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What Is an Upward Comparison in a Relationship?

Edward Lemay says an upward comparison is what happens when people measure their own relationship against one that looks better. It can make their relationship feel lacking, and it can lower satisfaction and commitment. It can also be inspiring and show a way to improve.

Listener Kelly was upset that her husband did not help carry paper towels after she had just watched another husband open a car door for his wife. Lemay says she may be assuming the door means the same thing to her husband that it means to her. He may not connect that gesture with caring at all, or he may see it as a gender stereotype. If she wants more of those gestures, that is worth a conversation, because it does not come naturally to everyone and people do not read it the same way. The other couple can have flaws she cannot see, and her own relationship can be better in ways that were not on her mind in that moment.

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How Love Really Works ·

Hidden Brain

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