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How Does Laura Markham Prepare Kids for Step-siblings?

On The Knowledge Project, Dr. Laura Markham tells Shane Parrish that a child will arrive with a list of fears about a blended family. Parents should think those fears through in advance and build structures for them. They should also expect a rocky adjustment, and leave room for the child to say when something is wrong, instead of requiring silence. The failure she sees most is handing discipline of your children to the new step-parent. Nobody else, she argues, will give your child the same benefit of the doubt, because they do not know the child as you do. Her rule is that each parent stays the final authority for their own child.

Transcript

Peaceful Parenting ·

The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish

More from this episode

  1. Why Do Calm Parents Shape Kids More Than Tactics?Research indicates that how kids "turn out" is most directly related to who parents are vs. different parenting strategies.
  2. What Are Dr. Laura Markham's Three Keys to Parenting?Shane Parrish opens The Knowledge Project interview by asking Dr. Laura Markham about the claim in her work.
  3. How Do Parents Learn to Regulate Their EmotionsAcknowledge that no one is perfect and everyone is learning and growing.
  4. How Are Thoughts and Feelings RelatedOur thoughts create feelings.
  5. What Are Priorities When Setting Boundaries With Younger KidsIt can be done without attacking them, without punishing them, and without "getting back at them" for something they have done wrong.
  6. What Does Connecting With Kids Mean for Dr. Laura Markham?Connection is the second of Markham's three keys, after a parent regulates their own emotions.
  7. What Helps Children Feel ValuedWhen parents adore and delight in a child for who they are, the child feels valued.
  8. Why Does Laura Markham Favor Resilience Over Protection?Markham tells Shane Parrish that parents who block every disappointment raise a child without the grit to pursue what they want.
  9. What Does Coaching vs. Punishing Kids MeanSome parents are unable to get their child to do what they want without using force.
  10. How Do Children Learn to Manage Their EmotionsEmotion coaching. Parents tend to react to their child's emotions in an unhealthy way.
  11. How Do Many Adults Approach EmotionsTypically, humans are scared of emotions. Most of us were raised without an ability to befriend our emotions.
  12. What's Laura Markham's Rule for Uncomfortable Feelings?Dr. Laura Markham tells Shane Parrish that people mishandle emotion when it makes them uncomfortable.
  13. What Impacts Do Parental Relationship Problems Have on Their KidsResearch shows that raised voices elevate the blood pressure of children.
  14. How Do Suppressed Emotions Impact the Parenting RelationshipThe parent/child relationship is somewhat eroded because the child sees the parent as not completely trustworthy.
  15. How Do Parents Help a Guilty Child Who Blames Others?No shame, no blame. Help child understand responsibility and be very involved with helping them master situations.
  16. What Is the Role of Nature and FamilyResearch shows that when humans are in green spaces, it calms people down. The immune system is about 50% more effective when spending 2+ hours outside.
  17. What Is the Most Common Thing That Goes Wrong When Families Blend TogetherOften, parents allow the step-parent to do the disciplining for their step-children. There is not always trust between the two parties.
  18. Why Does an Evening Routine Matter So Much for Kids?It is very important as children find security in routine. They also learn best practices for living, such as brushing teeth and packing lunches.
  19. How Much Sleep Should Kids Be GettingIt depends on age. If a child wakes up on their own without an alarm clock, they are getting enough sleep.

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