Why Does Mel Robbins Say Empathy Is Not Mind Reading?

Mel Robbins says empathy is not stepping into someone else's shoes, and it is not mind reading. Empathy is pausing long enough to ask, because you cannot guess how somebody else is feeling. She says she got this wrong for a long time, especially as a young parent, when she thought she could just understand how her child was feeling.

Their son was in fourth grade and struggling in school. Mel Robbins says you could see the light dimming, and they were beginning to understand that he had dyslexia, dysgraphia, executive functioning issues, and ADHD. He felt like an outsider. When she saw someone she loved struggling, she worried, and she did what she does when she is scared. She calls herself a bulldozer and goes into problem solving: what do we need to do, who do we call, what is the plan, how do we fix this? She thought she was helping. She told Oakley she loved him, she was worried, she saw a problem, and she was going to jump in and solve it.

The attempt to help made things worse. Mel Robbins says she skipped the most important thing her son needed. He was not a problem to be solved. He was a human being who needed to feel understood.