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S1E11 - 'The Night Receptionist'

My Dad Wrote A Porno podcast.

July 19

Belinda is still wide awake at The Horse and Jockey as the youngish man from reception brings her some extra special room service...

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the following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content and strong language. Basically all the good stuff. Jamie, why are we here? We're here because my dad that's written report erotic literature. Previously on my dad wrote a porno. Belinda was completely naked and Peter was completely dressed. We must look completely. He grabbed her cervix. Oh, we just had a good old fashioned sex. It's what we both wanted. And when you get what you want, you feel great thing is Belinda's mantra. Hello and welcome to yet another installment off. My dad wrote a porno.

I'm here with Alice. So hello on, James. Hi. How you both doing? Good. Thank God we're here, because if we weren't here, you'd just be in a room on your own, reading your dad's fantasies. And there's nothing wrong with that, James. Whatever passes an evening indeed. So last week we had Belinda and Peter getting down and dirty in a hotel room for once, thank God, and once again,

let's lest we forget, was the second time that day they'd had a little set. They're obsessed with each other, so we're on the third toe last chapter. I honestly can't believe that third to last is such a thing, Rocky would say, the third to pin ultimate challenge. It doesn't make it any less mournful, though, does it? Because it's all about to be over which hand quite weirdly upset about despite it being my dad's poor. So I should be grateful that is about to be over. But I'm no Well, that's exactly why we couldn't just let ourselves to one podcast a week. So I don't if you've noticed we've introduced the footnotes, which come mid week,

said that porno day doesn't seem so far away on That's his bits that we couldn't fit into the show stuff that we think that you would like to know. Yeah, a little bit more about Rocky, about his mind, his process. People want more porn. People just cannot get enough. So let's give it to them. Let's give the public what they want, and I want to be that provider. I don't about you. That's what I want my heritage to be your appetite. You know, when you look how your life's gonna turn out. This is not what I saw for myself when I saw you. That's weird.

Yeah, I mean, it's You know what I saw. So check. What is Chapter 12? Call. Chapter 12 is called The Night Receptionist. The youngish man, the youngest mine is about to make a reappearance. Crack on shall way. Goodness. Okay, So Belinda blinked. Chapter 12 the night receptionist Belinda put on her riding jacket, George pers on leather boots, sat down in the corner chair and slowly sipped the rest of her unfinished brandy.

Sure enough, five minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Who's this? What time is it? It's like two in the morning. Room service. Madam, come in, please. Did she order room service? I think it's one of those. Oh, it's like when people go police. And then they got a ghetto blaster and they're wearing leather chaps. Yeah.

Yeah, experience. I had a friend come in, please. The youngest man on reception entered the room with a trolley on which sat the ice bucket with a full bottle of Chilean Chardonnay. Favourite third bottle of the night, I think. Yeah. Has she ordered this? I'm a little bit. I don't think so. We'll find out. I love that. The youngish man probably won't find out unless it's a very important plot point. We'll think about it forever. I love the youngish man.

Still hasn't got name. Do you think we'll ever know? And also it just said the youngest man in reception. Well, he can't be the youngest man in reception when he's not on reception. That is just the youngest man, the youngest man on reception to give him his full title. The youngest man in reception entered the room with the trolley on, which sat the ice bucket filled with a bottle of Chilean chardonnay. Beside it's at two rounds of what looked like turkey sandwiches. How fast is so specific about me as well? Why wasn't it chicken so specific? Mystic. My dad loves Turkey. It is like it's not a traditional middle of the night. Snack,

though, is a turkey sandwich. Unless it's December the 26th I can't think of another time I've ever read in the French of that. Beside it's at two rounds of what looked like turkey sandwiches, one of Belinda's many favorite late night snacks. They haven't lived like Belinda like Rocky. My sincere apologies for the late miss of the hour, but the ice machine started to play up, madam. Yes, he she did order it. And remember, he said, I'll do it. Oh, I want to get more honesty.

Ice? Yeah. Yeah. How long ago was that? Probably about five hours. Efficiency? Someone's not getting a tip. Oh, I think he's about to get a huge did it? Let's not beat around the bush. They're definitely gonna have sex, right? I mean, he'll be beating around the bush. Oh, good.

Lovely. Alice. Look to me as if a little part of her inside just died. I looked at you that way every week. This is true. I don't think that you're not looking at me so much as Rocky threw me. 100%. Think of me as every person listening to the O. My sincere apologies for the lightness of the hour. But the ice machine started to play up, Madam. I'm sure it did. Young man, don't apologize. Your timing is appropriate. Oh,

God. I hope it's not the first time tonight it will be So she's gonna go to bed. Does does she mean like us? Then don't be too quick. I think that's like to be fair. Peter Rouse. She's she's clearly getting the disclaimer in early. It took about 30 seconds for the receptionist to understand Belinda's remark, and he burst into a wide grin and other low from Belinda. They're hilarious. I don't get any of her joke. I understand, Madam. Thank you with that. He shut the door, walked over to Belinda and kissed her on the lips.

Oh, my lips. That's quite sensual. That comment that she made, if you hadn't have known that she'd been like shagging Peter or Night was quite cryptic. So films like burst into a smile, as is the phrase. He's reading a lot into that. That's quite a Ford movie. Just go in and kiss her. I'm such a youngish man. We do Quick tally. I don't really be interested to know how many people Belinda has slept with today. Oh, good. Today or throughout the booth just today.

Okay, well, it'll started. All funds was the 1st 1 I think. Yeah, in the main. That's true, Alice, you have raised your home. I'm tallying. That's my one. So, Alphonse, Then it was Mr Jim Sterling, the vole who could forget him. Never be forgotten.

And then it was Peter rouse If you will Peter your act, then it was the Duchess, the Duchess, the actress. And then it was Peter again. Okay, so on again, again, you Sorry again, orgasm. Because it's so exciting and so fickle. You know what we've been telling her with a brush on a burning day, Jamie across a lifetime that that's, you know, promise us night and now she's about to hit five. What?

We don't know that just because 100 times of the Dutch So four for actual human being. And to be fair, it seems like Peter Round is becoming like a life mate. So it's almost monogamy with him, apart from his pesky wife. True pesky wife. How dare she marry him? 15 years ago, I did not anticipate that he'd shag blender and some kind of in So the receptionist boy would be number five or is about to be number five? We think I think so. And can you please refer to imprison his proper title? The youngish man from reception Belinda took his head in her left hand and returned the kids with similar vigour took the head. It's always like that side like took the head off the shoulders with vigor. Similar vigour, similar victim comparable vicar, Slam your body down and similar.

Vega. I might call my firstborn son Victor Levin, brilliant. I love it. He put his hands around her waist and pulled her body into his. She could feel his cock throbbing with excitement as they drew closer. What? How did she feel that? Oh, because their bodies so close to each other like a heart pounding? Yeah, good in the growing all area groups throbbing with excitement that you're right. Sounds like it's like wriggling around, you know, like if you trapped a cat in a bag like it's just going, I think it's a wriggly no label.

Oh my God, like when you put like a stick behind to toe. She could feel his cock throbbing with excitement as they drew closer, but she did feel a tad hungry after the two hours with peace. What steak sandwiches Just in their way in. Slowly, she let him go and said it would be a pity to waste such a good wine and these wonderful sandwiches. Are you joking? That's a mood killer. What a gutting rejection like I can feel the excitement, every pounding park, but also is that it would be a pity to waste such a good wine. And these wonderful sandwiches have you

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eaten tonight? Think such

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a non A response like that? Always take those home package that will have that as a picnic. There's a loveless spread. Theo Buffet. What a wonderful, wonderful selection. There was cheese. There was sandwiches, Turkey. A touch of try for It was lovely. Is that an impression of your grandma? That is what my Nana said all the time. Hi, Nana. Come you the pen name for my grandma, please. Is a reference stone.

Grandma, actually. Isn't that right, Mrs Taylor? Player in the movie? Yeah. Who hates Fred? Oh, yeah. Wilma What e I couldn't have that man. I apologize in advance. Okay. Pearl Pebbles, slag Pupils Who that is the mother of Wilma and Mother in law of Fred. For real, For real.

Sorry. So that s o Pearl Pebbles. Sly Coupal. It's unknown of slug Cooper List. Pearl's name from a second marriage is on the Flintstones Wicky, this is Yeah. So what is it? So I held her pebble Psychological Pearl loves a good buffet And does she love a good turkey sandwich? Oh, she loves it. I like it when we discover maybe where the sources of things come. It would be a pity to waste such a good wine. And these wonderful sandwiches. Have you eaten tonight? In actual fact, I haven't.

He replied. I tend to satisfy my sexual appetite first, and then eat. What? What has he just been masturbating himself in in the back room? Well, in that case, I think we'll break the rules. Just a little here and now. What was in eat first chap later? Yeah. Isn't it the same as going for a swim? I just leave two hours. I'm gonna vomit. Big, arrested,

thrusting. I'm pretty sure you should leave a window, but I think she always says caution to the wind. It's so unlike blender to be putting off sex. You know, maybe she doesn't like him. What she hoped that will just eat and go into a bit of a food coma. Yeah, and she's like, Oh, you know what? Let's have sex in the morning. Be like, Oh, but I'm off working too much, So she gleefully shagged Jim Sterling.

I don't think she cares what they're like, believe early but into reached over and took a sandwich at the same time. She unbutton the only single button of her riding jacket. Multi tasking again. I'm W's a button. Her breasts once again fell out, stayed on the show while she finished the sandwich way. Where would they go? The youngest man took one as well and poured them both A glass of wine. That's nice, gentlemanly without a young chap. He sat on the edge of the bed and announced, You can't beat the High life Doesn't get better Glass ceiling. Oh, jeez, A glass of wine.

The three day old turkey sandwich in the shittiest hotel in England. Dream big. You can't beat the high life. Belinda laughed and toasted him with her half empty glass. He's just pulled them a glass. He's necking it. Alright. One sandwich with enough of Belinda, and she removed the riding jacket. She watched the instantaneous response in the youngest man's trances. Okay, here we go again. Squirrel in a hay stack over. It's really about is in and out. Was it like it over all of these, right?

I blame Jim Sterling quite started. It did start then, and it has been a deluge. She watched the instantaneous response in the youngest man's trousers on, asked him to remove tthe Um, he obliged. Did you remove those place to see an instantaneous reaction? Any pants? There's something crawling around waiting to see what it is. I don't know alarm you, but I think there might be this mountain pounds I've gotta hope isn't an You cannot get rid of Anne's once you got them honestly, or even a growing. No growing. Probably just get in. But you know what? I wouldn't be surprised if there is.

Well, okay, so I mean the hope it isn't ants, as in a small Willie again, because Brenda can't handle. That's not code for a small Willie. What do people never heard that he's gone? And it's just go are, you know, like kind of payments? Is that what you thought? Ants in the pants hman T me Willie gathering of tiny penises. It's just because this book just makes you think of inappropriate innuendo, doesn't it? That's true. We'll give you that Hey!

Obliged, but also took off his shirt, pants, shoes and socks. We might as well. If he's gonna take over trails, you might as well get rid of everything. Now, standing naked before her, she called him over. Belinda took his erect Penis and gently rub the cold chardonnay onto it. Ah, why he's obsessed with using alcohol is license of lubricant. Isn't James is gonna worry about stinging any minute? No, it's fine on the Penis.

In fairness to the English man, he didn't flinch on Belinda. Put his cock between her breasts. What? What? They both stood up is he stood on the bed? Hello. How tall is the youngest man? How old is your man? Hello. Her breasts are They sat both now He was naked before stood naked before her. Yes, Maybe she's just sat down so that her breast to be at the right height for his Penis. That's J. Maybe she's gone in that chair that she was signed before Rocky Side J. Someone has to.

He's my dad. Guys going? I don't think he takes rocky side. I feel like he takes villain decides I longing for the day that may include that could be really happy. Oh, wow. In fairness to the youngest man, he didn't flinch on Belinda put his cock between her breasts. Using her two hands, she squeezed both breasts together tightly and started to masturbate his Penis. Ah, for goodness sake, Rocking chair. We haven't had a tissue bank yet, so it's only a matter of time. I don't like using her two hands to shoot with similar vigour.

It doesn't specify, but I'm sure she did. She squeezed both breasts together tightly. Always does. He thinks he's invented a titty wank. What she did is a press the breast together, sandwiching the phallus between on, then moved up and down the mass debating the man is like it will be fine. Just say, gave him. Is it? I don't Can we all stop saying titty is Where is Tit One? Because it's not t eyes this week. My week to have really inappropriate things to you. She is Jane. Hello.

Did you want tit? Wank? Whatever you want it want. Oh, just stop saying Do you think tit wanks just wanted and titties both despise you didn't say tit. Wank? You love saying tit? He does. It's true. I think you love saying it. Yeah, How you loved words. It I've gotta love it. I wouldn't deny it. Blue tit, Tit,

tit. Teela. Titillation. It only took half a minute for him to start groaning his hands. Fondled her long black hair, bringing it up to the top of her head and letting it fall time after time. What is going on? I really thought he was going to do a hair. Do that like a maniac. I got really excited. Is it about that? I just want to know what his name is. I'm not sure it's gonna happen now. I don't understand why Rockies withholding. It means we fare. Actually,

he bite. He could have just run out of names. She might ask, actually. Or he might just wait until the very last moment of the chapter and then came to introduce himself as he leaves. Sorry. Ok, so bye, Belinda said Jack Or high Belinda. I'm Jack by as usually happens, post sex with Belinda. It's only took half minute into start groaning his hands, fondled her long black hair, bring it up to the top of her head on letting it full time after time. However, to Belinda surprise,

he didn't ejaculate and she guessed she'd have to work a bit harder to get the results. 30 seconds. Give the guy I'm gonna have to work harder. Put some elbow grease into it. Belinda Way for listeners. James actually did the tip. I think mine. That was just really unnecessary. Really awfully. Spring G. J. Oh, my God. How many Titi wants have you given in your time? However, to Belinda surprise.

He didn't ejaculate, and she guess you'd have to work a bit harder to get that result. Would you mind removing my riding boots? It enables me to pull down my job because, you see, she keeps asking me about to take a boots off. Why can't she take a boot? Well, they're not. Her boots are they say maybe she just wasn't really prepared. Maybe they're a bit tie and shove them both, shoehorn. I don't know. He nodded understanding immediately and help pull off. Why would you understand? Okay,

not the sharpest tool in the box. The youngest man. Yes, Miss Belinda. Do you think he's Manuel e like Spanish shifting, which is really the first language. He nodded understanding immediately and helped pull them off Belinda's legs and feet by now. Belinda had lost count of the time she had pulled on or pulled off. He's riding boots the past 10 hours, but she thought they were getting more supple each time. Who cares what boots boring, perhaps like her own body? She mused. She did no means that she did. That is getting more supple, like stretched himself,

getting drier and more regular, like leather things going in and out far too frequently. Oh, that's what you mean. Thes cock. Sorry, loosening up her vagina. Ah, oh, ravish me, she commanded. Took me by surprise, said the turkey sandwich. Oh my. Ravish me. She commanded the youngest man,

and he immediately removed her George Bush. Is that how to ravish from what is ravish me? Undress Clearly. Now naked, he followed the black line of pubic hair. What people start following that black line, it's going to end in disaster. The yellow brick road that doesn't lead anyway. Way good Does that cubic light leave now naked? He followed the black line of pubic hair to Belinda's vaginal region. It's been in and out of so much and grown so large it's now described as a region. It's got some post code. It's a continent like two days ago is an area. It's like a nature reserve. A shire. Is it like when they make an area a conservation area like it started with more Home is listed.

You can't build it without permission. Absolutely. If you wanted to put PVC windows on that really After Jack, he got down on his knees, pushed her legs apart and gently started probing her clitoris with his tongue probing like a Mars shuttle. Exploration, thankfully, gently, very gently. Very gently Ever so sultry. The youngest man to gently ease a bit grim, though, isn't it? Belinda Once again, that evening, grown softly at the foreign invasion of her pubic area.

Wow! Got the next reserves. Just been invaded. My God, bye J. C. B's some of the troops. The cervix was foreign invasion. What weird metaphor to use for that scenario for an invasion is a game of risk. It's like, you know, in the Foreign Office, put out a warning of our area's not todo should be on that. It's certainly a dangerous area. Not good for Doris Belinda. Once again,

that evening, grown softly at the foreign invasion off her pubic area. But this time it was different. She thought this unexpected pleasure. It was for her and her only when was the other pleasure not for her in her only Well, I guess he's like he's not really doing anything. He can't bind apostle pens. Essentially, of course, the ones we kind of business transactions with, Uh, he's just because he likes her. Yeah, Andi fancied a broken a turkey sandwich, but still all the pleasures for her a perfect way to end a busy working day. She's finally going to bed.

This is We're gonna actually close the chapter on this activity. Also quite the working day. I mean, yes, she's not even said the busiest working day of her life. Thing is out there. It's not Number one, but it's up there. It's a perfect way to end a busy working day. No business deals, no reputations to be lost or offended. Um, just a plain, simple fucking session. That's nice. Happy ending. Sleep tie. Everyone on. That is the end of chapter 12

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huh? That's

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nice of you. I feel good after that. Excuse me. Wait. Just like you want to take the book home. James it just ended. Like Englishmen who just wait probes. We put that foreign invasion. No, I just mean, you know, it sounds like she's gonna go to sleep after that, and yes, and should have some rest, which is important because God knows what she's got tomorrow, actually. What does she have tomorrow?

What's the next chapter? Good question. The next chapter. 00 now this chapter heading alludes the fact that this book has a plot which obviously it doesn't, but it's called The Duchess comes clean. What? Oh, my God. Come on. No, come C o M e s okay if you come clean. She is a man way. That was all a room. She was in doubt. Just Well, hug.

He says breast hang all the time so it wouldn't be surprising. Said Well, hung So right, so the duchess come clean. A lot of people online have been saying that they want a return of the Duchess. So I think this is gonna go down Well, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wonder what she's gonna come clean about. I can't think what she was doing for that half an hour while Belinda was in the horse box. Intriguing is ingredients. You'll have to come back next week, guys, to find out what happened. Genuinely,

really Just confused. Like I really don't know where this is going to go now. Well, I feel like there's suddenly an injection of plot or lease purpose in the writing. Obviously, we're getting near the end. You think Rocky's gonna finish that book on a cliffhanger? Oh, I don't think he was capable of such things as many sentences on one of the book. Anyway, he knows that Be great. If the other book one was like, All my your war is gonna happen next, be amazing. Again changes Is that like when people do trilogies for films and you kind of always feel like they've not wrap stuff up because you gonna come back for the next in store, right?

Right, Right. Because we don't know where this is going to go. We don't know where the story's The story's gonna end up. We thought we'd love to learn, Maur, because I'm gonna be bereft when this is over. So what we thought we do as a kind of treat for us, but treat for all of you guys as well, is Christmas Day have a very, very special edition of my daughter. A porno. We want your questions for Rocky. I feel like like looking online. People have a lot of things they want to ask him. I certainly need answers.

So, yeah, we're gonna put some of the probing questions of this Siri's to him in a special tradition. So anything that you want to ask about the book about Rocky about the characters, maybe about books to maybe about his other writing projects, anything. Basically, why the hell he wanted to write this in the first place. I think it's a very good question I want to start with. Will he stop? I think is another good question s Oh, yeah. All you need to do is send you questions either to Twitter. You can send them to our special email address. Oh, my dad wrote a porno at gmail dot com.

No expense spared notice. I don't know any of these addresses. So I just lied in the James or on Facebook, which is just my dad wrote a porno just searched that simple, really simple orders ring. Rocky Direct. 079 A joke. How great without me. That 69 69 60 or you could record on insta video. Okay. How modern of you. Thanks very much is such a modern man. Oh, that's a great idea. Yeah. Be nice to get some audio question.

Yeah, just like record yourselves asking question. Then taggers into it on instagram pictures at my dad wrote, There's no corner. It ends like one of rocky sentences with midway through. So it's been a pleasure for Belinda. A pleasure just for her hair alone on. Thanks. Arresting everybody. See you next week. Turkey sandwiches, guys. Yeah, absolutely. In John, I want that.

Wait, guys. Sorry. If any was still listening. There's been a lot of talk recently. I made a mistake. Hands up, and I should admit to it I was foolish enough to suggest that Rocky was wrong. And in fact, it was me who was wrong. I said that the last chapter, which was titled Sunday night 11:55 p.m. Was factually incorrect. And I thought it was actually Saturday night. It was Sunday night. I feel a fool, and I can only apologize to all the listeners onto Rocky.

I know this isn't the end of the podcast. So, like the son I have kind of buried this on page 54 But technically, this is an apology, so you can't see me, okay?

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