Oleksiy Kovyrin

Geek at Sea · Oleksiy Kovyrin. Postpartum depression in dads.

• Does Oleksiy Kovyrin Think Remote Work Is a Good Fit for Parents?

  Oleksiy Kovyrin tells Kirill Zubovsky that remote work was only a convenience for most of a decade. He liked his chair, his large monitors, and not having to get dressed. The value showed up when he and his wife started a family.

  With a child in the house he was seconds away, even in the middle of a workday behind a do-not-disturb sign. In the first years, small emergencies are constant, and a parent who is in an office cannot stand up and help. Their daughter was very active, and his wife was exhausted from chasing her. He could leave the desk for fifteen minutes, spend fifteen minutes with her, and come back.

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• What Is Some Valuable Insight for First-time Parents

  There is a lot of worry about every single problem. Take the pressure off of yourself and don't worry as much. There is enough stress as is with lack of sleep, disruptions in lifestyle, etc. Just focus on your child, the present moment, and the core responsibilities of helping them thrive.

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• What Does Oleksiy Kovyrin Want Other Struggling New Parents to Hear?

  Oleksiy Kovyrin tells Kirill Zubovsky that he was told he was supposed to love his child, and instead he felt stressed and unable to say so. He thinks a lot of parents are in that spot, and that the silence makes it worse. If someone had told him at the time, it would have been easier to bear.

  What he wanted to hear is that he was not alone, and that he was not broken. Other people feel the same things. It is not the case that everyone else loves their child immediately and you are the only one who does not. Knowing that others had been through it would have helped him a great deal.

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• What Does Oleksiy Kovyrin Enjoy Most With His Toddler?

  Oleksiy Kovyrin tells Kirill Zubovsky that the early years of parenting were hard enough that he buried them. Asked what is most fun now that his daughter is a little older, he says he likes talking to her. There is a real human being inside that small body, and that is the interesting part.

  She makes observations, she shares a feeling, and she has opinions. She will say she does not like something, or that a way of doing it is wrong. He says she has a lot of opinions now, and that watching the opinions appear is the most interesting thing in parenting for him.

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• What Are the Most Difficult Expectations to Meet as a New Parent

  It is difficult when adjusting to someone else taking up your free time. Sometimes a parent's joy in their child's experiences doesn't always mean the parent is having fun.

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• Are You Supposed to Love Your Child Unconditionally From the Moment She Arrives

  The conventional wisdom will make you feel like that is the only way, but for some parents it might not be the case. For various reasons a child might cause physical and emotional pain, and it takes time to get over it; years for some. The best thing you can do to get through this faster is to talk with your significant other.

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• What Does It Feel Like to Have a Brand New Child

  It might feel overwhelming, and depends on your situation, you might find yourself less than excited about the arrival of your child. Thing you enjoy doing in life, life travel or sleep, might get rudely interrupted and put on hold for a long while. It happens to dads and moms everywhere, causing a lot of emotional problems, but this subject is rarely discussed publicly, and even your friend are unlikely to share until you have a child of your own.

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