Does Ambition Attract Men and Women Equally?

Paul Eastwick says ambition attracts men and women about equally in the first minutes of a date. Shankar Vedantam asks how much romantic preferences matter after a familiar script treats wealth and status as the romantic currency for men and looks as the romantic currency for women. Before any meeting, men say they care about attractiveness more than women do, and women say they care about earning potential and ambition more than men do.

About 20 years ago, speed dating was a new way to test that split. People met on short four-minute dates, and the comparison was between what participants said they wanted beforehand and whom they actually liked. Ambitious men were liked by women a little more than unambitious men. Ambitious women were liked a little more than unambitious women. No gender difference showed up in the draw of ambition. The differences men and women described in advance did not show up in initial attraction.

What men and women share in a partner dwarfs the distinctions. Men look for somebody who will support them, celebrate their successes, and be there for them, and women want the same. Relationships work like attachments. People bond and turn to each other for support, encouragement, or help thinking through a problem. Men and women do that for each other all the time, with little difference in what they provide. Mutual care is the core of a relationship.