103: My Fear of Stagnation: What if I Stop Changing and Evolving?

Every year I want to change, evolve, level up. I hate stagnation, fear it. There's nothing more terrifying to me than the thought that I could have peaked already, that it's never going to be more than what is now. I still think that the wish to evolve and grow is fine. But being terrified of the possibility that this won't happen? What good does that do? So in this episode, I ponder the question whether I should try to make peace with the possibility that maybe there won't be any next levels for me. I also want to be the kind of person that has something to offer: whether that's entertaining stories, enlightening conversation, or valuable advice. When I meet friends, I feel a desire to give them something—even if it's just a good time. But sometimes being with friends is just about that: spending time together, without feeling responsible for making it a great time.

Shownotes:  Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/    Transcript:   
[00:00:00] One interesting conversation that I had with Basti in Greece was a conversation about the urge or need to be valuable for me. It's such as that. I mean, there's certain themes in my life, right? I always want it to be worthy and valuable and significant. And I also want it to always be impressive. Like impressing people was important, living a significant life. 
[00:00:27] Was always important feeling like my life is valuable that I'm using this gift and doing things with it, that it seemed worthwhile. That always, as far as I can remember, was very important to me. And for the past, maybe 20 years, I have talked and shared this theme and we talked about this the very first time we talked about doing an old. 
[00:00:49] The project was in Thailand in the car and we're debating who the fuck is, Steli FD and where's the journey going next and what do I have to offer to the world? And what do I care about? What makes me special? [00:01:00] And I remember us talking a lot about this drive that I have for growth and change. And I've always talked about this theme that if I look back at the last year, And I don't think Steli a year ago was an idiot and didn't know shit. 
[00:01:14] It makes me afraid. It brings a certain type of panic to me because it makes me feel like, well, I guess I've wasted. I, nothing has happened. Like I still think the stuff that I thought a year ago. Well two years ago is right. And a more or less the same person that terrifies me. That means nothing really of significance has happened in my evolution. 
[00:01:34] I mean, we talked about me being a bit more self aware sometimes of some of the funnier versions of this, right? Some of the things that seem less valuable, like being in the pool, playing with my children, but then staying long in the pool so that other people see how amazing of a dad I am like that kind of. 
[00:01:49] And I've noticed it more, more present. So more often than not, I could tell sometimes these little moments where I would consider how I would be [00:02:00] perceived by others an hour from now or tomorrow morning or something else. And then I would have to tell myself, well, who gives a fuck? Just relax. Right. Just relax. 
[00:02:09] So Boston comes to visit me and Sophia and the day busty showed up. His flight was arriving at like 6:00 PM in Greece. And my mother was visiting in the morning to spend a day with me in the city in Greece. And I woke up and instantly I could tell that I was super nervous in the morning. It's another feeling that it's so funny. 
[00:02:29] I felt this feeling so much in my life in so crazy now to me, that I never realized that I was