when someone finds a question uninteresting?” - Jeff

  • “How do you identify if eye contact is meaningful or awkward?” - Trent

 

There is no magical combination of words. In reality, it’s taking an interest in the other person - AJ

 

We weren’t all born as confident and charismatic as Chris Williams. You’ll hear in the episode, even he had to learn how to have faith in himself in his early career. From July 22 to July 28, we are hosting a 7-Day Sprint to Confidence Challenge. You can join by CLICKING HERE. You’ll be surrounded by fellow confidence seekers and supported by our AoC Coaching Staff.

BAKblade 2.0 – a DIY back shaver includes a curved ergonomic handle to reach all those hard-to-reach areas. Use discount code CHARM20 for 20% on all orders over $30.

Art of Charm listeners can get ANY PREMIUM INDOCHINO suit for just $379 + FREE Shipping when entering “CHARM” at checkout. This is 50% off the regular price for a made-to-measure premium suit. Incredible deal for a suit that will fit you better than anything off-the-rack ever could.

 

Resource Links

 

Keep up with The Art of Charm

Share even your smallest victories with us! We love to celebrate the Art of Charm community at the end of every episode. Send us a message or tag us on your favorite social media platform - @theartofcharm on Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Other AoC Resources:

 

 

 

What do you love about Shownotes? The article-like recap? Key Questions? Quotes? Let us know what your perfect episode recap looks like here.

 

Enjoying what you hear? Your reviews are so valuable to us and to those who haven’t discovered The Art of Charm podcast yet. Click here to share your Art of Charm experience.

 

A big thank you to Chris. We’re grateful he was able to make the time to help us figure out how to break the ice and gain people’s interest - which he practices daily as a working actor.

 

AND for inspiring us to eat fermented shark while in Iceland… a memory we won’t soon forget!

 


Key points in this episode

Our guest is former FBI Special Agent, author, and professor – Dr. Jack Schafer. In the past, Dr. Schafer has developed spy recruitment techniques, interviewed terrorists, and trained agents in the art of interrogation and persuasion. Today, he shares strategies, techniques, and tools you can employ to get people to like you for a minute or a lifetime.

CHEAT SHEET


  • What is the friendship formula and how does it increase other people’s ability to like you?

  • What are three “friend signals” you can practice to project likeability?

  • What signals can you look for to know whether or not good rapport has been established?

  • What is a “curiosity hook,” and how can you use it to attract others with common interests?

  • If the golden rule of friendship is to make people feel good about themselves, how do you go about doing that?

  • How do you use empathic statements to listen more, talk less, and still gain interest in the conversation?

  • Why learning the C.A.R.E acronym is important to ensure you are maintaining focus on others – and not yourself.


This episode is full of tools for becoming a more likable person, and it’s important to remember the words of Dr. Schafer when applying them in our daily lives:

“No one tool works for all circumstances, but for all circumstances, there is a tool that works. And it’s the time and circumstance that determine what tool to use.”

Talkspace has over 2,000 licensed therapists who are experienced in addressing life challenges we all face. To match with a perfect therapist for a fraction of the price of traditional therapy, go to talkspace.com/charm, and use the code CHARM to get $45 off your first month and show your support for this show.

Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to fill your schedule. The AoC family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free — that’s over three times as long as the standard trial

DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design — even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project.

Resources


Keep up with The Art of Charm

Enjoying what you hear? Your reviews are essential to us and for those who haven’t discovered The Art of Charm podcast yet. Click here to share your Art of Charm experience.

We tried something new with show notes this week. Did you notice the condensed format? Let us know what you think here.


Key points in this episode

“There are no strangers here, only friends you haven’t met yet.” – William Butler

Think about it – at one point in time everyone in our lives was a stranger – even our closest friend.

Whether we are trying to strike up a conversation at a networking event, meeting someone at a bar, or just talking to your barista, the art of talking to strangers comes alive every day.

On today’s episode, we aren’t just discussing how to talk to strangers, but why doing so can improve our lives and increase our happiness.


The Cheat Sheet


  • How can we use the F-E-A-R acronym to help define the types of fear fueling our anxieties? 10:47

  • Fusion 11:11 Expectations 19:26 Avoidance 30:48 Remoteness 34:47

  • What do Silicon Valley CEOs know about the influence of technology and connection? 13:17

  • Why is talking to strangers essential to growing our personal and professional networks? 37:46

  • How does talking to strangers bring out the best in us? 47:00

  • Could simply saying hello be the most underrated icebreaker? 53:57


“Most people aren’t going to give you a no, they’re going to respond to a hello” – AJ Harbinger

If you want to be first to know what’s coming beyond the podcast – go to TheArtofCharm.com/Insiders to become an AoC Insider. Any new programs, events, challenges and even give-a-ways will go to our AoC Insiders first. SPOILER ALERT: We’re just weeks away from our first big announcement!

Talkspace has over 2,000 licensed therapists who are experienced in addressing life challenges we all face. To match with a perfect therapist for a fraction of the price of traditional therapy, go to talkspace.com/charm, and use the code CHARM to get $45 off your first month and show your support for this show.

Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to fill your schedule. The AoC family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free — that’s over three times as long as the standard trial.

Problems hiring? ZipRecruiter is the highest-rated hiring site in America. Try for FREE at ziprecruiter.com/charm where ZipRecruiter will send your job to 100+ of the web’s leading job boards.

Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to Blinkist.com/AOC to start your free trial or get three months off your yearly plan when you join today.


Resources


Keep up with The Art of Charm


Enjoying what you hear? Your reviews are essential to us and for those who haven’t discovered The Art of Charm podcast yet. Click here to share your Art of Charm experience.


We tried something new with show notes this week. Do you like the condensed format? Let us know what you think here!


Key points in this episode

This episode kicks off The Art of Charm’s series on Breaking the Ice. After learning The Art of the First Impression - it’s time to dig into how to start engaging conversations that genuinely capture the other person’s interest.

AJ and Johnny walk us through how to devise a strategic plan to break the ice that we can practice and quiet self-doubt and anxious thoughts.

Beyond the social science, you’ll get to hear how AJ broke the ice with his girlfriend Amy, and how Johnny’s father broke the ice with unsuspecting hikers on the trail.

Cheat Sheet



  • Break the ice with banter - and no, we don’t mean a corny one liner

  • Learn how to ask a better question

  • Understand the importance of listening - and not just hearing

  • Take away a simple “Conversation Formula”

  • And more!


If you find yourself with questions, reach out! Tag us on social media @theartofcharm or leave us a voicemail at 1-855-ART-OF-CHARM. At the end of the month, we’ll be answering your questions on air with guest Chris Williams.

PLEASE SCROLL DOWN FOR FULL SHOW NOTES AND FEATURED RESOURCES!

Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/art-of-charm-podcast-the-art-of-breaking-the-ice-episode-710

If you want to be first to know what’s coming beyond the podcast - go to TheArtofCharm.com/Insiders to become an AoC Insider. Any new programs, events, challenges and even give-a-ways will go to our AoC Insiders first. SPOILER ALERT: We’re just weeks away from our first big announcement!

Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to keep your schedule straight. The AoC Family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free — that’s over three times longer than the standard trial.


Key points in this episode

This week’s Q&A Episode wraps up our series on first impressions, and dive into conversation about style and the art of the first impression with two style experts. LA Based fashion expert and stylist Melissa Chataigne & Real Men Real Style Founder - Antonio Centeno. We also answer YOUR questions on first impressions.

CHEAT SHEET


  • How can you create a style that is authentic to reflect your personal brand?

  • How can style increase your confidence?

  • Why is it important to make a powerful first impression online and off? 

  • What are some tips and tricks to take the stress out of shopping?

 

PLEASE SCROLL DOWN FOR FULL SHOW NOTES AND FEATURED RESOURCES!

Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/art-of-charm-podcast-qa-the-art-of-style-episode-709

Join our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrates your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here.

This week, Art of Charm listeners can get ANY Premium Indochino suit for just $379 + FREE Shipping when entering “CHARM” at checkout. This is 50% off the regular price for a made-to-measure premium suit. Incredible deal for a suit that will fit you better than anything off-the-rack ever could.

BAKblade 2.0 - a DIY back shaver includes a curved ergonomic handle to reach all those hard-to-reach areas. Use discount code CHARM20 for 20% on all orders over $30.

Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to fill your schedule. The AoC family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free — that’s over three times as long as the standard trial.


Key points in this episode

On today’s episode The Art of Charm is honored to welcome back Jesse Itzler. His first podcast ever was The Art of Charm - and in today’s episode we catch up with him to learn what he’s added to his “life resumé” since we saw him last.

Some of our favorite life highlights include: signing a record deal, co-founding a private jet company, a beverage company, he wrote a New York Times Best Seller and he’s just released his latest book, Living With The Monks: What Turning Off My Phone Taught Me About Happiness.

Tune in to today’s episode to learn more about Jesse’s journey, and how first impressions and his unique mindset has enabled his unique successes.

The Cheat Sheet


  • What happens when you start to value the journey more than the outcome?

  • How does thinking about mortality help you channel self-confidence?

  • Why is Jesse more concerned about maximizing potential than being happy?

  • How does Jesse deal with negative self-talk?

  • How is your life resumé more valuable than your professional resumé?

  • And so much more…


Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/art-of-charm-podcast-the-art-of-living-with-jesse-itzler-episode-708

Want to learn more? Join our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here

Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to blinkist.com/aoc to start your FREE trial or get 3 months off your yearly plan.

DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project.

Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to fill your schedule. The AoC family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free — that’s over three times as long as the standard trial



Key points in this episode

Whether we’re meeting someone for the first time or trying to elevate ourselves to that next level—body language plays an integral part in our presentation of self. Listen to this episode to learn the importance of body language in our social interactions, and five simple signals you can focus on to improve your first impression.

The Cheat Sheet


  • What are the 5 signals of body language that we can control?

  • How does our environment choose our body language without us even knowing?

  • What happens when your body language doesn’t align with your words?

  • How can we actually control our emotions by controlling our body language?  

  • And so much more…


Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/art-of-charm-podcast-the-5-signals-of-body-language-707

Want to learn more? Join our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here.

Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to fill your schedule. The AoC family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free — that’s over three times as long as the standard trial!

DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project.

Problems hiring? ZipRecruiter is the highest-rated hiring site in America. Try for FREE at ziprecruiter.com/charm where ZR will send your job to 100+ of the web’s leading job boards.


Key points in this episode

We’re not sure why people aren’t responding to us.

We think we’re good at reading people. 

On today’s episode, we are discussing how to make the best first impression. Whether you’re a CEO trying to better connect with your employees, an introvert wishing to project a bit more confidence, or maybe you judge people the second you see them coming (ps., they see you too) this conversation will provide insights you can apply to your goal. 

The Cheat Sheet


  • What are the 4 layers of first impressions?

  • Why is focusing on other people’s body language a fool’s errand?

  • How do we reverse our primal instinct to mirror other people’s behaviors?

  • What was AJ’s first impression of Johnny, and vice versa?

  • Why is our gut based in fear and how do we ignore its voice?

  • And so much more…


Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/art-of-charm-podcast-the-art-of-first-impression-706/

Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to fill your schedule. The AoC family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free -- that's over three times as long as the standard trial!

DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project. HELP US SPREAD THE WORD!

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need.

Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview


Key points in this episode

Life is improv.

There is no script, no directors, no instruction manual for how to be successful. It’s all improvised. So to be good at life, you have to be good at improv.

Erin and Suzanne are professional comedic improvisers here in Los Angeles and coaches at The Art of Charm. Listen to today’s episode to hear how they approach the art of improvisation, ]and how we can inject these principles into our day-to-day lives!

The Cheat Sheet:


  • What is improvisational comedy and how does it apply to our lives?

  • Why do perfectionists and control freaks need to embrace the unknown?

  • How do the principles of improvisation translate to your professional and personal lives?

  • Why does improvisational comedy having nothing to do with being funny?

  • And much much more...

Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/art-of-charm-podcast-the-art-of-improv-705/

Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to fill your schedule. The AoC family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free -- that's over three times as long as the standard trial!

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

HELP US SPREAD THE WORD!

If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need.

Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview


Key points in this episode

Our perception of reality is dependent on our thoughts.

So if our thoughts are infected, then our lives will be too. That’s why on today’s episode of The Art of Charm we are discussing the 10 most common “cognitive distortions”; those irrational and often untrue thoughts that heavily influence our beliefs, decision-making and happiness.

Tune in to today’s episode to learn the defense you can implement to avoid your mind’s tricks.

The Cheat Sheet


  • How do cognitive distortions wall you off from discomfort?

  • Why does black-and-white thinking leave no room for growth?

  • What is magnification and why does it blind us?

  • When should we realize we’re shining the spotlight too much on ourselves?

  • And much more…


Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/art-of-charm-podcast-cognitive-distortions-704/


Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to fill your schedule. The AoC family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free -- that's over three times as long as the standard trial!

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!


HELP US SPREAD THE WORD!

If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need.

Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview



Key points in this episode

We all have goals and aspirations, but how many of us take the time to share and vocalize those goals or support our friends as they try to achieve their goals?

On today’s episode, we are discussing the importance of accountability. We, at The Art of Charm, often call accountability the “cheat code to self-development.” When you start to integrate others into your personal journey, the social pressure hacks your motivation centers, sending you on the fast track to achieving your goals.


The Cheat Sheet:


  • What are the 3 rungs of accountability?

  • How does accountability reinforce ownership of a goal?

  • What are ‘accountabilibuddies’ and how do we choose them?

  • How does tracking your goals foster momentum?

  • Are there good and bad goals to set? What is a S.M.A.R.T. goal?

  • And much more...


Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/art-of-charm-podcast-the-power-of-accountability-episode-703

Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to fill your schedule. The AoC family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free -- that's over three times as long as the standard trial!


Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

HELP US SPREAD THE WORD!

If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need.

Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview

 


Key points in this episode

On last week’s episode, we dove deep into life’s most brutal truths. This week, we are continuing the conversation with Part 2, where we examine more of the complicated truths we run away from. Here is what we cover:

The Cheat Sheet:


  • How does emotional reactivity set you up for failure?

  • What is value and how does it relate to time and relationships?

  • Why is the hamster wheel of achievement a flawed model for happiness?

  • What are people’s most common deathbed regrets?

  • How does celebrating the small wins help you achieve the big victories?

  • And so much more....


Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/art-of-charm-podcast-brutal-truths-part-2-episode-702

Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to fill your schedule. The AoC family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free -- that's over three times as long as the standard trial!

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

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We all want attention, approval, and acceptance. But we can’t expect others to give us that if we don’t approve of ourselves. Most often, the reason we struggle with self-acceptance is because we are running away from the brutal truths of life. In today’s episode of The Art of Charm, we run the other way, towards those these uncomfortable facts, to unpack and examine them. From understanding that nobody actually cares about you to accepting the finality of death, this episode leaves no room for the fearful. Here are some of the questions we explore. The Cheat Sheet: What are the some of the brutal truths of life that we don’t want to think about? How does accepting the finality of death make you feel more free? Why do men run away from their emotions instead of embracing them? How does technology corrupt our ability to enjoy intimacy? How is the term ‘adulting’ just a cover-up for your aversion to responsibility? And so much more… Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/art-of-charm-podcast-brutal-truths-part1-701/ Casper is the award-winning mattress w/ 20,000 5-star reviews. Go to casper.com/charm and use "CHARM" at checkout for $50 towards your next mattress.  Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to fill your schedule. The AoC family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free -- that's over three times as long as the standard trial! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview

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Are you a perfectionist? Or, are you just using that term to justify inaction? Tune into this episode of The Art of Charm to learn what’s at the root of perfectionism, and why we use a myth to cover up our fear of failure. The Cheat Sheet: What is the definition of perfectionism and why is that a bad thing? How is procrastination the opposite of perfectionism? What happens when you wear perfectionism as a badge of honor? How do our smartphones and other technologies reward perfectionism? How does viewing failure as exciting and not something to be afraid of cure perfectionism? And so much more… Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/aoc-podcast-the-…sm-episode-700-2/ Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to fill your schedule. The AoC family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free -- that's over three times as long as the standard trial! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview

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Last week we learned all about AoC co-host Johnny Dzubak (@dzubak). This week, we’re turning the spotlight around to hear the life story of AJ. How did he go from science wiz to football player? And then from cancer biologist to Art of Charm co-founder? Tune in to this episode to hear the story behind your co-host’s unique trajectory. The Cheat Sheet: Who is AJ Harbinger? How did navigating difficult family dynamics shape AJ’s emotional fingerprint? What did facing rejection from girls teach AJ about confronting fear? What does a PhD student do when something else is calling? How was The Art of Charm formed? And so much more… Full show notes at  https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/aoc-podcast-johnny-interviews-aj-episode-699 Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to fill your schedule. The AoC family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free -- that's over three times as long as the standard trial! With pain-free invoicing, FreshBooks helps entrepreneurs and freelancers save time and avoid a lot of the stress that comes with running a small business. Try a month of unrestricted use for free here (no credit card required)! Enter ART OF CHARM in the How You Heard About Us section. HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Johnny Dzubak (@dzubak) grew up in Greensburg, PA, honed his musical chops in Chapel Hill, NC, and now runs The Art of Charm in Los Angeles, CA with AJ. But how did he get from there to here? Listen while Johnny shares his story. The Cheat Sheet: Who is Johnny Dzubak? What is The Rust Belt Scowl? What did musical aspirations teach Johnny about social dynamics? How did Johnny and AJ meet and really become friends? Does Johnny consider himself an introvert or an extrovert? And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/aoc-podcast-aj-interviews-johnny-episode-698/ Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to fill your schedule. The AoC family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free -- that's over three times as long as the standard trial! With pain-free invoicing, FreshBooks helps entrepreneurs and freelancers save time and avoid a lot of the stress that comes with running a small business. Try a month of unrestricted use for free here (no credit card required)! Enter ART OF CHARM in the How You Heard About Us section. HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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There's a fine line between pushy and pushover. In this toolbox episode, we learn 10 ways to maintain resolve and stay high value in personal and professional conflict situations. "Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate." -John F. Kennedy The Cheat Sheet: Avoiding conflict only delays its resolution. High value conflict resolution seeks a win/win. Discover the three criteria for effective negotiation. Learn 10 ways to maintain high value in conflict resolution. Know the difference between lens and empathy. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/aoc-toolbox-high-value-conflict-resolution-episode-697/ Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to fill your schedule. The AoC family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free -- that's over three times as long as the standard trial! With pain-free invoicing, FreshBooks helps entrepreneurs and freelancers save time and avoid a lot of the stress that comes with running a small business. Try a month of unrestricted use for free here (no credit card required)! Enter ART OF CHARM in the How You Heard About Us section. HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Mental models and frameworks guide the way we make decisions in everyday life -- but what are they, where do we get them, and how can we make sure we're not sticking with outdated defaults? The Cheat Sheet: Mental models are our beliefs about ourselves, the world, and everything in it. Our mental models are made up of past experiences, misunderstandings, incomplete facts, and intuitive perceptions -- as a result, every mental model has shortcomings. Our mental models influence our actions, and our actions influence our mental models. Unhelpful mental models of the world can lead us to making bad decisions and taking ineffective actions; helpful mental models move us forward in life. We need to make sure we're using the right tool for the right job. Even outdated mental models aren't entirely valueless if we know how to adapt their relevant aspects to updated ones. And so much more... Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to fill your schedule. The AoC family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free — that’s over three times as long as the standard trial! With pain-free invoicing, FreshBooks helps entrepreneurs and freelancers save time and avoid a lot of the stress that comes with running a small business. Try a month of unrestricted use for free here (no credit card required)! Enter ART OF CHARM in the How You Heard About Us section. Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/aoc-toolbox-mental-models-and-frameworks-episode-696/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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In order to welcome high value people into our lives, we have to make sure we're leading with value ourselves. Here's what we can do to make it happen. The Cheat Sheet: Even the highest value people have bad days where they exhibit low value behaviors. How do we know when this is an exception and not a rule? How we can use the 80/20 principle to make sure we're not judging ourselves or others too harshly. Why honesty makes a great gauge for sorting out high value from low value people. How we can welcome high value people into our lives once we've freed up our social circle from its low value deadweight. What we can do in the workplace to lead with value no matter what our role happens to be. And so much more... Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to fill your schedule. The AoC family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free — that’s over three times as long as the standard trial! With pain-free invoicing, FreshBooks helps entrepreneurs and freelancers save time and avoid a lot of the stress that comes with running a small business. Try a month of unrestricted use for free here (no credit card required)! Enter ART OF CHARM in the How You Heard About Us section. Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/aoc-value-toolbox-leading-with-value-episode-695/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Your heroes and role models are probably what most would consider high value people. Listen to this episode of The Art of Charm to learn how to soar to their inspirational ranks rather than sinking to the selfish temptations of low value living. The Cheat Sheet: Discover why high value people who give get more from their relationships than low value people who only know how to take. Understand why showing a little genuine attention, appreciation, and acceptance to someone can have a giant impact. See why the low value people in your life are more likely to drag you down with them than you are of pulling them up. Learn how to better filter high value people into your life and filter out low value people. Find out what a high value person gets from taking on responsibility that the low value person loses by trying to wiggle out of it. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/aoc-value-toolbox-becoming-high-value-episode-694/ DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project. Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to fill your schedule. The AoC family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free -- that's over three times as long as the standard trial! With pain-free invoicing, FreshBooks helps entrepreneurs and freelancers save time and avoid a lot of the stress that comes with running a small business. Try a month of unrestricted use for free here (no credit card required)! Enter ART OF CHARM in the How You Heard About Us section. HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Do you unknowingly exhibit low value behaviors that keep you from connecting with others? Check out this episode of The Art of Charm to identify and renounce these low value behaviors for good. The Cheat Sheet: What does it mean to be a high value individual? How can we identify and eliminate our own low value behaviors? What high value behaviors can we nurture in the stead of low value behaviors? How can we spread our high value to others? What science supports the benefits -- to ourselves and others -- of being high value, and how can we find a balance between being givers and being taken advantage of? And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/aoc-value-toolbox-identifying-low-value-behaviors-episode-693/ DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project. Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to fill your schedule. The AoC family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free -- that's over three times as long as the standard trial! With pain-free invoicing, FreshBooks helps entrepreneurs and freelancers save time and avoid a lot of the stress that comes with running a small business. Try a month of unrestricted use for free here (no credit card required)! Enter ART OF CHARM in the How You Heard About Us section. Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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John Heffron (@JohnHeffron) is a comedian who emerged victorious from the second season of NBC's Last Comic Standing, has appeared in numerous comedy specials, and just released his latest album, The Laughs You Deserve from the '70s, '80s, '90s, and Today. The Cheat Sheet: Learn how John Heffron uses psychology to read a crowd in real time. Understand how to apply John's comedy-honed skills when you're speaking to a crowd or an individual. Discover different ways to anchor and connect various types of body language and nonverbal communication to get the desired reaction from your audience. Hear about charisma patterns: personality archetypes that require different energy levels and interaction. Find out how NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) can be used to deliver results -- even if you might discount it as hokey at first. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/john-heffron-the-laughs-you-deserve-episode-692/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Whether you're a lady or a gent, you don't need to know what MicroModal fabric is to enjoy the comfort of MeUndies; you just need to wear them -- support this show (and yourself) with MeUndies here for 20% off! DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project. Casper makes hybrid mattresses that combine premium latex foam with memory foam -- and won't charge you an arm and a leg for them. Get $50 toward any mattress purchase here by using promo code JORDAN! Rocket Mortgage by Quicken Loans. Apply simply. Understand fully. Mortgage confidently. To get started, go to RocketMortgage.com/FORBES! Listen to The Art of Charm, Forbes Network, and hundreds of your favorite podcasts with the free PodcastOne app (on iOS and Android) here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Eric Thomas (@ericthomasbtc) is a motivational speaker, YouTube personality, podcaster, pastor, director of Breathe University, and author of several books, including The Secret to Success: When You Want to Succeed as Bad as You Want to Breathe. "Don't allow the options in your community to be the only options you explore." -Eric Thomas The Cheat Sheet: How Eric Thomas went from homeless to PhD to become one of the world's top motivational speakers. How and why to get out of our psychological bubbles whether we're broke or millionaires. Why we do not have to accept life as it was given to us. How to break out of patterns and mindsets that no longer serve us. What taking responsibility for our own actions ultimately gives us (and what blaming others takes away). And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/eric-thomas-the-hip-hop-preacher-episode-691/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Wine Access has been America's best kept wine secret...until now. Get $50 off towards your first purchase of $150 or more by ordering through our special URL: wineaccess.com/jordan! Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to fill your schedule. The AoC family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free -- that's over three times as long as the standard trial! With pain-free invoicing, FreshBooks helps entrepreneurs and freelancers save time and avoid a lot of the stress that comes with running a small business. Try a month of unrestricted use for free here (no credit card required)! Enter ART OF CHARM in the How You Heard About Us section. SmartMouth is the only activated oral rinse clinically proven to eliminate existing bad breath and prevent it from returning for a full twelve hours per rinse. Visit SmartMouth.com to get an in-depth, scientific analysis of how SmartMouth is able to deliver such incredible results! CastBox introduces an in-audio search capability that offers a brand new way to search for podcasts you may love based on words or topics. Download CastBox for iOS or Android and enter promo code AOC under Go Premium for six free months of premium features! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Allan Pease (@AllanPease) is an Australian body language expert and co-author of 18 bestselling books on communication who once taught Vladimir Putin how to read western body language. The Cheat Sheet: Find out how Allan Pease began building his expertise in body language from the tender age of five. While the science might still be in deliberation, what does business say about power poses? How did Allan wind up being the guy who Vladimir Putin called to teach him western body language? Learn to use the compliments trick (and spot when it's being used on you). Discover how to spot a potential liar using body language, clusters, and nonverbal signals. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/allan-pease-definitive-body-language-episode-690/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Are you trying to hire the right person for your business, but the best candidates keep slipping away? Let ZipRecruiter -- the fastest way to hire great people -- help you screen only the best here! Skip Netflix tonight and join the millions of students learning and growing on Skillshare today -- AoC listeners get three months of Skillshare for 99 cents by signing up at skillshare.com/charm99! Rocket Mortgage by Quicken Loans. Apply simply. Understand fully. Mortgage confidently. To get started, go to RocketMortgage.com/FORBES! Want to turn your current work station into a standing desk, treadmill desk, or sitting desk at your command? Stand more, sit less, and boost your productivity at VARIDESK.com! Beachbody On Demand is an online fitness streaming service that gives you unlimited access to over 600 highly effective, world-class workouts personalized for any fitness level as well as extensive nutritional content to keep you fueled without the flab. Right now our listeners can get a free trial membership to Beachbody On Demand by texting [Charm] to 303030! CastBox introduces an in-audio search capability that offers a brand new way to search for podcasts you may love based on words or topics. Download CastBox for iOS or Android and enter promo code AOC under Go Premium for six free months of premium features! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Leo Babauta (@zen_habits) of Zen Habits shares how he's modified his own behavior to conquer bad habits and create good ones. The Cheat Sheet: Find out how an overweight smoker resigned to living in Guam broke a laundry list of bad habits to move to California, work his dream job, and run ultramarathons. Learn how to make daily forays into discomfort that have you welcoming adversity like an old friend instead of something to be avoided. Why self-evaluation that makes you feel good is a habit that leads to unhappiness (and what you can do instead). Why you should treat your ego like a child. How you can stop dilly-dallying and be more decisive. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/leo-babauta-zen-habits-episode-689/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Wine Access has been America's best kept wine secret...until now. Get $50 off towards your first purchase of $150 or more by ordering through our special link: wineaccess.com/jordan! Whether you're a lady or a gent, you don't need to know what MicroModal fabric is to enjoy the comfort of MeUndies; you just need to wear them -- support this show (and yourself) with MeUndies here for 20% off! With pain-free invoicing, FreshBooks helps entrepreneurs and freelancers save time and avoid a lot of the stress that comes with running a small business. Try a month of unrestricted use for free here (no credit card required)! Enter ART OF CHARM in the How You Heard About Us section. Want to turn your current work station into a standing desk, treadmill desk, or sitting desk at your command? Stand more, sit less, and boost your productivity at VARIDESK.com! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: How do you build a closer, stronger relationship with a parent who's always seemed distant? How do you distance yourself from a terrible stepparent? Are all your friends really self-absorbed? What is the value of networking for teachers? How does a stressed-out high school student who aspires to be a neurosurgeon deal with parents who don't believe in real problems like depression? What are our top takeaways from voice coaching? Are you snobby if you think someone you're dating should have ambitions beyond their entry-level job? Recommendation of the Week: Chuck Norris vs. Communism Quick shoutouts to everyone who sent nice holiday cards and gifts -- notably the microphone keychain that was separated from its card so we have no idea who sent it! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @TheArtofCharm and Instagram at @jordanharbinger, and check out Jason's (@jpdef) other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. You can also find him on Instagram at JPD. Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/fmf150/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! SmartMouth is the only activated oral rinse clinically proven to eliminate existing bad breath and prevent it from returning for a full twelve hours per rinse. Visit SmartMouth.com to get an in-depth, scientific analysis of how SmartMouth is able to deliver such incredible results! Listen to The Art of Charm, Golflandia, and hundreds of your favorite podcasts with the free PodcastOne app (on iOS and Android) here! Take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text AOC to 38470. We'll take you step by step to becoming better at making personal and professional connections, becoming a better networker, increasing your personal social capital and charisma. This is for both men and women! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Lewis Howes (@LewisHowes) rejoins us to discuss his latest book, The Mask of Masculinity: How Men Can Embrace Vulnerability, Create Strong Relationships, and Live Their Fullest Lives. "We aren't able to fully heal until we start sharing the things we're most ashamed of, the things we're most afraid of, and the things we're most insecure about." -Lewis Howes The Cheat Sheet: What masks do we wear when we're not being our genuine selves, and what compels us to put them on in the first place? How do we know when wearing a mask is serving a purpose and when it's time to put it away? Understand how bottled-up childhood trauma -- more common than many realize -- can make us wear lifelong masks that turn us into strangers with ourselves. Lewis Howes shares real-life examples of what's happened to him from wearing the wrong mask at the wrong time. Discover the catalytic turning point that led Lewis to find out who he really was beneath all these masks. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/lewis-howes-the-mask-of-masculinity-episode-688/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Learn over 500 subjects (no tests or homework!) at The Great Courses Plus -- Listeners to this podcast get one month free here! Want to spend less time shopping for insurance and take advantage of every possible discount? Visit meetamica.com/Forbes and find out why 95% of customers with combined auto and home policies stay with Amica! Skip Netflix tonight and join the millions of students learning and growing on Skillshare today -- AoC listeners get three months of Skillshare for 99 cents by signing up at skillshare.com/charm99! Rocket Mortgage by Quicken Loans. Apply simply. Understand fully. Mortgage confidently. To get started, go to RocketMortgage.com/FORBES! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Paul Gilmartin (@mentalpod) is the host and producer of The Mental Illness Happy Hour Podcast, known for his brutal honesty, authenticity, and transparency. The Cheat Sheet: How addiction works as a frame of mind and what a support group offers an addict on the road to recovery. Why shaming ourselves into becoming better people is a terrible strategy for self improvement. Why someone living a seemingly successful life envied by others might have suicidal thoughts multiple times a day. The ripple effect a traumatic childhood can have on an adult and what can be done to move on. The role of social intelligence and a code of ethics -- a principled life -- for guiding behavior. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/paul-gilmartin-principled-life-episode-687/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to fill your schedule. The AoC family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free -- that's over three times as long as the standard trial! Want to spend less time shopping for insurance and take advantage of every possible discount? Visit meetamica.com/Forbes and find out why 95% of customers with combined auto and home policies stay with Amica! DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project. Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: How feasible is online dating for someone in the public eye? How do you stay engaged in conversation without seeming like you are working really hard for it? What do you do when you're skilled at helping people overcome their social anxiety but not so skilled at helping yourself? What's someone with a high IQ got to do to keep everyday life challenging? Is always wanting better clouding your dating judgment? How does a man propose to another man? Will the party really be ruined and the world come to an end if you invite the office's most unpopular person? Or is it possible for your coworkers to act like adults? Recommendation (and non-recommendation) of the week: The Wolves at the Door: The True Story of America's Greatest Female Spy and Scam City Quick shoutouts to Helen Elias and her fiancé Abe in Mexico, and Ruth from Sweden and her fiancé Shane! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @TheArtofCharm and Instagram at @jordanharbinger, and check out Jason's (@jpdef) other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. You can also find him on Instagram at JPD. Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/fmf149/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Acuity Scheduling is your online assistant, working 24/7 to fill your schedule. The AoC family can go to AcuityScheduling.com/AOC to get 45-days free -- that's over three times as long as the standard trial! Rocket Mortgage by Quicken Loans. Apply simply. Understand fully. Mortgage confidently. To get started, go to RocketMortgage.com/FORBES! Listen to The Art of Charm, Golflandia, and hundreds of your favorite podcasts with the free PodcastOne app (on iOS and Android) here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text AOC to 38470. We'll take you step by step to becoming better at making personal and professional connections, becoming a better networker, increasing your personal social capital and charisma. This is for both men and women! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Akshay Nanavati (@fearvanalife) was on the brink of suicide, but overcame drug addiction, alcoholism, and PTSD from fighting in Iraq with the US Marines. He is the author of Fearvana: The Revolutionary Science of How to Turn Fear Into Health, Wealth, and Happiness. The Cheat Sheet: Why might a Marine veteran be thankful for falling in with the wrong crowd and dabbling with drugs and alcohol at an early age? What is a worthy struggle, and how can enduring hardship with others be a bonding experience? Why our negative emotions are often our greatest gift. What is second dart syndrome, and why does Akshay consider it "the most destructive disease of the mind?" What is the LMNOP cycle, and how can it help people with PTSD? And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/akshay-nanavati-fearvana-episode-686/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Whether you're a lady or a gent, you don't need to know what MicroModal fabric is to enjoy the comfort of MeUndies; you just need to wear them -- support this show (and yourself) with MeUndies here for 20% off! Want to spend less time shopping for insurance and take advantage of every possible discount? Visit meetamica.com/Forbes and find out why 95% of customers with combined auto and home policies stay with Amica! With pain-free invoicing, FreshBooks helps entrepreneurs and freelancers save time and avoid a lot of the stress that comes with running a small business. Try a month of unrestricted use for free here (no credit card required)! Enter ART OF CHARM in the How You Heard About Us section. Skip Netflix tonight and join the millions of students learning and growing on Skillshare today -- AoC listeners get three months of Skillshare for 99 cents by signing up at skillshare.com/charm! CastBox introduces an in-audio search capability that offers a brand new way to search for podcasts you may love based on words or topics. Download CastBox for iOS or Android and enter promo code AOC under Go Premium for six free months of premium features! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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David DeSteno (@daviddesteno) is a professor of psychology at Northeastern University and author of Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride. The Cheat Sheet: Why is delaying gratification so hard and why is it important? Why willpower runs counter to our evolutionary programming and often fails. Why developing prosocial emotions -- gratitude, compassion, and pride -- is a superior strategy for self control. Why reason is biased and allows us to rationalize giving into temptation. What are the health risks of trying to achieve goals by the force of sheer willpower? And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/david-desteno-emotional-success-episode-685/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Learn over 500 subjects (no tests or homework!) at The Great Courses Plus -- The Art of Charm listeners get one month free here! DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project. Want to spend less time shopping for insurance and take advantage of every possible discount? Visit meetamica.com/Forbes and find out why 95% of customers with combined auto and home policies stay with Amica! Did you know that your old and aging tech is costing you time and money? It’s time to upgrade to a new HP. AoC Family can go to hp.com/charm, enter code CHARM, and save 35% on select HP Business products with Intel Core processors! CastBox introduces an in-audio search capability that offers a brand new way to search for podcasts you may love based on words or topics. Download CastBox for iOS or Android and enter promo code AOC under Go Premium for six free months of premium features! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

Key points in this episode

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: What's your first step when you suspect child abuse is going on in your cousin's family? Where's the line drawn between real science and pseudoscience? Should you expect sobriety to interfere with your dating options? How do you get closer to relatives you've known your whole life but don't really know much about? Is there a way to gain rapport quickly with a group that's decided collectively not to like you? Should you change your intended career path if you can only land Cs in your related college major? How do you stop worrying about what the future might hold for a blooming long distance relationship and just enjoy the time you have together now? A quick shoutout to Peter V. from CastBox! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @TheArtofCharm and Instagram at @jordanharbinger, and check out Jason's (@jpdef) other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. You can also find him on Instagram at @JPD.   Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/fmf148/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! SmartMouth is the only activated oral rinse clinically proven to eliminate existing bad breath and prevent it from returning for a full twelve hours per rinse. Visit SmartMouth.com to get an in-depth, scientific analysis of how SmartMouth is able to deliver such incredible results! Listen to The Art of Charm, The Federalist Radio Hour, and hundreds of your favorite podcasts with the free PodcastOne app (on iOS and Android) here! Take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text AOC to 38470. We'll take you step by step to becoming better at making personal and professional connections, becoming a better networker, increasing your personal social capital and charisma. This is for both men and women! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Celeste Headlee (@CelesteHeadlee) is the host of On Second Thought at Georgia Public Broadcasting in Atlanta and has been a host and correspondent for NPR and PRI since 2006. She is the author of We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations That Matter. "The attempt to change somebody's mind is the death of good conversation." -Celeste Headlee The Cheat Sheet: Learn why listening in the right way is the key to improving what you have to say. Explore ways to correct the bad advice you've picked up about having good conversations. Find out how we can put our cognitive biases in check. See what it takes to have productive disagreements instead of shouting matches. Discover surprising ways your smartphone affects the quality of your conversations -- even if it's off. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/684/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project. Skip Netflix tonight and join the millions of students learning and growing on Skillshare today -- AoC listeners get three months of Skillshare for 99 cents by signing up at skillshare.com/charm! Rocket Mortgage by Quicken Loans. Apply simply. Understand fully. Mortgage confidently. To get started, go to RocketMortgage.com/FORBES! Did you know that your old and aging tech is costing you time and money? It's time to upgrade to a new HP. AoC Family can go to hp.com/charm, enter code CHARM, and save 35% on select HP Business products with Intel Core processors! CastBox introduces an in-audio search capability that offers a brand new way to search for podcasts you may love based on words or topics. Download CastBox for iOS or Android and enter promo code AOC under Go Premium for six free months of premium features! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

Key points in this episode

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. In this episode: What's wrong with eating pumpkin pie for breakfast? Are long distance, lack of communication, recurring patterns of behavior, and disempowering beliefs good enough reasons to break up with someone and stay broken up with someone? Sometimes living in the city and commuting to a job in the suburbs isn't the worst idea. How can you overcome insecurity based around something you can't change -- like height? Can a lifelong academic raised by tiger parents hope for a long-term relationship with someone who doesn't have the drive to complete a degree? If you're tired of being seen as "the shy person" in a group, reinventing yourself isn't as hard as you probably think it is. What are the benefits of limited imposter syndrome? What's our advice for an introvert who is interested in cultivating a balance between gaining and maintaining meaningful social capital yet nurturing an adequate allotment of necessary alone time? No Documentary of the Week, but Jordan and Jason riff on realities both virtual and augmented. Quick shoutout to everyone who has been hitting up Jordan about cryptocurrency and blockchain stuff. Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @TheArtofCharm and Instagram at @jordanharbinger, and check out Jason's (@jpdef) other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/fmf147/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Listen to The Art of Charm, Golflandia, and hundreds of your favorite podcasts with the free PodcastOne app (on iOS and Android) here! Take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text AOC to 38470. We'll take you step by step to becoming better at making personal and professional connections, becoming a better networker, increasing your personal social capital and charisma. This is for both men and women! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

Key points in this episode

Steve Sims (@SteveDSims1) is the CEO and founder of Bluefish, an exclusive, members-only luxury concierge service for VIP and executive clients, and the author of Bluefishing: The Art of Making Things Happen. The Cheat Sheet: What's the chug test and how can it help us trust our stomachs more than our heads when it comes to character assessment? Find out why knowing how to network well and build relationships will get you further than an unlimited bank account every time. Understand how we can get rid of unhealthy relationships and clients who are driving us crazy. Discover how to screen for these potential relationships so we can prevent them from intruding in the first place. Learn tactics Steve uses to create connections and network that are unrivaled -- and turn something most of us dread into his strongest competitive advantage. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/682/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Want to spend less time shopping for insurance and take advantage of every possible discount? Visit meetamica.com/Forbes and find out why 95% of customers with combined auto and home policies stay with Amica! Whether you're a lady or a gent, you don't need to know what MicroModal fabric is to enjoy the comfort of MeUndies; you just need to wear them -- support this show (and yourself) with MeUndies here for 20% off! With pain-free invoicing, FreshBooks helps entrepreneurs and freelancers save time and avoid a lot of the stress that comes with running a small business. Try a month of unrestricted use for free here (no credit card required)! Enter ART OF CHARM in the How You Heard About Us section. Bob's Red Mill has been making gluten-free, stone-ground, paleo-friendly, high-fiber, vegan, organic, minimally processed oatmeal, flours and meals, cereals, and more for decades -- and now offers 25 percent off to listeners using promo code JORDAN! CastBox introduces an in-audio search capability that offers a brand new way to search for podcasts you may love based on words or topics. Download CastBox for iOS or Android and enter promo code AOC under Go Premium for six free months of premium features! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Christopher Lochhead (@lochhead) is a former entrepreneur, retired Silicon Valley three-time public company CMO, category designer, host of the Legends & Losers Podcast, and co-author of Play Bigger: How Pirates, Dreamers, and Innovators Create and Dominate Markets. "People remember different in a way they don't remember better." -Christopher Lochhead The Cheat Sheet: Entrepreneurship is at an all-time low. Why? Every legendary product, service, or brand exists because an innovator got product, company, and category right at the right time. Why legends are different, not better. Learn how to design and dominate your own category. Learn how to design your own legendary life. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/681/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Want to spend less time shopping for insurance and take advantage of every possible discount? Visit meetamica.com/Forbes and find out why 95% of customers with combined auto and home policies stay with Amica! Stocks $5 a trade. Options 50¢ per contract plus $5 per trade. Futures $1.50 per contract, per side. Ready to make your move? Come to TradeStation.com/Charm! With pain-free invoicing, FreshBooks helps entrepreneurs and freelancers save time and avoid a lot of the stress that comes with running a small business. Try a month of unrestricted use for free here (no credit card required)! Enter ART OF CHARM in the How You Heard About Us section. CastBox introduces an in-audio search capability that offers a brand new way to search for podcasts you may love based on words or topics. Download CastBox for iOS or Android now to try it out for yourself! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

Key points in this episode

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. In this episode: What can you do to ensure the TSA won't steal from your luggage? How do you make sure a dating app conversation or first date doesn't just become a string of one-sided interview questions? How do you keep track of -- and prune -- an extensive network without becoming exhausted? What can you do to repair friendships that fell by the wayside when you were hustling your career out of a drop to rock bottom? Is it worth the possibility of ruining a good thing by asking out your improv teacher? Does society exist to tell you that your head is on fire? How do you learn to close a sale? Documentaries of the Week: The Science of Fasting and The Bomb A quick shoutout to everyone who came to our Social Capital mixer event down in L.A.! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @TheArtofCharm and Instagram at @jordanharbinger, and check out Jason's (@jpdef) other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/fmf146/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Listen to The Art of Charm, The Federalist Radio Hour, and hundreds of your favorite podcasts with the free PodcastOne app (on iOS and Android) here! Take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text AOC to 38470. We'll take you step by step to becoming better at making personal and professional connections, becoming a better networker, increasing your personal social capital and charisma. This is for both men and women! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

Key points in this episode

Ulrich Boser (@ulrichboser) is a senior fellow at the Center for American Progress and the author of Learn Better: Mastering the Skills for Success in Life, Business, and School, or, How to Become an Expert in Just about Anything. The Cheat Sheet: What's the number one misconception about learning? What's the thing that most people forget about learning? Learn the one trick that makes everyone learn better. Understand how learning ties in with our emotions. What is the single most underrated learning strategy? And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/680/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Rhone makes gear for the modern man who demands modern style, comfort, and quality. Click here or go to rhone.com and enter promo code CHARM at checkout to get 20% off your first purchase! Want to spend less time shopping for insurance and take advantage of every possible discount? Visit meetamica.com/Forbes and find out why 95% of customers with combined auto and home policies stay with Amica! Capterra helps you find the right tool for your business -- email marketing to scheduling to accounting and beyond -- from 500 categories of software. See how Capterra can help you here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

Key points in this episode

Michele Rigby Assad (@michelerigassad) is an international security consultant, trainer, and author of the book Breaking Cover: My Secret Life in the CIA and What it Taught Me About What's Worth Fighting For. The Cheat Sheet: Is working undercover for the CIA as exciting as it looks in the movies? How does an isolated Florida girl grow up to be a CIA operative in the Arab world? What goes into gathering intelligence from terrorist sources, and what motivates them to cooperate with the CIA? How did Michele overcome a strong case of Imposter Syndrome while working at the CIA? What does it mean to "get off the X," and why is it important to understand even if you think you'll never be ambushed? And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/679/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Want to spend less time shopping for insurance and take advantage of every possible discount? Visit meetamica.com/Forbes and find out why 95% of customers with combined auto and home policies stay with Amica! As security breaches make headlines with increasing frequency, is your identity protected? Go to LifeLock.com or call 1-800-LIFELOCK and use promo code FORBES for 10% off your LifeLock membership! Learn over 500 subjects (no tests or homework!) at The Great Courses Plus -- The Art of Charm listeners get one month free here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

Key points in this episode

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. We're trying to keep this a little lighter than last week's episode because we don't have Linda Carroll on deck to help us with the heavy lifting. But you should give it a listen here if you missed out because she was amazing, as always. But this is now, and here we are! In this episode: Moving to a new town to make a fresh start? We've all been there. Here's what worked for us. How can you bond with a younger sibling who's going through the teen angst phase? When networking, how do you find a balance between leveraging great opportunities while increasing your demand? Are your cold-shouldered coworkers worth trying to warm up? If you said I had a beautiful body, should I hold it against you? Here's a trick for joining a group discussion without feeling like you're interrupting or just being awkward. What do you do when you find out you're the red-flag person people are always being warned away from? Documentary of the Week: Weird Wonders of the World Quick shoutouts to Travis Chappell and Nick Rave! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @TheArtofCharm and Instagram at @jordanharbinger, and check out Jason's (@jpdef) other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/fmf145/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! With an unmatched selection of audiobooks, original audio shows, news, and comedy, Audible is your best source for summertime entertainment. Art of Charm listeners: start a 30-day trial and download your first audiobook for free by going to audible.com/aoc here! Listen to The Art of Charm, The Federalist Radio Hour, and hundreds of your favorite podcasts with the free PodcastOne app (on iOS and Android) here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text AOC to 38470. We'll take you step by step to becoming better at making personal and professional connections, becoming a better networker, increasing your personal social capital and charisma. This is for both men and women! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

Key points in this episode

Meg Jay (@drmegjay) is a clinical psychologist specializing in adult development and the author of Supernormal: The Untold Story of Adversity and Resilience. The Cheat Sheet: 75 percent of us have grown up dealing with some form of adversity. Being supernormal is having a better-than-average outcome after coping with this adversity. Resilience is resistance to adversity -- not immunity. What are the health risks of being too resilient? Some people get so good at dealing with adversity that they forget -- or never learn -- how to feel. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/678/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Want to spend less time shopping for insurance and take advantage of every possible discount? Visit meetamica.com/Forbes and find out why 95% of customers with combined auto and home policies stay with Amica! Learn over 500 subjects (no tests or homework!) at The Great Courses Plus -- The Art of Charm listeners get one month free here! Stocks $5 a trade. Options 50¢ per contract plus $5 per trade. Futures $1.50 per contract, per side. Ready to make your move? Come to TradeStation.com/Charm! Turns out the comfiest and most sustainable shoes in the world are made of wool -- even Time Magazine said so. Try Allbirds' 30-day trial period with free shipping and free returns this holiday season! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Kevin Harrington (@HarringtonKevin) is the innovator who invented infomercials, one of the original "sharks" on ABC's Shark Tank, and the co-author of Put A Shark In Your Tank. "If a guy named 'Chubby' walks into your office with a fitness product, you should definitely walk and run the other way!" -Kevin Harrington The Cheat Sheet: What starter businesses could work for an aspiring entrepreneur today? What's the difference between providing a service and providing a product? What sport seems conducive to the entrepreneurial mindset? Why would a Shark Tank investor bet on a bad deal? Learn three steps to an effective pitch. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/677/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! As security breaches make headlines with increasing frequency, is your identity protected? Go to LifeLock.com or call 1-800-LIFELOCK and use promo code FORBES for 10% off your LifeLock membership! Rhone makes gear for the modern man who demands modern style, comfort, and quality. Click here or go to rhone.com and enter promo code CHARM at checkout to get 20% off your first purchase! Want to spend less time shopping for insurance and take advantage of every possible discount? Visit meetamica.com/Forbes and find out why 95% of customers with combined auto and home policies stay with Amica! Learn over 500 subjects (no tests or homework!) at The Great Courses Plus -- The Art of Charm listeners get one month free here! CastBox introduces an in-audio search capability that offers a brand new way to search for podcasts you may love based on words or topics. Download CastBox for iOS or Android now to try it out for yourself! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. As an added bonus, therapist and Love Cycles author Linda Carroll joins us -- and if you haven't caught her on the show before, make sure to check out episodes 480, 512, 580, and 640! Let's cut to it! In this episode: When we feel obligated to help someone -- especially a long-lost family member in dire straits -- the trick might begin in understanding what help means. When one person has a problem in a relationship, the relationship has a problem. How can you see past the potential disappointment of Plan A's failure to formulate a Plan B? Emotions are complex and sometimes turn us into children -- or self-pitying victims. How do you connect with a beloved relative without getting entangled in other, less desirable family ties? Can you ever really trust someone who chronically lies? Should you? Documentary of the Week: One of Us Quick shoutouts to Hannah Hines and Owen Benjamin! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @TheArtofCharm and Instagram at @jordanharbinger, and check out Jason's (@jpdef) other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. Linda (who's constantly honest if not perpetually brutal) is on Twitter at @Lovecycleslinda. Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/fmf144/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Are you trying to hire the right person for your business, but the best candidates keep slipping away? Let ZipRecruiter -- the fastest way to hire great people -- help you screen only the best here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text AOC to 38470. We'll take you step by step to becoming better at making personal and professional connections, becoming a better networker, increasing your personal social capital and charisma. This is for both men and women! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Susan David (@susandavid_phd) is a psychologist on faculty at Harvard Medical School, co-founder and co-director of the Institute of Coaching at McLean Hospital, CEO of Evidence Based Psychology, and author of Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life. "Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life." -Susan David The Cheat Sheet: What is emotional agility? What's wrong with trying to force ourselves to be happy all the time? Is our society misguided by a tyranny of positivity today? Unpleasant and negative emotions actually serve a purpose -- but what is that purpose and how can we use it to our advantage? How do our thoughts, emotions, and stories hook us into responding ineffectively to life's challenges, and how can we break these patterns? Learn practical ways to develop our responses to adversity that leave us stronger and more capable. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/676/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Learn over 500 subjects (no tests or homework!) at The Great Courses Plus -- The Art of Charm listeners get one month free here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project. Want to spend less time shopping for insurance and take advantage of every possible discount? Visit meetamica.com/Forbes and find out why 95% of customers with combined auto and home policies stay with Amica! CastBox introduces an in-audio search capability that offers a brand new way to search for podcasts you may love based on words or topics. Download CastBox for iOS or Android now to try it out for yourself! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Justin Ramsdell is a clinical psychologist and an assistant professor of forensic psychology at George Mason University. His current work focuses on law enforcement interactions with individuals with severe mental illnesses, crisis de-escalation, and the psychology of victim experiences. "If somebody tells you that something works for everything, then it probably works for nothing." -Dr. Justin Ramsdell The Cheat Sheet: Understand what the Daubert Standard is, how it factors into scientific expert testimony admissible in court, and how it helps keep Dr. Justin Ramsdell honest with his own psychological work. Why we should consider a panacea that supposedly solves all problems, answers all questions, and cures all ills as a red flagbearer of pseudoscience. How science seeks to clarify and refine with concise terminology while pseudoscience remains vague and reliant on hollow jargon. Practice these critical thinking exercises to keep one step ahead of pseudoscience peddlers who might not have our best interests in mind. Who "they" are and what "they" don't want you to know! And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/675/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Rhone makes gear for the modern man who demands modern style, comfort, and quality. Click here or go to rhone.com and enter promo code CHARM at checkout to get 20% off your first purchase! Whether you're a lady or a gent, you don't need to know what MicroModal fabric is to enjoy the comfort of MeUndies; you just need to wear them -- support this show (and yourself) with MeUndies here for 20% off! Save time. Look great. Stitch Fix is the personal styling service customized to your fit, lifestyle, and spending preferences. Get started now at stitchfix.com/CHARM and you'll also get 25% off when you keep all five items in your box! As security breaches make headlines with increasing frequency, is your identity protected? Go to LifeLock.com or call 1-800-LIFELOCK and use promo code FORBES for 10% off your LifeLock membership! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

Key points in this episode

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. If you're new to The Art of Charm Podcast, this isn't a great place to start. Most of our content is more in-depth and longer format. Listen to recent guests A.J. Jacobs and Kevin Rose for a better idea of our regular programming. Also make sure to check out our Best Of picks or the Fundamentals Toolbox episodes. There, we've got the fundamentals of body language and nonverbal communication, attraction, negotiation, networking, and everything else we teach here at The Art of Charm. Let's cut to it! In this episode: Do we know any good conflict de-escalation techniques? What's the best way to re-enter your alumni network? Have you ever experienced this kind of imposter syndrome? How do you suggest ways someone can improve when they're immediately insulted you don't think they're perfect? How can a late bloomer shed the sidekick role developed over the years with a close friend? A couple of police officers weigh in on our episode with criminal defense attorney Corbin Payne. Documentary of the Week: Obey Giant Quick shoutouts to: Jen Kerr, Matt Knight, Joanne Alilovic, Leanne Hughes, Sean Lavin, and Loretta Kreet! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @TheArtofCharm and Instagram at @jordanharbinger, and check out Jason's (@jpdef) other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/fmf143/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Turns out the comfiest and most sustainable shoes in the world are made of wool — even Time Magazine said so. Try Allbirds' 30-day trial period with free shipping and free returns this holiday season! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text AOC to 38470. We'll take you step by step to becoming better at making personal and professional connections, becoming a better networker, increasing your personal social capital and charisma. This is for both men and women! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Being stuck isn't a barrier to greatness; it's part of greatness. Here are nine things you can do right now to get un-stuck and on your way to greatness. The Cheat Sheet: Losing momentum happens to everyone, no matter the task at hand. Consider it a temporary setback rather than a permanent condition. Understand what you can do to prevent being overwhelmed. Know how to ask for help and gain perspective by helping others. Don't underestimate the power of moving your body. Learn how to change your tools. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/674/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Rhone makes gear for the modern man who demands modern style, comfort, and quality. Click here or go to rhone.com and enter promo code CHARM at checkout to get 20% off your first purchase! As the holidays approach, where can you snag a family gift pack of meat for only $49.99? Go to omahasteaks.com, enter code ART in the search bar, and get a 75% savings for being an AoC listener! Learn over 500 subjects (no tests or homework!) at The Great Courses Plus -- The Art of Charm listeners get one month free here! Capterra helps you find the right tool for your business -- email marketing to scheduling to accounting and beyond -- from 500 categories of software. See how Capterra can help you here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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A.J. Jacobs (@ajjacobs) is a New York Times best-selling author who went on a quest to help build the biggest family tree in history, as detailed in his latest book It's All Relative: Adventures Up and Down the World's Family Tree. The Cheat Sheet: What did A.J. Jacobs learn by following every rule of the Bible literally for one year? How much do you really know about your heritage? See how relating to one another on a family tree of millions is a step toward overcoming the ills of modern tribalism and race relations. Why acknowledging the bad as well as the good revealed by digging into family history is important. The disciplined daydreaming of A.J.'s brainstorming sessions and how we can cultivate our own big picture thinking. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/673/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Turns out the comfiest and most sustainable shoes in the world are made of wool -- even Time Magazine said so. Try Allbirds' 30-day trial period wih free shipping and free returns this holiday season! As security breaches make headlines with increasing frequency, is your identity protected? Go to LifeLock.com or call 1-800-LIFELOCK and use promo code FORBES for 10% off your LifeLock membership! Stocks $5 a trade. Options 50¢ per contract plus $5 per trade. Futures $1.50 per contract, per side. Ready to make your move? Come to TradeStation.com/Charm! By The Book is half reality show, half self-help podcast, and one wild social experiment. Join comedian Jolenta Greenberg and her skeptical friend Kristen Meinzer as they live by the rules of a different self-help book each episode to figure out which ones might actually be life changing. Check it out here or wherever you listen to podcasts. Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

Key points in this episode

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. If you're new to The Art of Charm Podcast, this isn't a great place to start. Most of our content is more in-depth and longer format. Listen to recent guests Kevin Rose and Corbin Payne for a better idea of our regular programming. Also make sure to check out our Best Of picks or the Fundamentals Toolbox episodes. There, we've got the fundamentals of body language and nonverbal communication, attraction, negotiation, networking, and everything else we teach here at The Art of Charm. Let's cut to it! In this episode: How do you make sure you're not wasting the opportunity of a good introduction? Why don't we read positive reviews on the show? Some great listener feedback for the child with ADHD from FMF #140 who blames himself for his mother's issues. How does someone who's visually impaired network effectively without being able to read body language? Is your writing style too verbose for most? If so, how can you clarify your message without feeling like you're "dumbing it down?" What's one of the meanest things Jordan has done? How Jordan got a peek into the world of being a woman online. Out of curiosity, if you were going to rename The Art of Charm podcast, what would you call it? Drop Jordan a line at jordan@jordanharbinger.com if you have ideas! Documentary of the Week: Hunting the KGB Killers Quick shoutouts to Melanie Pipkens out of Lansing, Michigan, and Susie and Jojo! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @TheArtofCharm and Instagram at @jordanharbinger, and check out Jason's (@jpdef) other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/fmf142/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! CastBox introduces an in-audio search capability that offers a brand new way to search for podcasts you may love based on words or topics. Download CastBox for iOS or Android now to try it out for yourself! Turns out the comfiest and most sustainable shoes in the world are made of wool -- even Time Magazine said so. Try Allbirds' 30-day trial period wih free shipping and free returns this holiday season! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text AOC to 38470. We'll take you step by step to becoming better at making personal and professional connections, becoming a better networker, increasing your personal social capital and charisma. This is for both men and women! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Kevin Rose (@kevinrose) founded social news site Digg, created fasting tracker Zero, made meditation app Oak, and hosts a podcast called The Kevin Rose Show where he explores how to reach peak personal and professional performance while living a minimal and balanced life. "The best ideas often sound extremely crazy to almost everyone...but not to the founder." -Kevin Rose The Cheat Sheet: What does Kevin Rose -- a serial entrepreneur who's experienced his own massive successes and failures -- look for when investing in a new startup? What current trends get Kevin excited about the future? What habits have helped Kevin recover from his own trysts with distraction, anxiety, and overall burnout? How do wearables actually help Kevin disconnect from the technology in his life? How is Kevin's new, free meditation app Oak different from the other meditation apps out there, and what features are on the horizon? And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/672/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! As security breaches make headlines with increasing frequency, is your identity protected? Go to LifeLock.com or call 1-800-LIFELOCK and use promo code FORBES for 10% off your LifeLock membership! With an unmatched selection of audiobooks, original audio shows, news, and comedy, Audible is your best source for summertime entertainment. Art of Charm listeners: start a 30-day trial and download your first audiobook for free by going to audible.com/aoc here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! By The Book is half reality show, half self-help podcast, and one wild social experiment. Join comedian Jolenta Greenberg and her skeptical friend Kristen Meinzer as they live by the rules of a different self-help book each episode to figure out which ones might actually be life changing. Check it out here or wherever you listen to podcasts. Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Corbin Payne (@the_sue_chef), aka The Sue Chef, is a criminal defense attorney who explains why the innocent as well as the guilty should know how to interact with the police in a way that protects their own rights. The Cheat Sheet: What are your rights regarding search and seizure? Why shouldn't we allow the police to search our car or home without a warrant -- even if we think we have nothing to hide? Why should we exercise our right to remain silent -- even if we're innocent? Why would an innocent person ever need a lawyer present when talking to the police? How do you get the police to see your side of the story? And so much more... Full show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes// Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Rhone makes gear for the modern man who demands modern style, comfort, and quality. Click here or go to rhone.com and enter promo code CHARM at checkout to get 20% off your first purchase! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project. By The Book is half reality show, half self-help podcast, and one wild social experiment. Join comedian Jolenta Greenberg and her skeptical friend Kristen Meinzer as they live by the rules of a different self-help book each episode to figure out which ones might actually be life changing. Check it out here or wherever you listen to podcasts. Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable -- to make you more magnetic and effective -- that you can implement right away. Are you trying to understand the motivation behind someone's alleged actions? Here's an exercise from episode 651 guest Frank Sesno, author of Ask More: The Power of Questions to Open Doors, Uncover Solutions, and Spark Change. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: As a hypothetical scenario, imagine you're in charge of prosecuting someone charged with plagiarism. Simply asking if the subject is guilty is pointless -- they've already denied it. Instead, write down ten questions that are less directly confrontational. Examples: Why would somebody possibly do something like this? Why spend time doing something like this? Who would have the resources to do something like this? What resources do you think this person might have used? Would this have been difficult to do if you had been guilty and done it? Who might have wanted to make it look like you did it? What other plausible explanations are there? Asking these kinds of questions is a great way to figure out someone's motivations as well as getting them to build a narrative for you. Coming up with these types of questions -- even if you don't end up needing to ask them -- helps you think inside, outside, and underneath for a more complete picture of any scenario. To learn more about social dynamics and productivity hacks, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text AOC to 38470. Also be sure to check out our Social Capital Intensive here! Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response or write to Jordan directly: jordan@jordanharbinger.com (he actually reads everything)! Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-80-ask-questions-uncover-motivation/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text AOC to 38470. We'll take you step by step to becoming better at making personal and professional connections, becoming a better networker, increasing your personal social capital and charisma. This is for both men and women! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Listen to The Art of Charm, Adam and Dr. Drew Show, and hundreds of your favorite podcasts with the free PodcastOne app (on iOS and Android) here! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

Key points in this episode

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: What do you say when you meet a celebrity -- without being awkward? Is it still called imposter syndrome when you're an imposter by design? How do you tell a loved one their behavior is freaking you out? How do you help a sibling whose bad behavior is having a negative impact on the whole family? Should you have to take the lead when it comes to keeping in touch with family? Listener advice for people who need to collect from chronic check bouncers. Quick shoutouts to Teiki Kimball and Lena, and Korhan and Amber! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @TheArtofCharm and Instagram at @jordanharbinger, and check out Jason's (@jpdef) other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/fmf141/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Learn over 500 subjects (no tests or homework!) at The Great Courses Plus -- The Art of Charm listeners get one month free here! By The Book is half reality show, half self-help podcast, and one wild social experiment. Join comedian Jolenta Greenberg and her skeptical friend Kristen Meinzer as they live by the rules of a different self-help book each episode to figure out which ones might actually be life changing. Check it out here or wherever you listen to podcasts. Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text AOC to 38470. We'll take you step by step to becoming better at making personal and professional connections, becoming a better networker, increasing your personal social capital and charisma. This is for both men and women! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Scott Adams (@ScottAdamsSays) of Dilbert fame revisits us to discuss his new book Win Bigly: Persuasion in a World Where Facts Don't Matter. "Nobody ever won an argument with an analogy." -Scott Adams The Cheat Sheet: Is Scott Adams a Trump supporter? People don’t use facts to make decisions. They use emotion. Learn the three types of persuaders and how they operate. See how master persuaders move the topic to things they understand and can dominate (regardless of facts and details). Find out why master persuasion is effective even if the subject or target sees the technique. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/669/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project. Rhone makes gear for the modern man who demands modern style, comfort, and quality. Click here or go to rhone.com and enter promo code CHARM at checkout to get 20% off your first purchase! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Stocks $5 a trade. Options 50¢ per contract plus $5 per trade. Futures $1.50 per contract, per side. Ready to make your move? Come to TradeStation.com/Charm! CastBox introduces an in-audio search capability that offers a brand new way to search for podcasts you may love based on words or topics. Download CastBox for iOS or Android now to try it out for yourself! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable -- to make you more magnetic and effective -- that you can implement right away. Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done author Jon Acuff rejoins us (hear his most recent full episode here) to discuss why he's more productive on an airplane and how he recreates the conditions to make him as productive when he's home. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: From feedback and personal experience, Jon Acuff noticed that we tend to be more productive when we're traveling. Since we can't travel all the time, he was determined to recreate the conditions that influence this behavior. Here's what he came up with. Because of physical restrictions, you can only bring a limited amount of work. White noise helps you focus. Limited Internet connectivity keeps you from unnecessary distractions. Focus-driving deadlines result from breaks in the routine (waiting in the terminal, boarding, flying, landing, waiting to deboard). These work roughly like the Pomodoro Technique. Nobody knows you; nobody bothers you. To learn more about social dynamics and productivity hacks, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text AOC to 38470. Also be sure to check out our Social Capital Intensive here! Let us know how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response or write to Jordan directly: jordan@theartofcharm.com (he actually reads everything)! Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-79-productive-airplanes-not/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text AOC to 38470. We'll take you step by step to becoming better at making personal and professional connections, becoming a better networker, increasing your personal social capital and charisma. This is for both men and women! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Listen to The Art of Charm, Starving for Attention with Richard Blais, and hundreds of your favorite podcasts with the free PodcastOne app (on iOS and Android) here! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. If you're new to The Art of Charm Podcast, this isn't a great place to start. Most of our content is more in-depth and longer format. Listen to recent guests Jon Acuff and Tom Bilyeu for a better idea of our regular programming. Also make sure to check out our Best Of picks or the Fundamentals Toolbox episodes. There, we've got the fundamentals of body language and nonverbal communication, attraction, negotiation, networking, and everything else we teach here at The Art of Charm. Let's cut to it! In this episode: Is there anything you find useful that other people just don't get? What are your options for maintaining sanity when you're living with a messy significant other? Self-help isn't selfish, but you might want to put the brakes on any relationships until you're standing on firmer ground. Convincing your company's chief investor that it's time to pivot is all the more difficult when he happens to be your father. No kid is responsible for an adult's decision to use drugs. Repeated for emphasis: No kid is responsible for an adult's decision to use drugs. Some listener advice for the guy from FMF 134 who's dating high-maintenance Mercedes. How do you avoid becoming passive backdrop furniture in a group conversation? Is there ever any upside to getting sucked into your coworker's personal drama on the job? Documentary of the Week: anything about The Great Barrier Reef. Quick shoutouts to Andy from Luxembourg and Katie Couric! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @TheArtofCharm and Instagram at @jordanharbinger, and check out Jason's (@jpdef) other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/fmf140/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Need to promote yourself? Do it right by picking up Book Yourself Solid: The Fastest, Easiest, and Most Reliable System for Getting More Clients Than You Can Handle Even if You Hate Marketing and Selling by Michael Port! Take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text AOC to 38470. We'll take you step by step to becoming better at making personal and professional connections, becoming a better networker, increasing your personal social capital and charisma. This is for both men and women! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Jon Acuff (@jonacuff) returns to the show to discuss his new book Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done. "If culture's doing its job, you shouldn't reward middle. You should reward finish." -Jon Acuff The Cheat Sheet: Why are only eight percent of new year's resolutions realized? (Incidentally, that's the same percentage of applicants accepted to Juilliard.) The harm perfectionism causes and what we can do to navigate through it. The Planning Fallacy and how it causes overachievers to fail before even beginning. Strategic Incompetence: why you should deliberately be terrible at some things. Secret Rules: what they are, how they're made, and how these invisible scripts affect our lives (and what we can do about it). And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/668/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Four Sigmatic mushroom coffee with lion's mane gives you the boost of coffee with half the caffeine. Try Four Sigmatic's AoC coffee bundle here, and use code CHARM at checkout for free shipping! Are you trying to hire the right person for your business, but the best candidates keep slipping away? Let ZipRecruiter -- the fastest way to hire great people -- help you screen only the best here! As security breaches make headlines with increasing frequency, is your identity protected? Go to LifeLock.com or call 1-800-LIFELOCK and use promo code FORBES for 10% off your LifeLock membership! CastBox introduces an in-audio search capability that offers a brand new way to search for podcasts you may love based on words or topics. Download CastBox for iOS or Android now to try it out for yourself! Need a podcast that will help you 'begin living and thinking smarter not harder?' Check out Dexter Guff is Smarter Than You (And You Can Be Too) -- subscribe now to get your ears on Dexter's mouth! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Tom Bilyeu (@TomBilyeu) is a co-founder of Quest Nutrition, co-founder of media company Impact Theory, and host of the accompanying Impact Theory podcast. The Cheat Sheet: Why the fastest way to learn is to teach. Developing a growth mindset (per previous guest Carol Dweck) to avoid getting stuck doing one thing forever. Escaping the depression of feeling like a talentless hack. Why limiting his prospects made Tom feel better about himself in the short run -- and how he broke away from being "The King of Remedial Jobs." How do we preserve a positive belief system in the face of what looks like contrary evidence? And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/667/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! As the holidays approach, where can you snag a family gift pack of meat for only $49.99? Go to omahasteaks.com, enter code ART in the search bar, and get a 75% savings for being an AoC listener! Learn over 500 subjects (no tests or homework!) at The Great Courses Plus -- The Art of Charm listeners get one month free here! Rhone makes gear for the modern man who demands modern style, comfort, and quality. Click here or go to rhone.com and enter promo code CHARM at checkout to get 20% off your first purchase! CastBox introduces an in-audio search capability that offers a brand new way to search for podcasts you may love based on words or topics. Download CastBox for iOS or Android now to try it out for yourself! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable -- to make you more magnetic and effective -- that you can implement right away. Marsha Shandur of Yes Yes Marsha rejoins us (check out her full episode here) with ways we can harness emotions for powerful storytelling -- and what to leave out for better effect. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: Telling a good story well literally floods your listener's brain with dopamine (which helps with information processing) and oxytocin (which makes them trust you more). Contrary to popular belief, it's not usually the addition of too many details that ruins good storytelling; it's not including enough of the right details. What are the right details? How living through the story made you feel -- the emotions the experience generated. As we share the story with others, tuning them in to these emotions allows them to better relate. Beginning a story with an action sequence (as Marsha demonstrates) places an information gap that helps build tension and keeps people paying attention. Internal monologue describing how events made us feel and naming the emotions experienced keep the listener hooked. Pinpointing where in the body we felt these emotions adds a visceral element that makes the story even more relatable. No spoilers -- as with our favorite television shows, we want tension to build without the ending being given away. This week, practice telling your friends short true stories in which you include how you felt when you were living them. Make sure to check out Marsha's page for AoC listeners with an exercise and extra help by which you can learn to harness emotions for powerful storytelling! Find it here. Download episode worksheet here. (Coming soon!) To learn more about social dynamics and productivity hacks, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text AOC to 38470. Also be sure to check out our Social Capital Intensive here! Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response or write to Jordan directly: jordan@theartofcharm.com (he actually reads everything)! Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-78-harnessing-emotions-for-powerful-storytelling/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text AOC to 38470. We'll take you step by step to becoming better at making personal and professional connections, becoming a better networker, increasing your personal social capital and charisma. This is for both men and women! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Listen to The Art of Charm, Dogma Debate, and hundreds of your favorite podcasts with the free PodcastOne app (on iOS and Android) here! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

Key points in this episode

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. If you're new to The Art of Charm Podcast, this isn't a great place to start. Most of our content is more in-depth and longer format. Listen to recent guests Bob Sutton and Aubrey Marcus for a better idea of our regular programming. Also make sure to check out our Best Of picks or the Fundamentals Toolbox episodes. There, we've got the fundamentals of body language and nonverbal communication, attraction, negotiation, networking, and everything else we teach here at The Art of Charm. Let's cut to it! In this episode: So you're having a challenge with a new relationship -- your soon-to-be mother-in-law. How can you make it right before the big day? How do you deal with a person who is constantly asking for favors but has yet to provide any real value in return? If you're doing everything you're meant to be doing and your life has improved since giving up alcohol, is there a problem with the vice you've chosen to replace it? Some listener advice for the Lost Corpsman from FMF #135 -- specifically for his struggles with PTSD, depression, and self-treatment with alcohol. How much eye contact is too much eye contact? Quick shoutout to Jeremy, The Self-Improvement Forester! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @TheArtofCharm, and check out Jason's (@jpdef) other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/fmf139/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Castbox introduces an in-audio search capability that offers a brand new way to search for podcasts you may love based on words or topics. Download CastBox for iOS or Android now to try it out for yourself! Need a podcast that will help you 'begin living and thinking smarter not harder?' Check out Dexter Guff is Smarter Than You (And You Can Be Too) -- subscribe now to get your ears on Dexter's mouth! Take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text AOC to 38470. We'll take you step by step to becoming better at making personal and professional connections, becoming a better networker, increasing your personal social capital and charisma. This is for both men and women! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

Key points in this episode

Bob Sutton (@work_matters) is a Stanford Business School professor and author of New York Times Bestseller The No Asshole Rule and, most recently, The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt. "Be slow to label others as assholes and be quick to label yourself as one." -Bob Sutton The Cheat Sheet: What is an asshole, and why do they seem to be everywhere? Why assholes do not finish first. What to do if you're forced to work with an asshole. How to spot the red flags that help you avoid dealing with assholes in the first place -- or know when it's time to quit the assholes who are already in your life. How to tell if maybe you're the asshole. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/666/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Skip Netflix tonight and join the millions of students learning and growing on Skillshare today -- AoC listeners get one month of Skillshare free by signing up at skillshare.com/charm! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! As security breaches make headlines with increasing frequency, is your identity protected? Go to LifeLock.com or call 1-800-LIFELOCK and use promo code FORBES for 10% off your LifeLock membership! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Aubrey Marcus (@AubreyMarcus) is a multisport athlete, founder and CEO of holistic health and fitness powerhouse Onnit, and author of the upcoming Own the Day, Own Your Life: Optimized Practices for Waking, Working, Learning, Eating, Training, Playing, Sleeping, and Sex. The Cheat Sheet: How do you find someone who's a good fit for your company or team? What should be expected of a new recruit at entry level, and what can he or she learn on the job? Why should you always strive to hire people who are better than you? Dealing with patent trolls, haters, and other predators. Why ROI isn't always the obvious bottom line. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/665/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Save time. Look great. Stitch Fix is the personal styling service customized to your fit, lifestyle, and spending preferences. Get started now at stitchfix.com/CHARM and you'll also get 25% off when you keep all five items in your box! DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project. Rhone makes gear for the modern man who demands modern style, comfort, and quality. Click here or go to rhone.com and enter promo code CHARM at checkout to get 20% off your first purchase! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Free yourself from typing notes, reports, and documents by going with the transcriptionists we trust here at AoC: TranscriptionOutsourcing.net -- 99% or higher accuracy guaranteed! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

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Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable -- to make you more magnetic and effective -- that you can implement right away. We've all heard we're the sum of the five people with whom we spend the most time. This time around, we talk about how to curate the influence of people around us so we put control in our own hands rather than those of random circumstance. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: Often attributed to Jim Rohn is the sentiment that we are the average of the five people with whom we spend the most time. If this is true, how can we curate these influences to be positive rather than negative? Make a list of who's getting the most face time in your life and why. Keeping a calendar or journal that details what we do every day -- from social events to work -- helps. Evaluate areas on the list that could stand improvement. You can't isolate yourself from influence, so curate the best influences you can so you can determine your own future. To learn more about social dynamics and productivity hacks, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text AOC to 38470. Also be sure to check out our Social Capital Intensive here! Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response or write to Jordan directly: jordan@theartofcharm.com (he actually reads everything)! Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-77-how-to-curate-the-influence-of-people-around-us/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text AOC to 38470. We'll take you step by step to becoming better at making personal and professional connections, becoming a better networker, increasing your personal social capital and charisma. This is for both men and women! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Listen to The Art of Charm, Forbes Overworld, and hundreds of your favorite podcasts with the free PodcastOne app (on iOS and Android) here! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

Key points in this episode

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. If you're new to The Art of Charm Podcast, this isn't a great place to start. Most of our content is more in-depth and longer format. Listen to recent guests Chris Guillebeau, Jeff Goins, Winifred Reilly, and Too $hort for a better idea of our regular programming. Also make sure to check out our Best Of picks or the Fundamentals Toolbox episodes. There, we've got the fundamentals of body language and nonverbal communication, attraction, negotiation, networking, and everything else we teach here at The Art of Charm. Let's cut to it! In this episode: Thoughts on the #MeToo campaign. How do you know when an awkward greeting is about to happen and how can you nip it in the bud before it escalates? How can your network make you money if you're not an entrepreneur? Jordan recently emceed the Thrive event in Las Vegas. What's involved, how did he do it, and what was the experience like? Recommendations for sustaining or recovering your voice after speaking for two hours or more. Do some people need more time to fall in love than others? Or is it possible the chemistry's just not there and never will be? What happened when we interviewed Roger Stone. Documentary of the Week: Generation Iron 2 Quick shoutout to Justin and Nicki Sharer of Sharer Design Group in Plymouth, MI! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @TheArtofCharm, and check out Jason's (@jpdef) other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/fmf138/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! How can something called a natural killer cell be good for you? Check out the Ben Greenfield Fitness podcast with Jonathan Clinthorne, PhD about harnessing the power of the natural killer cell for enhanced immunity, longevity, performance, and beyond here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text AOC to 38470. We'll take you step by step to becoming better at making personal and professional connections, becoming a better networker, increasing your personal social capital and charisma. This is for both men and women! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

Key points in this episode

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