How Does Shaan Puri Take the Edge Off a Fight?

Shaan Puri says a trainer told him, in the middle of an argument, to ask what they are trying to do here. The question is about the relationship, separate from the disagreement that started the fight. Even if the surface fight is Mexican food versus Italian food, he means I love you, you love me, a great time, and an awesome relationship.

The sooner Shaan brings his own awareness to whether he loves the other person, whether he wants the relationship to be amazing, and that they are on the same team, and away from the wrongs of the situation, the edge goes off. It is never really the situation. It is how people are reacting in the situation. He says the difference between a reaction and a response is the make or break of a life. People who are truly great respond versus react. Something is always happening, and everyone has an impulsive reaction, but the ones who bring awareness to what they actually want long term, how they actually feel, and what the other person might be thinking, then get into response mode. People give better relationship advice to others than they take in their own fight, because their own fight drops them into fight or flight reaction mode versus being able to respond.

When Shaan dislikes a reaction, he says he is not proud of it, calls the reaction stupid, and tries again. At his house he makes a rewind sound, which lightens the mood, then asks to try the moment again real quick. He shakes the tension like an etch-a-sketch with something goofy, because carrying the bad reaction forward is too hard.