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Why Does Laura Markham Favor Resilience Over Protection?

Markham tells Shane Parrish that parents who block every disappointment raise a child without the grit to pursue what they want. A better pattern is helping the child give up something wanted right now for something wanted more. Her example is the dishes. The child would rather get on a screen after dinner. Helping instead lets them feel like a person who contributes to the family. Repeated on purpose, that builds self-discipline and resilience, which she describes as pathways between the prefrontal cortex and the limbic system. Her test is the college student who can leave a Tuesday-night party and go study. Shielding a child from hard feelings does the opposite.

Transcript

Peaceful Parenting ·

The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish

More from this episode

  1. Why Do Calm Parents Shape Kids More Than Tactics?Research indicates that how kids "turn out" is most directly related to who parents are vs. different parenting strategies.
  2. What Are Dr. Laura Markham's Three Keys to Parenting?Shane Parrish opens The Knowledge Project interview by asking Dr. Laura Markham about the claim in her work.
  3. How Do Parents Learn to Regulate Their EmotionsAcknowledge that no one is perfect and everyone is learning and growing.
  4. How Are Thoughts and Feelings RelatedOur thoughts create feelings.
  5. What Are Priorities When Setting Boundaries With Younger KidsIt can be done without attacking them, without punishing them, and without "getting back at them" for something they have done wrong.
  6. What Does Connecting With Kids Mean for Dr. Laura Markham?Connection is the second of Markham's three keys, after a parent regulates their own emotions.
  7. What Helps Children Feel ValuedWhen parents adore and delight in a child for who they are, the child feels valued.
  8. What Does Coaching vs. Punishing Kids MeanSome parents are unable to get their child to do what they want without using force.
  9. How Do Children Learn to Manage Their EmotionsEmotion coaching. Parents tend to react to their child's emotions in an unhealthy way.
  10. How Do Many Adults Approach EmotionsTypically, humans are scared of emotions. Most of us were raised without an ability to befriend our emotions.
  11. What's Laura Markham's Rule for Uncomfortable Feelings?Dr. Laura Markham tells Shane Parrish that people mishandle emotion when it makes them uncomfortable.
  12. What Impacts Do Parental Relationship Problems Have on Their KidsResearch shows that raised voices elevate the blood pressure of children.
  13. How Do Suppressed Emotions Impact the Parenting RelationshipThe parent/child relationship is somewhat eroded because the child sees the parent as not completely trustworthy.
  14. How Do Parents Help a Guilty Child Who Blames Others?No shame, no blame. Help child understand responsibility and be very involved with helping them master situations.
  15. What Is the Role of Nature and FamilyResearch shows that when humans are in green spaces, it calms people down. The immune system is about 50% more effective when spending 2+ hours outside.
  16. How Does Laura Markham Prepare Kids for Step-siblings?On The Knowledge Project, Dr. Laura Markham tells Shane Parrish that a child will arrive with a list of fears about a blended family.
  17. What Is the Most Common Thing That Goes Wrong When Families Blend TogetherOften, parents allow the step-parent to do the disciplining for their step-children. There is not always trust between the two parties.
  18. Why Does an Evening Routine Matter So Much for Kids?It is very important as children find security in routine. They also learn best practices for living, such as brushing teeth and packing lunches.
  19. How Much Sleep Should Kids Be GettingIt depends on age. If a child wakes up on their own without an alarm clock, they are getting enough sleep.

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