What's Laura Markham's Rule for Uncomfortable Feelings?
Dr. Laura Markham tells Shane Parrish that people mishandle emotion when it makes them uncomfortable. In her example, a partner rushed to solve a problem when the other person only needed the feeling allowed. Her rule, for a child or an adult, is to accept the feeling as it is, remember it may not last, and love the person with that inconvenient emotion included. She connects this to the house. Raised voices push children's blood pressure and adrenaline up, including babies and including sleeping babies, and constant conflict makes children more anxious and harder to live with. A child can watch a conflict if the adults then repair it. The home should not be one long argument.
From the transcript
So we all when we get uncomfortable with someone else's feelings, that's when we, um, handle them in and not necessarily constructive way and the rule of thumb. Whether you're dealing with an adult or a child is always to accept the person's feelings as they are to allow them to remind yourself it may not be permanent. The feelings probably isn't, and they're allowed to help whatever feelings they have.
And it will be so much better for them if you could just love them, complete with all of their inconvenient feelings,
as you were talking about the partner who's prone to problem solving, it sort of brought up relationship problems and what what affect her relationship? Problems have on kids, and I don't mean sort of like physical abuse, but, um, parents you can't connect o r can't model, um, affectionate or well functioning relationship for their kids?
