Shane Parrish

"Don't act like the person you used to be. Act like the person you're going to become." Ryan Serhant says that mental shift alone will carry you forward, because the world is attracted to confidence and competence. Be competent while being humbly confident, and people will give you the things you want and the things you ask for. You will do more business, and you will be happier.

The choice is the same as sitting where you can look left and see rain and clouds, or look right and see sunshine. You have to pick every day. The approach worked. He did that TV show for 10 years, then three spinoff shows, and now there is a Netflix show. He started a company. He wakes up, follows his calendar, an

On The Knowledge Project, Ryan Serhant divides success into micro success and macro success. He counts the conversation itself as a success. Big-picture success, he says, is a happy legacy: leaving something behind, whether with his daughter or with people he has been able to help at work.

On the personal side, he names family and legacy, and maybe leaving the world in a better place than they found it, along with opportunities they otherwise would not have. At work, he was asked about the chip on his shoulder. He says the chip could rub people the wrong way because it might feel incredibly ambitious. He then points to how many other people win when he wins, to the thousands of percent, and

Ryan Serhant says the most valuable asset in any business is distribution. You can have the greatest product of all time, and if no one knows about it and no one buys it, you have an unknown product that does not sell, and that is a bankrupt business. He says he got super lucky on the back of early Instagram and early YouTube, building a real estate brand on personality that ran from content to community to commerce.

He doubled down on YouTube to be first to market, capture consumer mindshare, and turn the brand into a business. By 2015, 16, and 17, every seller and every developer he worked with was writing addendums into standard old school exclusive listing agreements. The clients includ

Ryan Serhant split the workday in 2013 into building the brand, expanding the business, sales, and doing the work. After the show came out, he waited for the phone to ring. It did not ring, because no one calls the people they see on TV. He saw the power of content to commerce right away.

On Twitter and Facebook, before Instagram, he saw early social growth among buyers, sellers, and other people in real estate. Instagram comes out in 2013. Real estate is incredibly expensive, not like selling 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, or 100 dollar goods. He sells homes from 500,000 dollars to 20 million dollars, and he is not really selling homes at that price on Instagram. The more people who know what he sell

On the show, ego kills more deals than anything. It kills more careers and more relationships too. People put themselves first all the time, carry a much higher sense of self than the world does, and everyone wants to win.

Asked how to handle a large agent ego, buyer ego, and seller ego on a sale of 20 to 100 million dollars, the answer is to over-communicate all day, every day, respect everyone, and kill bees with honey. Partner with the ego and praise them constantly. In the NBA finals, someone has to lose. In most business transactions, you only win if the other side wins too. A real estate sale works the same way, and even a short sale is a win for the bank once it is off the balance sh

On the show, the first move is the two Cs: find something in common and give a compliment. The goal is to disarm the other person. People like compliments, even when they say not to sell them. Common ground is often the house, the street, a job, a birthday, or an astrological sign.

Next is the question game. Never ask a question someone can answer with no. Ask questions and let people talk. Adults, especially men, love the sound of their own voice. Let them talk, learn about them, find more in common, and talk about everything but the sale.

The closing method is CODO, close on day one. Lay out how the work goes and what happens next, so making a friend does not leave the next steps unsaid,

Ryan Serhant wakes up and writes that he is the CEO of his own bank of time. He has a thousand fresh dollars and has to use them wisely. Unused dollars get invested into tomorrow. If someone ruins them, it is fine and it does not mean anything. The habit helped him become so much more productive. Meetings turned into 15 to 30 minutes, and days became 15-minute increments, so he could do 10 times more in one day than anybody else. He was not necessarily doing more. He was valuing his time more. He held himself and his time to the highest regard in as humble and nice a way as he can, and he never walks in to announce 14 minutes and say go.

Offering somebody less time means they take less time

Ryan Serhant left the people booked for his next showing in the apartment because people want what they cannot have. Surprise them, he says, and they do not know what to do, so they double down their focus on you.

He went to the bathroom and broke into a full sweat, with the whole plan set and no idea what came next. He remembered a date in New York about a year earlier. They talked for about five minutes, she left for the bathroom, came back, said something had come up, walked out, and ghosted him before ghosting was even a phrase. In the bathroom he decided to do what she had done to him. He told the group he knew they were booked and scheduled for the next showing, that something urgent

On the show, fake it till you make it implies lying, and lying is the worst thing for an independent contractor, an entrepreneur, or anyone who has had to sell. Everything sounds great until someone lies to your face. The alignment is with future me. The person on display is the person he will become 12 to 24 months from now. He has written it down and he will manifest it. He says he might not become the exact person he thought he would be, and he does become some alternate reality version of that person.

In 2010, Bravo held an open casting call for the New York version of Million Dollar Listing. The network was franchising the show and wanted the best, brightest, and hungriest real estate

Charlie Munger almost worships reason. Charlie Munger said you can argue that Henry Singleton did too, and certainly Warren Buffett does too. The people Charlie Munger knows that are good feel you have a duty to become as wise as you can by constantly studying and thinking about it.

Positioning happens earlier than decisions and determines which options will be available when the decision arrives. Berkshire Hathaway never found itself forced by circumstances into a series of bad decisions. Buffett and Munger wanted to remain in control no matter what happened in the world. People do not need to be smarter than others to outperform them if they can outposition them.

Investors should find the exceptional few businesses and then concentrate behind them. Buffett's 20-card punch idea illustrates the point well. With only 20 investment opportunities in life, one waits longer, studies harder, and acts only when an opportunity is worth using one of the 20 chances.

Concentrating almost 100% of the playing time on his top seven players allowed them to get better and better during all the extra playing time. John Wooden had the best basketball coaching record in the world and nobody else was even close. Applying the Wooden system by giving power to a Wooden or Buffett works like gangbusters. Investors can find a mini Wooden or a mini Singleton or a mini Buffett and benefit when they have a hell of a run.

Parents should teach kids 3 things. First, be digitally savvy (starting from age 5), be civil, be safe. Through the early teen years, it is important to know usernames, passwords, etc. in order for parents to help their children. Commonsensemedia.org and stopcyberbulling.org are both great resources for parents.

Parents should keep in mind that the goal is always to increase responsibility and decision-making and reduce limits and boundaries. Chores may be more dependent on where a child is at developmentally vs. their age.

A parent should stop everything they are doing and ask the child to talk to them about it and understand what occurred. Teachers can become involved in helping stop the behavior by changing routines or patterns in classroom procedures.

On The Knowledge Project, Barbara Coloroso, author of Kids Are Worth It!, tells Shane Parrish that routines matter more than threats, and that by eight or ten a child should already be inside one. She does not mean a brick-wall rule that lights go out at 8:00 no matter what. With her own three children, born within three and a half years, she and her husband took turns. One did the dishes while the other stayed, humming, naming something from the day they were grateful for, and reading a story. Make bedtime pleasant, she says. Rubbing a child's feet or back can settle them. "Did you brush your teeth?" is a silly question. Brush alongside them and model it.

They should learn to stand strong with a non-passive posture and assertively name the cruel behavior they were the recipient of. They should then remove themselves from the situation.

The target must be safe, a witness must be safe, and then the child doing the mean and cruel activity must be dealt with even if that means delayed justice.

Conflict is inevitable, violence is not. A parent's job is to teach kids to handle conflict non-violently. Help kids come up with a peaceful plan to resolve the conflict.

Utilize 3 "R's" of restorative practice: restitution, resolution, and reconciliation. A child must own and fix what they did, determine how they will keep it from happening again, and find a way to heal with the person that has been harmed.

Show the child what they have done wrong, give them ownership of the problem, and give them ways to solve it with their dignity intact.

First, it is important to distinguish between choices and decisions. A child does not get to decide if they want to go to bed or not, but perhaps they have the choice to pick which pajamas they would like to wear. Age appropriate and ability appropriate behaviors and choices are important to keep in mind. Additionally, increasing responsibilities and decision-making as a child grows older helps them advance in independence.

It depends on age. If a child wakes up on their own without an alarm clock, they are getting enough sleep. Parents should be cognizant of children who might be sensitive to light, though, and waking too early as a result. Crankiness is usually an indicator of this.

It is very important as children find security in routine. They also learn best practices for living, such as brushing teeth and packing lunches. Additionally, it provides time for parents and children to reconnect after the day.

Often, parents allow the step-parent to do the disciplining for their step-children. There is not always trust between the two parties. Stepping out of the role of disciplinarian allows the step-parent to connect with the child in a warmer manner. Start with the relationship, not with the discipline.

On The Knowledge Project, Dr. Laura Markham tells Shane Parrish that a child will arrive with a list of fears about a blended family. Parents should think those fears through in advance and build structures for them. They should also expect a rocky adjustment, and leave room for the child to say when something is wrong, instead of requiring silence. The failure she sees most is handing discipline of your children to the new step-parent. Nobody else, she argues, will give your child the same benefit of the doubt, because they do not know the child as you do. Her rule is that each parent stays the final authority for their own child.

Research shows that when humans are in green spaces, it calms people down. The immune system is about 50% more effective when spending 2+ hours outside.

No shame, no blame. Help child understand responsibility and be very involved with helping them master situations. Create a household that preaches solutions and not blame.

The parent/child relationship is somewhat eroded because the child sees the parent as not completely trustworthy. Many parents do not know how to express emotions in a healthy way.

Research shows that raised voices elevate the blood pressure of children. Ongoing conflict in a home makes children more anxious which can lead to them becoming more challenging to parent.

Dr. Laura Markham tells Shane Parrish that people mishandle emotion when it makes them uncomfortable. In her example, a partner rushed to solve a problem when the other person only needed the feeling allowed. Her rule, for a child or an adult, is to accept the feeling as it is, remember it may not last, and love the person with that inconvenient emotion included. She connects this to the house. Raised voices push children's blood pressure and adrenaline up, including babies and including sleeping babies, and constant conflict makes children more anxious and harder to live with. A child can watch a conflict if the adults then repair it. The home should not be one long argument.

Typically, humans are scared of emotions. Most of us were raised without an ability to befriend our emotions. Rather, they are seen as an unnecessary inconvenience. Ultimately, emotions are useful indicators of who we are and the world around us.

Emotion coaching. Parents tend to react to their child's emotions in an unhealthy way. Taking a deep breath, reassuring their child, and acknowledging a situation can encourage a child to consider their emotions and how to handle them effectively.

Some parents are unable to get their child to do what they want without using force. Other parents do not want to be the parent that has to use force, so they may use bribes or rewards. All of these tactics presuppose that children are objects to be manipulated. Coaching can mean helping a child learn to handle their emotions effectively and also setting up an environment that sets children up for success and allows them to practice skills repeatedly.

Markham tells Shane Parrish that parents who block every disappointment raise a child without the grit to pursue what they want. A better pattern is helping the child give up something wanted right now for something wanted more. Her example is the dishes. The child would rather get on a screen after dinner. Helping instead lets them feel like a person who contributes to the family. Repeated on purpose, that builds self-discipline and resilience, which she describes as pathways between the prefrontal cortex and the limbic system. Her test is the college student who can leave a Tuesday-night party and go study. Shielding a child from hard feelings does the opposite.

When parents adore and delight in a child for who they are, the child feels valued. They are not expected to be a certain way and they know the love of their parents is unconditional.

Connection is the second of Markham's three keys, after a parent regulates their own emotions. She tells Shane Parrish it is a relationship, not a method, and that it is not a different job for mothers than for fathers. Attachment research, she says, shows that by 14 months a baby has already decided whether each important adult will comfort them, allow anger and the rest of their feelings, and still meet their needs. Children revise that picture if the adult changes. A grandparent, a nanny, or a teacher who stays in their life gives them more than one model. A fight about a birthday party is often a fight about values built on those early bonds.